"Sawamura."
The moment he heard his name, he knew something was very very wrong. He turned to face the other boy, readying himself for the worst. Was he going to tell him he wasn't in the first string anymore? Did he do so badly in the last game? Did he do bad enough to be kicked out of the team?
"What's wrong, Miyuki?" he asked with a sigh.
"I talked to the coach." Said the other, no sign of his typical smirk. Sawamura was more than worried.
"A-about what?" choking on his own words.
"He agreed to choose you as new Captain when I graduate."
Sawamura was so shocked he found himself at a loss of words. He just looked at Miyuki, waiting for his vicious laugh to make fun of him. But it didn't happen. There was only a small but genuine smile on Miyuki's lips.
"You asked him to choose me?"
Now that made Miyuki laugh. "Yes."
"Why? You despise me! You spent two years making fun of me every time you had the chance!" Sawamura didn't know why he felt so angry.
"You're so dense, Sawamura." Said the other, bitterly.
"See!? That's what I mean!"
"You're the perfect candidate! You're already doing the job. Your spirit is leading and cheering everyone already. You just need me to get out of your way!"
"I—I don't—"
Miyuki laughed again, louder this time. He was enjoying the moment.
"I still don't understand why. I mean, you hate me!"
"We despise what we can't get."
Sawamura looked even more confused. Miyuki couldn't help but laugh even more. Fortunately the corridor was empty.
"What do you mean?" Sawamura asked with that tone of his that made him look like a child.
Miyuki sighed, "I like you, you idiot! I liked you since the first day I met you. I figured you didn't feel the same, so I spared myself of the humiliation and pain of a confession. But now, I'm going to graduate. I have nothing to lose. I'm in love with you, Sawamura Eijun."
Sawamura woke up screaming. The dream still vivid in front of his eyes. Kuramochi murmured something that sounded like "Shut up" and continue to sleep. Sawamura was panting, why was he so affected by a dream? It was just a dream! And what was that about Miyuki being Captain? Yuki-senpai was the captain, and it would be at least another year and a half before Miyuki's graduation. It was just a weird dream.
Sawamura tried to find another comfortable position and to fall back asleep, but he failed. With a resigned sigh he got up and walked silently out of the room. The chill night air shook slowly away all the remnant of the dream, while Sawamura walked around the dorms clearing his head.
When he was totally sure it was far behind him, he went back to his room and fell back to sleep. When the alarm went off in the morning, he didn't even remember that unsettling dream.
The day passed by uneventful, as usual, until it was time for the afternoon practice. Since the day was hot, Furuya couldn't practise outside and Sawamura was placed with Miyuki. The moment he found himself in front of the catcher, the dream flashed back into his mind.
"I'm in love with you"
He was so distracted he couldn't pitch properly; Miyuki had to pull some stunts to catch the ball and couldn't even bring himself to tease the pitcher.
"Sawamura, what the hell? I'm in love with you. Let's call it a day."
Sawamura couldn't believe what he heard. Was he still dreaming? Did Miyuki find out somehow about the dream and was now kidding him? That bastard. He didn't realize he was so angry.
"What did you just say?" he yelled at the catcher.
"I said you're not pitching well. Let's call it a day!" and after a pause he heard "I'm in love with you".
Now he understood that Miyuki didn't say it, but his mind was playing tricks on him. Why was it happening?
"One more, please!" he asked and bowed to the catcher, which was unusual.
Miyuki sighed and went back to position. "Just one."
"I'm in love with you."
"I'm in love with you."
"I'm in love with you."
Sawamura pitched with all his might to push away that echo. But he did it so wildly the ball changed direction and hit Miyuki's mask, causing the catcher to fall backwards.
"Kaz—" Kazuya? Since when were they on a first name basis? "Miyuki?" Sawamura corrected himself while running towards the catcher. "Are you alright? I'm sorry!"
The other boy was already sitting up when Sawamura reached him. "Oh-Ah. Hey Sawamura, I didn't know you had a twin! Does he play baseball too?" he said, clearly dazed.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Sawamura chanted, feeling guilty. If he was a bit more focused on the other he would have noticed the half-hidden grin on his face.
