OC Bullsittery and In-Jokes


Welcome, dear readers.

If I can even get any, that is.

This is the culmination of many people's work. And months of obscure and forum specific memes.

If you wish to get a better grasp of the background of this, I hereby request that you google the Professor Arc Forum. We have a brand new wiki of our personal memes, and a Discord where you can actually meet some of the utterly insane people who helped write this.

Now, side note, the writing style. This is/was/will be a huge game of telephone, and I hereby blame that for any and all dissonance. Next chapter I'll actually start formatting this a bit better. I swear.

Now that the disclaimers are out of the way, I hope you can at least get one good belly chuckle out of this fic. Enjoy.


Summary: Once, a long, long time ago, there was a forum. There were people who posted there, crafting their own personas while making completely outrageous statements and crappy roleplays. This forum's culture grew to such an extent, that eventually, reality itself had to break. Something had to give. In this case, it was the border between two worlds. And thus, the adventures of the Moribi, also known as the Persona, began.


"Dafuq?" Slender asked. He picked up himself off the metal ground, as well as picked up the white crystal he knocked over. He inspected the crystal; it seemed like some type of quartz, but he'd never seen one with such luminescence coming from within. "What the he–"

"Unidentified intruder!" Came from behind him. He jumped, placing the crystal back on its pedestal, and whipped around. There stood...Penny. Penny Polendina, the Atlasian android from RWBY. Atlas...

Slender looked back at the pedestal. Property of Atlas Military read on the side of it.

Oh shit.

"Look, uh, sorry to, uh, wreck house," Slender hastily apologized. "I'm not sure how I got here. Can you point me to the nearest exit? I'll just leave on my own."

"Improbable," Penny replied. "Identification required. Who are you?"

"I'm Slenderbrine, but most people call me Slender," the self-mentioned intruder greeted, with a wave of his skeletal hand.

"Your species is alien to those within my data banks," Penny said. Two green swords appeared from behind her. If Skender peered closely, he could just barely see the near-invisible wires connected to the laser swords.

"Well," Slender continued, "I sexually identify as a magical, Nordic zombie. Also known as a draugr."

"Draugr," Penny repeated. "Species noted for future encou–"

"Hey," Slender said. "I introduced myself. How about you? Manners and whatnot."

Penny blushed; interesting, given her own biology, or therefore lack of. "I am Penny Polendina," she greeted. "I am a human."

"Are you sure?" Slender asked, with a sly grin. "Most humans don't have swords coming out of their backs, nor do they have 'data banks'."

The android flushed again, at getting caught in her lie. "That is classified," Penny announced. "Please allow yourself to be restrained and questioned by Atlas authorities."

"Yeah, about that..." Slender said. He walked around the pedestal, noting that Penny stood at the entrance of the room. Taking it in, the corpse noted that this room was huge, the size of a castle ballroom. "I have a bit of a rebel streak, so I'm going to have to say no..."

Penny's stance shifted, into a more offensive and hostile pose. "Resisting arrest shall be countered with extreme prejudice." More swords began floating from behind her. Slender counted roughly eight.

The Norse Corpse smirked. "Try me."

Ten swords shot out from behind Penny, intending to spear the skeletal intruder. Slender twisted and turned, dodging most and manipulation one to fly through his ribcage. He fell to the floor in a heap, completely avoiding the returning swords, which settled around the impressed android.

Slender got to his feet and wiped the imaginary dust off his tibias. "My turn," he grinned.

The draugr thrust out his hands, lightning arcing towards Penny, who kicked off the ground and over the rogue electricity. Slender gestured his right hand in a slapping motion, and a gale through the robot girl into the wall, causing Penny to crash on the floor. From her position there, without warning, the swords rocketed to Slender. Taken by surprise, the swords made cuts and marks in his bones, sans the last blade, which he caught in his hands. Grabbing the hilt, he yanked the offensive robot over his head, slamming her into the floor, spcausing a comedic Penny-shaped dent in the floor.

"Had enough?" Slender smirked. Penny got up and glared at the offender. She pulled her swords forward, and had the spin in a circular manner. Slender's glowing eyes brightened (as his eye sockets could not grown any wider) and he attempted to peel a piece of metal off the floor. He didn't get very far, before his entire skeleton was blasted by a green laser beam. Slenderbrine slammed into the opposing wall, groaning, eyes dim. When they grew back to their normal brightness, Slender saw Penny smirking.

"Had enough?" Penny parroted. Slender glared back, despite not having facial expression. Then again, he could talk with a larynx. And feel without nerves. And taste witho–

Slender's vision cut off his internal thoughts, noticing what he landed right next to. "Yes I have," Slender said. With another gesture, Penny slammed into the far side of the room, and Slenderbrine has ran out the door, leaving a miniature tornado covering his escape. Slender transformed into a golden lab, manipulating the wind behind him to run faster than he ever could normally. Human and robot guards let out surprised grunts and helps as a dog ran through the doors, eventually ending up outside, in the barren, cold outdoors.

"Now, what is a dog doing in the restricted section of the base?"

Riiiight next to General Ironwood.

The general petted the top of Slender's head, and Slender, though annoyed, played the part of the dog. "Someone's going to get in trouble for th–"

BOOM!

