Being Monster Chapter 1

"You ask me about destiny, the truth is I have thought about it more than I would like to admit, Destiny is one of those thoughts I find myself having every now and then born out of those tiny blinks of depression that hit me which supposedly only I can pull myself out off. Speaking about depression the truth is, I have been depressed for a long long time. Longer than I'd care to admit, but well at least it's not one of those serious depressions in which you don't want to do anything and act like a jackass to everybody. Nope, my depressive attacks are a much more subtle and acute thing. My depression is the depression of one of those persons that can't stop thinking about the "could have been", they "should have been", the things that one, in her effort of making believe wants to see as destiny, because you know, destiny is supposedly the strongest thing in the world my old papa said. Yet, if there is such a thing as destiny, if he is an entity rather than a word, I can quite honestly feel robbed of it, or even robbed by it. It all began on that most bullshit day ever back in Barry Island.

Ok no the time I got robbed by him doesn't really begin there, it drives way back, to when Decky was born, that little bugger, mama wasn't really able to have that many children, and mi dad, despite being the kindest man I know isn't really a good house husband, does that word even exist. I can't blame deck, he is the smallest and probable the kindest of my three smelly brothers, though probably that is because I am a big sis and ye know, big sissies always take good care of their smallest brother.

The thing is, after DeckY was born, some things about my mum just felt simply off, as if she couldn't handle things anymore. I couldn't believe it. She was mi mum, she had taken good care of me and my other two brothers, but when DeckY arrived, she was crumbling. She had always found a way in our tiny budget to allow me and my smelly little Simon to have hobbies, she had encouraged me in my intention of being a concert pianist, (yes, you can laugh at the Scottish tomboy that wanted to be a concert pianist), but after Decky, all she did was complain about how we didn't even had enough money for our basic needs. She had always taken good care of me and mi other two smelly little brothers, even feeding me once some French food, after I got interested on that French foreign exchange student and his dirty sounding accent, he did knew how to turn a girl on, even though he couldn't deliver in the end, and even prepared Simon that big canon shaped cake (though in all honestly it looked like something else) when arsenal finally won that double. But after deck, all I heard was how tired she was of cooking and cleaning, and how we 4 were sometimes just no goods.

Something really changed in her, I sometimes wonder if Decky cried because all children cry when they are toddlers or because of how sad mum looked sometimes when holding him. One day, probably the for real most bullshit day in my short life dad was with some friends at the pub watching at one of the old firm derby's, because god forbid someone cane very pull that man away from his beloved Rangers on that day ('I think Simons liking of Arsenal instead of follow following rangers might just be his downfall from my household) I had to pick up my two smelly brothers from school and take them home to mum. But when I came home that day, all I found was deck crying, and a note. A note that was directed at my father I wish I had read that note. But in all honesty I thought that was a thing my father should do and I didn't touch it, I should have in all honesty. When my dad came home after giving an "Ibrox Roar" through the entire neighbourhood, too drunk to say anything besides "Rangers", "Follow Follow" or anything not footy related and I gave him the letter, and by gave him I mean just handled it to his passed out in the living room body.

I swear to you, watching a big man cry is actually a rather cringe worthy thing in all honestly, even if that grown man is your father. The following day though it wasn't funny though. Suddenly, I, just 17 years old, was forced to take care of three, and sometimes four, children. I truly felt for the first time robbed. I was supposed to be pianist dammit, I was supposed to go out of Glasgow and into Paris, be wooed there, even met Robert Downey Jr. At one point, and stole a kiss out of him in one of his acid trips if possible.

Yet I got to be honest, it wasn't really all that bad actually. Imagine having three guys who you can boss around as much as you like and a father that has to respect your pre-set budget(which obviously included some special expenses), drilling them was pretty fun, even if it denied me my « go to Paris and be a star plan« .

I know, if people meet me, with my striking appearance and boisterous accent they wouldn't know it but I'm actually much more of a planer than you think. The truth is, when you are robbed of your destiny by an out of the blue decision of a person that is supposed to be your example of responsibility then yes you might have to start living the moment as much as possible and not try to plan. But quite honestly I desire so much to have a more normal life sometimes a less thrilling life, especially when your definition of thrill nowadays is stopping the devil and having to get out of your own grave instead of shagging a guy in the family holidays like it should have been, thank you Hal very much.