"I think I need help. Would you carry me to the changing room?"
"Yosh!" said Sawamura and immediately helped the catcher to stand and proceeded to carry him.
Once inside Miyuki removed his helmet and struggled with his clothes. "Can you undress me, Sawamura?"
"W-What?" eyes open in surprise, Sawamura didn't know if he heard it or if he was completely losing his mind.
"Too much?" asked the other, the devilish smirk on his lips once again. The confused look Sawamura gave him made him laugh so hard he had to sit down and grab his sides.
"You should have seen your face!" Miyuki managed to say, short of breath.
"What? You're not hurt?" Finally Sawamura seemed to connect the dots.
Miyuki was still laughing but he explained, "We wear the mask for that exact purpose. You were acting so strangely that I took the advantage of your humble behaviour!"
"Miyuki, you bastard!" Sawamura shouted and walked angrily out of the room. The echo of Miyuki's laugh followed him even after the door was closed.
The day after nothing happened. It was hotter than before and once again Sawamura was paired with Miyuki, and even though he was still distracted he managed not to hit the catcher in the face. When he went to sleep that night exhausted for the extra running laps he did, he almost thought that everything was going to be okay. He probably jinxed it. As soon as he fell asleep he found himself in the dream.
It was like it didn't even stop. Miyuki was looking at him, the last sentence he said still hanging in the air. Sawamura was sure it became a nightmare now. The difference was that a part of him knew it was a dream, but he couldn't stop himself for dreaming it.
"Sawamura say something." Miyuki almost pleaded and Sawamura was shocked to see this side of him, even if his mind probably just made it up.
"What do you want me to say? I never thought about people in that way. I've always been too concentrated on baseball. It's all that matter to me. But it's true that I decided to come to Seidou after I met you. And it's probably true that if it wasn't for you I would have chosen another school, closer to home. Since that first day you were the one I wanted to stand beside. I wanted to look at you as your equal. Even though you're an annoying bastard." The nightmare in all this was that Sawamura felt like both his dream self and his real self were saying those words.
"Sawamura…" Miyuki sounded speechless. Sawamura couldn't look directly at him, for some unknown reason. "Eijun, look at me." the catcher's voice was soft and gentle, but Sawamura shook his head vigorously.
"Listen. I said what I had to say. I just want to wake up now and forget about all this!" he almost screamed and somehow he managed to actually wake up.
The room was still dark, he tried to reach for his phone but his eyes were unfocused. He rubbed them, and to his surprise he found them wet. Was he crying!? No, probably just sweat. It was so frustrating. Why was he having those dreams? And why the words he said sounded true? Why did he sound like he felt something for Miyuki? He decided to go for a run and shake off everything. After it he wasn't going to think about it ever again, he swore to himself.
The following day he avoided Miyuki at all costs. He asked every available person in the team to catch for him, even Haruichi. Rumours about the small prank Miyuki did spread, so everyone thought he was avoiding him because of that.
But he started to avoid him also every day after that. He was careful to time his meals in the cafeteria, at practice he ran around with his tire or there was always someone else catching for him. Furuya came back to regular training so it became less of a problem. Except that Sawamura wasn't enjoying his time at Seidou anymore.
When finally Sunday came and they could rest, Sawamura was planning to relax all day. It was obvious, however, that someone – Kuramochi – was against him. He had to change his plan of staying in bed all day and had to migrate somewhere else. He thought that no one would be in the cafeteria and he also considered finding something to eat in the process. When he got in, he found the place empty. The cool air inside was exactly what he wanted, and the quietness was already starting to work its magic.
He walked to the kitchen, feeling lucky. He was going to find some pudding, and maybe he was going to bring some to Masuko later. It was going to be the perfect day, he knew it. Well, maybe he didn't know so well. When he stepped into the kitchen he saw that someone else was already there. And not just anyone, no, of course, it had to be Miyuki.
"What the hell are you doing?" he screamed, suddenly angry.
Miyuki didn't see him at first and was caught off guard, and jumped a little. "What?"