General Ironwood and Slender looked back to the restricted area in sync, where an annoyed Penny stood in the blown-off doorway. Her hair was an absolute mess, courtesy of Slender's tornado, and her body was dented here and there. And boy oh boy did she look annoyed.

"Mrs. Polendina, what is the meaning of–"

Penny cut off Ironwood before he could continue. "General Ironwood, please step away from the dog. It is not what it appears to be."

James Ironwood let out a condescending laugh. "Mrs. Polendina, this is just a dog," he explained, as thaughty talking to a child. "It's not a threat."

"I can be if I want to be," Slender said from the dog's mouth. Before the general could react, Slender transformed back into his normal corpse form, and punched the general directly in the chest, throwing the now-unconscious man several yards backwards. Slender looked at Penny and shrugged. "Like I told you," he said. "Problem with authority."

No words were spared for Slender; Penny assaulted him with laser after laser. Lasers, which, were wasted. Slender sunk into the ground, swimming through the rocks and ground like it was water. Slender appeared on the shoulder, and tapped her on the shoulder. Penny whirled around, but met the end of Slender's finger, which cursed her to remain locked in time for ten minutes. Taking out a red sharpie (from somewhere?) Slender wrote a goodbye message on Penny's forehead:

That was fun. Do it again another time?

Love, Slenderbrine

Cackling, the wizardly corpse sunk into the ground, and left the scene of his crime.


"Ah, fuck me!" A voice is heard from a clearing, along with the sound of crashing steel. Standing up from a prone position is a red-haired, green-eyed figure in the armor of a Byzantine footsoldier, with sabre, longsword, shield, spear, and bow sheathed to his side. A dark purple cape hangs from his shoulders as he cricks his neck and looks about the forest clearing, only to hear a voice behind him.

"Who are you?" a feminine voice asks, and the soldier twirls around, bow already out, to find a... green-eyed redhead standing there, wearing what looks to be the armor of the ancient Lakedaimonians, modified to fit the female form. Her posture is wary, and her hands itch toward her sheathed weaponry.

"Ah... call me Skoutati," the Roman soldier responds, voice just as wary as the female's posture, "and I get the distinct feeling that I'm not in Kansas anymore."

"Kansas...?" the female wonders briefly, before shaking her head. "Pyrrha Nikos. I'll have to ask you to come with me; the headmaster said that there were reports of suspicious persons here and... well... I'm sorry," she trails off, looking genuinely apologetic.

The soldier instantly shakes his head. "Pyrrha Nikos? Headmaster? Oh hell, Ozpin, Beacon. I know exactly where I am now, and I don't want to be here. Sorry lady, but I'll have to cut and run!" The man, Skoutati, makes to jog out of the clearing and into the forest, but a thrown javelin intercepts his path and forces him to ready himself for battle, nocking an arrow.

"I'm sorry!" the Myrmidon shouts as she summons her javelin and transforms it into a rifle.

The two figures fire their weapons at the same time, the bullet deflecting off a lamellar cuirass and the arrow subtly swerving mid-flight to miss its target.

"Shit, shit, shit," the Tagmata soldiers mutters as he hastily backpedals, loosing another arrow. Before it even has time to miss, he sheathes his bow and takes his kite shield out, protecting his vulnerable face with it - just in time, as another bullet shatters on the painted oak. "Motherfucker, not the face! Not the face! There's a reason I'm wearing this armor, and it's certainly not because I have aura!"

"Sorry!" the Myrmidon cries again, before switching her rifle to sword-form and rushing the Tagmata infantryman. He blocks her first strike on his wooden shield, but his counterattacks with his spear are blocked by her shield, and her sword flashes out and cuts his kontarion longspear in twain. He furiously smashes at her with his kite shield, buying time to unsheath his sabre, and parrying another attack by her broadsword as he desperately falls back, his very armor seeming to deny him progress backward as it pulls at him.

"Your semblance is total bullshit!" he shouts as another swipe of his sabre misses by inches. He takes solace in the fact that his shield at least cannot be manipulated - indeed, it is probably the only reason he hasn't already lost against her onslaught. In desperation, he kicks out at her heel. The fact that it works in stumbling her surprises him - perhaps that'll teach you to wear high heels in combat, he thinks - but he capitalizes on the opportunity by shield bashing her and turning tail, sprinting out of the clearing as she focuses on picking herself up.

He almost falls from the force of a bullet shattering against the back of his cuirass, but forces himself to keep running. He sheathes his sabre, straps his shield to his back, and unsheathes his bow, wildly loosing arrows behind him as bullets continue to shatter against his shield. Even with the stream of shots, and the Myrmidon's semblance slowing him down, he makes up for in speed what he lacks in strength and manages to barely outpace her.

Soon, he comes across another clearing - a dirt road marking the end of the forest he's in - and hears more voices.

"I heard gunfire to the west."

"That's Pyrrha! Let's go help her out!"

And then the Roman soldier is upon the clearing, sheathing his bow once again. There are three more warriors - two men and a woman - as well as a hovering Bullhead. The blond, shielded warrior sees him first, yells out to his comrades, and plants his shield in the ground directly in between the Byzantine's path to the Bullhead. The soldier takes his spathionlongsword out and, in a two-handed grip, bowls through the blond in a single blow - he may not be physically strong, but the spathion is a heavy blade, and the blond is inexperienced.

