"Are you sure you don't want me to wait?" Marlene asked Lily for the hundredth time. "Or, better yet, just come with me? Potter said he was going to meet you here after dinner. Dinner's been over for half an hour!"
"I know, I know," Lily said with a sigh. She couldn't believe that rather than being out in Hogsmeade enjoying the evening with her friends she was standing around the entrance hall, waiting for one of the most arrogant people in the school. She knew she shouldn't have agreed to go on the stupid date. "But if I leave, you know he'll spend the rest of the year telling people that I stood him up. You go though, there's no point in both of us suffering."
"Are you sure?" Marlene asked, hesitantly. "I can wait with you."
"Yeah, it's fine," Lily insisted. "Just buy me some chocolate frogs, I have a feeling that I'll need them."
"Sure thing and good luck!" Marlene said, giving Lily a quick hug. "And don't you dare go to sleep until I'm back. Whatever happens tonight, I want to hear all about it."
"Okay, Marlene. I won't," Lily promised with a laugh. "But don't hold your breath that anything too interesting will happen. With any luck, Potter will quickly realize we have nothing in common, get bored, and stop bothering me for the rest of the year."
"Ah, so that's your master plan," Marlene teased. "Sacrifice one night for peace for the rest of the year? Hopefully it works out for you, but with your luck with master plans, Potter will probably decide he loved the date so much he'll want to go with you every Hogsmeade trip. Come February he'll be sending you cute little cards asking you to be his valentine. Actually, knowing Potter they won't be cute or little, they'd probably be Howlers screaming it in the middle of the Great Hall at breakfast."
"Ugh. Don't even say things like that." The whole idea was made worse because it did not take much of an imagination to picture Potter doing something like that. "Now get off to Hogsmeade and go have fun!" she ordered waving her friend off. Then, with a sigh, she pulled out her Transfiguration textbook and began reading. There was no point sitting around twiddling her thumbs while she could be doing homework. Sixth year didn't seem like it would be quite as busy as fifth year with OWLS, but her homework assignments weren't things that she could rush through and finish while eating breakfast as she had done from time to time in her second and third year.
Still, she hadn't expected to get too much done before James finally showed up, so when she reached the end of the chapter, with all her notes written neatly in the margin, she was more than a little surprised. Glancing at her watch, Lily had to take a double take at the time. It had been over an hour since Marlene left and still there was no sign of James Potter. She wasn't certain why, but that revelation stung. She hadn't wanted to go out with Potter in the first place, but she had never been stood up before, granted she hadn't gone on a lot of dates, and it hurt.
Feeling her cheeks heat up, Lily stood abruptly and hurriedly stuffed her book and quill into her bag. Then, grateful for the nearly empty halls, she all but ran back to the Gryffindor tower and into her room.
"Hey, Lily."
Lily stiffened at the all too familiar voice. It seemed especially loud in the nearly empty Common Room, where only a dozen or so sixth and seventh year students were spending their free period. "Potter," she replied coolly, without looking up from the feather she was trying to levitate with a nonverbal spell. She had managed to avoid him all morning, something made easier by the fact that he and his little gang had apparently skipped breakfast and lunch, but apparently that streak of luck had come to an end.
"You alright?" he asked.
"I don't think that's any of your business." She didn't even look at James as she spoke, keeping her gaze straight ahead.
"What's wrong?"
Lily's clenched her teeth at the question, forcing herself to not turn around. He sounded so confused, as if he wasn't completely aware of what was wrong. Like he wasn't the one who stood her up and left her feeling like a fool while he and his friends were probably out having a laugh at her expense. "You, Potter, you're what's wrong. So, just leave me alone. Please." And Petunia said she was incapable of being polite when she was mad. Ha! That would have shown her, if she had been around.
"What did I do?" James asked, sounding even more confused now.
"Last night. Hogsmeade." Even as she spoke, Lily hurriedly stood and began moving swiftly to her dormitory. She felt her cheeks heating up, again, and tears welling in her eyes, and she would be damned before she let Potter see how much his actions had hurt her.
