Every story I write is based on Sally Wainwright's modernisation of William Shakespeare's play.
My thanks to them both.
My thanks too to Rufus Sewell and Shirley Henderson who brought Petruchio and Kate to such splendid life.
I have given this an M rating because it deserves it.
Kate may not have sung this song but I'm sure this is how she felt.
Show me the way to go home,
I'm tired and I want to go to bed
I had a little drink about an hour ago
And it's gone right to my head.
No matter where I roam
Over land or sea or foam
You can always hear me singing this song
Show me the way to go home.
TALKING TO HIM, TO THEM, TO MYSELF
Bianca had flown in from Berlin on Saturday night, and rung me Sunday morning.
"Come to lunch, both of you." she said. I didn't want to.
"We're down at Hazlington." and I didn't want to ask her and her child lover down here, not yet anyway. Our time together, on our own, was still too precious.
"Katherine, we haven't seen each other for ages, not since the wedding. We need a good gossip."
What she meant was she wanted to cross-question me. Well, I suppose it was something that she wanted me to talk instead of me listening to her.
"How's your campaign going? How much longer to go?"
She was talking about my campaign for the leadership of my party.
"Fine" I said. "Election is Friday week at the Party Conference. Would you like to come to the last night 'do'? You and Lucentio, of course!" grimacing into my mobile." Mummy as well. Oh, I expect you will be away?"
"No, no. I'll be home, we'd love to. Is that the Saturday night?"
"No, Friday night."
"Lovely! It will be a good excuse to dress up. "As if she needed an excuse to dress up. Her job, her life consisted of dressing up. My heart sank a little at the idea of her encroaching on my world. I do love my sister but she is very lovely and glamorous, very vivacious, everything I am not, and I like to keep my two worlds apart.
And then there is my beloved.
Who wants to expose their new husband to the "most beautiful woman in the world?" And she does like men!
As if she read my thoughts she said,
"And how is the Earl?"a bit sardonically. The last time she had seen him he had been wearing a skirt, fishnets and high-heeled boots, his makeup better than I am able to do. She did not laugh like most of them at our wedding. She was angry and, in fairness to her, concerned for me.
"He is fine, very well."
She had done her duty and asked!
"Look, Katherine, how about lunch in the week? You, me and Mummy? At my place. Lucentio will be at college, so we can have a good natter, just the three of us."
So my beloved was not invited! I didn't know whether to be pleased or offended for him.
"When can you make it? I'm free any day except Thursday."
"I'll just get my diary," I said, not moving. "Umm...let me see...what about Tuesday? That O.K.? What about Mummy?"
"I'll ring her" Bianca said. "She'll make any day. She always does. "
Yes, she would, she always did to be with us.
"O.K, Tuesday, 12.30 then. And try to have some time free in the afternoon so we don't have to rush. Bye love."
"Bye" I said.
I put my phone down on the table and slid back down in the bed, my lover's fingers carried on stroking my belly as they had done throughout my phone call.
"That your sister? " he asked.
"Mmm, asking us to lunch." I pulled a face. "I didn't want to go back to London so early. Did you?"
"You could have asked her down here."
"Would you really have wanted me to?"
"No" he said "but you could have."
"No thanks. Um...having lunch with her and Mummy on Tuesday" a bit awkwardly, "Girls only..."
"No prob." he was nuzzling my neck."Do you think she knew you were still in bed, doing what you're doing?"
"What you're doing, I'm not doing anything."
"Don't be so bloody pedantic. Alright, I'll rephrase the question. Do you think she knew you were still in bed letting you husband do all sorts of dirty naughty things to you?" He slid one hand up to cup my breast and stroke my already hard nipple, while the other hand twined in my hairs and then in me.
I giggled at the thought.
"ME? ...me... still in bed at whatever time it is? The thought wouldn't enter her head, not for a minute. Katherine is up at 7a.m. As for what you're doing, she wouldn't think that Katherine would even know about things like that. Mmmmm." I relaxed against him, his fingers sending flickers up, lovely, gentle, slow,...I tried to wriggle into him, like a pair of spoons but when I turned a little, my eyes caught the laughing knowing painted green eyes of the Lady Arabella, and I smiled colludingly back.
"What're you laughing at?" My beloved murmured, kissing my ear.
"Her, Arabella . She looks as if she knows what we're doing."
"I bet she does," he moved downwards so that his mouth was brushing my breast.