He leaps onto the bullhead as gunfire erupts around him, machinepistol and rifle-fire impacting his armor and shield. He makes it to the cockpit of the aircraft and hurriedly hijacks control of it away from the pilot, yanking the controls with one hand and holding his longsword with the other. "I gotta warn you man," the Byzantine starts, "I have no idea what I'm doing here, so if I'm starting to crash this thing, feel free to take the wheel away from me."


Pear woke up to a throbbing headache. "Ouch…" he looked around, dazed. "Who dropped a plane on me? Oh fuck, somebody dropped a plane on me!" That much was true. What looked like a rudder was sticking out of the ground next to him, and several engines lay burning in the grass a few feet ahead. Bits and pieces of metal and debris lay twisted and demolished around him, and he didn't want to think about what the damn putrid smell was. "Fuck me." Pear checks his bracers, his chest piece, and his helmet for damage. Thankfully, he escaped with only scrapes and a few mild dents to his forearms.

"Hey!" The voice jolts him from his inspection of his armor! The voice was a bit male, a bit high, and cracked slightly. A young man, no, a boy clad in white and gold armor steps hesitantly through the tree line, a gold and white shield and sword set brandished. Pear rolls his eyes; what could a sharpened piece of metal even do to space armor. It's armor. From space. Even so, Pear knew not to be hasty. At a time like this, only subtlety would be able to gain him the metaphorical high ground in this engagement. "Hey cockbite, why the fuck did these bitches crash a plane upside my head!" He yelled brashly. Yes! Another win for the subtle Pear. "I-I don't know! Why is your armor so tacky and stupid!" The boy shouted back. The Pear went rigid. His uncaring posture melts away, soon replaced with that of a man willing to kill to get what he wants. "What did you just call my armor, you piece of shit?" The boy paled, and Pear noted just how pasty he looks when shocked. "I-I don't know! Look, just calm-" "My armor is GAUCHE!"

The soldier surged forward, wrath overtaking his vision and tinting the world red. The boy miraculously pulled his shield up early, preparing for a fight. 'HA!'the Pear thought. 'He doesn't stand a chance!' And then his hook hit the shield. And then the boy shoved him right off. 'What the fuck!' The boy then slashed his sword across Pear's chest piece, cleaving a deep gouge through it. "What the FUCK!" Pear screamed indignantly. "I punched you. Your arm should be broken!" "The boy glared at him. "You cocky shot, won't even answer me. Get roasted!" The Pear activated his flamethrower, and the flames enshrouded his target. The Pear smirked behind his smirking helmet; he always loved bad puns. The flames fade away quick with the gas cut off, leaving only…a slightly charred, pissed off teenager? "Okay, timeout! You should be dead! I just lit you aflame, and you burned, and now you should be dead! What the fuck, world!" The boy, although looking slightly amused, lunges quickly, his sword moving to thrust at his enemy. Pear ducks sideways, catching the sword off the side of his forearm plate and deflecting it.

Pear then pushes forward, one, two, three punches, all deflected by the large shield. A solid foot presses into Pear's chest, shoving him hard and sending him stumbling back. A quick slash soon follows, barely ducked by the Pear. The soldier grabs the boy by the chest plate, and pulls him hard into his helmet. A satisfactory crack follows the hit, but the boy seems unharmed if dazed. And stumbled back a step before launching back into the game. This ain't good, Pear thinks. He feels his weight resting on his back foot, to occupied ducking and dodging three and a half feet of wickedly sharp steel to even consider a counter. At one point, he even trips on his own feet! Feeling around on the ground behind him desperately, he grips the sharp edge of a broken rebar and swings it widely in a desperate bid for breathing room. The boy ducks back, and prepares to send a blow into the downed mercenary- BLAM! A gunshot goes off, and the boy is sent reeling back from the impact of the small round hitting his shoulder. The Mercenary fires off another three shots, all of which are expertly blocked with the unyielding shield.

"Jaune!" A childlike voice shoots through the wilderness, followed by a sonic boom that makes Pear's ears ache. Three figures emerge from the tree line, all carrying bastardized contraptions that the downed soldier can only call a five-year-old's idea for a perfect gun. Or maybe weapons from an absurd They all set up just behind the knight-like male now known as Jaune. Pear looks around, spotting two automatic pistols, a fat sniper rifle, and a- wait, is that a grenade launcher! "Fuck me."


"Ow..." Grunt wakes up in a dark warehouse, his body aching as he begins to stands up. He checked himself; a pistol and two knives were holstered on his waist. He looked around the warehouse, which was filled with large containers with a slight light emitting on them. "Where the hell am I?" Grunt pondered as he walked towards one of the containers. He looked at the familiar emblem that was stamped on the large container, looking at it in amazement. "SDC? What the hell? Wait, please don't tell me this is a-" A door opened, and an orange haired gentleman in a white coat accompanied with an ice cream themed little girl. "...Oh shit, oh no!"

