I've been like this as long as I can remember- a winecask, a drunk. It was always easier to deal with everything. It was easier to ignore the pain-until the sun illuminated my darkness. Now, as I sit surrounded by my own filth and a collection of bottles I realize how wrong I was. It's all disgusting- it was as if I'm waking up for the first time in my life. I have to change-for him. He is enough to transform my whole world.
I found myself able to understand his talk of revolution-when the need for good is so strong it is able to overcome the bad. I yearned for a revolution, to overthrow the horrors of the bottle. I'm ready for it, I need change desperately. I won't let it control me forever. It's time to leave my addiction behind-its time to start anew.
I know it won't be easy. I'll be unstable as the desire to drink wages war against the need to be sober. As if I'm manning a barricade that blocks out the wine and protects my sobriety. Almost radioactive- a slight shift in the balance and I'll be ready to crash. But I need this. I need to be free, for Enjolras, the light of my life. As long as he is here I will continue to fight. Its time I take control of my life, to wake up from my drunken haze. No matter what the cost I will beat it. I may remain radioactive forever, but it is the price I must pay to start my new life and defeat the demons of a past life.
