Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, I do however own (To the best of my knowledge) the very first edition of Mew's Super Happy Guide Book of Awesomeness and a batch of Cresselia Cookies.
Ok, I've got a new story here for everyone to enjoy, and it's humour for once. Basically the premise is what if Ash had a team of six Legendary Pokémon instead of his regular Pokémon? Well if you want to know the answer read on to find out!
There is one thing everyone should be aware of though, I'm a lot more familiar with the games than I am the anime and this is probably going to reflect a bit in the way I write, so if characters are in the games, there personality is going to be closer to their game counterparts. I'll try to follow the anime, but I'm also probably going to skip over some stuff as well, if you really want to see something though, than I recommend you tell me, I'll be more likely to put it in then. Gym's should be done rather accurately though. (Except you know, Ash is going to win more).
There are a few Legendaries to chose from for Ash's team, and a few choices for the pairing, check the AN down the bottom for details.
Also keep in mind there is a little Pikachu bashing in this chapter, I'm doing this purely to set up the story, not because I have anything at all against Pikachu. My Darkrai helped me sort through those issues in the fourth gen games.
Hope you Enjoy.
Mew's Super Happy Guide Book of Awesomeness YAY: Route One.
Route One is the first Route people go to when they leave Pallet Town, unless they go swimming down towards the island with the volcano that Molty loves so much. But most people don't because they don't like swimming for some reason, which doesn't make any sense since swimming is fun, fun, fun. Sometimes I turn into a Magikarp and go swimming, and then someone sees me and I transform into a Gyrados and scare them, ROAR. On Route one, there's lot of Rattata and Pidgey and nothing else. So it's not very fun. There's not a lot of people around either because no one wants to catch any Pidgey's or Rattata's for some reason. So nothing ever happens here. Hey look a bunch of Spearow's and a Pikachu and a Chosen one, YAY. Close.
On the side of the road on Route One a young boy, lay getting attacked by a flock of Spearow. Nearby a Pikachu watched the scene.
Today was the day that Ash started off on his Pokémon jouney, the day that was supposed to be the best day of his life, though due to a combination of the flock of Spearows and his disobedient starter it was quickly turning into his worst. Struggling against the flock for a few more moments Ash looked at his Pikachu his eyes full of hope. The Pikachu saw this, however, turning it's back on the trainer, the Pikachu ran off, away from the angry flock. This was the last sight Ash saw before he blacked out.
Up above however a cheerful pink, floating Legendary saw the whole scene. Rushing down to the hurt boy, the flock of Spearow flew away quickly in fear of the Legendary. (Mew had no idea why, she thought she was rather likable). As the Legendary touched the boy the two disappeared in a flash of light.
Mew's Super Happy Guide Book of Awesomeness YAY: Newmoon Island
Newmoon Island is the home of my Super Best Friend Darky. He's just like I'd imagine my own counterpart to be, tall, serious and grumpy. I want a counterpart too, I asked Arceus for one for Christmas but he said no, so he didn't let me have one, he gave me Vegetables instead, Yuck. But Arceus is mean like that sometimes, he didn't give Darky what he wants either. Selia says I can borrow Darkrai when she's not using him so YAY. I love Selia, she's so nice and the Cresselia cookies she makes are the best, they taste like happiness, I love you happiness. Darky says he wishes I was his counterpart too so YAY he likes me to, but then Selia wouldn't have a counterpart, but when I asked Darky about that he kept saying something about dead swans for some reason, he's kind of weird sometimes but I still like him anyway. Oh, but Newmoon Island doesn't have any other Pokémon, it did originally because they all moved away because Darky kept accidently giving them nightmares, Selia then said they could live on her island, because she was so nice. Darky was sad though, so sad he threw a big party to try to get all of them to come back, and he invited all the Legendaries, except Selia, because he forgot to send her an invitation for some reason. Close.
"Darky, Darky!" Mew called out frantically as she landed on the island, "Darky where are you?"
Deep within the forest of the island, a pitch black Pokémon with a red collar looking thing around it's neck and a white ghost like head opened a clear blue eye. Deciding that it was better to deal with Mew now then dealing with Mew and Cresselia after Mew lost her patience (Which basically occurred after she'd been forced to wait anytime longer than five minutes), he skulked out of the forest.