"What are you doing here!" Sawamura repeated.
The catcher looked confused. "I'm baking, isn't it obvious?" he remarked showing his hands covered in flour.
"Why?" Sawamura was close to be hysterical.
All the thoughts he had about Miyuki, being with him, kissing him and even worse pushed back from the corner of his mind where he thought he buried them.
"What's the matter with you?"
"Am I still sleeping?"
"How could I know that? You're pretty much the same as always, so I guessed not. Do you usually sleepwalk?" He answered with a shrug, focusing back to baking, uninterested.
"That's something you would say in one of my dreams."
"You dream about me?" Miyuki smirked, his eyes brightening behind the glasses.
"W–What?" Sawamura realized it wasn't a dream, probably, and that he was cornered.
"You said I talked in your dreams. It must mean that you had a dream about me."
"It was a nightmare." Sawamura mumbled, hoping the other couldn't hear him.
"Is that why you avoided me all the week?" Miyuki hinted.
"The world doesn't revolve around you, Miyuki." Sawamura was so tired now, he almost lost all his will to continue fighting.
"Doesn't it? Man, you're killing me, Sawamura! It's way too early in the morning to tell me something so devastating." He answered sarcastically, and laughed.
"I'm going to leave Seidou." the pitcher blurted out and stopped the other's laugh midway.
"What did you just say?" Miyuki couldn't believe what he heard.
"I didn't mean to say it out loud." Sawamura looked confused, and suddenly sad. All his energy drained, his shoulders hunched.
"Come here. Help me with this." Said the other, pointing at the vegetables on the table. "Cut them in small cubes. Can you do it?"
"Yes, I used to help back at home." Sawamura dragged his feet closer to the table. Miyuki smiled a little at the resigned tone.
They stayed silent for a while. Miyuki kept preparing the dough, looking at Sawamura from time to time, but he didn't say anything even if the cubes were not cubes at all, and they were way too big for what he was making. He was quite concerned actually; Sawamura was always so full of energy and he seemed very happy since he arrived to Seidou.
When they both finished, Miyuki sighed and prepared himself for what looked like a very difficult conversation.
"So, why do you want to quit the team?" he asked, putting the pie in the oven to avoid making eye contact.
"What are you baking?" Sawamura dodged the question with another.
"A pie. Answer me."
"I come here because I wanted to test my skills, and I feel like I'm not doing it anymore."
"Is it because the game we lost the other day?"
"No, it wasn't the first game I lost"
"I know. Then, why?" Miyuki enquired.
"I had some troublesome thoughts."
"Thoughts about what?"
"Stuff." Sawamura shrugged.
It was weird to talk about it with Miyuki, since he was part of the problem. And it was also weird that his heart was pounding so hard. Maybe it was just the touchy topic, but a part of him had a feeling there was more to it.
"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to." Miyuki replied, "You and Kominato seem pretty close, maybe you could talk to him." he suggested.
"I don't want to talk with Harucchi!" exclaimed, suddenly blushing.
"You can talk to Furuya, then. He will totally ignore you, but they say it helps to say it out loud." That made Sawamura smiled a little.
"I will die before letting him know that I want to quit!" he clenched his fist.
"Okay, that leaves two options. You can keep it to yourself and quit, or you can talk to me and maybe we'll figure something out."
It was odd to see Miyuki so serious. It reminded Sawamura of his dream, and that vulnerability he showed. He didn't know why he was opening up to him, all the anger he felt for a week long washed away mysteriously.
"Until recently, I thought I decided to come here because, after that day, I thought that playing with you would help me grow." he didn't specify what day or if "you" meant just Miyuki or the team, but at this point he didn't care what the other assumed.
"And then those thoughts of yours made you change your mind?" Miyuki asked, even if he knew the answer.
"Yes."
"They have to be some serious thoughts – here, put the vegetables here – to make you give up so easily."
"I'm not giving up!" he shouted and sent some of the vegetables on the floor. "I'm sorry." he mumbled.
"It's alright, we have enough." now was Miyuki turn to shrug.
"I'm not giving up!" Sawamura remarked.
