descry
chapter 001
It's going to be sunrise soon.
There's sharp pain at the base of her hip bones traveling all the way to her neck, not at all relieved by her still raw and healing wound. Waking up is always a struggle, even when Sariatu had been a moon goddess for the majority of her life; she was a celestial being once upon a time, and despite turning over her immortality for love, the moon and its' prowess would never truly be taken away from her soul. An unfortunate thought, but no less from the truth. You would think that after sleeping on sheets for twelve years I would have gotten used to this by now, and heavens does this hurt, it's like I was slammed into a wall— Her thoughts are resolute in flux with her annoyance. But Monkey knows that it isn't the real reason, and it isn't even the fact that a certain someone has one of four of his lengthy limbs draped over like she's some pillow; it isn't even her insomnia. She almost lost her son; nothing negates the fact and it's as if though she only now realizes this. Her son. Her son, her precious Kubo was almost taken from her and what would she have done if that had been the case? She likes to pretend she doesn't know the answer to that. It's absolutely something she doesn't want to process through her mind, and she avoids thinking what had happened tonight. It doesn't matter, they're here now; Kubo is here now, safe and out of her father's sight. Perhaps not fully out of harms reach and maybe not for a while until they get the armor; but at least for tonight.
There's a hardened surface that touches her shoulders, and she nearly kicks the intruder instinctively. What the—? A groan rumbles through her chest, but the source doesn't come from her; Beetle unknowingly squeezes her harder, and all of a sudden, it's too hard to breathe. "B-Beetle!" She hisses indignantly, resorting to a harsh whisper so as not to wake Kubo up; the boy is exhausted enough, and she wants him as healthy and alive as he has been for all of her life when he had taken care of her. She doesn't know how much time passes; minutes most likely, but it feels like hours when Beetle nuzzles closer to her and murmurs incoherent babble. It's the last straw before she worms her body around his arms, and is able to land a semi-vicious elbow thrust on his chest. "Get. Off—" Her mouth clamps up immediately when her sensitive hearing picks up Kubo shuffling at their ruckus; she holds in a breath, slowly letting it out as he stops before glaring sharply at Beetle, squinting in disbelief at her dilemma. She elbows him again, as hard as she can without making too much of a hassle.
He's elbowed mid-snore, so the first thing to come out of his mouth is a snort and disoriented dribble. "Who.. Wha-? M-Monkey?" He looks around, eyes sleepily taking in his surroundings before they land on her. He blinks several times before yawning, and it takes him a second to realize the intensity of her glare. "Well now, it's very nice to see you too, Monkey." Despite his better judgment, he is still a sentient being; being woken up isn't exactly the best feeling in the world.
Her frown deepens. "Hush. The boy's sleeping." She pointedly stares at said boy before snapping her eyes back at him, indicating the situation. "You're squeezing the little life I have left; so stop." She notices there's a sudden disapproving glint in his eye at her choice of words, so she tries to derail the direction of her sentence carefully. "You're too heavy and you snore like a wild boar." Wriggling her body to indicate further how he has her stuck, it takes Beetle a moment or two to snap out of whatever trance he's in before he lets her go, mumbling a small 'sorry'. She turns away from him, facing the ceiling of the cave, but her eyes do not close shut; she already gave up on the notion of sleeping about fifteen minutes ago. Her side aches and she isn't tired, so there's no use in trying; her mind wanders to all the possible outcomes their journey can take. There isn't much time left for her, and they have to make use of that time to it's fullest extent.
However, her thoughts are cut short when Beetle's voice cuts through. "You shouldn't say things like that, you know." It's the first time she hears him so serious; not unlike just a few hours ago when he was comforting about her… leaving soon, but definitely more so which leaves her slightly bemused. They've already gone through this, but she can't help but feel that although maybe he was being sincere before, he's showing his real thoughts on the whole ordeal at this moment. Unable to resist the small smirk that etches on her face, her eyes rove over to him. He has a slight furrow to his brow, and her smirk grows just a little wider.
"Well, well Mr. Serious," she figures that by throwing his quip back at him, he could relax just slightly, "why the change in attitude? It's not a big deal." Despite herself, a thick lump swells in the back of her throat, but Sariatu is a strong spirit. "It's a natural cycle. Everyone has their time; mine just happens to be sooner rather than later." At this point, she's trying to console herself more than her companion. However, much to her surprise, Beetle's mouth forms a thin line, and she doesn't exactly know how to take that.
"Well, yes, I'm aware of the fact; but still… I..."
She is now more confused than ever, and she voices the fact. "Beetle, we talked about this literally just a few hours ago," she catches her raising voice, and lowers it to a more hushed volume. "You were the one who told me that-"
"Yes, yes, I know that..."