"What is it Mew," Darkrai spoke tiredly, then he noticed what she had with her.
"Mew," Darkrai began slowly, with anger in his voice, "Why the HELL do you have a human with you!"
"Because he was hurt and I didn't know what to do and I thought I need to take him to someone smart and I though Darky's smart, he'll know what to do and..." Mew started speaking at a high speed, blathering.
"In case you've forgotten Mew, you're the one who knows Wish," Darkrai said dryly, "And even so why didn't you just teleport the kid to a human hospital or something. Anything really would be better for him then teleporting him near me."
"Because his Pokémon left him behind!" Mew exclaimed.
"And that's my problem how?" Darkrai said.
"Because he's a chosen one!" Mew said happily.
Darkrai fixed a serious look on Ash and Mew before speaking again, "You're telling me the truth?"
"I wouldn't lie to you Darky," Mew responded happily.
Darkrai began to skulk away, "Mew, use Wish on the kid already, I've got to go tell Arceus about this screw up."
"Ok Darky," Mew said happily before pouting, "Hey Darky, why don't you like Arceus very much anyway?"
"I have no problem with Arceus at all," Darkrai said dryly, floating towards the exit, "Cresselia on the other hand..."
Mew's Super Happy Guide Book of Awesomeness YAY: The Hall of Origin
The Hall of Origin is where Arceus lives, Arceus doesn't get a nickname though because when I gave him one he was super mad and erased me from existence for a few years. Arceus is usually really serious and smart, and he makes sure we all do our jobs, otherwise he yells at us. He likes all of us that do our jobs, and doesn't like all of us who don't do our jobs. Darky doesn't like him much though for some reason, something about Selia. Anyway the Hall of Origin is really pretty and we each get our own rooms, mines filled with candy YAY. Darky's room is black though, but it has lots of pictures of Selia in it, but most of them have weapons sticking in them because Darky isn't careful. I think this means he has a crush on Selia, when I told Sprit she agreed with me and when I told Tios he said that Darky better, and then glared at him for some reason. Also there's lots of dead people here, Arceus doesn't let me play with them though, something about none of them getting eternal rest while I'm around or something. Oh well. Close.
The god Pokémon, the Creator, the almighty Arceus stood atop his Hall of Origin, gazing out at the world he had created (Or created those who created). The moments of serenity that he got to enjoy, few times in his career as everything was working perfectly, the moments that were inevitably interrupted, usually by Mew, a few seconds after they had begun.
"Hello Arceus," Yep there it was, the interloper who would ruin his zen and force him back to the reality that his Legendary Pokémon, his favoured children, didn't give a shit about his peacefulness. Though Darkrai interrupting it was new.
"What is it Darkrai," Arceus spoke irritably, "if it's about killing Cresselia again, or forbidding her from baking the answer is still no."
"For once no," Darkrai said in an entirely too self satisfied voice, "This time it's about one of your chosen ones."
"Is it about that Eusine kid again," Arceus said sighing, "As I've told Entei a thousand times, just because I made a mistake making him a chosen one does not mean I can kill him, even if he is stalking Suicune."
"No, besides in case you've forgotten I really don't give a damn about the beasts problems," Darkrai replied dryly, "No my problem stems entirely from the fact that Mew dropped one of your little chosen off on MY island, half dead because his chosen Pokémon abandoned him."
Ok now that was worthy of Arceus's attention, "What!"
Among Pokémon there is one standard rule of survival, don't piss Arceus off, ensuring that was fairly easy, all one had to do was follow the Five very simple Poke commandments:
1/ Under no circumstances should a Pokémon attempt to attack Arceus himself.
2/ No causing the apocalypse, ever.
3/ Pokémon should not attempt to breed outside of their egg group. See rule 2.
4/ Chosen Pokémon may not, under any circumstance, abandon their Chosen One. See rule 2.
5/ Legendary Pokémon, DO YOUR FREAKIN JOBS! See Rule 2.
As such the news that a Pokémon had broken was something that ticked Arceus off to no end, Arceus spoke calmly "Which chosen was it?"
"Some kid with a Jacket, and hat," Darkrai explained, not one to pay much attention to humans, "He looked around ten in human years though."