"Well, excuse me if I am so blunt, but it seems to me that you're not even trying to solve the problem. You're just taking the easy way out." Sawamura was about to interrupt him but Miyuki silenced him and continued. "If you were on the mound and you were to pitch the ball that would settle the game, would you ask for a change of pitcher, or would you try it with all your might?"
Sawamura stayed quiet for a while, both of them knew the answer, he probably just needed to hear it from someone.
Miyuki sighed. "Why don't you tell me what you were thinking."
It took Sawamura a while to find the resolve to answer. "I had some dreams."
"Come on, Sawamura, you have to give more than that! Dreams about what?" the catcher joked.
"About you…" his voice was so soft it was barely audible.
If the situation was less serious Miyuki would have laugh. "What did I do in these dreams?" he said instead.
"Yousaidyouwereinlovewithme" Sawamura talked so fast that the words melted together. "Don't be the usual bastard now!" he added.
Miyuki was about to make a witty remark, but the tears in Sawamura's eyes froze him. He never saw the pitcher so distraught; even after losing a game he usually didn't stay sad for long. He didn't know what to say, but he knew he had to say something. "Is that why you hit me in the face?" he was joking, but he wasn't mean as he usually would, he was just trying to lighten the mood.
Sawamura laughed, but he didn't felt it inside. "Yes, I totally did it to shout your loud mouth." he answered. "I had more than one dream."
"And you couldn't stand my presence so you ignored me." it wasn't a question, Miyuki knew.
"I couldn't stop thinking about what we said in those dreams. About what I said." Sawamura was torturing his hands now, unable to look at the other.
"What did you say?" Miyuki asked gently.
"It all felt so right. I don't know. It made me think." he said making no sense but to himself. "What if I didn't come here only to play with you? What if I came to be with you?"
"Okay, now you lost me. Didn't you say that I confessed my love to you in your dreams?" Miyuki was confused, this was out of his league.
"Yes, you did." Sawamura answered, and he looked like he forgot for a moment that Miyuki was there.
"So why do you think you want to be with me? It looks like you are the one in love." He didn't mean to tease him, but it probably sounded like he was.
"Because maybe I am!" shouted the other, tears now streaming down his flushed cheeks.
"Because you came here after we paired up against Azuma?" Miyuki asked, trying not to say any wrong words.
"Yes. I decided to accept the invitation from Seidou because of you, M–Miyuki." he confessed. "I thought it was just because you were, you are, an amazing player. But maybe it was because… I don't know. I never thought about boys or girls, just baseball. I have no idea what I'm supposed to feel, or what love feels like. How do I know if I'm in love with you?" he didn't stop crying and he didn't look at Miyuki even once.
"I–I actually don't know." it was uncommon to see Miyuki at a loss of words, but love wasn't his field of expertise.
"See, I have to leave the team. I can't spend my days thinking about you, avoiding you, or dreaming about you, instead of baseball. I wanted to be the ace." and then he sobbed. As if it was some kind of deadly sin, he put both his hands on his mouth, but the sound already escaped.
Miyuki didn't know what to do. He felt the urge to touch Sawamura, but it didn't feel right, seeing the situation. "Have you ever thought about...you know?" he found himself unable to say the words. He felt embarrassed.
"About what?" Sawamura's voice was barely audible. He was also shaking.
Miyuki shook his head in disbelief. "You're such an idiot!" he murmured. "Kissing, about kissing. Or something else!" he added, louder. If Sawamura looked up I could see Miyuki blushing.
Sawamura's eyes were open wide in surprise. "I–I–I don't know. I mean, no. Yes, I mean yes." He was so embarrassed he couldn't speak properly. He took a deep breath, like he used to do before a pitch. "After the dreams, I admit I did it quite a lot. Before, I don't actually remember."
"What did you feel when you thought about it?" Miyuki enquired, without mockery.
"Honestly? I don't know. I'm so confused right now, that I don't trust myself anymore."
Sawamura wasn't looking up, so he didn't see Miyuki coming closer to him. Since he was looking at his own feet, he couldn't see Miyuki's hand raising to his face and touching it. He looked up, surprised, and found the catcher just a couple of inches away from him.