"Oi kid," Roman Torchwick lit his cigar while responding to Grunt, "Why are you here?" He blew a puff of smoke from his cigar. Grunt, still shocked from these turn of events, looked at Roman, then Neo, who had her head tilted and glaring at him. 'Think now, or you're gonna die!' "I'm, uh, here to steal this container." Grunt banged the container behind him with his knuckles. "I thought I could get this and sell it for a higher profit?" Grunt answered the thief. Roman looked at Grunt with an eyebrow raised, then sighed. "Well, I don't kill children." Roman continued, "But Neo does. Neo, get him. He could be one of Red's friends." Neo grinned before flourishing her umbrella.

"Oh shit no-!" A kick was received, causing Grunt to fly to the side.

"Ow." Grunt gets up, and sees that the generic armor piece on his chest had a puncture on it. "Alright, lets do this."

Fumbling for the knife on the holster, Grunt raised it just as Neo teleported to him. He slashed at her, which was parried by the umbrella, and he dodged by a hair as Neo punched tried to punch him. Rolling back, Grunt threw one of his knives at the midget. Neo tutted and deflected it, causing the knife to clatter in the darkness. 'Damn, what do I do?' Grunt grabbed his last knife and his pistol, each in hand, watching the girl.

Both looked at each other as Roman was taking inventory of the containers. "..." A sharp sound of glass breaking resounded in the warehouse, signaling Grunt to slash downward in his front with his left arm and shooting behind him with his right. A grunt was heard, and the feeling of warm liquid was felt on his cheek. "Agh!" There was a deep cut, and by instinct Grunt fell to the floor, hearing the sound of a sword slashing as he dropped to the ground. He felt his leg getting grabbed, and he only thought of 'Ah shit' before he was thrown to the floor on his back.

His knife and pistol clattered away from him, and above him were the familiar eyes of Neo. "...MUFFIN BUTTON!" Grunt pressed a button in his pocket, making Neo go wide eyed and flown to the wall. "...Huh, how did you that?" Roman looked up from his scroll to see a Neo in the wall, who was now 5 foot 6. Grunt picked himself up, panting as the exertion of the 'fight' took its toll. "So, how about I leave here while leaving this money for ice cream." Grunt put down bills of ones on the floor as he shuffled slowly towards the door. "Sorry kid, but can't let you leave." Roman started walking towards Grunt, twirling his cane as he did so. Neo woke up and got herself up from the wall. "WAIT WAIT WAIT!" Grunt shook his hands in front of him. "I can help you! We can kill Cinder together without Beacon falling!"

The barrel of the cane was pointed at Grunt, who was shaking in fear. "How do you know that?" Roman asked while pointedly looking at Grunt. Neo was right next to him, slightly ruffled and noticeably taller with the bills of ones in hand. "I, um. I come from another world. See?" Grunt showed him an iPhone. It was taken in a quick manner, and Roman looked at it while still holding the cane. "Huh, well would you look at that?" "Yes! See, I don't want trouble and-" "You know Cinder's plans. Well kid, today's your lucky day!" The cane was lowered and Grunt saw Roman grin. Roman put a hand on Grunt's shoulder, still grinning. "Come on kid. We have a lot to talk about." Grunt was led to the exit, still shaking with his last thought being 'How? WHY?! GOD DAMMIT!'


"You're shitting me," the pilot eventually said after Skoutati related his tale.

"Wish I was, but I'm no-"

He was interrupted by a single text appearing on his iPhone: 'Skout, help! Roman has me!'

"Fuck! Shit! Buddy of mine got captured by a guy called Roman Torchwick. Set course to Vale! We're going to rescue him!"


And so the Roman heavy infantryman stepped out of the Bullhead and onto a small open square near a seemingly-abandoned warehouse. The man loosed an arrow at the largest window, shattering it.

Almost immediately, a deluge of gunfire erupted from the warehouse. Skoutati turned his back on the building, letting the shots ping harmlessly off his armor and shield. The Bullhead, however, was not nearly so lucky - gunfire smashed into the engine compartments as it attempted to fly away. The engines erupted into flame, lighting up the night as it went down a bare twenty meters in front of the man in a ball of flame.

What the Byzantine didn't expect was for a figure to come charging out of the flames with a shortspear and tower shield. "That's it, you bastards! First I get hijacked by some crazy and then I get shot down by the crazy bastards the first crazy's trying to kill!?" The enraged pilot, spear held high, planted his tower shield in between the soldier and the gunfire. "Start shooting, crazy. I got your back."

So the Roman footsoldier loosed arrow after arrow, protected from the dwindling return fire by the pilot's tower shield. Expert marksmanship ensured that each arrow loosed hit another enemy mook. After a minute of expert archery, every thug firing from the windows lay either moaning in pain, too scared to pop up, or dead. And then the man himself walked out, casually firing his explosive cane as a loosed arrow, destroying it.

"If you want something done right..." Skoutati heard the man say.

"You've got my buddy," the Byzantine growled, "and I want him back. You're gonna give him to me. I already killed all your guys, and I'm not afraid to do the same to you."

The well-dressed criminal laughed at Skoutati, twirling his cane around. "You got guts, kid, I'll give you that. But guts won't help you out here. Neo!"

