"Rafael!" John Munch smiled when he opened the door to his apartment and saw Rafael Barba standing at the doorway. "If a guy as dashing as you has nothing better to do on a Friday night than hang out with an old guy and play Scrabble, then I don't know what chance I have at a social life. You look great," John said, pulling Rafael into a quick hug and patting his back. "How have you been keeping?"

"Not too bad. How are you?"

"Good, I'm good. Come on in, I've got the board set up."

"Red ok with you?" Rafael asked, holding up a bottle of vintage Argentinian wine.

"Looks great." John closed the door and hung Rafael's jacket on the coat rack. "Have a seat and prepare to be astounded by my verbal prowess," John said. He poured Rafael a glass of wine and sat down across from him. "To an evening of great conversation and a retired cop beating a lawyer at Scrabble," he said, raising his glass towards Rafael and taking a sip of wine. "So, tell me, how is everyone doing?" John asked, as he drew seven tiles from the velvet bag.

"Everyone is good. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that your unique perspective is sorely missed." Rafael examined his letters and frowned. He looked up and saw John's smile. "I take it you have good letters?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and smiling at the older man.

"They're all good letters, Rafael. How's Liv holding up?" John asked, placing the first tiles on the board and spelling out 'seed'.

"She's doing alright, adjusting to her new role well." Rafael smiled and added the word "cats."

John studied his tiles and the board for a moment. "Good to hear. Not that I ever had any doubts of course. How's her son doing?" he asked, as he placed his tiles on the board. "Oh, and that's a double-word score, by the way," he added with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah. I marked it down…He's been through some rough patches, but he's doing well now. God my tiles suck." Rafael groaned and leaned his head against his hand.

"That's great. I'm so happy for her. I really should give her a call."

"She'd love to hear from you. Have you seen Cragen lately?"

"Yeah, just last week we met up for lunch. He's doing well. It took him some time to settle into retirement, but he's adjusted now, and enjoying every minute of it. Umm, I'm going to have to challenge that word," John said.

"What?" Rafael looked up from the table to John. "Why? 'Nope' is a word."

John smiled, amused at the pout on Rafael's face and opened the Scrabble dictionary. "Not according to the authorized Scrabble dictionary it isn't," he said, holding the book in his hand. "Here, have a look."

"Fine," Rafael sighed and removed the 'e' and the 'p' tiles from the board.

"So your word is 'no'? Are you even trying?"

"You should see my letters," Rafael whined.

"Come on. You're a Harvard educated lawyer, and the best you can do is 'no'?"

"I can see you're enjoying this," Rafael said, his pout turning into a grin.

"Immensely. I plan on continuing my winning streak, it gives me something to look forward to," John said, after he took a sip of his wine.

"It must be nice though, for Cragen to finally get away from the daily grind. Retirement must be great."

"It is. It takes some getting used to though. You have to find a purpose, or at least I had to. You know, when you go to work each day, trying to help people, it's not easy to leave that all behind. At first, I felt as though I wasn't really needed anymore. I guess that's why so many retirees find satisfaction with volunteer work." John looked across the table at Rafael and smiled. "Uh-oh, kid, you're going to be mad. Don't get too upset now," he said as he placed six of his seven tiles on the board. He sat back in his seat and folded his arms across his chest, a triumphant look on his face.

"'Caloric'! Really?" Rafael jotted down John's score and tapped the pen against the notepad. "And yeah, I know, triple-word score for you," he said, when John peered over at the notepad. "'Caloric'. Wow," Rafael said shaking his head and staring blankly at his tiles. "What about Amaro? Have you talked to him recently?"

"Not since the last time. I told you he's still getting used to life over on the West Coast. I think he's still got a lot to work out, but he's happy to be close to his kids. I think he'll be ok."

"Good. I hope he does ok out there. Well say hi to him for me next time you two talk," Rafael said.

"I will. Alright, enough chit chat. Give me the real scoop. Is that new guy still getting on your nerves? Fin says he still can't get used to the guy."

"Carisi?" Rafael asked. "He's not really new anymore I guess."

"Well, when you've had a 30 plus year career, just about anyone is new."

"Let's just say that you managed to escape at the right time," Rafael said. "They had him job shadow me last month. I suggested that with SVU being short-handed that the squad couldn't spare a body, but, Olivia insisted they'd manage without him. It's not that he's a bad person or anything, but I work better alone."

"You're being nice. It took Fin a long while to warm up to him."

"Well, you'd have to meet him to understand."

"One of those huh?"

Rafael smiled and rolled his eyes. "Yup."

"And Dodds Junior? How's he working out?"

"Too soon to tell. I haven't really dealt with him much so far. I'll find out soon enough I guess. What does Fin say about him?"

"Fin's still on the fence on that one. He says he name drops his dad a bit, but that could be a case of nerves or trying to fit in somehow."

"Maybe."

"It's not easy. You know how many new people I had to break-in over the years? It wasn't easy for any of them. But never mind that. Most importantly, what about that sarcastic ADA? You know the one I'm talking about," John said, smiling. "The one that likes to let the world think he's a bit of an ass? How's he doing? I know he hasn't had the easiest time in the last while…and we're coming up to that notoriously depressing time of year, where everyone else in the world seems to be happy and surrounded by friends and family."

