A/N Angst for Loveit123 hope its ok :D

Disclaimer: I don't own glee obviously otherwise I wouldn't be in so much student debt! hehe

Life and Death

Rachel sat numbly as her dads and doctor talked over her head, her parent's frantic voices rising in pitch as they struggled to comprehend the doctor's words. Rachel felt her life crashing down around her that one word had left her complete dead to any other feeling. Glancing at her dad's she wondered why they were acting like they cared so much, the last four days had been the longest time she had spent with them in a month, most of the time she was with Hannah her house keeper, a women who had been there for her since she had been in diapers. The women was the reason why she was sitting in this chair, she had spotted the bruise that failed to fade and the nausea and headaches Rachel had been suffering from for a few weeks.

Getting up she plucked the car keys from her dad's hand and walked out of the doctor office completely ignoring her dads questioning her, asking her where she was going, she walked out of the hospital and into the parking lot taking one of her dad's cars she drove home.

Entering via the back door as she usually did she ran to Hannah who was just putting the phone down, Hannah opened her arms to the petite brunette and held her as tightly as Rachel needed, clinging to her in fear Rachel felt the tears that had been building begin to fall in a stream down her face.

"Oh sweetie" Hannah murmured brushing the tears from Rachel's face "we are going to beat this, it's just nothing but a hiccup on the road to your very own star" she insisted

Rachel said nothing continuing to cling to Hannah as her father's returned home, talking at her all at once they started to berate her for leaving and not listening to the doctor.

"Rachel you need to address this as an adult" Caleb insisted "your treatment needs to begin straight away"

Rachel ignored him as he and his husband Aaron continued to talk at her, she usually never felt angry at her father's and their behaviour, accepting their faults and flaws, knowing she had just as many if not more.

But now the more they talked at her the more she felt her anger growing "Shut up" she screamed pulling out of Hannah's arms and turning to face them "I know" she insisted "I know, I have to fight this and I have to deal with this situation, but right now, right now I just want to curl up in a ball and wallow, so please stop talking at me" she said storming away up to her bedroom.

Caleb and Aaron glanced at each other in shock as Hannah busied herself with cleaning up the breakfast plates that had been used before they had gone to the hospital, not exactly the Sunday morning they usually had together.

Rachel buried herself inside her duvet for the rest of the day, lounging against her pillows she stared at her ceiling her ear buds in and playing music she wasn't listening to she was ignoring any other sound in the house, and the knocks from anyone on her bedroom door. Ignoring the passage of time she was surprised when her room darkened as night fell, pulling out her headphones she turned her alarm on and closed her eyes, still feeling as numb as she had all day.

Gleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Standing in the hallway with his best friend on a Monday morning Mike did a double take as he saw Rachel heading down towards the choir room, hitting Matt he gestured towards Rachel "am I really seeing that?" he asked

Matt glanced at him and turned to where Mike was looking, Rachel was walking down the hallway wearing a pair of loose jeans, and sneakers she wore a black hoodie with its hood up on her top.

"If you are talking about Rachel wearing jeans and a hoodie then yeah you are seeing it" Matt said "she looks really pale still, how long as she been sick now?"

"Couple of weeks" Mike said worriedly "come on we should get to glee, stupid morning rehearsals" he complained following the path Rachel had taken to the choir room, entering the room Mike frowned as saw Rachel sitting off by herself as the glee kids stood around gossiping.

Quinn was holding onto Puck with a death grip, glaring at him as he glanced at Rachel every few seconds, catching Mike's eye Puck motioned that he should check on the brunette. Matt and Mike nodded and moved towards Rachel unobtrusively "hey Rach" Mike greeted sitting down next to her.

Rachel nodded and pulled her hood up a little further slouching in her chair completely ignoring the glee club and rehearsal, bolting at the end before anyone could talk to her, though Matt, Mike and Puck were the only ones who cared.

The three boys glanced at each other and exited together "she looks really ill" Puck muttered

"She has for a while" Mike said his stomach clenching in worry

A week later Mike's patience snapped, Rachel was still wearing jeans and jumpers, mostly hoodie's with the hood up, she was still pale, if anything she was starting to look worse. Stalking down the hallway he yelled her name "Rachel wait up" he ordered

Rachel skidded to a stop and waited for him as he ran up to her, her eyes continually moving looking for a threat, spotting Karofsky she moved minutely her head ducking to avoid him seeing her. Mike reached her side and grasped her arm to pull her along with him out of the hallway and towards the choir room.

"Mike why are you dragging me off?" she questioned

"Because you have been avoiding everyone this last week" Mike explained guiding her to a seat. Looking at her knowingly as she tried to object knowing that he was right, Rachel had been looking ill for a few weeks now but it had only been the last week that she had avoided everyone while continuing to look worse and worse.