A diminutive woman with a pink-and-brown color scheme appeared behind the two unlikely allies, stabbing him in the back - or, trying to. Fortunately for the soldier, heavy, multi-layered armor is useful in all directions. "Guts may not help, but a good suit of armor certainly will," he growled, whirling around and smacking the dwarf away with his bow. "Take the girl, pilot; I've got the well-dressed gangster in guyliner."

With that, the heavy infantryman swapped his composite bow out for a longsword and shield, dodging a few shots from the criminal's cane and taking most of them on his shield. The explosions hurt, but pain was temporary and superficial, and he made sure to block his face from getting hit with shrapnel or fire. Skoutati drove forward into a thrust with his longsword, only to have it expertly parried by the criminal; but the man's riposte was itself blocked by a heavy wooden shield, and Skoutati counterattacked with an overhand chop. This was dodged by Torchwick, only to take a shield to the face for his efforts - but then, criminals rarely fight fair, and the man kicked some loose gravel up into the soldier's face.

Both men fell back a step to recover; Skoutati risked a glance behind him only to find that Neo's attacks were being parried by a heater shield, or a bracer, or a spearhead. He turned his attention back to Roman Torchwick and charged again, his shield and sword lashing out at the same time - one high, one low. The criminal dodged the shield and parried the sword, and his counterattack smashed the Byzantine in the face, dropping him to the ground. Skoutati was not unprepared, however; while falling, he swept his leg beneath Torchwick's own, bringing them both down. The Byzantine infantryman took the opportunity to slash at Torchwick from the ground, and then smashed his shield into the man's face, even as Melodic Cudgel discharged directly into his gut.

Skoutati felt little but pain, even as he continued shield-bashing Torchwick, but the armor was - thankfully - merely blackened, not destroyed. He finally rolled off of Torchwick, painfully climbing to his feet, to see the criminal a barely-coherent mess on the ground. He glanced another look at the dwarf and the pilot, to see the ice-cream dwarf's thin blade skitter across a bracer as the pilot whirled about. He clutched his sword and turned away from the square and entered the warehouse, proceeding to a stairwell even as he heard faint sirens in the distance.

Skoutati found Grunt shackled to a wall within the warehouse basement. One of the guards rushed him and was impaled on his longsword; the other ran. He fished a key out of the corpse and unshackled the prisoner. "Don't worry Grunt," he said, "I smashed through this whole warehouse; let's get out of here."

At that moment, a voice from a megaphone was heard. "This is the Vale Police Department! Lay down your arms or we will take them by force! We have Hunter backup and anti-aura rounds! This is your only warning!"

Skoutati and Grunt glanced at each other. "Well, shit."


Grunt rubbed his wrists while wincing as he glanced at Skoutati. "I may or may not have told the whole plot of Volume 3 to Roman." "We have you surrounded. Get outside and show yourselves." "Doesn't he know he'll die?" Skoutati asked in wonder.

"He said he'll change that. But for now, I may have an idea. See, I have this thing called slash kill," Grunt reaches into his pocket to show a small device with a red button to Skoutati, "and it can kill anything. Problem is that it'll only work once." "Then why not use it?!" Skoutati grabbed the button and proceeded to open the door to the warehouse.

"Wait no!" "Taste death!" Skoutati pressed the button and threw it into the crowd of the Valean police. An explosion of epic proportions took place, leaving nothing but a scorched dock in the wake of the button. Grunt looked near catatonic, as his one weapon to kill that dragon Grimm was gone.

"T-that was for Kevin..." Skoutati looked sheepish. "Whoops, Got caught in the moment." Grunt fell spread eagled onto the ground. "How the hell are we going to survive? Wait, how are we here?!" "I fought Pyrrah, if thats any good." "What?" "Yup. I lost though." Skoutati frowned when he thought back to the fight. "Well Skoutati, this may anger you, but we're going to have to pull a bad fanfic here." "I do not like where this is going." Grunt inhaled before saying,

"We're going to Beacon."


The soldier turns to his friend, glaring faintly. "I just had an epic swordfight with Pyrrha Fucking Nikos because I didn't want to end up in Beacon. Now we're going there anyway?" The infantryman shakes his head in disgust. "Whatever. What's done is done, and I do suppose it's... partially... my fault. I don't trust the man though."

"That's fine, but he's our best bet of-"

"I never said he wasn't, but I still don't trust him." Whatever conversation the two friends would've had was cut off by the arrival of the grim-faced pilot, still alive after everything.

"You killed them all," he said. Grunt looked alarmed and Skoutati glared at him.

"N-no we didn't," Grunt stammered out.

"Yeah," the Byzantine continued, "if we had the ability to do that, we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place! We're fighting Roman Torchwick and his goons, not the VPD."

"Oh really?" the pilot accused. "And I suppose... what, some random thug just had a massive grenade on him this whole time and never used it!?"

Grunt looked close to panicking, but Skoutati merely glared some more. "Probably. I mean, if Grunt here had a kill device, he wouldn't have gotten captured in the first place; and if I had the thing, I wouldn't have wasted my time fighting Torchwick when I could've just leveled the warehouse. Now come on, we need to get to Beacon." Skoutati marched out of the burning square, followed by Grunt and a still-seething Bullhead pilot-slash-Huntsman.


