Title: Concentration
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Certain thoughts keep Sidney from concentrating.
Pairing: Hawkeye/BJ, one-sided Hawkeye/Sidney
A/N: For Hawkeye's Martini because she made me a kickass icon.
Sidney sighs and closes his book. He's in the VIP tent trying to read, since he can't sleep. His concentration is shot, however, and his mind continues to wander and remember what happened earlier that day.
Sidney supposes he shouldn't really be surprised; Hawkeye and BJ have always been joined at the hip. He suspects if he hadn't been so wrapped up in his own feelings, he might have noticed before today, and wouldn't have had the shock of his life walking into the supply tent.
He closes his eyes, as if in pain, as the memories of BJ and Hawkeye, embraced, kissing, together, flood into his mind for possibly the millionth time that day. He remembers standing there, staring, feeling like he'd just been punched in the gut a few times. Sidney remembers BJ and Hawkeye noticing him and breaking apart abruptly. He remembers he barely managed an apology before bolting.
Logically, he knows he has no right to feel betrayed. He never told Hawkeye about his feelings, there was never anything but friendship between them. His feelings don't seem to be logical, however, and he thinks it hurts more, this way, to know that Hawkeye could have felt something for him, but just doesn't. He's already taken.
There's a knock on the door suddenly, and Sidney calls out for the person to enter. Of course, it turns out to be the one person he'd rather not have to talk to. "Hawkeye."
"Hi, Sidney," Hawkeye says, slightly sadly.
"Did you need something?"
"We have to talk."
Sidney nods and Hawkeye sits down. "About - "
"About earlier."
"I won't tell anyone, I - "
"How low do you think of me that you'd think I could have seen your face and then only care about covering my butt?"
"I'm not sure I - "
"Sidney, don't lie to me. I saw your expression - I don't think I've ever seen someone look more in pain."
"Hawkeye, I don't know what to say. It's complicated."
"You're telling me." Hawkeye sighs. "Why me, Sidney, what's so great about me?"
"You're compassionate, you're intelligent, you're Hawkeye, I just..." Sidney trails off.
"Sidney, you're a great friend, but - "
"You love him."
"I think so."
Sidney nods and says, "I see." That's not what he wants to say; he wants to ask about BJ's wife and child, and if he really thinks BJ would leave them for Hawkeye - but he doesn't. He can't.
"I'm sorry, Sidney," Hawkeye stands up.
"So am I, Hawkeye." Hawkeye sighs and turns and leaves.
Sidney sits, staring after him before shaking his head and picking up his book to try to read again.
He still can't concentrate.
He still can't sleep.
He doesn't want to.
End