He said "I bet she was hot stuff ...she had to be. I mean she got her old man to cough up 8,000 quid for this room. I mean £8,ooo is a lot of money for a bedroom now, imagine it then!" He whistled."I bet Peter was getting something in return for his money and no prizes for guessing what."
"Peter? Was that her husband's name?"
"Yeah. Family name, along with Rupert, Edward and Isambard. My old man was Rupert, Grandpa was Edward, and Petruchio is a tarted up version of Peter I suppose and we've all got Isambard in there somewhere. Anyway he, Peter was the 8th earl. He was crazy about her, they say. You can see why. She must have been hot. She looks it. Bloody red hot."
"You can't go by looks." I said sharply. I felt him smile as he kissed my nipple.
"Too true." he said. "Too true! Look at you, all prim and proper and prissy on top and sexy knickers underneath"
"I don't wear sexy knickers; I don't wear thongs or that sort of thing."
"Yes you do! You may not wear thongs but those filmy, lacy things you wear are far more sexy than any thong. You just don't know it. To look at you, butter wouldn't melt in your mouth and who'd 've thought it, you do that thing with your mouth and you could melt ...phoar...Yeah, hot as bloody hell...urph..." he gasped as I pinched him somewhere sensitive.
"Bitch." he whispered in my ear.
I slowly moved my mouth down his throat, down his chest across to where it disappeared into his armpit and nipped him.
"Ow! You are a little bitch aren't you? You are just going to have to learn who is boss around here." He rolled onto me and pulled my arms above my head.
"Now, My Lady Charlbury!"
"I suppose you think you are going to teach me."
"Mmmm."
I smiled mockingly at him and hooked one foot over his calf and moving my thigh along his side, I rubbed my other foot on his firm buttock, nibbled and nipped his bottom lip.
"God Almighty, Kate"
He slid into me fast and hard, thrusting until I whispered "Yes, yes." and then he moved out of me.
"Now then, who's in charge here?"
After a few more minor skirmishes in which I tricked and trapped him only to find he had outwitted and outmanoeuvred me, I said,
"About this lunch, you don't mind, do you?"
"No, of course not." He was teasing my nipple with his mouth, the edge of his lips rough with the beginning of a stubble, his hands moving over me."Time together for you, Bianca and your old lady."
"I suppose you and Bianca have got to meet properly sometime."
"We have met."
I held his hands, looking at him. A sinking apprehensive feeling clawed in the pit of my stomach.
"When?"
"Several times. Many times. She was my best mate's girlfriend for years, don't forget. I usually tried to avoid her. We don't have much time for each other."
I was a bit staggered and a bit relieved; most men are desperate to meet Bianca. I said, "Why?"
"Oh, I don't know, not my type," he said carelessly nuzzling my neck again.
"What is your type?" I said, fishing.
"Ohh. Not her! Too skinny, airhead, ugh! More...um... Big ...blonde ... With great big tits and a lovely big arse that I can dig my fingers into when I'm sha"
"Then what are you doing with me?" I tartly interrupted. I am dark, 5 feet tall and weigh 7 stones and am not big -bosomed or big-bummed by any stretch of the imagination.
He rolled over on top of me and nibbled my bottom lip.
"Good question." and pretended to think.
"Money" he said and bit my lip gently again
"Mmmm, money" sucking my lip into his mouth.
"Yes, that's it, money.
He moved his mouth to my throat. He was whispering now,
"That and the effect you have on me, your mind, the way it works fascinates me. You're clever and I love bickering with you, trying to get the better of you, teasing you. I love the way my heart lifts when I see you, the elation I feel when you smile at me, and when I am with you for more than a few minutes I get the most incredible hard on...if I shagged you every time I wanted to, you would be flat on your back all day."
I wound my fingers in his hair, his thick black tight curls and looked into his beautiful green eyes, and felt that now familiar feeling of falling down a well, the flickering flames that become a fire.
"Your eyes, your hair, and your mouth. Did I mention what you do with your mouth?" brushing my lips with his.
"Oh yes," he said "One other thing... maybe I should mention." He wrinkled his nose in his throwaway, it's-not- important grimace and kissed the hollow at the base of my throat.
"I love you."
"Oh! that!" I said as he kissed me under my chin, then four more kisses along my jaw to the hollow behind my ear, whispering between each kiss, the word that is so seductive, so erotic, that it melts my bones, the word that he can make sound so dirty, that tells me what he wants from me and what he wants to do to me.