"Fortunately Darkrai, there's only one human who fits that description," Arceus said, not rolling his eyes because gods don't do that, "Ash Ketchum, 10 years old, his starter was a Pikachu, and it was incredibly annoying to ensure that, do you know how beneath me it is to break a kids alarm clock so he wakes up late?"
"You do remember my job is to put people in endless nightmares right?" Darkrai asked rhetorically, "I'm usually far more concerned with ensuring they don't wake up. So smashing alarms is kind of in my job description."
"Darkrai, just keep the kid and Mew on your island for a bit longer," Arceus said tiredly, "I'll be down to speak to the kid as soon as I deal with this Pikachu problem, permanently."
Back on Newmoon Island.
"Arggh my head," Ash said as he began to wake up...
"YAY you're awake!" Only to be tackle glomped by an excitable pink legendary.
"WHAAAA," Ash fell over again, "Hey why did you tackle me like that Pika..."
Seeing Pikachu nowhere in sight and the Pokémon hugging him, Ash dumbfounded said the first words that came to mind, "You're not Pikachu."
"Nope," Mew said happily, "I'm Mew, I like the colour pink, happiness, Darky, Cresselia cookies, Candy, sunshine..."
"You're Mew," Ash said dumbfounded, "Yes, I found a Mew!"
"YAY, I found a Ash!" Mew said, happily taking a peak into Ash's mind, to find out his name, joining in on the enthusiasm.
"But hey," Ash said looking around, "Where's Pikachu?"
"So you would still care for that yellow rat," A sarcastic voice came out of nowhere, "It's almost admirable."
"Hey who said that," Ash said looking around wildly.
"Don't worry," Mew said happily, "it's just Darky."
"Darky," Ash repeated confused.
"It's Darkrai," The pitch-black Pokémon said coming out of a shadow on the ground.
"Who?" Ash asked confused.
"So humanity doesn't universally fear my name yet? Pity." Darkrai said, "Darkrai, I'm the Legendary Pokémon that governs nightmares, does that refresh your memory?"
"Um sorry, I've never heard of you before," Ash said sheepishly.
"How strange, which backwater dwelling do you come from then human?" Darkrai said.
"I'm from Pallet town, and my name's Ash!" Ash said to Darkrai.
"I could care less if your name was Dirt human, your name means nothing to me." Darkrai said derogatively.
"And where's Pikachu," Ash said angrily ignoring what Darkrai said.
"The yellow rat is either dead or soon to be so." Darkrai explained, "It matters little to me."
"What, I've got to help him then!" Ash explained trying to get up.
"Enough," Darkrai said forcing Ash back down, "In case you've forgotten, allow me to refresh your memory, your Pikachu abandoned you to face a flock of angry Spearow. If it wasn't for Mew and myself you would be dead now. Forget about the rat."
"But I can't just leave him to die," Ash exclaimed.
"Yes you can," Darkrai said calmly, "It's surprisingly easy, in fact. You see your Pikachu has violated a very important law among Pokémon, and has to be punished for it. That's all there is to it."
"But I've got to help him," Ash exclaimed, "He doesn't deserve to die because of it!"
"Look, human." Darkrai explained, "There's nothing you can do about it, Arceus has already decided it, if you're so concerned maybe you should ask him in person when he gets here."
"Arceus is coming here?" Mew asked happily.
"Yes," Darkrai confirmed before turning to Ash, "You are aware of who Arceus is aren't you?"
"Um, yeah I think so isn't he the god Pokémon or something?" Ash asked uncertain until he brain caught up with his mouth, "THE GOD POKÉMON IS COMING HERE!"
"So you know who Arceus is but not me?" Darkrai muttered angrily, "You may wish to watch your tongue in his presence , Arceus is not as forgiving as I am."
"Yep, he's much more forgiving," Mew chimed in happily.
"Mew, Shut Up," Darkrai said with a grown as a white mist began to gather, "And look, Arceus is done already."
Within the white mist, Arceus's form began to gather to Ash's awe, and a powerful voice spoke within his head, "So you're the chosen one, who's partner abandoned him?"
"Hey," Ash called out offended, "And what did you do to Pikachu?"