She heaves a heavy sigh and raises a brow. "But?" She doesn't know what to feel with Beetle acting this way; it's no secret how he is, humble and caring, and all but wearing his heart on his sleeve. It's the sincerity that drives her up the wall however; he hits too close to home and, just sometimes, her mind goes to a place to that of so many years ago. When she gave up her identity as a celestial deity and into the arms of genuine eyes and bright smiles, all personified into a mere mortal with stubble and tan skin. It would be a direct lie to deny that sometimes, Beetle reminds her of her deceased husband. There's a sudden warmth on her cheeks, and she has to shuffle around to get rid of the sensation, but it's only after a moment of clearing her throat that she realizes how Beetle is staring at her; he never did answer her question. "What is it?" She murmurs after a rather awkward silence and a mere cough. He has seemed to be in his own little trance, because before he comes to, he had been looking at her like… like something she can't quite place her finger on. And for whatever reason, a tightness coils beneath her gut.
"I remembered… something." He says simply, "But.. but it's gone now..." His voice is pensive, far away in another world that she can't decipher just by trying to catch his gaze.
Monkey… Sariatu had never been the best person to seek comfort from. Humility, sadness, ingenuity and sincerity are all traits that are frowned upon in the heavens; more specifically, the Moon Kingdom, and it's a wonder how she ever managed to bear a son and provide him the warmth of a mother, or as much as she could anyway. So it is because of this, she has no idea how to respond to such a sad and pensive look. She knows that Beetle doesn't necessarily seek comfort from her, not exclusively, but it should be a given at this point that they are allies, and there should be a border of trust around them. "What… what did you see?" She murmurs quietly, not caught up in the fact that her curiosity is leading her words more so than her logic.
"I don't… I can't…. B-black? No… I.. it's gone..."
She can't explain how a piece of her heart breaks at the sight of his face; how slowly it contorts from struggling, fighting to remember, to know, only for it to fall into absolute defeat. It scares her more than she likes to admit, and she struggles to swallow; is this… is this what Kubo had to deal with this whole time? Her heart aches at the thought; her son had to practically fend for himself all this time, while her mind was off in some broken remnants of her tragedy's past. But she knows that despite the fact, despite her absence as a mother, her boy is stronger because of it, and it just makes the feeling bittersweet. "Beetle… I'm sorry, I don't…" she starts, still not exactly savvy on what the appropriate cues are in this particular situation.
"What… what was it like… for you and Kubo?" The familiar warmth of his tone does nothing short of startling her once more, and she looks over to stare almost incredulously at him. His face, as per usual, is almost as curious and sincere as ever. The shock overwhelms her for a moment, unsure if he really means what he's asking or if he just wants to transition away from the topic of him not being able to remember what it was that he forgot. She shifts once more, her eyes darting from side to side of pure habit and thought. After a moment, she clears her throat and orients herself.
"Well, I mean.. we were just by ourselves. I told him stories as often as I could," she bites her lip; she can't quite believe her own words, putting herself on a pedestal of some kind as if she actually did something of worth. She may have told those stories to Kubo, but he had been the one that brought her words to life with more passion than she could ever dream of having. "He took care of me, better than I… better than I could ever take care of him." Her voice slightly breaks towards the end, and the shame in admitting such a thing is enough to make her bow her head slightly. "I hardly remembered them. The stories, I mean; Kubo was the one who… the one who gave my words life." He gave my life meaning; he's my world is what she really wants to say, but she feels that her expression and her tone are enough to convey that kind of emotion to someone even like Beetle.
"What was it like for you?"
At this, she can't help but definitely glance at him; wide eyes, and maybe gleaming something more than just curiosity, something close to wonder and even hope. She doesn't know what to make of that, exactly. Somewhere, in the back pit of her mind wonders if perhaps he's asking for more than just what he's saying. "Well..." her eyes gloss over to Kubo's sleeping form, shuffling slightly from the chill that passes through the cave. He'll be fine, she assures herself, he's much warmer than the two of us, anyway. His father's robe will do the job just fine. "I.. I was the same as you, I suppose. I remembered… things; I lived in the past, and I couldn't… couldn't see the present. It's like I was stuck in some sort of limbo, a trance. I would only see what could've happened, and not what was going on in the moment." It takes all her self control to not let her voice crack anymore than it already has. It's too much, and just admitting her faults made her feel like the most shame filled creature undignified of ever being considered for the role of a mother. It's okay, I have Kubo; he was born from the love I shared and he will always be a much better person than I ever was… my father will not take that away and I— "But Kubo was my anchor. He kept me alive more than my father or my sisters ever could."