"Kate...Kate...Kate...Kate...Kate..."
I wanted him. I wanted him in me.
"Come into me, I want you in me now. Please, please."
"Kate," he whispered again, our breaths mingling."Kate."
"Oh God! Oh please, put your cock in me, I need it I need you please." All my words were running together in a breathless murmur.
He moved from me and I spread my thighs for him to come into me and he did ...fast.
"Don't come, don't come, don't come yet, not yet"
"No, not yet, not yet," he said unevenly. He raised himself on his elbows.
"Open your eyes, Kate look at me."
I struggled to open them and looked into his beautiful green eyes, not laughing for once, serious, demanding, and full of love for me.
"Do you love me, Kate?"
"Mmmm,"
"Tell me. Tell me you love me, Kate."
"You know I love you." His mouth was just above mine. I closed my eyes and began to search for it
"Please, please..."
"It's not just the fucking is it? Is it? I mean... It's wonderful, it is wonderful, but it is not just the fucking, is it? Tell me, I want you to say it, say it..."
My eyes shot open at the need in his voice and his eyes were so vulnerable.
I cupped his beautiful face, rubbed his lip with my thumb and gently kissed him.
"I love you, I love you, I love you my beloved, my love, my lover. Do you really not know, my silly sod? My dearest love, I love you."
He rested his head against mine; a shudder of desire went through him. He kissed the corner of my mouth, then those soft butterfly kisses along my jaw to ear. Each kiss punctuated by whispering my name."Kate... Kate...Kate...Kate," rubbing his lips around my ear .
"God, I love you ." He put his hand to my face, his mouth on mine. "Oh Kate I love you, I want you." Closing my eyes and without moving my lips from his, I nodded almost imperceptibly. He slid his hand down my throat slowly softly, over my shoulder, down to my breast, my nipple hard under his fingers, rubbing it, squeezing, gently pulling. I was whispering "Don't stop" till his mouth took it; I caught my breath and my fingers moved across his shoulders, in his hair, around his ear. My skin burned... I was throbbing, I wanted... He moved in me, gently, then harder.
"Please, please"
"Kate ...Kate...Kate..."and lifting my hips to him, thrust into me, thrust after thrust that weren't gentle any more, weren't slow but hard and fast demanding till I exploded, and I was filled with tiny bubbles. As he came I opened my eyes everything was lighter, brighter, clearer around us.
"There are thousands of bubbles bursting in me." I murmured.
"I know, I can feel them around me." he said.
"".""
Going to work on Tuesday, I was grumpy and irritable. I was always like that when meeting Mummy and Bianca. Why I should be, I don't know. Yes I do, of course I do.
In my field, I know I am clever, confident of my superiority, of being judged on my ability, assured.
With them I am so dull, frumpy, so aware they are so beautiful, elegant, glamorous, that their friends find me boring and while I am contemptuous of the shallowness of their world, sometimes I wish I was a bit more...I don't know. I don't want to be frivolous. Do I?
I love them and they love me but we drive each other mental.
I was wearing my "working" clothes: black suit over a black silk vest, pale stockings with black patent flatties and my pearl earrings. I had looked in the cheval mirror in our bedroom before I left for the Commons. Yes it was good enough and I started downstairs, then ran back and found a lipstick to shove in my bag, paused, and then grabbed my black sling-back stilettos. I could change into them before leaving for Bianca's.
"Do you need the car today?" I asked.
"Not if you need it," my beloved said.
"I can throw these in the back if I have the car" showing him my shoes. He knows I love shoes. I sometimes wonder what he thinks about the way I dress, given his penchant for much more flamboyant clothes than I would ever wear but he has never said and I have never asked.
"No, no I won't, then I can have a drink. Can you drop me off or shall I call a cab?"
"Whichever's easier for you, my love"
Then "Come, Kiss Me Kate" he declaimed.
He has a habit of quoting Shakespeare at the most odd times but 7. the morning, I ask you.
"".""
Mummy was already at Bianca's when I got there.
We had lunch. Bianca always puts on a good spread. She eats well; everyone thinks models don't eat but she does. She eats like a horse, but then again, we three eat well and are slight.
I don't usually drink at lunch time but I had a glass of white wine and listened to them.
Mummy has new man.
"No darlings, nothing to tell you, early days."
Bianca went on about Lucentio.
[I wondered when the attack would come.]
