It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. With the boys of both their teams out on some mission, frenemies Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino met up at the tea house for the usual girl bonding.
Girl bonding, of course, meant guy-talk.
"You've got to admit, Forehead. With Sasuke gone, there really isn't a lot of marrying options in our class, is there?" Sakura stared at her darkly. "No, see? There's eight guys. Seven, minus Sasuke-kun. There's Naruto. And WHO in Kami-sama's name would go for Naruto?"
"Hinata?"
"Well, she can have him. I don't care." Ino said nonchalantly as she speared a manju from the plate in front of her with a toothpick. "Speak of Hinata, there's Kiba. But then, he... is a DOG. And Shino, is a colony of bugs in human form."
"Neji?"
"Neji's too arrogant." She said as she popped the manju into her mouth. "And let's not even get to Fuzzy Eyebrows. Please."
"Chouji?" Ino looked as if Sakura had just suggested she kiss a frog. "Shikamaru?"
Ino shook her head and swallowed the manju in less than three chews. "Too lazy." she croaked out.
"But he's smart!"
"You go for him then." When Sakura shook her head passionately, Ino cocked her head. "See my point?" Sakura rolled her eyes as Ino toyed with the remaining manju on the plate. "Now, if only we had someone like Asuma in our batch. Oh, Kurenai-sensei is SO lucky."
Sakura looked horrified. "You have a thing for ASUMA-SENSEI?"
Ino regarded her friend's naivete pitifully. "Hypothetically speaking, Forehead." She sighed, and then paused in thought. A foxy grin was slowly spreading across her face. "Though I wouldn't mind... Kakashi."
Sakura blinked. "Kakashi... As in Kakashi-sensei?"
"Oh, come ON." Ino ignored Sakura's jaw falling wide open. "You have GOT to admit there is something seriously sexy with your teacher."
"That. Is just OBSCENE, Ino-pig. Even for you," Sakura said shrilly. "He's my TEACHER, for crying out loud. You don't imagine things like that with a TEACHER."
"Oh, I'm sure YOU wouldn't." Ino said as she finally ended the internal debate by spearing the manju. "But I could imagine how he MUST rock in bed--"
"INO!"
"--what, with his nose always inside Icha-Icha pages."
Sakura fell silent. Ino paused from the manju to look up at her curiously. "So, is that why he could go on a whole day just reading? He gets tips from..."
"Porn?" The blonde supplied as she popped in the second manju in a row. "It's not uncommon, y'know."
Sakura glared at her friend. "A book." She corrected tersely. "And I thought you were on a diet."
It was Ino's turn to glare. "I'm depressed." Was her curt reply. "And you don't have to be a prude about Kakashi and his porn--" A wince. Ino chuckled inwardly. "He's ancient, after all. He's what, 40?"
"29." Sakura answered automatically, and stared levelly at the appalled look on Ino's face. "What? I saw his data sheet when I was clearing up Shishou's files!"
"Data..." Ino perked up. "...sheet?"
"He was wearing a mask in the picture, Ino."
The blonde's face visibly fell. "Oh." She popped the next manju and swallowed it whole. Sakura briefly wondered what Team Asuma would think of her realeating habits. Chouji, in particular, would be surprised at how Ino-pig could give him a run for his fat money. "Hmmm." Sakura could almost see Ino's thought bubbles forming. "So... maybe..."
Sakura sighed. Ino was just too transparent sometimes. "We already tried."
"And?"
"We failed."
"Aww. What a shame!"
"I've always wanted to find out what was under that thing... Or, why he wears it, for that matter."
"Forget about why. I just want to see him in all his naked glory!"
Even before her mind filters could get to work, the words naked and Kakashi conjured an image that Sakura could not - for the life of her - block out.
Sakura covered her eyes and groaned. Ino grinned like a fox.
"Oh, God."
"Oh, Sa-ku-ra-chan." Ino purred. "I didn't know you had SUCH a vivid imagination for things like that." She chuckled. "And with a face as red as yours right now, I'm sure you'd make a great substitute for a stop sign anywhere."
The pink-haired girl was positively fuming. "You're just as perverted as... as... JIRAIYA-SAMA!"
"Of course, Naruto doesn't call Jiraiya-sama Ero-Sennin for nothing." Piped up a cool voice. "But why would you compare Ino to him, Sakura?"
Sakura froze, recognizing that mild-mannered speaking instantly. Ino looked up, and the expression 'Oh, joy!' was written all over her face. In block letters.