"I told you we should've made a left at that intersection; we got set back three hours from that!"

"Well, it's not like I had a map; what did you expect me to do?"

"Ask for directions."

It was with much bickering that the unlikely trio found themselves at Beacon, the shining light of Vale. They marched in silence to the elevator at the base of the Wizard's tower. Grunt closed the doors, but was interrupted before he could send the elevator on its course upward.

"Wait a minute, Grunt," Skoutati stopped him. "I'll go alone, just in case they try something."

Grunt looked alarmed again. "Alone? And what are we supposed to do?"

The Roman soldier merely sighed at this. "Hey, pilot-"

"My name is Alexander! Alexander Argyros."

"Alexander, then. Do you want to learn one of Remnant's best-kept secrets? Why there's so much security at this festival? Why we had to dodge through five Atlesian checkpoints to get here?"

"You don't mean to..." Grunt trailed off, interrupted by the pilot.

"By the gods... I'm already too deep into this, aren't I." The golden-eyed pilot shook his head, glaring at the two outlanders. "You drop out of the sky, fight Roman Torchwick to a standstill despite having no aura - don't think I didn't see that! - and now you claim to know of... of what, some grand conspiracy!?" The pilot growled lowly in his throat. "Fine. You have my curiosity. But first..."

He put a hand on both their left shoulders, and a purple light emanated from his body. "And thus it is through adversity that we soar ever higher, overcoming hardship and conquering all in our path. Undefeated and undaunted; by the legacy of our ancestors, I release thy soul; and by my shield-arm, defend thee."

The pilot staggers back a step, leaning against the elevator wall. "I may let myself get drawn into whatever it is you're doing, but I'll be damned if I let you walk into it unprepared."

The Byzantine faintly marveled at the burgundy light emanating from him before turning to the elevator and pressing two buttons. "Right then. Grunt, go down to the secret vault with Alexander here. We're going to need all the allies on our side that we can get, I think. I'll head up. If I don't text you within ten minutes, assume everything's gone to shit and bail." He sighed faintly. "I just don't get why there's a button openly labelled 'Super secret vault do not enter.' It makes no sense."


The elevator door in Professor Ozpin's office opened. A man wearing lamellar armor over a chain hauberk, carrying two swords; a bow; and a shield stepped out. "Ozpin," the armored figure started. "A new player has entered the game, so to speak. I fought your student, Pyrrha Nikos, in the forest because I didn't want to come here, because I don't trust you; but necessity makes for strange bedfellows. I'll say it right out: I have no idea if my presence here will actually change anything, but your failure was guaranteed before my arrival, and what can men do but try?" The figure shrugged lightly before beginning to pace, holding a hand up to forestall Ozpin's questions.

"I don't know why, or how, I'm here. On Remnant. In Vale. At Beacon. But I have information you want. Information you need." The man stops pacing and stares at Ozpin, bitter countenance burning into the Wizard. "But trust is a two-way street. If I'm going to give you information, offer my services as a soldier, or a guardian... then I want you to give us some things in return."


The elevator dinged, and exiting to the secret vault was Grunt and Alexander. "Where the hell are we?" Alexander was amazed that this place was under the school the whole time. "This is a secret vault, and hidden deep within is a magical girl in a pod." Grunt explained as both walked closer to the machinery at the end of the room. "You're joking."

"Unfortunately, no, I'm not." Grunt was still afraid of Alexander, even if he did open his aura for him and Skoutati. Speaking of which, Grunt expected a feeling of power for aura users, but it was akin to having a really good shower and feeling great. 'Damn it RT. I expected more because of you.' Both aura users reached to the machinery, marveling at the technology. "So, this thing here is the cause of all this security?" Alexander was annoyed, he expected a weapon, or maybe even a super secret Grimm monster on Humanity's side. Hell, with the explanation of magical girl he thought there'd be a witch.

"I risked myself because you want to check out some woman locked in an old man's basement?" Grunt coughed, trying to hide his laughter. He analyzed the pod where Amber laid, looking around for one thing that he was always curious about. "...huh, there's no coffee machine. Damn, this isn't the PA universe." Grunt had hoped it was the car, but this confirmed that both he and Skoutati were in canon. "PA? What? You know what, fuck it, I don't care. Why are we here?" Alexander was getting highly annoyed at these turn of events. And coffee machine? There was a girl in a pod and this kid was worried about caffeine? Grunt looked away from the pod to scan the computer.

"Well, I am trying to set this machine to automatically give the Maiden's powers to whoever gets in that other pod." "Not going to ask about that. But why is that so important?" Grunt's eye twitched as he put in a random name into the terminal that asked for a password. 'Of course it's Salem. Why the hell not?' Grunt clicked a few things into the screen and tapped away on the keyboard. Amber opened her eyes to see two strangers near her, but was too lethargic to feel anything. "who...you...?"

