CAUTION : strong language and homosexuality
And there he was! My evil arch-enemy! Oh, how I loathe him. He killed both my parents! I mean what the hell? How could someone even be such a horrible person? He even tried to kill me but gave me this huge ugly scar instead! How I HATE HIM! I DO I REALLY DO! But standing there across the field from the man I was sure I hated so intensely, I couldn't help the slow and gentle seduction creeping like many hungry cactus ants all through my body.
No! No! What am I even thinking? Oh, why kid myself? I, Harry Potter, am totally, completely, and insanely in love with Lord Voldemort. I mean even through all these years, even through my overtly sexual, short-lived relationship with Ron, I have always secretly been in love with my nemesis.
Everyone thought I was being so extraordinarily brave trying to find Voldemort , when all this time, I've just been wandering blindly, trying to find the only one who can "light my fire" shall we say?
But enough of that, I know that this love is pointless and childish. Across the field where we are meant to battle for our lives, I see the way he is looking at me…he's never looked at me that way…could he…possibly…feel the same? Suddenly, an old song comes into my head:
"I look at you,
You look at me.
Now I know why they say
The best things are freeeeeeeeee
Gonna love u till the end of time
Angel of mine."
Ah, he is my angel! I'm powerless and will not try to defend myself. I shall forever be his servant if he wishes. He can take all my really cool powers because he already stole my heart.
He comes over and grasps my neck as if to strangle me, I slowly stroke the sides of his stomach and massage his pelvis with my backside. All of this quite subtly. But, he understands and starts to unbutton the shirt under my torn cloak and unzip my Levis. I knew I would've had the power to stop him…but I just didn't want to. He laid me down on the ground and started straddling me and we had a passionate make-out session…best kiss of my life.
Just at that moment, I heard a far-off voice, probably from behind the rose-bushes, scream:
"YOU BITCH, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME WHEN I GAVE YOU ALL OF MY HEART!"
I knew it was Snape (we had been dating for a few months) but I just didn't care. After we were done, laying side by side, I asked Voldemort:
"Have you always loved me?" He nodded.
"Then why did you try to kill me?"
He slowly answered my dreaded question.
"Harry, way back then when you were a baby, I wasn't trying to kill you I was trying to rape you!"