There's a moment of comfortable and understanding silence; but it all it takes is a few words to tumble her upside down. "...And Hanzo?" It's like a hard punch right in the abdomen; even her breath nearly escapes her as her mouth quivers before snapping shut. This time she doesn't resist the urge to look away again, though, it's out of pain more than anything; pain at the fact that her and Hanzo's lives together hadn't lasted so much, not in retrospect. She remembers his face, his smile, but it hurts her more than anything to admit that, despite how strong their bond had been from love and trust, it almost felt that because of his absence in her and Kubo's lives, that Hanzo didn't really belong in the picture. And she hates herself for thinking like that.
Despite what anyone would peg him for, the monstrous but gentle bug realizes that somewhere along the lines of their conversation, he has made a terrible mistake. When Monkey doesn't respond, and turns away from him in a very curt way, his own face contorts into a confused frown. He knows that his words must have hit a nerve, because the way she stares off in the manner she is doing unsettles him immensely; it isn't because he's afraid, or even because he's afraid he hurt her feelings, but because this just proves it to himself that, for whatever reason, he truly doesn't belong. It's a thought that unnerves him and, unknown to the two people that have gotten to know him much more than anyone ever has, even sometimes brings him on the verge of panic. He's lost count on the many nights that he hasn't slept, wondering, hoping, praying that a miracle would happen; that the truth would hit him like a brick and his past would be revealed. Beetle, as sure as his heart beats strongly beneath his thorax, can't stand the thought of being any more alone than he already is, but even he knows that maybe… maybe he just has nowhere to go. Although several feelings are getting caught in his mind, bits and pieces hitting the dense walls of his mind like rocks and sand simultaneously making it all that much harder to focus, he can't form the proper words to say anything of comfort; how can he, when he can't even comfort himself.
However, he's Beetle; he has to try. "Monkey… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.. to..." He nearly recoils in uncertainty when she lets out a shuddering breath; for a second, he's torn on, quite literally, engulfing her in an embrace that only he would do like he does with Kubo, or to stop talking. He settles on the latter, knowing that the primate would most likely resort to swatting him away rather painfully.
"Don't..." she doesn't know how, but she can tell that Beetle winces at her sharp tone, but her gaze is soft as she looks at him once again. "Don't worry about it. It's okay; you're curious… but perhaps.. perhaps this isn't the best time." Her mind is already elsewhere, already on Kubo and her father and just how exactly they're going to get out of this mess and keep her son safe, so her gaze drifts away. Though sleep doesn't quite catch up with her, she's exhausted enough to want to close her eyes, if only for another hour.
"I know." Her heart jumps for some inexplicable reason at those words; like they're familiar and transcending, but she can't place her finger on it. "You need to get rest; I think I've kept you awake long enough." He laughs at that, and for the billionth time that night in their conversation, she doesn't know what to say, and especially not when he turns away from her to sleep. Monkey doesn't see the pensive look on his face when he turns. But she can feel something has changed; like he's trying too hard to be the good and sincere guy and she can't explain why it doesn't sit well with her.
"… Goodnight Beetle." But, she decides as she licks her lips, eager to the get the taste of dirt off, it's better left alone. Much to her dismay, he says doesn't respond.
The absolute excitement and promise shines through Kubo's eyes, and she cannot deny the warmth that fills her heart when he reveals that he knows the whereabouts of the helmet. Her fur is completely disheveled, and having only gotten a mere few hours of sleep in itself is not a problem for her; but it doesn't make the morning any less tolerable. And, much to her exasperation, Beetle seems to have wormed his arm around her once more. He's too heavy, and she isn't at all pleased that the extra weight nearly takes the air out of her, especially when it's so close to her wound. She mutters at him to get off and her gaze travels to the boy as he happily begins stuffing paper Hanzo (though reluctantly) in his pouch; he had the same habit with the charm she had given him. But some of his words capture her attention, and her ears are immediately perked. "Wait… Kubo, did you say a dream?" She feels Beetle's eyes on her, but she pays no attention as her mind is reeling with too many thoughts. Her own eyes desperately search for her son's.
Kubo, having almost been blissfully oblivious to Beetle and Monkey's state and having exclaimed come on, this way, it takes him a solid second to turn back around and face her. He doesn't quite understand why her face is nearly astonished, of all things. A monkey she may be, but he knows his mother well enough that something is not sitting well with her, and his smile falters almost completely at the fact. "I.. yeah? A really vivid dream too! A blind old man showed me; I saw it and—" He had been in the middle of making various hand gestures, even going so far as to take paper Hanzo in his hand and waving him around for dramatic emphasis. However, his mother's frown is what stops him dead in his tracks.
"Kubo… you need to tell me everything."