Had she glanced at James, she would have seen him frown in confusion before her words clicked in his head and confusion was replaced with understanding. "Wait! Lily, wait! I can explain," James called, leaping to his feet and running after her. But he was too late. Lily had already started up the staircase to the girl's dormitory, a vindictive smile crossing her lips as she heard James curse as the stairs turned to a slide and deposited him back into the hallway with a thump.
Lily, with the help of her friends, had managed to avoid talking to James and his friends for the past week. And, after pushing off the first few attempts, they actually seemed to get the hint that she didn't want to talk to them. James seemed resigned; Sirius, annoyed and angry; Remus, wary; and Peter, well, he just seemed sad recently. And she, Lily Evans, did not care
.
She had had plenty of time to consider Friday night, both alone and with sympathetic dormmates who assured her that she had every right to be upset. And, in that time of consideration, Lily had determined that James and his entire little gang had probably spent the last Hogsmeade trip laughing at her expense, because she had finally been gullible enough to accept James' invitation, only for him to stand her up. She had thought that James had matured a bit over the summer, but apparently she was wrong, and she wasn't in the mood for second chances these days. She was so sick of people laughing at her expense, like she wasn't good enough.
Well, she would prove them all wrong. Every pureblood wizard or witch who would scoff at her and tell her that she would never be good enough because of her parents. Petunia for saying that she would be just like those bums on the news who spent thousands of pounds on worthless degrees in university and could never find work, nothing more than a drain on society. She'd prove James wrong. She'd prove Severus - no, she just wouldn't think about Severus. In the end, she would just prove everyone wrong. Anyone who doubted her, anyone who said she wasn't good enough.
Right now that included proving Professor Sprout wrong. She had gotten a dreadful on her latest essay on growing Sargaluff trees and their properties that made them useful in potions. And Sprout had approached her after class, asking if she was certain she wanted to continue with NEWT level herbology. Honestly, Lily hadn't been certain, but she said she was. And now, she was going to prove to Professor Sprout that she could do it. She was going to an Exceeds Exceptions in NEWT level Herbology if it killed her.
With a burning motivation, Lily had settled down on her favourite couch in the Gryffindor common room, with no plans on moving until she had a perfect essay and an equally perfect understanding of the Sargaluff trees. She wasn't even worried about being bothered by any of the Gryffindors boys in her year. Remus had gone to the hospital wing earlier that day, sick, and Lily was certain that the rest of them would probably be hanging around there for hours.
She had just started to relax and get into the flow of her herbology textbook when her peace was destroyed.
"Hello, Evans," Peter said, as he sat down beside her.
Barely holding back a gasp of surprise - how did he move so quietly? - she glared. "What do you want? If you've come to make excuses for James, I don't want to hear it." Then, deliberately turning away from Peter, she continued to work on her essay.
For a long moment, Peter remained quiet, and Lily began to hope that that would be the end of it. But again, her hopes were dashed.
"You're a real bitch, aren't you, Evans?" His voice was almost as cold as hers had been.
"Excuse me?" Lily demanded, her eyes flashing dangerously. "What did you call me?" Freak. Mudblood. It seemed her whole life was spent with people calling her names, the Gryffindor tower had been her safe spot from that, apparently that had changed.
"A bitch," Peter repeated, unconcerned with the potential danger. "You are so completely convinced that you're always right. You're stuck up, self centered, and a right bitch."
"Did Potter put you up to this?" Lily asked through clenched teeth. "No, wait, I bet it was Black. You always jump to do anything he asks."
"It wasn't either of them. Or Remus, if you were hoping to accuse him next. They don't even know that I'm here, and if they did, they probably would've tried to stop me from coming. But, since no one else seems willing to tell you, I thought I would let you know what you are."
"I don't have time for this," Lily muttered, turning back to her homework. Sargaluff trees they matter, Pettigrew did not. Nothing he said mattered and she could ignore him; she had a lot of practice ignoring people.
"Of course not," Peter gave a humorless laugh. Apparently he couldn't take a hint. "You never have any time for anything that doesn't fit into your self conceited view of the world."