"Yeah…well I'm alright. I wish I could just fast forward through the whole holiday season though." He placed some tiles on the board and took a sip of wine. "I hate this time of year." Rafael frowned and looked up. "I'm thinking of dumping Brad," he said, studying John's face to gauge his reaction.

John raised his eyebrows. "Really? Pardon my opinion, but it's about time."

"You haven't even met him."

"Don't need to and I certainly don't want to. You told me enough about that clown already. But what happened now?"

Rafael sighed and rubbed his hands over his forehead. "Well, I couldn't get away for lunch a few days ago. I really tried, but I had a meeting with the DA that I couldn't get out of. Plus, I had to go to the precinct. I had to cancel lunch with him at the last minute and he wasn't happy. Anyway, he lost it and said I didn't care about him or try to make time for him. I tried to apologise, but he wouldn't talk to me. Today, he texted me and told me he's taking a friend to the show tomorrow instead of me. I was really looking forward to it." Rafael sighed and placed some letters on the board. "Then he called and asked me how it feels to have plans get cancelled. Before I could answer, he hung up. He said he doesn't want to break up though…I don't know…I think I'm going to end it," he said.

"Of course he doesn't want to break up with you. Why would he? You're the prize and, forgive me for saying this, but he doesn't want to lose someone who tolerates his bullshit."

"Yeah," Rafael said with a sigh. "I appreciate your honesty. I really do. Maybe I needed to hear things put so…bluntly."

"Well, let me be really blunt. You've got to get rid of this guy. The last time you two had a fight he got in your face. You even said he was going to raise his hand."

"He didn't though," Rafael said. He took a sip of wine and put his glass down. "I just thought he was going to," he said, looking at John.

"Great. So he didn't. That makes him a catch? What was it before that? He lost his temper while you were out for drinks and he just up and left without saying a thing to you?"

"Yeah…and he wouldn't talk to me for days after that either."

"You don't think that's normal, mature behavior do you?" John asked.

"No, of course not."

"Then why, Rafael? Why would you put up with that?"

"I don't know…it's not easy, you know? I'm 45. I thought that I'd be settled down with someone. Dating at this age isn't easy."

"Well, I realize that, but there has to be someone better out there for you. From what you've told me, he sounds like an ass. You're better off without him," John said, taking the last sip of wine in his glass.

Rafael slid the bottle across the table to John. "Yeah. You're probably right. I mean, I know you're right. But it's not like I don't have my quirks that he has to put up with. I'm not perfect either."

John shook his head and got up from his seat. "Quirks are one thing. Everyone has those," he said, as he topped up Rafael's glass. "But him losing his temper and not speaking with you for days? Cancelling plans to punish you for something you couldn't help? Come on, Rafael," he said, sitting down and filling his glass with wine.

"Thanks. I'm not looking forward to it," he muttered.

"Well, don't back out. Take some advice from an old guy, and ditch the loser."

Rafael laughed. "He's not a loser, but yeah, I'll break up with him."

"Ok. And if you don't, I'll go have a word with him myself."

"Come on," Rafael said, with a slight grin on his face.

"I'm serious. I'm retired, I have all the time in the world to meddle in your business."

"It won't come to that," Rafael said, blushing at the idea of Munch interfering on his behalf. "But, thanks, John."

"You're a good guy, Rafael. I'm serious when I say you deserve better. You're the catch, not him."

"Thanks," Rafael said, smiling at John's serious expression. "It's just ending a relationship at this time of year…Christmas and New Years are right around the corner. But, you're right. I have to do it."

"Good. If there's one thing that I know, it's when a relationship is bad. And what you two have, is not good or healthy at all. The right person is out there, but this guy isn't the right person. Besides, if you're single and free on the weekends, I'll have more opportunity to kick your ass at Scrabble."

"You're better company than the last few people I've dated anyway. Far better."

"What are your plans for the holidays?"

"Well, my mom's place for Christmas. That's about it really."

"Just you and her?"

"Yeah. I've never been a fan of Christmas, but this year, without my grandmother won't be easy."

"Still missing her a lot?"

"Everyday. I still blame myself. I shouldn't have forced her to do something she didn't want to."

"Despite what you think, it wasn't your fault. It was her time, Rafael. You were only trying to help."

"Yeah, but why? So I could show off and be a hero to her and my mother? To finally make them proud that I could help? I don't know, John. I should have listened to her. I'd be so angry if I were in her position."

"Rafael, your intentions were good, and I doubt very much that your grandmother would blame you for anything."

"I think my mom might," Rafael said, looking down at the table and then up at John.

"Your mom blames you?"

"I'm not sure, but I think so, yeah."

"She said that to you? That she blames you for her mother's death?"

"Not directly. When my abuelita first passed away, I told my mom that it was my fault. She never disagreed with me." Rafael shrugged and took a sip of wine. He looked down at the table and sighed. "We haven't really talked about it since."

