Shared Memories

Summary: Babylon 5 fan-fiction. Set just after 'Very Long Night of Londo Mollari'. The combined effort to save Londo's life has had both Londo and G'Kar revisting the memories of their time on Centauri Prime, and seeking them in a new light. But when all's said and done, is their newfound view enough to bridge the gulf between them?

Chapter One: Long Association (G'Kar's POV)

"I'm sorry. G'Kar...I'm sorry."

Words he'd never expected to hear. At least not from Londo, of all people. G'Kar settled back into his chair, frowning at the far wall.

Sheridan, perhaps, might have said those words. Had said them, once or twice. Deleen as well. Micheal Garibaldi had said them more than once, when he'd seen the scars left by G'Kar's imprisonment, and heard the Narn had gone to look for him. But Londo...

G'Kar shook his head, trying to banish thoughts that wouldn't settle. The entire past two days had been strange enough to induce a headache for him. He'd heard, like half the station, that Londo Mollari had collapsed of heart failure. As long as they'd been at each others throats, he'd expected to feel...happy. Relieved, at least. He hadn't expected to be concerned. He hadn't expected the voice, deep inside, that didn't want the infuriating Centauri Ambassador to go. Hadn't expected the deep seated feeling that had drawn him to the other man's bedside, against all odds, reliving their shared past as he watched Mollari fight for his life.

They'd met during the Earth-Minbari War, very briefly. Both trying to offer influence to the young human government. But even then there'd been something between them. Something in Londo's eyes that startled him, that first meeting. That made both of them hesitate. He wanted to believe it had been simple surprise, that one moment of measuring each other up, deciding where the other man stood.

He couldn't remember what conclusion he'd come to, if he'd bothered. It didn't matter. Only a few years later, the Babylon 5 station had been built, they'd both become ambassadors and the situation had quickly resolved itself into one they both felt comfortable with. Hate. Pure, undiluted, unreasonable hate. Hatred simply because, on his side, the other man was the 'evil oppressive Centauri'. What Londo had hated him for he had no idea, possibly simply that he was a Narn. By the end of their first few months, he'd made it personal by attacking Ragesh 3 and holding Londo's nephew at gunpoint. By the time the Shadow War broke out, they'd each had a list a mile long of insults, slights, and provocations. He couldn't even remember all of them, though he was certain he'd written them down in his journal somewhere.

Deepest and worst, for him at least, had been the moment when the old Emperor had offered to speak with him. He had delivered a message through Franklin saying that he wished to redress the wrongs done to the Narns, and wanted to start by becoming G'Kar's friend, if only for the short time he had left. For one strange, exhilarating moment, he'd believed things could change. Then he'd received word that Narns had been bombed and attacked, that war had been started, and Mollari had been behind it. That his people were being oppressed again, and he could do nothing. He'd have killed Mollari then, if he could. Ripped him apart with his bare hands. He'd even tried, and only Sheridan had stopped him.

G'Kar glanced around his room, remembering how he'd destroyed it in the wake of Sheridan's defense of Mollari. Even knowing the human was right hadn't helped. He'd torn apart everything he could and broken every stick of furniture in an all-consuming rage of grief, then collapsed to the floor to weep. He was grateful that Sheridan had said nothing of it. Even more grateful that Mollari had never known, what that moment had done.

A grim smile crossed his face. Strange, how he'd been forced to defend Mollari's life after that. His own people wanted to assassinate the Centauri, but he'd known that Sheridan was right. If they moved in vengeance, they lost all hope of support from the others. Not that they'd gotten much help, but anything was better than none. He'd at least received sanctuary, and kept one member of the government alive. Of course, it had cost him a knife in the back, when his own people became angry that he wouldn't let them rage.

Perhaps it had been that, or perhaps it had simply been his own pain and anger, that had led him to take the human drug known as Dust. A highly potent thing that had temporarily given him the abilities of a telepath. He'd used them to break open Mollari's mind, wreaking another kind of destruction in his wake, until the Vorlon had stopped him. Until Kosh had stepped into his mind and told him that the only hope he had of saving his people was to forgive Mollari, and the Centauri. Had offered him a chance for salvation, the price being to forgo vengeance.

He'd remembered that. Remembered enough to release Mollari. Remembered it even though he hated the man for what was done to his world. Even when he'd hated Mollari for what had been done to him. G'Kar settled back, staring unseeing at the wall. Remembering.

The Face of an Enemy (Londo's POV)

"I'm sorry. G'Kar...I'm sorry."

Words he'd never expected to say. Certainly not to G'Kar, of all people. Londo frowned, and shifted against the hospital pillows, trying to get comfortable. He wished Vir were here. His assistant, friend if he was willing to admit it, would distract him from the thoughts that circled around his head.

He hadn't expected G'Kar to be there when he woke. Even though he'd known, somehow, that G'Kar was there, in his mind, he hadn't expected the Narn to be there, beside his bed. Watching him. And how the other man had heard him through the glass was a mystery he couldn't even begin to fathom. Even thinking about why and how the Narn had wound up saving him made his head hurt.

He remembered when he'd first seen G'Kar's face. Seen it in a dream of his own demise. The Narn who would one day strangle him to death. At the time, he'd had no notion who it was. But then, he'd encountered G'Kar on Earth, where they were both dealing with the humans, and he'd known that this was the man to whom his destiny was tied. That this man was his enemy.