Alexander took notice and walked back to Amber. "Don't worry there, we're here to help. Grunt, we done yet?" "Yup." Grunt logged out of the terminal and walked up to Alexander. He looked at the Maiden before explaining himself. "We are here on a mission to save Beacon. See, a red haired girl is gonna need the rest of your powers to defeat Cinder, so I did a couple things on that computer so there wouldn't be interruptions." Amber looked at the unassuming grunt before debating whether his claims were true. She sighed, or what was the equivalent, and made a decision. "kill...me...save...Remnant..." Both Grunt and Alexander paused. They did not expect this, at all. "Uh, you want to give your powers to someone else via suicide?" A small nod was given. "picture..." Grunt blushed before grabbing out his iPhone, but not before telling Alexander to go turn off the life support in the terminal.

"Password is Salem." Alexander grunted in confirmation, ready for the call. "Okay, this is a bit awkward, but here's what Phyrra looks like. Please don't judge." Amber looked at the 'research bio' of Phyrra, engraving the face in her mind. However, she had one last day in all this. "...really...? porn as...identification...?"

"In my defense, this is the only picture I have of Phyrra, and I blame the research thread." Amber sighed before nodding in confirmation. She was ready. "Alright Alexander, unplug it." A tap was heard, and Amber looked to go back to sleep, the pod hissing as air traveled out of it. An orange aura gleamed out of Amber, stood still in the air for a few seconds, then traveled upwards. Both guys stared where the orange aura was, before conversing their next plan. "Well, that was step one." "What's step two?" "I have no idea. I do know that I probably broke canon." "...that's bad, right?"


Traveling by rock was normally easy for Slender. Traveling by rock underwater? Well... yeah, no. Slender poked his head up through the ground, and looked around. Water, coral, water, fish, water, turtles, and...water! Yeah, it all looked the same. Slender left the ground and kicked upwards. He was a skeleton, so no air was necessary for him.

Reaching the top of the water, he created an inverted maelstrom beneath his corpse to see in every direction. The Norse Corpse sighed, silently wishing for a sign.

BOOM!

What was it with him and explosions? Off in the distance, and a bit to the right, there was an enormous explosion. Given that he was somewhere pre-late-Volume 2, no explosions should've happened yet. So, there were two possibilities:

1. Slender had accidentally started a chain of events that caused it. Unlikely, as opposed to...

2: It was another Forum Persona. We were all a lively bunch, weren't we?

'The explosion fills you with Determination,' Slender thought, and set out on his own personal mini-tsunami towards the devastation.


Right as Ozpin opened his mouth to respond to Skoukati, there was a bright flash of light behind his chair. From a distance, a cry of "GREATER TELEPORT!" could be heard.

There was a figure standing there. He seemed to think he was striking a dramatic pose. Really, it just made him look like a constipated drama queen.

He cleared his throat once before speaking. "Hello there. I seem to be a dimensionally displaced teenager, with powers beyond even my own comprehension, seemingly mystical in nature."

Suddenly, he seemed taken aback. "Wait a minute, Legion? Is that you? It's me, Cap! That pretentious teenager from the forum!"

"Wait..." He turned towards Ozpin again. "Please tell me that you don't have one Jaune Arc as a teacher?"


Skoutati Legion stared in shock as the explosion from below heralded a new arrival. He quickly pulled out his iPhone and dialed Grunt's number while Ozpin was still staring at the mystic.

"Hey, Grunt, I dunno what you did down there, but it teleported the good Hauptmann* here, so good work!" With that, he hung up and slipped the phone back into his pouch. "It's good to see you here, Hauptmann; I thought me and Grunt were the only two people who got sucked here. Welp, long story short, we're trying to save canon!" Skoutati grinned at the Capitain.


"Not the best work then, really," a voice said out of nowhere. A black corpse with decay flesh and tissue emerged out of the floor as if it was water. No one was surprised, sans Ozpin (but they were paying less and less attention to that wizard), and Slender pouted. Well, he would've pouted, but he didn't have lips. So he didn't.

"What do you mean?" Legion asked. He kept asking Slender to call him 'S-cow-tatty' or something, but Legion was so much easier for Slender. He was a lazy little troll.

"Amber did a sacrificial jihad," the Norse Corpse explained, "and had the grunt and other guy down there pull her plug. So, now Pyrrha has the Maiden powers. Canon is long gone."

"How do you know?" S-cow-tatty asked.

"I used my ability to swim through the earth to climb the tower," Slenderbrine explained. "Metal is just refined ore, which comes from the earth. Anyways, I passed by the old man's secret sex dungeon on the way up. She's d-e-d dead."

"Wait, Grunt pulled the plug?" Mr. Wand-Up-My-Arse asked, "Or did you?"

Slender rolled his orbs. "Good to see you too, Lazarus," the draugr drawled. No lost love between them. He even apologized for the TardiGod, for Thor's sake!

"Amber? How do you people kn-" Ozpin's quiet interruption into the conversation was interrupted.

"What and where in the timeline are we? PA is impossible, given I saw Jaune with Pyrrha earlier," Legion said, "Which also rules out NTTF, From Beyond, and Justin John, and some others."

Slender shrugged. "Somewhere pre-Docks. I came from Atlas after fighting Penny."

"Penny?" Lazar asked.

Slender nodded, "Yep. I'm pretty sure she'll kill me on sight from now on, anyways."

