Do you know what I really hate?
People who run around school bitching about their problems as if no one else in the entire school has any problems of their own.
This is a short story about a girl (maybe) who sulks around school and complains to people who really don't want to hear it.
"Twilight" – a pathetic excuse for a book… or movie.
Bella, the bitchiest emo prick that one could ever meet, walked into the doors of her high school, whatever the fuck it was called, and immediately felt the urge to commence bitching. She didn't care who she was bitching to, she just needed to release her pent up emotions that had been boiling within her for approximately five seconds. OH MY GAWSH! SHE HATED SCHOOL! SOME BOY HAD DROPPED HIS BISKET—HIS FUCKING BISKET—RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER FEET OUTSIDE OF THE FRONT DOORS! WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH THAT? FUCK! I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, HOW DARE HE! THAT SON OF A BITCH!
Bella screamed these thoughts out into the hall, mindlessly. She knew that EVERYONE had to care about her tragic difficulties, for she WAS the most important shit on Earth!
Bella also had the most annoying habit of spiriting (kinda…more like waddling) to lunch because she insisted on have the first piece of greasy pizza the lunch ladies heated up. One day while she was spiriting to lunch, she fell down a short set of stairs and sprained her ankle.
"OH MY GAWD! SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP ME!" Bella screamed as several students stepped over her without caring.
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHY ARE YOU NOT HELPING ME? I HATE MY LIFE! I SHOULD JUST GO KILL MYSELF!" She yelled.
"Yeah, maybe you should," an anonymous passerby said as she leaped over her.
"YOU'RE GONNA FEEL REALLY BBAADD IF I ACTUALLY KILL MYSELF TONIGHT! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW HARD MY LIFE IS! AHHHHHHHHHH!"
The school nurse arrived on the scene, looking obviously annoyed to be wasting her time with this annoying little—*ahem* large—prick.
Suddenly another large freak appeared out of nowhere and carried Bella's fat ass to the roof top.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
"OH MEH GAWD! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? DID YOU JUST FUCKING FLY! HOLY FUCKING JESUS, ARE YOU A VAMPIRE?"
"Yes," said the glittering, sexy, butch-lesbian figure.
Bella was aware that vampires roamed the Earth from her orgasmic reading of annoying-as-hell vampire romance novels.
"HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF JESUS! WHAT'S UR NAME?"
"Edward Cummin."
"I'M PRETTY SURE YOU MEAN 'EDWARD CULLEN!'" screamed Bella exasperatedly.
"Nah, it was always Edward Cummin, but the author had to change the name for legal purposes. Wow, you look like you came straight from the Big & Tall magazine! How's that ankle, you sexy betch?"
"IT IS FINE NOW THAT I AM WITH U! MAKE ME A FUCKING VAMPIRE, SO WE CAN GO INTO THE GIRL'S BATHROOM AND FUCKKKKK!"
"Of course, my big lard blood bitchy muffin," she said as she dug her fangs into Bella's unwashed neck.
"OH MY GAWDDDD! THIS SOOOOO TURNS ME O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-ONNNNN! I LUV UR FANGS, EDWARD! HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUH! KEEP IT CUMMING!"
Eventually the transformation was complete. No longer was Bella an obese, wrist-slitting fugly human being, she was now an obese, wrist-slitting fugly, SPARKLING VAMPIRE! HOY FUCKING SHIT—THE END!
Well, how was that, Twifags? Please leave a review! Thank you for your time and patience.