"Kakashi-sensei!" Ino cooed. "What a DELIGHT to see you here."
Kakashi's single, uncovered eye crinkled into a warm smile as he poised his favorite book at chest-level. "Yo."
Sakura clenched her fists as tightly as she clamped her thighs together.
"Sakura and I were just talking about you." Ino turned to smile at her friend. "Ne, Sakura-chan?"
Sakura took comfort in the fact that she could wipe that lovely smile off that pretty face later.
"Oh?"
She could feel Kakashi's eyes boring at the back of her head, and she knew from years of training under the man that the silence that followed was meant to be filled with an explanation of some sort.
She could also sense Ino stifling a giggle even with her head closer to the table than anything. She swore the pig was going to pay for this.
Mechanically, she turned to her teacher. "M-maa, K-kakashi-sensei. It's nothing... lewd--" Ino giggled, and Sakura bit her tongue. Kakashi waited. "--dicrous. Ludicrous. Nothing ludicrous, I mean."
"Ludicrous?"
Sakura's head bobbed up and down faster than any normal eye could register, while still avoiding actual eye contact with Kakashi.
Silence. Again. Now would be the perfect time for the floor to swallow me whole.
Kakashi's brows creased with worry. "You're acting weird today, Sakura." He closed his book and crouched low to peer at Sakura's face. "And you're all red. Hnn. Are you si--"
She didn't need Sharingan to see where his hand was going, but even if her head told her it was just going to be a harmless temperature check, she jumped away and hugged the wall. "I'm a medic, Kakashi-sensei!" She exclaimed heatedly. "I think I would know if I were in heat--SICK. I mean, I'm hot. No, SICK. NOT sick. Hot sick. HOT. Not. SICK!" Kakashi drew his hand back slowly. Ino chuckled as she went on the manju like popcorn. Sakura's head hung low in defeat. "I'm sick."
Kakashi stared at Sakura. "What...." And then turned to Ino, who was in the middle of popping another manju in. "...do they put in the manju these days?"
"Oh, it's not this manju, Sensei." Ino said coyly.
For a reason that currently escaped Sakura, she easily caught on Ino's double entendre. Glaring, she watched in horror as the blonde pointed at the manju on the plate nearest Kakashi's crotch and flicked at her mouth with a knowing wink.
"Ino, you PIG." Sakura growled.
Kakashi blinked, looking from Sakura to Ino and back to Sakura again. "Yeaaaaah. I think that's my cue." He turned back to Ino. "Asuma was looking for you, something about flowers and a celebration thingie..."
Ino blinked, and then tapped her fist on her palm. "Oh, right! Anniversary gift!" She stood up from her seat and grinned up at Kakashi and her friend who was being miserable at the corner. "Thanks, sensei. I'll leave Sakura and her love of manju with you, okay? Ja!"
Sakura helplessly watched her bestfriend desert her with all the glee in the world, and then turned to Kakashi, who was studying her. Closely.
Almost as if he had X-ray vision.
Wait. He couldn't see with his sharingan through his hitai-ate right? She thought frantically. Not that the Sharingan equals X-ray vision. But...
"What sort of manju have you been eating lately, Sakura-chan?"
"Nothing like yours." She blurted out, causing her to quickly clamp her hand over her mouth. Eat my fucking foot, why don't I?
"My manju?" Kakashi repeated dully. "You've been eating my manju? But how can you eat my manju?"
This conversation can't get any worse.
"Eh, wait." Sakura swore she saw a light bulb turn on atop of Kakashi's head. After which, Kakashi turned to her incredulously.
Or, at least, as incredulous as he could get with 3/4 of his face hidden away.
"'You. Don't. Say."
Maybe it CAN get worse?
"You've been sneaking into my apartment to eat all the goodies I've baked, haven't you?"
It was like bathing in ice cold water. "BAKED... GOODIES?!"
There was another span of silence; until Kakashi's throaty chuckle filled the horribly charged space between them. "Just kidding. You were so wound up, I thought you could use a laugh."
Sakura sighed inwardly. Such a relief. "Yeah, thanks, sensei."
"That's right, relax." Kakashi said he whipped his book open again and gave her that warm, crinkly-eye smile. And then he leaned in to whisper into her ear. "Someday, I'll have your manju too, Sakura-chan."
All the blood in her system couldn't have rushed to her face any faster.
Kakashi stood up ever-so-normally and waved as he walked away. "Ja, Sakura."
The only sound Haruno Sakura could make was that of her head kissing the table.