"You were an ass again," Lazar accused, "weren't you?"

Slender shrugged. No comment needed. The forum wizard sighed.

"We must also be some time past Initiation," the Byzantine soldier contributed. "Team JNPR is already a team."

"That... actually narrows it down a lot," Slender said. "Anything else to be aware of?"

"Two things," Legion said, "first of all, the-" he cast a side glance to the wizard, who was confused, but still paying very close attention "-the Italian Candle knows the entire plot of Volume 3."

"What!?" two truly magical beings in the room exclaimed, at the same time. "How?!" Lazar demanded, a second ahead of his frenemy.

"Grunt tried to worm his way out with the Candle and Ice Cream, but ended up digging his own hole," the armor-clad Persona said.

"OK," Slender said, processing this. "And the other thing?"

"This is information I have only recently thought about, but we have no idea whether other Moribi have appeared yet, if at all," Legion explained his thoughts.

"'Moribi'?" the undead creature parroted.

"The plural form of moribus," the soldier translated. "It means 'character' in German."

"Moribus," Slender tried. "Better than Forum Personas, I suppo-"

Slenderbrine and Cpt. Lazar stood at attention was a wave of powerful, ready-to-be-used magic rolled through the astral plane, accompanied by a wave of green light on the visible plane. The three Moribi turned to Ozpin, who was clenching his cane and glaring at the dimension hoppers. "Excuse my impoliteness," Ozpin said, in a voice that screamed he did not care whether he was excused or not, "but could you please inform me how you came to know the information you do?"

Stalling time was over. It was time to face the music.


Meanwhile in Ozpin's sex dungeon basement

A bright light of light filled the room, followed by the sound of an object hitting the floor, and breath being knocked out of a set of lungs. The newcomer groaned, pushing themselves off the floor. As they stood up, the mystery person scanned their surroundings as they clutched an unusual-looking remote in their hand.

"Where the hell am I?" the figure, now confirmed to be male, asked the empty room, his voice echoing across the walls.


Slender blinked (well, not really. He doesn't have eyelids, so his orbs just vanish and reappear again).

"That's Moar," he said. "The rule of the FNDM requires 4 per team."

"Then there are three more companions that we do not know the locations of," Legion said, finishing Slender's train of thought.

"Or they may pop into existence randomly at different times," Lazar tacked on. "Like Moar, here."


Meanwhile, with the killers of the Fall Maiden- Grunt and Alexander walked across the halls of Beacon after assisting the previous Fall Maiden into suicide. Grunt's plan was to get to Ozpin's office, but an obstacle stood in the way of the reunion between fellow forum goers.

"...so when you do multiple weapons at once, combine them with strings so you can launch them."

"God dammit kid." Alexander groaned out. "W-what?" Velvet stuttered out a reply to Grunt, who was smiling in excitement. "Here, let me connect with your scroll." A message sent by cable later and Velvet was looking at a really good animated cartoon of a fight scene.

"That guy, he has my semblance!" "He has an equivalent, but you can, copy, his style." Grunt couldn't contain his mirth as he began instructing Velvet on how to 'properly' use her semblance.

"Kid, come on, I thought we were meeting with that friend of yours." Alexander didn't know why this kid was so adamant about talking with the rabbit Faunus, but he supposed it was kind of amusing to see her reaction.

"That's so cool!" Velvet had stars in her eyes as the red haired teen fought off a golden King. "Now, I sent the show to you, so you can learn from that. Make sure to say 'trace on' when you use your semblance. Makes you more badass."

"Really? You think I can be badass?" "Hell yeah! You have an awesome power, and should use it to win against you enemies." Grunt replied back with exuberance. Grunt's phone rang, and as he looked at the called ID he knew he was a bit behind schedule.

"Okay, got to go! Alexander, come on! See ya later Velvet!" Grunt yelled out as he ran to the elevators that would lead to the Headmaster's office.

"In this moment, you're the winner, Faker..." Velvet couldn't believe it. Someone besides her team thought she was badass, someone cool. She looked at her scroll, and resolved herself to follow the advice of... She never got his name, but how did he know hers?


While the tension in the room between Beacons head master and the unannounced visitors the elevator dinged, announcing the addition of one more member to the party.

A young Woman in her mid 20's stepped in wearing a chef's uniform and a grey scarf around her neck, holding a tray with a coffee pot on it. She was tall with a tanned complexion, grey hair in a short cut and a bang covering one eye. Though her most eye catching feature was, strangely enough, her eye color, which was completely black.

"Professor Oz, I brought you your evening coff-" The young woman who entered the office paused mid sentence to observe the scene in front of her. Dropping the tray in her hands she pulled out a revolver and emptied it into the Norse corpse, knowing full well that it wouldn't do any harm.

"God dammit, guys it took you long enough to get here! I've been stuck here in Beacon since the black trailer. BLACK TRAILER! I had to fight off the fucking energy drink, and help kitty get to school." She took a quick glance at Ozpin and his calmly furious expression. "Please tell me one of you Arcane users can get us out of here so I can be normal again. And Lazar, one sexy sniper comment and I'll shoot you next."

Cap raised his hand in the air, as if to reply.

He got a gun to the face for his trouble.

His hand went down.