Author's Note: Hi, a small idea I had. Demyx might not be so cheerful, or whatever, this is just a interperation. Enjoy.
Every time he looks at me, I feel the void where my heart should be filling with ice. I remember that we don't exist. I remember we're not meant to be. I know Zexion's aware of what he does to me, fuck he probably relishes the idea. I've wondered if the others are affected by his frozen glare like I am, but then again, I'm the only one who doesn't act. I don't feel, emotions left me along with my heart, but I remember. I remember more than the others, remember the hurt and the loneliness, the kind I should feel now in the organization, loneliness that would have drove me to suicide as a somebody, that makes me want to now whenever he looks at me. I know exactly what I should feel towards Zexion; I know I'm 'not' in love with him. I never experienced love with my heart, is it ironic I should fall head over heels without it? I'll fall further and harder as a Nobody, without my heart to soften the landing. It'll make my chest hurt more because I know I should feel it, I should have a heart to feel with. It's not fair, this whole non-life isn't fair. I have to go around making an effort to pretend, to stop the nothingness swallowing me whole. He knows that, I can tell. Every time he tells me we can't feel, he's not reprimanding me for being lazy or not taking missions seriously, he's rubbing in the brutal truth that I'd rather have my heart torn in two than be stuck imagining what it would be like. That's what this Organization, Zexion, has turned me into, a sick bastard who dreams of him hitting me, hurting me as he forces himself into my secretly yearning body, to fill my empty chest with all the torture I crave in a fruitless and pathetic attempt to feel. It's all I, for a lack of a better word, live for. I write the most beautiful, heartfelt melodies, but then he comes in, claiming to want to listen. He stares at me as I grasp my sitar and remember that it's not for giving me a heart, it's to help Xemnas collect hearts with my affinity with water, to crack open the heads to the damn things that took my precious heart away. I should take solace in that, but how without a heart... This is my hell, being watched for eternity by an impossible handsome devil. He can't trick me anymore. No illusion will ever catch me out. The way he sometimes looks at me, attempting to fake concern, it doesn't fool me, when he 'pretends' to pretend to care. Nothing's real. Only I can remember truly what it was like to have a heart, not the emptiness the others pretend make them worthy of existing. We're ugly parasites to be eradicated by the key, and I so look forward to that. I often think of ending it but I can't think of a better way to go than be struck down by that boy with so much heart. Actually, I lie; I want to die before his eyes, staring into Zexion's eyes, silently telling him, I don't have to suffer anymore. I win. Because, everything I thought wasn't real, really wasn't. He doesn't love me back. No one ever will and I'm glad no one will, except him. I won't deny I wish that he would love me, not break apart my emptiness every time he looks and bats his paper white eyelids. He has the most beautiful eyes. I've written hundreds of songs about him, about his body I want to touch, his hair I want to stroke, his lips I want to kiss, but nowhere near as many as devoted to those glassy orbs. The colour of a pure sky reflected in the clearest ocean. I would swim in those eyes if I weren't so sure I'd drown. But who am I kidding? I'm a Nobody, destined to fade into darkness, nothing more. I should stop acting like I'm more and accept the truth. There's no hope for us, me or Zexion. The next time he looks into my eyes, that's what I'll tell him.