"Mi–Miyuki?" he mumbled, fighting the urge to get away without knowing exactly why. The other didn't answer, he got even closer, stopping when their lips brushed together and giving Sawamura a last chance to pull away. But Sawamura didn't want to escape, he was the one who closed the distance and awkwardly kissed the other.
He felt Miyuki smile and panicked. Was he mocking him? Did he like it? How could he? He didn't know what to do, he moved a bit, trying to figure out what was he supposed to do and bumped into Miyuki's glasses with his nose. Miyuki chuckled. He was totally making fun of him.
Sawamura was about to get away, but Miyuki's other hand went on his hip and pulled him closer, making their bodies collide.
He softly licked his bottom lip, pushing for him to open his mouth and deepen the kiss. What did he have to do? Did he want to let Miyuki's tongue inside? Why the catcher was kissing him? He was terrified, but he admitted to himself that it felt good. He probably took too much time thinking and Miyuki became impatient because instead of softly licking he bit his lip. Sawamura moaned, surprised that he didn't feel pain, but pleasure.
Miyuki chuckled again, and Sawamura felt a rush of adrenaline and pushed his tongue inside the other's mouth. Miyuki was caught off guard, but he recovered pretty soon, and took control of the kiss. Sawamura was overwhelmed by emotions that were bubbling inside, and couldn't think straight anymore. It was ten times better than what he thought, and Miyuki was, well, he didn't have words for that at the moment.
His head felt light, and he supposed he was going to need air sooner or later, but right now only the kiss existed. He didn't even notice that his hands were gripping Miyuki's shirt so tight his knuckles whitened.
When Miyuki pulled away to breath, Sawamura instinctively pulled him closer again, trying to kiss him again.
"Easy, Tiger!" the catcher laughed, panting. "Let me breath!"
Sawamura blushed and diverted his eyes away.
"S–Sorry. I—" he had to stop and catch his breath before he could continue. His left hand now unconsciously pressed against his pounding heart. "I just… I just didn't want to stop."
"It's alright." Miyuki moved his hand under Sawamura's chin to make eye contact. "So, I guessed you liked it." he grinned.
"Don't you start, you bastard!" the other say, but without the usual fighting spirit.
"Is that how you treat your very helpful senpai? I just agreed to this test, and all I get is you calling me a bastard?"
Sawamura's face suddenly paled. "Whydidyodothat?" he blurted incomprehensibly.
"What?"
"Why did you do it? You are not the helpful senpai you're saying you are. Why did you let me try it? Why did you carry it out? Was it to make fun of me later with the team?" He exploded. He wanted to get away, take some distance, but Miyuki's grip on his waist didn't let him do it.
The catcher didn't answer, he closed the distance again and kissed him lightly, to shut him up. He gulped before talking.
"I know I'm not kind, or easy to deal with. But I'm not that mean. Yes, I take advantage of some situations and make jokes. That's just because I don't know how else to be around people. I would never make fun of you because of what just happened."
"You still didn't say why you did it. And why were you laughing at some point?"
"Well, I was laughing because you were so stiff it was kind of difficult to kiss you!" he laughed again. "And I did it because I wanted to do it."
"It was my first kiss! Of course I was stiff!"
Miyuki's smile was brighter than Sawamura had ever seen. "What now, are you going to make a joke?"
"No, not at all. Do you like me?" the catcher asked bluntly, his cheeks strangely red.
"I think so." Sawamura shrugged and looked away again, blushing even more than the other.
"Well, it's probably my turn to be honest. I let this happen, because I wanted it to. I hoped it could happen."
"What?"
Miyuki sighed. Sometimes Sawamura just couldn't get it. "I went through the same thoughts you're having now, just sooner."
Sawamura's eyes opened wide in surprise. He was speechless.
Miyuki smiled. "I never thought of quitting, though. I wanted to be in the same team as you, no matter if you didn't feel the same. I didn't want to make a move anyway."
"Why?"
Miyuki couldn't help but laugh at the clueless pitcher. "Because I dropped hints here and there since you came to Seidou, but you didn't seem to get it."
