a/n: a new chapter story for all you sweetly persistent naggers. You know who you are.

This is Mercenary Ranger and my Stephanie. Zoe is a baby, so right after The Math Teacher. Don't be put off by the original character narrator, ok?

LOL, NOT a songfic, just references the old Janis Joplin song.

standard fanfic disclaimers apply


Undercover (Alternate Universe...Or is It?)

.

.

Oh Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz

My friends all drive Porsches

I must make amends

Worked hard all my lifetime

No help from my friends

Oh Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz

...

Oh Lord won't you buy me a night on the town

I'm counting on you, Lord

So please don't let me down

Prove that you love me

And buy the next round

Oh Lord won' t you buy me a night on the town.

...

Oh Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz

My friends all drive Porsches

Lord, please don't let me down…


1

Michelle

My name is Michelle Thomas. I'm a thirty year old DEA agent, single, white female, born right here in Philly. I've been an agent for awhile and I'm pretty damn good. I am also just plain pretty, a decent looking babe who cleans up well. My bosses like to send me on undercover jobs that require guts and sluttiness. Not tha slut! But I can play the part.

For the past month I've been assigned to a joint agency task force. I have a new partner who's a Fed, I gather. She's got a badge but she takes the idea of secret and has made it her bible. I like her but I don't know much about her. I trust her to have my back though, and that's what's important when you're undercover.

My new partner's name is Stephanie Plum. Like me she's thirty-something, blah/ blah/ blah. She's from Jersey, lots of attitude and street smarts. Shoots a gun pretty good. She is tall and slim, envy-inducing long legs, straight dark brown hair with lighter highlights. The bluest eyes imaginable. I figure they're contacts.

We were sitting at our desks on a rainy February morning. Steph was eating her doughnuts and drinking a Starbucks mocha latte.

Steph looked out at the rain and said, ''Thank god Japanese process hair straightening and flat irons got invented. Used to be on a day like this I'd have frizz city, like a white girl afro. Not a pretty sight.''

She munched away on her second doughnut.

I said, ''I wondered how you got your hair so stick straight, it's really nice.''

Steph nodded. ''Worth every penny. It saves so much time and effort too. Y' know I used to live with a guy who had long, shiny, abso-fucking-lutely straight hair. Killed me to see him in the morning, he'd wake up looking perfect. The man had no clue about frizz.''

She sighed and offered me a doughnut.

I sipped my green tea and shuddered. ''Doughnuts will kill you! And give you fat thighs.''

She smiled. ''I've heard that before. The killing me part. Maybe the thigh info would have had more effect.''

She shoved the third Boston cream into her mouth.

Our phone buzzed, she picked up, said ''Yo.'' With her mouth still full. Then, to me, "Captain wants to see us."

We exchanged looks and headed for the office of the man directing the task force.

''Agent Thomas, Agent Plum, please sit down.''

Steph had choked back what I thought was a laugh when Billings called her Agent Plum.

''What?'' he asked.

''Uh, sorry. Agent Plum sounds like someone in a porno flick.'' She kept giggling. ''Call me Steph, it's safer.''

Billings had no sense of humor and looked very offended. He cleared his throat and said, ''We have information that the head of the drug cartel we are trying to take down will be in the US in the coming month. He is expected to be in Miami by next week. You two are being sent there undercover to work with a Federal sting operation.''

We nodded.

''You will be set up in a nice condo, given cars and money to throw around. You will appear to be party girls looking for a fun time.''

Steph said, ''We can do that.''

''This man is running the Federal Justice Department sting. He will contact you once your covers are set.''

Billings handed us each an 8 X10 photo. It had been taken with a surveillance camera and was pretty fuzzy. It was shot at night in front of a nightclub. A man—our contact- - was just getting into, or out of, his red Ferrari, valet parking kid standing by. Our man was young, nice build, short dark hair, sunglasses (yep, at night). I didn't think we'd be able to recognize him from this photo.

I asked, ''No other photos? What about a DMV headshot or something.''

Billings replied, ''No, this man likes to remain low-profile. Very few photos of him exist.''

Steph said, ''He's an agent for Justice?''

''Well, he is an independent contractor. But very good.''

I said, " 'Independent contractor'"? You mean he s a mercenary? He gets paid to do this stuff?''

Billings said, Agent Thomas, you get paid, don't you? So, yes, this man does too.''

I said, ''Does he have a name?''

''His name is Carlos Manoso. He is from an old and very wealthy Cuban family. Well known in Miami, of course. He will essentially be using his own identity, playing the part of a rich Latino playboy. He will invite you ladies to his yacht. You will appear to party. Others, the cartel leader too, will be interested in the fast lane life, drugs, sex, gambling, whatever Manoso uses to lure him onto the yacht. Then he can safely be taken into custody.''

Steph said, ''Sounds like a plan. ''

''Any questions?''

She said, "Yes I do have a question, sir. Why does a task force use a mercenary like this guy? Why not your own agents? And if he's for sale to the highest bidder how can he be trusted?''

''A man like Carlos Manoso can go places and do things that no regular agent can do. And he sells himself, if that is the right word, only to US agencies, and only for the greater good of our country. He is absolutely reliable. You may learn something from him, Agent Plum.''

Steph said, ''Lucky me.''

Billings said, ''Plan to leave tomorrow morning.''

tbc


Thank you for reviewing!

ps I have extremely straight hair so I may not be totally up to speed on how one makes curly hair stay straight. Not that it matters to the fic ...