My point is, if life has shown me anything is that planning on the long term doesn't work and that destiny can be such a dick if he effectively exists, if he does and you know him tell him I'm going to make him pay.

You do know him do you? "

Alex asked to the person directly in front of her, feeling a little out of character after delivering such a speech about his life and cutting it short to ask this mystic mambo jumbo (it had been a really long day for coherence to be honest).

"Mrs Miller that information is confidential" answered this man who wore rather odd clothes, clothes that looked both stuck in a bygone age of fashion as well as having a modern air, whose aquiline figures have him the lock of an eagle that was waiting for his moment to strike, he had a big but somewhat thin nose, black hair rolled back with what seemed to be so much hair gel that it seemed like the hair was shining sometimes and had a pair of grey eyes that seemed to be analysing Alex's every word with a strange combination of annoyance and genuine care, if said combination was even truly possible, Alex found such a combination so so many dissimilar aspects of one personality rather puzzling and even strange for a man in grey

"Confidential, such a weird way to end our conversation, especially considering ye were the one who asked me if I believed in destiny or not. "Alex replicated, a little puzzled by a response that in all honesty didn't satisfy her at all.

"Well I asked you that not because destiny in and out of itself as a concept or entity has anything to do with the current matters, but rather because I needed to know a little more about you" answered the man in the modern antique clothes.

"How does my belief in destiny or not allow ye to know information that you consider important about me? "Asked Alex, confused nearly as much by the words as she was by the clothes.

"Do you really need to ask, little ghost…." Said the man, emphasizing on the ghost part, a thing Alex found disgusting, he didn't have to remind her that she was dead, gad he might be a prick even worst tan Rook.

"You see, you and your sorry kin are essentially destiny's abnormalities, beings that have essentially been taken out of their tracks but not out of the race." Sorry kin, then again, why was he such a dick to ghosts "your belief in destiny, and your believe on whether you had one or not might be really important to determine your perceived destiny in order to know whether or not you stand a chance" for the first time the man didn't sound nearly as disinterested or dickish as he had a few moments before.

"A chance for what?" asked Alex, interested in such a word chosen by the stranger

"A chance for passing over me guess for finishing your "unfinished business"."

"You are implying that destiny has his hands messing up my story"

"Yes and no, little child, it has to do with how much of an accident your death was. Generally speaking, people with deep belief in destiny present an easier change for passing over than those who don't."

"Interesting, how come you know that much about ghosts"

"Well little one, we the men in grey are a much bigger and histories organization than Rook made you believe. Believe me the Cardiff archive is a rather small branch, one that unluckily we judged overkill after you and your band of misfits got rid of the old ones. I guess it was a massive oversight. Anyways we have much more experience in dealing with ghosts, we even have some in service, after all your kin is a much more cooperative kin than that of the wolf or the fang, much more docile and actually devoted to do some good in the world. And yes I have seen most of them pass over many times, generally after helping my office solve one or two earth shattering problems. If I have to be honest your sorry kin tends to have a much greater destiny than that your sorry mortal life wanted to give you."

"Oh interesting, so ye are implying that dying was a promotion to a "greater plane of existence" then" said Alex rather disliking the comment, what was wrong with living a normal insignificant life, how could this man possibly say that dying was the best thing that happened to her. He definitely was a bigger dick than Rook, why public officers do are always such pricks she wondered.

"Yes, you should be glad, dead you are more powerful than you ever were." Said unrelenting the men in dissonant clothes

"Oh right, because power is something I really cared about, what's the point of having powers if you can't feel anything, anybody that can see you is either a monster sometimes, or an ABSOLUTE monster all the time AND you can't stuff yourself in chocolate"

"Yes, missing chocolate must be a really bad thing for you, you sorely need to sweeten your demeanour if you ever want to get over your troubles."

"Unbelievable, you are saying I'm bitter and I'm the cause of my own troubles" Alex couldn't believe the arrogance of his correspondent

"Well, according to what I've been told it was you who wanted to shag a class 3 vampire during an innocent family holiday"

Alex just stood there with an expression of awe in her face. How dared he say something like that, without realising it, her uncontrolled raged started delivering poltergeist waves across the room, some lightbulbs even broke, and Alex felt some relief after seeing how the man suddenly at the prospect of facing an angry ghost finally relented in his verbal assault?