A grim smile touched his face. Of course, G'Kar hadn't known any of that. He didn't know about the Centauri ability to see their deaths. And Londo had never told him. But...he remembered that first true meeting. That instant of sizing each other up, and the split second when G'Kar's surprise had mirrored his own shock. He'd wondered often since then if his feelings had simply been too strong, or if G'Kar was somehow telepathic. A natural telepath on a very low level, one who'd been somehow protected. Or perhaps even then, the ties of destiny had begun to wind around them, pulling them into the strange bond they now shared.

Not that it had mattered. Barely a handful of years later, they'd both come to Babylon 5. Within months, the Narns had attacked Ragesh 3 and captured his nephew, Carn. The unprovoked attack had ignited fury in his stomach, in his hearts, and he'd directed it to the nearest available target. G'Kar. That the man deserved it had mattered less than the fact that he was Narn, that he was there, and most of all, that he was destined to be an enemy anyway, so they might as well start things out on the right foot. Besides, he knew G'Kar hated him for being Centauri, and he thought he might as well return the sentiment.

The years since then had been filled with incidents, petty and otherwise. Not that either of them ceased to be ambassadors, but neither of them minded digging in a needle, or causing a scene. G'Kar had stolen important files from him once, and he'd retaliated. Sometimes, he did things simply to shake G'Kar up. He still remembered his birthday party, where he'd been granted a divorce, and had invited the entire station. He'd even invited G'Kar, knowing full well the Narn understood protocol, and would do his best to flaunt it in some way. He'd been delighted when G'Kar had behaved true to form and shown up wearing boots. It had been so much fun to make light of it, to wrap his arm around G'Kar's shoulders talk about 'his good friend G'Kar'. To watch the Narn's face twitch in confusion, and watch him walk away, muttering about a headache.

Londo sighed and shifted once more on the medical bed. He wondered, idly, what might have happened, had he not accepted Morden's aid. Had he not, in a fit of pique, told the man he wanted to see the Empire restored and the Narns wiped out, or at least ground into the dirt. He'd been annoyed, he'd been provoked but somehow, he knew deep in his soul that he'd gone too far. Whatever G'Kar had done, and he'd done a great number of things, it all paled in comparison to that one moment when he, Londo, had done the unthinkable.

His Emperor had wanted peace, and G'Kar had come to him, speaking of the possibility of change. Of ending the feud. But he hadn't wanted to take the risk, and he'd sent the Shadows to attack. He knew G'Kar would never forgive him that. Knew it wasn't the attack that had ignited the fire of hatred between them, so much as it was the betrayal. The Narn had lowered his guard for one moment, and Mollari had shoved a knife in and broken it into the wound. He knew G'Kar had tried to kill him for it, and hadn't blamed him. He'd done the same over Ragesh 3. And just the same, the humans had formed a wall between them. Londo had watched, and wondered briefly if he should let the Narn kill him. He hadn't been surprised when they'd declared war, and he'd known in his hearts that they were doomed, because he had the Shadows, and G'Kar had...no one.

Londo winced at the memories, wishing they would go away. Wishing Dr. Franklin would let him have alcohol so he could get drunk and refuse to see them, as he had so often since that day. Wishing Vir would show up to chat with him, yell at him, fuss over him. Anything but the introspection. Of course, nothing was forthcoming. It was the middle of the night, after all. He sighed, and resigned himself to his memories.

He remembered the months of the war, from the time it began to the time the Narns had been forced into submission, with mass drivers hurling asteroids at the planet. It had been a terrible thing to do, and he'd been almost surprised that G'Kar hadn't tried to kill him again. After seeing what the rain of rock had done, he'd gotten drunk. Very drunk. Drunk enough that he wouldn't have noticed if the infuriated Narn had tried to strangle him to death.

Of course, G'kar had known better. Instead, he'd devised a much more powerful revenge. He'd drugged himself, then attacked, using human drugs to enhance telepathy and break into Mollari's mind. That day was still one of his worst nightmares. He dreamed sometimes, of finding G'Kar standing over him, mocking him, of feeling the Narn ripping through his mind, his memories, looking for every humiliating scrap he could find and gloating. What had stopped the man, he never knew, much less why G'Kar had called for a med team, and a security team, and turned himself in. The very oddness of it had been why he hadn't pressed for a maximum sentence, or asked Sheridan to have the Narn thrown off the station.

Londo frowned into the darkness once more. Odd. G'Kar's invasion of his mind and memories had been one of his worst nightmares. And yet...the Narn had apparently done it again, while he was on his deathbed. Had stepped into his mind, across the gap between them, and taken his hand. Oh, he'd been brutal, harsh, and terrifying, but the memory of that dark confrontation didn't frighten him this time. It was, in many ways, almost a relief. He wondered why. He cast his mind over the shadowy fragments of the dreams. They'd definitely relived parts of his past, the parts he drank to forget. But then, those memories had been ones he and G'kar shared. Memories of blood and fire and pain. He hadn't dared to look at them, not wanting to see them, but in the wake of what had happened...Mollari relaxed and let his mind take him where it would.

Author's Note: This story does contain a lot of flash-backs and introspection as opposed to action. And a lot of back and forth POV. I really wanted to capture the way both of these guys felt about the events that led to this moment. Hope you enjoy!