"That creature has been removed from the mortal plane," Arceus explained, "It could not be allowed to live after what it had done."
"And what did Pikachu do that was so bad!" Ash called out.
"You are a Chosen One," Arceus exclaimed calmly, "And he abandoned you, the consequences of this could be apocalyptic."
"What's a chosen one?" Ash asked.
"A chosen one is someone who's soul was blessed by myself before they were born," Arceus explained, "They almost always have a significant role in shaping the destiny of the world, and I take great care in selecting who the Pokémon that will accompany them will be."
"And that is what brings us to our current problem," Arceus spoke, "Despite being chosen one, your partner abandoned you. I have only two options here, the first is to kill you as well...'
Ash's face went white, "Don't worry, I have no current desire to do so, your mind is far too pure. Yes, I can read your mind, Mew can as well, and we are using Telepathy to speak with you after all."
"Which brings me to the other way, I can give you a new partner." Arceus explained, "Of any species you want, simply ask and I will grant it."
"OHHH, Pick me! Pick me!" Mew said jumping around excitedly, with her hand raised up.
"Mew!" Darkrai replied exasperated, "He isn't allowed to pick you, you're a Legendary after..."
"Actually," Arceus interrupted, "I would be willing to allow this."
"Ash Ketchum," Arceus spoke, seriously, "Do you accept Mew as your Chosen Pokémon partner?"
"Of Course!" Ash yelled excitedly, "Let's go Mew, we'll be the best team ever!"
"YAY!" Mew called out
"You can't be serious!" Darkrai interrupted, "I thought you didn't want the apocalypse to occur, and your sticking an idiotic human like that kid with Mew? The same Mew that believes that one day an army of vegetables will rise up to destroy all life?"
Arceus look thoughtful for a moment, while watching Ash and Mew do a happy dance, "You may be right, Darkrai you're going with them as well, make sure they don't do anything too stupid."
As Arceus left there was only one thing Darkrai could say, "Shit."
Mew's Super Happy Guide Book of Awesomeness YAY: Pallet Town
Pallet Town is where Ash is from. By human standards it's super boring, it doesn't even have a candy shop, no yay. But it does have some super awesome places, like Ash's house, Ash's mum makes super yummy food, and it doesn't even have candy in it, which is really really weird. I think she's lying about it. Pallet Town also has Professor Oak's lab, the Professor lives there, he's really smart, like he has to be the smartest human ever and he has a bunch of super sparkly machines, YAY. I love sparkly stuff so much, I once asked Arceus if he could make some Pokémon sparkly, and he said no, then I gave him a plate of Cresselia cookies and he said yes, and it was super fun. Oh but a bunch of Pokémon live at Professor Oak's lab which is super cool. Pallet Town's also famous because for some reason it gives these things called Licences out to ten year olds, which allows them to drive cars. I don't know why people need a license to drive cars. I do know cars go VROOM though. YAY. Close.
"Are you sure, you haven't seen someone of that description pass through?" Professor Oak said in on the Video Phone to the Pokémon Center in Viridian City.
"No, I haven't sorry, I'll call you if I see anyone come through though." The Pink haired nurse on the other end of the line responded, before hanging up.
Oak then turned to the other person in his lab, who was currently crying her eyes out.
"We'll keep trying Delia, I'm sure he'll show up eventually," Oak comforted the crying woman.
"But what if he's hurt or worse," Delia couldn't stop crying.
"Relax Delia, he's on Route One," Oak explained calmly, "The worst injury you can suffer there is a papercut, for him to be seriously hurt, or even dead is impossible. But well, if he is, I'm sorry Delia, Ash is a nice kid and all but, I'm going to laugh at his funeral. Trust me, there's no dignity in dying on route one at all"
Delia kept crying, though she nodded at the Professors words.
"The one thing however," Oak explained, "That we can be absolutely certain of, is that Ash isn't just going to appear above us suddenly."
With a bright pink flash, Ash came crashing into the ground on top of the professor, to a dumbstruck Delia's amazement and Mew's amusement.
"Ash what are you doing here?" Oak asked rubbing his head, before he noticed the two legendaries, "Is that Mew and Darkrai? What are they doing here? Quick we need to begin the testing! For Science!"