"Enough" said a man who had just entered the room, dressed in a more old fashion but definitely more coherent way than the first man, Blond with a big but well-trimmed beard and glittering blue eyes, a man that looked like a bear, just like the other looked like an eagle, tall and also broad, with gentle yet decided features." William you should really control your interrogation method, one day it might deliver you down there you know"

"That's stupid Adam, you know that I'm invulnerable"

"Yeah right" said the man called Adam as he punched his fellow man in the arm, and considering how broad the man was, Alex thought the strength of the blow could have been formidable.

"Arch that hurts"

"Tangibility has its downsides you know, also cut it out with that attempt to modernize your clothes, for a man that claims to be happy for being from another age and disliking the modern day morals you look like one of those middle age crisis men that nowadays plague our pubs"

Alex chuckled, this man Adam had summarized how she felt about Williams ridiculous clothing perfectly. Also she didn't understand what he meant by "tangibility has its downsides" why that would be new information for Adam

"Hello Mrs Miller, unluckily I can't see you yet." Said Adam addressing her" luckily my friend here" he pointed at William "can. For what I have been listening he hasn't been really clear or really nice while speaking with you, but I am here to clarify a little. We are the man in grey's main branch. And you have been brought here for training. Training for what you might ask, well Adam here is a ghost too, unluckily he tends to be a little of a bully to other ghost, because he has mastered tangibility he simply believes he should be the king of ghosts, don't listen to him he can be an idiot sometimes.

Despite his idiotic says I hope you have understood why destiny plays an important part in here. You are one of the few ghost born out of meeting a class 3 vampire. Few have existed in history, and for what I have been told you met one such being in the past, she was supposed to train you, but I would say you trained her to be honest, thank you very much for that"

"You are telling me the crazy lady Mary was supposed to teach me anything"

"Well she tried to be a cool teacher indeed" answered William, since Adam couldn't hear him "taking advantage of your ambition for shagging as a means to teach you about basic ghost powers"

"Cut it out with the slutty comments"

"William seriously shut up" said Adam to while punching him again.

Alex liked this Adam man much more than William, even though William was a ghost just like her.

"Mrs Miller, unluckily William is the only mentor ghost I have available right now and your training is an imminent necessity. So as begrudgingly as it may be to say this, you and William will have to become good partners" Adam said regret noticeable in his voice.

"Great, I'm stuck with this" said William with dislike noticeable in his voice "Cant I go back to taking care of paranormal activities in the Isle of Man, you know how much I dislike training inexpert children"

"Exactly, that is why you are the man right for the job, after you botched your surveillance duties, and helped a class 5 demon corrupt the head of one of our most important branches and cause the death of countless civilians, as well as allow for a class 3 vampire to roam free into the streets. This young lady here might not be as much of a master when it comes to sanctusology as you are but when it comes to normal intelligence it is possible for me not to say that she might be much more intelligent than you are if we consider how she nearly single handedly made a supernatural trilogy that should have been capable of stopping said demon if somebody hadn't screwed it up with his duties of looking after said vampire. Thank you very much for that William"

Alex was in shock, too many concepts had just been shoved down her throat, she was happy though, because this man Adam had given her the praise everybody, even her buds Tom and Hal had been denying her. Yet the prospect of having to work with William truly made her feel uncomfortable.

"Mrs Miller, William will be teaching you about the second their powers of ghosthood, as much as I know you have been able to develop partial tangibility as well as rent-a-ghosting and telekinesis. It is a little sad that such a specimen as Annie Sawyer and you weren't able to share more time together unluckily. And that lady Mary wasn't able to teach you much either. Yet William will be an excellent mentor, don't let his comments fool you, deep inside he isn't all that powerful, he is just bitter because unlike every other ghost we have hired his death isn't a mark of great destiny but rather getting drowned in…."

"That's private" yelled William notably upse

"Well you better behave with this mademoiselle if you wish it remains that way, pal"

Alex was a little infatuated by Adam and how he put William in his place, she had to admit. He looked like one of those guys that is not only secure of himself but that also didn't really need to impose on anybody to get things done, yet when he had to do it seemed like he did such thing with style.

"Now if you too excuse me while you plan your little training montage I have a class 3 multiple personality disorder vampire unleashed in detoxing"

"Is Hal going to be okay?"

"Yes Mrs Miller he will be" said Adam