Chapter One: My friend, one crack

This is my new fanfic, on one of my all time favourite shows. It is in Elena's pov and it is set during season three (around the middle probably) except Damon never got bitten so Stefan never joined Klaus and he is still with Elena. Damon never admitted his feelings in season 2 (when he "killed" Jeremy) either but both of the Salvatore brothers love her very much. I love Damon and this will show his feelings for Elena but I also love Stelena so this has a bit of both of them really. I am going to change a lot of things though so be warned haha I really hope you like it and there is a big twist at the end.

I feel numb.

Everyone around me is crying, I suppose I should be grieving too but I can't feel it. This is the second funeral I have been to since my parent's death, Jenna's was first.

I cried at hers. Why aren't I crying now? Has death become so normal to me? It's not that I'm not in pain, I wish more then anything that Caroline was still alive, she was one of my best friends and as I stand here I realise I never told her that.

Bonnie is a wreck, I want to hug her or tell her it will be ok but my throat is dry and my body is stiff.

I try to think of anything else, but my thoughts keep drifting back to the day she died. She was so happy, she always was. Tyler had finally said those three little words, they had been dating for months and Caroline was worried he didn't feel the same way. She was talking like a maniac, telling me every little detail. The words just kept rolling out of her mouth and I could tell she was happy.

I wasn't really listening, now I wish I had. Instead I was thinking about what Stefan had told me, that Klaus would stop at nothing to kill me. The idea was still hard to grasp, that I was so important. Slowly I playback Caroline's last words to me, they were said quickly and meaninglessly but standing here they mean more to me then anything else "Got to go, love ya." That was the last time I ever heard my best friend speak and I was barely listening.

Stefan was right, Klaus would stop at nothing to kill me, including torturing and murdering one of my best friends. I hate him. More to the point I hate myself, I did this. If it wasn't for me, Caroline would never have been turned and wouldn't have been involved. She wouldn't have been in agony while she died and she would be happy, right now.

I look around; my eyes pass Bonnie and go towards Caroline's parents. Her father's face is cold and I question why he bothered to come. He brought her close enough to death once before, now he stands there and acts like he cares. It occurs to me that the lack of tears on my face may be making me look just as heartless as her father. Caroline's mother is in tears, but she seems to be trying to control herself and I notice that Mr Forbes' arm is wrapped lightly around her waist, as though to comfort her.

Mrs Lockwood is here, I was surprised to see her turn up, Tyler's death shook her and I feel as though she blames Caroline slightly.

I guess I indirectly killed Tyler too, he couldn't bear life without Caroline and so he ended it. They would be together now if I wasn't here. Stefan and Damon are standing side by side, they are further back and they both have the same cold expression. I know Stefan was upset by Caroline's death, they had gotten closer when she turned and I almost envy how he can grieve, feel her death. I still expect her to come round the corner and tell me to stop looking so serious.

Damon's reaction was less expected, he didn't seem to care when I told him, but later I heard him trashing his room and screaming some words I couldn't make out. Stefan said he was probably feeling guilty, I'm not so sure.

Jeremy is standing next to Bonnie, his eyes are watered but he too refuses to cry. Just as I glance at my brother, a strange feeling washes over me. I remember when I was eight and Caroline was showing me a new doll she had gotten. There is nothing special about this memory, but the pain which now engulfs me is so unbearable I have to quickly leave the room. Stefan's eyes follow me as I rush out and I can sense he is behind me as I run outside. I keep running until my side burns, then I lean against a tree and sob. I can feel the tears falling against my cheek but I don't concentrate on them, instead I focus on the pain in my stomach. The idea that I will never see Caroline again has grabbed hold of me and I realise I am screaming out. It takes me a while to take in what I am saying as my tears muffle my voice.

Then I hear them.

The words which are going around in my head.

I am screaming them over and over.

"No, please God no."

These words keep on spinning round, filling me up with anger. I feel less human somehow, as though all the death that I have caused has taken apart of my soul, apart of me.

Stefan is saying something to comfort me, I only now realise he is here. His voice is crisp but I don't pay much attention to his words, instead I think about Caroline.

The words continue to come out of my mouth and eventually I look up at the boy I love and ask him the one thing I know he can't do "Please make her come back."

His eyes look at me and I can tell his heart is breaking "I'm sorry." He whispers.

I didn't know it then but Damon was watching me, he was trying to stop himself from crying. It's odd how you can be so oblivious to someone's love.

So I killed of one of my favourite characters in the first chapter, that proves how different this fic is going to be haha if Caroline actually dies I will go on protest! Also my favourite couples on the show are Stefan&Elena Damon&Katherine Caroline&Tyler and Jeremy&Anna. But there will be more Damon&Elena (you will see why later)