I hope you enjoyed, please review.
I SHIP DARKAI/LATIAS! Latios does not however.
Glossary of terms:
Molty – Moltres
Sprit – Mesprit
Selia – Cresselia
Darky – Darkrai
Tios – Latios
Cresselia cookies – A type of baked treat made exclusively by Cresselia. They are said to taste like Sunshine and happiness, and inspire joy and hope in any creature that consumes one. Darkrai loathes their very existence almost as much as he loathes the one who makes them.
Chosen One –Essentially these are the rare few souls that are blessed by Arceus. Most prominently among these Chosen One's is Ash, who is considered to have the purest souls out of all chosen ones. All chosen ones are given a starter, specifically selected by Arceus from among all of the Pokémon in the world, to accompany them for their destiny. A few of the other chosen ones and their partners include, Cynthia and her Garchomp, Lance and his Dragonite, Steven and his Metagross, Wallace and his Milotic, Professor Oak, Alder and his Volcarona, N and his Zoroark, Eusine and many more.
Alright, now you all get to have your say, which Legendary Pokémon do you want to see of Ash's team? Tell me in a review or a PM! There are some conditions though: Ash will not get Arceus, he'll be OP but not that OP, this story may be written for humour but I don't want to make it complete Crack, I'll still try to make the battles semi-serious. Each Legendary Pokémon falls into one of the categories below, please follow this when giving suggestions. Phione is technically not classified as a Legendary Pokemon, due to the fact they can be indefinably spawned by Manaphy, so it isn't an option. Should X and Y come out before I reach the point where I can introduce one of the legendaries based on this into the story, I'll reset the results for all remaining Legendaries and then classify the new ones, before starting another questionnaire.
1/ Childish one - Mew
2/ Serious one - Darkrai
3/ "Normal" ones - Essentially any Legendary that won't fall into any of the following three tiers, the choices are: Entei, Raikou, Suicune, Celebi, Latias, Latios, Azelf, Uxie, Mesprit, Heatran, Cresselia, Shaymin or Meloetta. (If theres any I forgot to mention they'd go here as well.)
4/ Distrustful - The Legendary here will be one that would be incredibly distrustful towards humans, the choices will be: Zapdos, Articuno, Moltres, Tornadus, Thundurus, Landorus, Virizion, Cobalion, Terrakion or Keldeo
5/ Strange ones- essentially this one is for a Legendary which I can see as being incredibly strange/quirky in behaviour, more so than any of the others, the choices are: Regirock, Regice, Registeel, Regigigas, Jirachi, Deoxys, Manaphy, Victini or Genesect
6/ God Tier - Essentially this will be the replacement for Charizard, it won't be around except for the most important battles, but when it is it will be massively powerful. The Legendaries that can be picked here: Mewtwo (Since I've already got Mew I will be extremely hesitant about choosing this one), Lugia, Ho-oh, Groudon, Kyogre, Rayquaza, Dialga, Palkia, Giratina, Reshiram, Zekrom or Kyurem.
Finally the pairing, this isn't meant to be a serious story, so in that case I'm not really inclined to pick any of the major pairings for Ash, the pairings I'd consider major are: Ash/Misty, Ash/May, Ash/Dawn, Ash/Iris, Ash/Jessie or Ash/Anabel, so please don't suggest one of them. Anything else is fine bar Yaoi, a harem or Ash/Pokémon. The other rules are:
1/ Acceptable characters that will be accepted are those that exist in the anime, games or Pokémon Adventures manga. If they exist in more than one medium, and have different personalities or appearances I reserve the right to select which one I will go with.
2/ When suggesting Anime only characters, please be advised that I am FAR more familiar with the Kanto (And to a lesser extent Johto) parts of the series than any other and this will factor into my decision.
3/ I will make the final decision on the pairing, your suggestions do help make the decision though and I won't be picking a pairing that no one suggests. The final decision will be made once Ash arrives in Pewter City, don't worry, I'll warn you in the chapter before that it is coming up, chances are it'll be chapter 3 though, so the sooner you tell me the better.
4/ I'm not going to force you to only suggest one paring, you can suggest as many as you like, but please don't go overboard with this.
Please Review.