In the last week she hadn't been turning up at lunch, skulked down the hallways avoiding talking to anyone and had even skipped two glee rehearsals, most of glee didn't care except for the gossip that was obviously apparent in Rachel's life and thinking she probably still had the flu.

Still holding her arm he winced as he realised just how thin it felt under his arm, pushing up the sleeve of her sweatshirt he winced as he realised he had caused bruises on her arm "crap I'm sorry, I didn't think I was gripping you that hard" he muttered as he rubbed at the arm.

"It's not you don't worry" Rachel assured him, taking the hand that was resting on his arm and holding it lightly "I bruise easily" she explained lightly yawning a little.

Mike frowned and placed his other hand under her chin to tilt her face to look at her in the eye "babe please what's wrong?" he asked as Matt and Puck entered the room, finally tracking down the two. The two other males sat down next to them, Puck took Rachel's other hand while Matt rested a hand on her shoulder.

The two boys felt pangs of worry as they realised just how fragile Rachel felt underneath them and glanced at each other before they turned their gaze back to Rachel who was avoiding them looking at them, the bags under her eyes prominent as much as her slightly sunken cheeks.

"Rach come one, we always talk truthfully" Puck said gripping her hand a little tighter "what's going on? You look so sick"

"It's just the flu" Rachel mumbled avoiding looking at the boys

"Don't lie" Matt said quietly moving closer to her "you look really sick and you have for a while and we care about you" he insisted. None of them noticing the rest of the glee club entering the room behind them, all of them quiet trying to find out the gossip.

Rachel laughed harshly "yeah I can just see the glee club caring about me"

"Us three care about you" Mike insisted "especially me I really care about you" he insisted pulling her up to sit her on his lap hugging her frail body close to his body, Puck and Matt moved closer to keep contact with Rachel as she relished in the hug, her eyes falling closed she was feeling coddled for the first time since she had hugged Hannah.

"I have cancer" Rachel whispered

Mike felt his stomach clench and hugged Rachel tighter as Puck and Matt moved even closer their arms wrapping around Rachel to hug her tightly.

"Puck!" snapped Quinn, her hand resting lightly on her baby bump not having heard what Rachel had said

"What?" he snarled turning to look at Quinn "god you aint my keeper Quinn back off"

"I'm the mother of your child"

"Yeah and that's it" he insisted turning back to Rachel hugging her again, letting his words sink in.

"Manhands stealing another of my boyfriends?" asked Quinn with a snarl even though she wasn't really upset to not be with Puck as she still had feelings for Finn

"Quinn back off" shouted Mike kissing Rachel on the head as tears welled in his eyes, Matt's eyes also full of tears.

Everyone took a step back in surprise as the quietist person in glee snapped at the pregnant blonde.

"This has nothing to do with you" Mike told her brushing at his eyes, Rachel pulled out of the boys arms and brushed away her own tears before she bolted from the room, Mike followed her quickly, waving to Matt and Puck to stay behind.

Puck turned to Quinn looking apologetically "look we weren't working, but this shit that's going on has nothing to do with you" he told her sitting down and burying his head in his hands, Matt plopping down in the seat next to him mimicking his actions.

Mike caught Rachel as she was ducking into the auditorium and followed her in as she climbed onto the stage, moving to take her back into his arms he held her close to his body and before she could say anything he kissed her firmly on the lips.

"No...No" Rachel protested pulling away "you're only doing this because I have cancer" she complained

"No I'm not" Mike insisted keeping Rachel close to his body "hearing that you have cancer has made me tell you, but I've wanted you for months"

"No, no one wants me" Rachel said shaking her head again failing to see the glee club and Mr Schue walk into the auditorium.

"I want you" Mike told her

"No" Rachel shook her head turning to face the club and collapsing on the stage "Tell me Quinn committing suicide, is the sin in the intent to kill yourself or the act? Because I'm not sure if I even want to fight my cancer" she said sobbing.

The glee club gasped in shock as Mike fell down next to her and put his arms around her "don't say that" he begged her "you have to fight this cancer, I need you to, just like I need you"

"You need me?" Rachel scoffed "yeah you'll need me so much when I'm nauseous from chemotherapy and losing my hair"

"I want you for you not your hair. Please please please fight this"

"I want you to fight as well" Matt said sitting down next to her on the floor, Puck sat down as well and grabbed Rachel's chin to force her to look him in the face.

"You are going to fight this" he declared "because you have to and I'm not letting you give up"

"Yes you have to" Tina said hesitantly "I want you to fight as well"

"Yeah diva, I'm sorry I make you feel bad but I do want you around" Mercedes said "we only didn't care because we thought you just had the flu or something"

Kurt and Artie nodded in agreement, Finn and Jesse looking around nervously not sure how they were supposed to react, but were both crushed that the loud vivacious lead of glee had cancer.