"Maybe you should talk about it with her, tell her how you feel. Let her know that you're carrying around this guilt."

"I don't think that would help. Maybe I'm afraid to hear the truth," Rafael said, reaching for a tile and hesitating before he placed it on the board. He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. "My grandmother, she was the one person in my life that I could count on. I just feel like I let her down…after everything she did for me."

"Sounds like you two were close."

"Yeah, we were. She cared about me…she looked after me when I was little." Rafael reached into the bag and took out four new letters. "She really loved me," he said.

"She babysat you a lot?" John asked as he looked from the board to his letters.

"Yeah. I spent a lot of time at her place when I was really little. My mom worked a lot, two jobs sometimes to make ends meet. My dad…he worked lots too. He also drank a lot."

"Sounds tough."

Rafael bit his lip and stared down at the table. "Yeah."

"Your grandmother sounds like she was a wonderful person."

"She was," Rafael said, smiling at the memory of his abuelita. "Sometimes, I wonder what I would have done without her."

"What about your dad? You said he drank too much."

"Yeah."

"That's too bad. How long has he been gone for now?"

"A long time now. Nearly 16 years."

"That is a long time. I'm sorry to hear that," John said, leaning forward and removing his glasses.

Rafael nodded and shrugged. John's gaze suddenly made him uncomfortable. "Umm…pass," Rafael mumbled. "I've got nothing here," he said, furrowing his brow and staring at his letters. His eyes moistened slightly but dried as soon as he blinked. "Yeah, pass." He cleared his throat and slid the tiles back and forth on the rack until he was sure John wasn't looking at him.

John nodded his head and put on his glasses. "Ah," he said, smiling. "I've got a good one here. A really good one." He grinned and placed his letters on the board to spell 'quartz.' "Sorry kiddo."

A slight, crooked smile spread on Rafael's face. "Oh god, you're just killing me. This is pathetic," he said, laughing and shaking his head as he noted John's score. "Absolutely pathetic. Terrible."

"I tried to warn you."

"I know. You almost always beat me."

"I know. It's important to me."

"Really?" Rafael asked. "Why?"

"It gives me something to brag about when I visit my mom at her nursing home. You have to keep life interesting when you're retired, you know."

"Really? So you go and brag about beating me at Scrabble?" Rafael asked, smiling.

"Yes. The good thing about that is, is that it gives her something to brag and talk about to her old lady friends. 'My Johnny beat a Harvard man at Scrabble'," John said, imitating an old ladies' voice.

"Oh come on now."

"I'm serious. The whole bunch of them are in their 90's. They need some sort of gossip in their lives."

"Did you really read that book to your mom?" Rafael asked.

"What? Which book?"

"You know…the pervy one," he asked in a low voice, as though he was in a room full of people.

"Oh! '25 Acts'?"

"Yeah."

"Yes. Yes I did."

"Well?" Rafael asked. He took a sip of wine and raised his eyebrows. "What did she think of it?"

"Do you really want to know what a 90 year old women thought of a book about bondage?"

"Sure."

"She said it was disgusting, filthy."

"Well…it kind of was," Rafael said, his broad smile returning.

"Then tell me, why did she want me to keep reading it?"

"I don't know…she's your mother."

"And what about you during that trial?" John asked, raising his eyebrows.

"What about me?"

"You're blushing already…you know what I'm talking about."

"Oh! You mean the belt around my neck thing?"

"Now you're being coy."

"How long did it take before you heard about that?"

"About a nanosecond," John said. "I got consecutive texts from both Olivia and Rollins."

"No!"

"Well, maybe it took longer than a nanosecond, but pretty quick."

"Yeah, well I figured it would get around pretty quick. I thought it was a good idea, until it actually happened. It hurt!" Rafael said, raising his eyebrows and touching his neck. "He really pulled on it hard. I was actually scared for a second. He's yanking on the belt and I'm wondering, 'what the hell was I thinking'," Rafael said, his eyes wide as he recalled the event. "I remember thinking, 'who's to say he doesn't pull on it hard enough to collapse my trachea or something'. But it was all ok. It helped the case, and we won, so it was worth it."

"You were the talk at the water-cooler for days after. You sure knew how to make a name for yourself."

"Well, it worked."

"And, on that note, we're out of tiles," John said as he placed the last of the letters on the board.

"I can see that. Are you actually going to make me tally up the scores?" Rafael asked as he examined the scoresheet.

"Nah. That's ok. More wine?" John asked.

"Rain check? It's late, and I should get home."

"You're not driving are you?"

"No, no. I'll get a cab."

"Alright," John said, handing Rafael his jacket. "What are you doing for New Year's?"

"Nothing," Rafael said, zipping up his jacket. "Brad and I were supposed to go for dinner, but…well, that's not happening. So, nothing."

"Well, if you're up to it, come over and prepare to be beaten for the third time in a row." John patted Rafael's shoulder and smiled.

"That sounds good, aside from the beating me for the third time in a row part."

"Good. I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too."

"And Rafael," John said as he opened the door for Rafael, "I meant what I said earlier. You deserve better. Try to remember that, ok?"

"Thanks, John."