A/N: Simply my take on Lindsay's upcoming leave of absence - how it would play out if I were in control of things at CBS. ;) Will be seven chapters, presented in blocks of time, alternating POV. Thanks to Maijajo for her beta assistance
Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with CBS/CSI, and I don't lay claim to these characters. Just borrowing them in order to appease some plot bunnies.


Only Time

0:00

"So that's why I'm doing this. That's why I'm saying goodbye… like this. I'm sorry, Danny, but I'll see you again soon."

Lindsay pushed the 'stop' button on the tiny tape recorder in her hand. She was seated at her desk, door closed, lights off. It was done: the hardest thing she would ever have to do. No, on second thought, the hardest thing would be walking away without seeing his face one more time. Yet she knew that seeing his face – the eyes that mirrored his every emotion, the wrinkle of concern in his forehead when he looked at her lately – would surely make her crack. Her courage would slip away, like a handful of sand. She'd be tempted to stay here in New York, forget about Montana, and lose herself in him. That just could not happen – she needed to go. She needed to close a very dark chapter from her past, and other people were counting on her to close their own chapters. She reminded herself that going now meant returning to, hopefully, a future with Danny.

She had made the decision to create the audio tape just over twelve hours ago, when she found out she would be leaving today. She received the phone call from Bozeman, booked the plane ticket, and then cried for half an hour, wondering how to say goodbye to Danny. Face to face would be impossible, she knew that much. Confessing to a tiny silver machine would be less painful, more cathartic. And it was – voicing her fears and hopes and honesty was easier than she expected. The things she had told him on this tape were things that she would have struggled to get out in person. She opened her heart to him, and now he would see every inch of it – the pure, the ugly, the in between. It was up to him now, whether he wanted to wait for her return, or move on with his life… without her.

She stood up from her desk shakily, wondering for a moment if her knees might give way beneath her. The mental strength it had taken to record this message had also managed to zap her physical resources. Still, the work was not done quite yet. Now she had to plant the tape and make a hasty getaway before running into Danny, or anyone else. She had notified Mac the evening before; he wouldn't be expecting her in today, or for several weeks. It was still too early for many people to be in the lab, but before long they would begin arriving in droves. She had to move, if she wanted her plan to work.

After returning the tape recorder to the AV lab, Lindsay crept down the dark corridor that led to the locker rooms - men on the left, women on the right. She pressed lightly on the men's door, opening it a crack, listening to any sounds that might signal occupants. Nothing – no water running, no voices, no clanging of metal doors. Even the lights were off. With a deep breath, she slipped silently inside, every step echoing in the clammy cavern. She carefully surveyed the rows of lockers: none had locks, so finding Danny's would involve peeking inside each one in a process of elimination. She figured she possessed the skills needed to deduce and assume correctly – she was a scientist, after all.

It took only five tries. When she opened locker number 384, she could smell him – that smell had been ingrained in her memory for nearly ten months, since he had carried her across the apartment roof. It was her experiment, a favor he granted, but being in his arms had been the ultimate reward. And then she found herself in his embrace once again, just a few months ago after her near-tragic undercover job. She had never been able to pinpoint that smell; but it was salty and sharp like the ocean, warm and spicy like apple pie. Yes, this was Danny's locker. The strip of masking tape that read "Messer" on the inside mirror wasn't necessary for her to make that deduction.

Taking the case that contained the miniature tape, she set it on the front center of the shelf. Conveniently, it was located right at eye level, meaning Danny would likely see it as soon as he opened the door. She wondered what his reaction would be – to this electronic method of goodbye, to her absence. Her intuition told her that she wouldn't have answers until she returned, and that the possibilities would plague her days and nights until then.

For a moment, Lindsay allowed her eyes to linger over the other locker contents: a comb, a pack of chewing gum, a spare t-shirt, a pair of strange, fingerless black gloves and a blue ball. His department-issued lab coat hung inside, and she fingered it gently. Soon, in less than an hour, this fabric would be meeting his skin, clinging to his body in a way she could only dream of.

She jumped suddenly, shaking herself out of her reverie. She needed to get out of here before anyone saw her, and before she missed her flight. Lightly pushing Danny's locker door shut behind her, she exited the room as quietly as she came in, then made a break for the elevator.

Outside, Lindsay blinked back tears as reality hit her. She was, in fact, leaving. The lab had become her home away from home; the team, her family. Her attempt to start a fresh new life had fallen somewhat short, but the people she had developed bonds with would be sorely missed. She knew that her friends supported her, and would be waiting anxiously for her return. But the thought that kept the lump in her throat was Danny, and the unanswered questions that would trail her to Montana. Could she count on him to be patient, after everything she had put him through? Would he understand why she couldn't do what she wanted to do until she became the person she wanted to be?

It was in his hands now. All she could do was hope.

And wait.


Coming next: 30 Minutes