We left the table after lunch and Bianca filled our glasses again.
[And I waited.]
Her flat is very...umm ... Magaziny. All white and glass and splashes of colour. I sat on the built -in marble bench which was surprisingly comfortable, and took a slurp of wine.
[And I waited.]
I hadn't seen Bianca since my wedding day a month ago and had only spoken to Mummy four or five times on the phone. Another slurp!
[And so I waited.]
Mummy had been to some charity event.
Bianca told us about Berlin.
Mummy was going for a few days on Mick's yacht down in the Med.
Bianca told us some more stories about Lucentio.
Remembering Harry in Tuscany, I said "When are you going to tell that child that your Italian is as good as his?" But she only pulled a face.
[And I waited still.]
Mummy had met some delightful people at some cocktail party.
Bianca had met Johnny Depp in Berlin,
"Darlings, only just as tall as me but dreamy. I tell you darlings, I wouldn't say no, if he asked, if I didn't have Lucentio and if I didn't think Vanessa would tear me to pieces."
[And I waited.]
"How is your campaign going, Katherine?" Mummy asked. I nodded "OK."
"And Piers?"
[This was it!]
"Fine. I finished my wine.
"And how are you enjoying married life?" This was from Bianca, filling my glass again.
"Fine."
[But it came from a different direction.]"Yes."
[Had to feel my way, wondering where this was going, it hadn't come the way I thought. Not about my beloved and his wedding outfit; his skirt and see-through blouse, his fishnet s and his high-heels, his make-up and nail polish.]
"And you like being married?"
She was smirking suggestively at me.
[The penny dropped!She was asking about the sex.]
I took a mouthful of wine.
"Bianca." Mummy said.
"Mummy, I am sure Katherine doesn't mind, do you Katherine? We've always gossiped, told each other everything, haven't we, Katherine? You too, Mummy."
[Yes, we had always talked: at least Bianca talked about lovers and sex, Mummy about boyfriends, but not about sex. Though we were aware that there must have been lovers she never discussed that with us. And me. I never talked, just listened. There was nothing to talk about.
What could I say? No experience, as Bianca had told me at regular intervals over the past twenty years.
Be careful, Katherine! Bianca has ways of getting things out of me. Well, she wouldn't get anything out of me now.]
I emptied my glass and Bianca filled it again.
"Do you like it, darling, the sex?"
[I looked sideways.]
"Bianca." Mummy said warningly.
At the same time I said "What would I know?"
A little pause.
"Well darling, it does take a little time, you know, to get used to it. To like it ... maybe a few weeks...or so.
[How bloody patronising! I thought to myself, if you only knew, Bianca. I liked it from the first.]
"Is he good? You know, at it? Do you think?"
"Enough Bianca!" Mummy said.
But I answered again, "How would I know?"
[But I do know, Bianca. He made me come the third time we did it and I've come each time since.]
"I've no experience! 'Katherine's 38 and still a virgin.' As you told everyone."
She had the grace to look abashed. "Only Harry."
"Harry was enough." I said.
"Sorry, darling." She paused, then went on "Go on, tell us, is he as boisterous in bed as out? As noisy? What does he call you? Can you imagine?"
She began to mimic him, his loud boisterous way.
"My love, my dove, my sweet," booming out "My treasure, my precious."
She was beginning to giggle and Mummy was biting back a smile.
[I thought of him.]
"Boom, boom"
I thought of lying in his arms and his soft kisses along my throat.
No, he isn't. He calls me Kate, and he whispers...
"Kate...Kate...Kate...Kate...Kate"
And I thought of my wordless sounds of pleasure, of ecstasy.]
I opened my eyes
[Did I shut them?]
and found Mummy and Bianca staring at me.
"What? I didn't ...say... something, did I?"
"Not exactly say anything, darling, more a bit when-Harry-met-Sally-ish." She smiled wryly. "So tell us, come on, what's it like? His willy? Is it big? Little, skinny, fat? Come on."
Mummy said, "Now Bianca, enough is enough and I think you have had too much to drink." She was quite sharp.
"It's alright, Mummy. Bianca is forever telling me about my lack of experience. What do I know? Nothing to compare with."
[I wasn't going to tell her. Why should I?]
Bianca was really pushing now. "You must have some idea."
[What had I said to him the morning after our wedding night? Gentlemen don't talk about ladies and I was disappointed in him that he had asked.]