"What cancer?" asked Santana quietly, her grandmother had died from breast cancer, and before she had Santana had seen her waste away from her treatments, she may not like Rachel sometimes but she didn't want that for her.

"The doctor called it acute myeloid leukaemia" Rachel said numbly "it's a cancer of the blood cells" her tears had stopped falling and she was cuddled into Mike's side, Puck holding on to one of her shoulders behind her, while Matt held one of her hands.

"What are your treatment options?" Quinn asked sitting down gingerly on the floor, Rachel's question had really shaken her to the core and didn't really know how to answer it.

"Just chemotherapy" Rachel replied "my first round is tomorrow"

"Then we will be there" Mike told her

"Fuck yeah it's like the best excuse to skip school ever and your Jewish so mom won't have a go at me" Puck added with a laugh bringing the first smile to Rachel's face that they had seen in week.

"Yeah us diva's have to stick together through thick and thin" Kurt said wishing he hadn't been so mean to Rachel "we will all be there won't we?" he asked but in fact demanded of the club.

"Of Course we will" Quinn insisted her patented death glare hitting everyone in the club except the three boys huddled around Rachel already.

Everyone nodded in agreement "yeah course" Santana and Brit said in unison, though Brit didn't really understand what was going on.

"We'll always be there for you Rach, we may not have in the past but we will now" Finn told her Jesse nodding from where he stood next to Finn. Artie, Tina and Mercedes all agreed as well.

"I don't want you to be my friends because I'm dying" Rachel said harshly pulling out of Mike's arms and standing up to walk away again "even I deserve more than that" she shouted slamming the auditorium door behind her.

The glee club looked at each other in shock, both at the fact Rachel had cancer, and that she was right she did deserve for them to be her friend all the time not just when they were feeling guilty. Mike got to his feet and looked down at the sitting glee club including Mr Schuester and glared at them "just take a minute and think about it. How many times has Rachel been there for you and you have thrown it back in her face?" he snapped, him and Matt stalking away comfortable in the fact they hadn't ever hurt Rachel deliberately.

Puck jumped up "he's right, ok I tortured the fuck out of Berry I'll admit it but I apologised. Hummel Mercedes you continually put her down cos you have your own dramas and putting Rachel down makes you feel better about yourself. Finn you say she cares about her reputation too much, fuck dude that's all you care about, choosing football over glee ring a bell? San Brit please you torture her because someone tells you to and your jealous that she is comfortable in being her" he snarled before turning to Mr Schue and Quinn

"Don't even get me started on you two, Quinn you slept with me and got knocked up and you moan that its then end of your life and we should all feel sorry for you? It's called fucking karma stop putting Rachel down cos you can't understand that your problems are yours, you want to say that Rachel was moving in on your boy and that's why you slept with me bullshit! You made that decision so stop blaming her. Schue you, you are the worst you make her work ten times harder for a solo and you put her down all the time, like the Glist yeah Quinn did it and you support her hide it from Figgins as well even though she messed up but Rachel does the same and you have a go at her for it. We have been the biggest dicks to that girl" he finished before following Matt and Mike out of the room.

Gleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Mike pulled up in front of Rachel's house the next morning with Matt and Puck just as Rachel was exiting the house with Hannah; her father's both had meetings or court today that Rachel had insisted they go to, not needing the added stress of them being there.

Rachel stopped at the top of the porch steps as Mike exited the car and walked up to her "I said I would be here" he told her kissing her again as he had been dreaming about for months, Rachel stood shocked as his lips touched her own again before finally kissing back. She glanced up at the tall seventeen year old and felt her icy heart melt as she saw the care and love in his eyes, making her kick herself for not pursuing the attraction she had felt towards him since he had joined glee instead fixing her eyes solely on Finn.

Mike smiled in relief as he felt Rachel kiss him back a little hesitantly but still kissing him back, he smoothed a hand across her cheek and slid an arm around her waist before offering his hand to Hannah who had been looking on in amusement.

Hannah shook his hand and then Puck and Matt's as they appeared next to them both of them hugging Rachel hello "would you like to drive with us" Hannah offered "make it easier for everyone"

"Sounds good" Mike said passing his keys to Matt to lock the car as he got into the back seat of Hannah's Range Rover with Rachel in the middle an arm wrapped firmly around her shoulders, noting the bags under her eyes he pulled her head down to rest in the crook of his neck "sleep" he murmured into her hair pressing a kiss to her head as her eyes closed.

Hannah glanced back from the driver's seat and smiled "she hasn't slept well since she found out" she told them "apparently it will get worse as well" she added her smile dropping and the fear for Rachel falling into place on her face.