Flashes of memories passed through Sawamura's mind. All the time Miyuki patted him or hugged him – just him not the rest of the team – and how warm he felt inside because of that contact. Some of the jokes he made. Now he fully understood it. Miyuki was a subtle person, he never let out his true self completely, or his intentions for what it mattered.
"I'm sorry, I guess…"
"You don't have to apologise. I know already you are an idiot!" he teased.
"I am not!" Sawamura tried again to get away but now both Miyuki's hands were on his hips and he was holding him close.
"Yes, you are. You are my idiot."
Sawamura stopped struggling when he heard words he thought could never come from Miyuki.
"What are you saying, Miyuki?" he asked ingenuously, but a glint in his eyes revealed he just wanted to hear it.
Miyuki shook his head. "Unbelievable! You're so cocky. I'm not going to say it again!"
"Yes, you are."
"And why is that?"
Sawamura's lips were suddenly close to Miyuki's ear, "Because you're not going to kiss me again, otherwise." and he lightly bit his earlobe.
Miyuki stiffened, surprised. "What was that?" he asked when the other moved away with a satisfied grin on his face. "Wasn't it your first kiss? Weren't you so afraid you wanted to quit the team just a minute ago? Where all this boldness comes from?"
It was Sawamura's turn to laugh now. "You should have seen your face!"
"That's not the point!"
"You're right. The point is that now I know how to shut you up!" Sawamura's laughed again.
"That goes both ways." said the other with a dangerous look, before kissing him again, angrily.
Sawamura was taken aback, but, he soon adjusted and tried to follow the other's lead. He was pushed against the counter. Soon Miyuki's hands started to roam all over his chest and back, teasing on the waistband of his jeans. It didn't take long for Sawamura to feel his erection growing.
He briefly wonder if Miyuki was feeling so aroused too, but he couldn't finish the thought that the catcher pressed his body against him and he didn't have to wonder anymore.
He was panting hard, he completely forgot he had hands and could do something with them. He was about to ask Miyuki to do something more, because he was going to explode, he knew it, but he felt Miyuki smile and thought he understood. He probably did, but instead of unbutton his trousers, for example, he completely interrupted every contact – bodies, lips, and tongues.
"W–W–Wow" he mumbled. "W–Why d–did y–you stop?" he complained, still short of breath.
"Punishment." Miyuki managed to say without looking too shaken up.
"Remind me not to get on your wrong side, next time."
Miyuki chuckled. "Where's the fun in that?"
"You're such a bastard." said Sawamura shaking his head, "This relationship is going to be so hard."
"Relationship? Are we in a relationship?"
"We should clean up." Sawamura's face was burning red, he turned around to hide it, pretending to search something to clean the table.
Miyuki, oddly enough, didn't say anything, just smiled and helped him.
When the timer rang Miyuki briefly took the pie out of the oven, and suddenly grabbed Sawamura's hand. "Come with me." he said, but refused to answer any of Sawamura's questions.
Was he going to try something dirty? Was he angry because he said "relationship"?, Sawamura worried. In the end he didn't need to be afraid. Miyuki just dragged him in the bullpen.
"Are we going to practise?" he asked suspiciously.
"Yes, we are. You expected me to drag you in my room and jump on you, didn't you?" he chuckled amused.
"Well, that or some angry retort because I said the R word." that made Miyuki laugh.
"You lost a week of training because you're an idiot. I won't date anyone who doesn't try his best to become the ace."
"It was all your fault not mine! You invaded my dreams!" then he realized Miyuki's words "Are we going to date?" he exclaimed, a mix happiness and anxiety stirred inside him.
"It depends on how you pitch today!"
"Aargh! You're not going to make it easy, are you, Kaz—? Can I call you Kazuya?"
"Not until our first date and not around the others." he snickered.
"Are you even serious?"
"You're the one who fell for me, now you have to deal with it!"
"And I'm the idiot! Tsk!"
"Just pitch, Eijun!"
"Don't call me Eijun!" Sawamura roared.
Miyuki's laugh echoed through the empty field.
