Title: One Last Breath

Disclaimer:
I do not own any of these Characters, just borrowed them and wish I did own them.

Rating:
PG-13

Summary: AU – Willow is back from England and working through her feelings and the loss of Tara.

Feedback:
Pretty please…it helps me improve

Authors Notes: Thank you to Willara4ever for all your help with this story. I appreciate your reading it and helping me with the idea.


Prologue:

"It doesn't matter. I'll still love you," said Xander making Willow furious.

"Shut up," said Willow as she slashed magically three large cuts across Xanders face.

"I love you," he said again receiving another round of slashes, this time his shirt tore at the shoulder as larger, deeper wounds appeared. He almost doubled over from the pain. But, again, he looks at her. "I love..." he starts as she knocked him down with a bolt of energy, but her face was starting to show her sorrow.

"I... love you," Xander said staggering to his feet.

"Shut up," said Willow as she blasted him again but he didn't fall.

"I love you, Willow."

"Stop..." she said starting to cry.

"I love you," Xander said as he reached her and she started hitting him with her fists. Willow fell to her knees, sobbing. Her hands over her eyes, her black hair suddenly morphed back to its normal red. Xander gently put a hand on her shoulder.

"I love you," Xander repeated.


"Why aren't you at your lesson," asked Giles

"I'm sorry," replied Willow.

"It's all right. She was just afraid you -"

"Had gone evil? Yeah, I was gonna destroy the world, but lunch made me sleepy," Willow offered the jest meekly, not being glib.

"She didn't think that. She was just -"

"Afraid. They all are. The Coven is... they're the most amazing women I've ever met. If it wasn't for them, and you... But there's this look they get, like I'm gonna turn them all into bangers and mash or something. Which I'm not even sure what that is."

"They're cautious. I trust you can understand that," said Giles.

"I don't have that much power, I don't think. I was... drained by what happened."

"But everything's connected. You're connected to great power, whether you feel it or not."

"You should just take it from me," said Willow as she rose to follow Giles.

"You know we can't. This isn't a hobby, or an addiction. It's inside you now, this magic. You're responsible for it."

"Will they always be afraid of me?"

"Maybe. Can you live with that?" asked Giles

"I deserve a lot worse," she answered

"That's not an answer."

"I killed people, Giles."

"I've not forgotten."

"When you brought me here... I thought it was to kill me. Or lock me in some mystical dungeon for all eternity, or with the torture...instead, you go all Dumbledore on me, I'm learning about magic, I'm all about energy and Gaia and root systems."

"Do you want to be punished?"

"I wanna be Willow," she said as tears started to well up in her eyes.

"You are. In the end, we are all who we are - no matter how much we may appear to have changed."


"Are you sure you're ready for this," asked Xander nodding to the entrance to the cemetery. Willow touched his arm and offered a soft smile and continued on her way as he stayed in the background giving her some space.

Willow found the gravestone she was looking for. She knelt and slowly, traced Tara's name in the stone, then the dates. As she reaches the year of Tara's death, her hand begins to tremble.

"Hey," said Willow as she knelt before the gravestone she took some pebbles and placed them atop the gravestone as dictated by her Jewish heritage. "It's me..."


Chapter 1

Xander found a gravestone that was comfortable to lean against, giving Willow her privacy, yet still being close enough to offer her support and if she needed him. He was in shock to see how frail she had looked when she returned from England, but seeing her now kneeling at Tara's grave was almost too much for him to take. Willow was broken, a shell of the girl he had known most of his life.

"How is she ever going to survive this," he said to himself.

"She'll manage," said Buffy coming up next to him startling him a bit.

"I'm not so sure," he said his eyes never leaving Willow.

"I'm not saying it won't take her a really long time, but I know the resolve she has, she'll come through this."

"I just want her, 'Willow' back so badly."

"We all do Xander, we all do."


"I'm sorry I haven't been here before…I am sure you saw, though I hope you didn't, but I didn't really deal with your death all that well. You are, were, will always be my everything. I don't know how to live without you baby. It hurts," started Willow hoping that Tara was hearing her.

She traced the name on the gravestone again.

"I'm trying to hold on. I'm trying to learn how to be strong, but part of me just wants to be with you. I found this path while I was in England, it led to nowhere, but I didn't mind, I just wanted away from everyone. I miss you so much…I don't understand why they had to take you and not us…baby, I'm sorry I'm not stronger."

Willow leaned forward and rested her forehead on the cold marble, her tears rolled down the stone pooling at the base.


Buffy and Xander watched their friend, both felt their heart-strings being tugged at, they wanted to go to her, to take her into their arms, but they knew she needed to do this on her own.

"Are we wrong to stay here," Buffy asked mostly as a rhetorical question, but she in part wanted the reassurance that they were doing what was right.

"I don't know," Xander answered as a whisper.

"She's only been back for a couple days…do you think this was too soon?"

"Buffy, she left for England before we had the funeral, she was gone for several months and she hasn't had her chance to say goodbye."

"Yeah, but she looks so small sitting there," Buffy said as a tear rolled down her face.

"I know, trust me, I know."


TBC…