"Worse?" asked Puck quietly wrapping his jacket around Rachel as she shivered next to him on the back seat.

"The side effects of the chemotherapy, fatigue, weight loss, nausea, weakened immune system" Hannah listed her eyes filling with tears, Matt in the passenger seat next to her smiled tightly and grabbed the woman's hand squeezing gently. Hannah was a gentle fifty year old woman, still as thin as she had been when she had been a teenager herself she had looked after Rachel all her life, had been there to kiss every scraped knee and applaud at every dance recital.

Hannah smiled gratefully at Matt as she pulled into the hospital parking lot, Mike reluctantly waking Rachel up to walk into to the oncology department, getting into scrubs she almost completely ignored the nurse who was talking to her about the procedure she was about to go through. Walking into the treatment room she smiled nervously at her friends, Hannah and Mike, whatever he was to her now.

Mike saw her smile and moved towards her taking her hands to led her to sit down on the padded chair for her, leaning over he brushed his lips against hers and took the seat next to her as the nurse wrapped blankets over legs putting insulation around her feet to protect them, before a doctor came in to insert the needle into her arm, the nurse handing her a ice lolly.

Rachel looked up in surprise as she was handed a cola flavoured ice lolly "it's to protect your mouth" the nurse explained smiling "your friends can have some to" she added pointing to the freezer before leaving the five of them.

"Hi" said a small voice from the doorway the group looked up to see Quinn, Tina and Artie in the doorway, coming up behind them was the rest of the glee club all looking sheepish and guilty. Rachel smiled weakly from where she was sitting as they all came into the private treatment room Rachel was sitting in.

"We owe you an apology" Quinn continued sitting down "Puck told us a few home truths yesterday that were hard to swallow but he was right we treat you like crap, and we are sorry"

"Yeah" Santana said surprisingly "we are sorry, me and Brit I mean we shouldn't treat you so badly just because you're comfortable with who you are"

Rachel smiled weakly as Mike handed her another ice lolly "it's ok" Rachel assured them "but after I beat my leukaemia if you go back to your former behaviour I will have to kill you" she added laughingly.

"Not happening" Brit promised, it had taken her a while to understand what was going on and cried herself to sleep last night after she realised what Rachel was going through, now she impulsively hugged the brunette before sitting on the floor next to her chair.

Mike grinned at the usually ditsy blonde and knew that she was a fiercely loyal friend after she accepted a person as a friend and from now on Rachel would have difficulty in getting rid of Brit.

Kurt and Mercedes added their apologies before they sat down on the floor as well, everyone crowding around Rachel's chair.

"So how is it?" asked Finn nodding at the needle in Rachel's arm

"Oh you know just poison being pumped into my veins" Rachel said flippantly, as everyone laughed "Tina Artie how was your date this weekend?" she asked.

Tina knew Rachel was trying to distract herself so her and Artie launched into a conversation which led on to other peoples date stories, Jesse telling a funny story about twins he had dated that kept swapping which had everyone in stitches.

Mike smiled and leant over to Rachel's ear as they all laughed "the minute you get out of here today we are going on a date" he whispered in her ear kissing her again. The glee club all went quiet as they saw Mike kiss Rachel.

Jesse and Finn felt pangs of jealousy as Rachel kissed him back, Puck grinned and fist bumped Matt. Finn glanced away and struggled to bring his anger back in control, knowing he had already had his chance with Rachel and blown it, while Jesse had his own private reasons for wanting Rachel to be his.

Rachel smiled and held Mikes hand a little tighter, knowing she was risking bruises but not caring, her and Mike had always had chemistry but she had been too scared to act on it, hearing she had cancer had scared her into taking more risks, and this was a risk she was glad to take.

Sitting back in his chair Mike grinned proudly not realising he had just silenced the entire club who were looking elsewhere awkwardly.

"So how long till we know if the chemo is working?" asked Matt saving everyone.

"I have a three more treatments then they will check via blood tests" Rachel answered him

"So we just have to wait?" asked Puck angrily

"Well you have to wait" Rachel said "I have to potentially lose my hair, battle fatigue and nausea and make sure I don't get any other infections of illness, oh and shiver a lot"

Suitably chastised Puck grabbed an ice lolly and sucked it petulantly as everyone laughed.

"Right so bad times ahead for you" Quinn said "but we will be here to help you through it all, you are throwing up? We will be there to hold your hair, cold? We will get you a jacket"

"Tired? My car is perfect for coffee runs" Kurt added "and Vogue says Echinacea is perfect for fighting off infections and its herbal so it's good for your skin"

"Thank you" Rachel said quietly looking around at her friends who were all gazing at her with pride and strength.