"What was your first impression? First thing that came into your head." Bianca kept on.
[Even if I had been having fun with him, it had been a bit sanctimonious.]
"An impression, an expression."
[" Well, there is an expression"
"What, tell us!"
"Umm, well, I don't know. I don't think I..."
"Go on"
"Hung like a donkey"
She looked stupefied then burst out
"Truly?"
"Truly? "
"Truly!"
The laughter welled up in me at the thought of actually saying it out loud, actually telling them. I pursed my lips together to stop myself laughing .
I wasn't going to, of course
I wasn't going to tell them anything
I wasn't going to share anything about my beloved with them. It was too wonderful and precious to be pawed and giggled over.]
"Mummy, look at her! She's trying not to laugh. You can see her dimples! Come on Katherine, tell us!"
"Tell you what? What is there to tell?"
[I am not a politician for nothing. I can lie with the best of them. If I want to.]
Bianca collapsed into a chair like a deflating balloon.
Looking down, I swallowed a smile and examined my shoe minutely, twisting my foot this way and that.
"What do you think of my new Jimmy Choos?" I asked artlessly.
[And they rose to the bait.]
Later, I rang him to see if he was home.
"Where are you? Want me to pick you up?"
"I'm in a cab, on my way. I'll be home in about 10 minutes."
"Thought you might have gone back to the House.
"Um, no, I decided to come home." pause" Missed you."
"That's good to know, my love."
As I got through the front door, he called from the kitchen,
"The kettle's just boiled. Coffee, tea or something stronger?"
I joined him.
"I'd better have coffee; I've had quite a bit to drink already."
"Nice lunch? Good time?"
"Mmm yes, not bad. Mmm, very satisfactory."
I tried to sit on the counter but fell off my heels and couldn't quite manage it.
"Bloody Jimmy Choo shoes, choo choo." I giggled at my joke.
My beloved lifted me, sat me on the counter and gave me my coffee. He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear then leaned his hip against the counter to drink his, studying me.
"You look like the cat that's got the cream."
"Do I?"
"Uh huh. What have you been up to, my little cat? Got one up on your old lady and sister?"
"I think you might say that."
"Gonna tell me?"
"Nope" Resting my head against his, I rubbed my nose against his.
"Do you know you have the most incredibullilly long eye lashesh? And lovely green eyes?"
"Do I?"
I looked at him. Was he laughing at me? I was suspicious but, undecided about this; I thought I would tell him about my shoe problem instead.
"Bit of a problem today, with my Jimmy Shoosh choosh" I cackled again."Choo I might have to take them back. Somesing wrong with the heels. I keep falling off them...Do you ever have that problem with your bootsh?"
"Only when I am paralytic, my sweet."
I thought about that. Did he mean..?
"Huh ...uh... Are you saying I'm drunk?"
"Would I say that?"
I decided not to pursue that.
I rested my head on his shoulder and kissed his ear.
"Feel like going to bed, my beloved?"
"With you, Kate? Always."
I put my coffee down very carefully and slid off the counter. My Jimmy Choo heels went over again. He put his coffee down very fast and held me up.
"Tole you! Din't I? Biggg problem. Another bigg problem, you might have to carry me." I enunciated very carefully.
"No problem."
"An' I think you might have to, you know, help me ...undressh"
"The pleasure will be all mine, my angel."
As he swung me up in his arms, a bubble of laughter burst from me.
"You'll drop me."
"No, I won't." I put my hand inside his shirt."Kate! I will, if you do that."
"Oh! Come on, you know you like it."
"Not when I am carrying you."
His mouth was only an inch or so from mine. I slipped the tip of my tongue into the corner of it, whispering,
"You don't have to bother with bed ...not upshtairs."
"Where do you suggest, my sweet?"
"Um ...Um ...I don't know ... the table... No, we might fall off...um ...floor might be besht...What are you laughing at? It's not funny. It's a perfic'ly shensible suggeshun. If you put me down then you could undressh me. Oh I forgot, you doan have to. I took my knickers off in the cab. What's so funny? Why are you laughing?"
"Were you intending to seduce me?"
"NO, no, how could I? You know more'n I do. I am alwaysh willing to learn though ... Did you light the fire in the living room? Carry me in there; on the rug in front of the fire would be very nice. You are still laughing at me."
Don't remember much else except we ...I... laughed a lot and the shagging was lovely, but then it is always lovely with my beloved.
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