Lily's grip on her quill tightened so much that it snapped. "Fine, Pettigrew. Why don't you tell me what exactly I've done that makes you think you can call me a bitch? And then you can leave me alone and get the hell out of my life!"
"You don't care about anyone's feelings." Peter didn't even take time to consider the question, before he started his list. "You think you're perfect and that anyone who dares think or do something different than you is an idiot or a fool. You refuse to ask for help or accept it when it's offered, no matter how badly you need it." He nodded toward her herbology textbook with a knowing look. "And then, there's the way you've been treating James-"
"That's the best you can come up with?" Lily interrupted. Nothing he had said was true, but the bringing up the way she treated James, that was the easiest point to argue. "That arrogant berk left me waiting in the Entrance Hall for hours because he stood me up on a date that he asked me on in the first place!"
"And you never gave him a chance to explain."
"What is there to explain? His actions speak for themselves! What could possibly have happened with the five hours between when he asked me and when he said he would meet me? Did Sirius break a nail? Or did you all find a group of first years to bully and get too distracted?" Her voice was scathing, and if their argument was drawing an audience, she really didn't care.
"My father died." Peter didn't raise his voice, but his words seemed more than loud enough to Lily. "I got the news during dinner."
Lily froze at Peter's words. Her anger evaporated, replaced with a familiar coldness as Lily remembered the awful letter she had received last year about her own father. He had had a heart attack, and in the end he had pulled through, but she could remember the terror of thinking she might have lost her father forever. "Peter. I… I didn't know. I'm so sorry; do you need anything?"
"I'm fine. I have good friends. James, Sirius, and Remus spent the evening with me, despite other plans they might have had."
"I'm sorry," Lily repeated, feeling like perhaps Peter was right, maybe she really was a bitch. It was hard to insist that you weren't, at any rate, when you were upset with someone for standing you up when the reason for it was that he was helping a friend that had received such awful news.
"I really don't think I'm the one you need to apologize too," Peter responded as he rose to his feet. "And maybe you should remember that you don't know everything and you aren't the moral authority of who is good and who isn't." With that, he turned and marched out of the room, leaving Lily alone with her thoughts. Thoughts that had nothing to do with herbology.
"James," Lily called softly, "can I talk to you?" James glanced at her curiously, and Lily couldn't help but notice just how tired he looked. In fact, a quick glance at Sirius, Remus, and Peter showed that all four of them looked close to exhaustion.
"If you want," James answered, as he rose to his feet.
"What do you want?" Sirius demanded. "Whatever you want to say, you can say it here."
"It's fine, Padfoot," James muttered to his friend. Then, glancing at Lily, he asked, "Do you want to talk here or somewhere else?"
"Somewhere else, if that's okay?" Lily really didn't want to do this with an audience.
"Yeah, that's fine. There's a hidden room just down the hall," he suggested.
"Sounds perfect."
"I'll be back soon," James said with a wave to his friends. "Stay out of trouble." And with that, he led the way to the secret room.
"You look tired, have you been sleeping well?" Lily asked awkwardly. She wasn't certain if it was just in her mind, but the awkwardness between them seemed suffocating and there weren't words to describe how uncomfortable she felt.
"Yeah, just a late night," James answered curtly.
Part of Lily wanted to push the issue, but now really wasn't the time for that. So, instead, she changed the topic entirely. "You and your friends seem to know a lot of secret passages and rooms in the castle."
Shrugging, James explained, "We do a lot of exploring."
"So have I," Lily said, "especially in my first few years. But I've only found a couple."
"Must not be looking in the right places," James said, with another shrug.
Holding back a sigh, Lily had to admit defeat. James clearly had no interest in talking to her. Just last year that would have thrilled her, now, it just made her feel guilty, but rather than continue to try and start a conversation, she just walked in silence.
"Here, we are," he said, stopping suddenly in front of a portrait of a very elderly wizard. "This is Alfred Heinrich, best person to ask if you want to hear someone drone on and on about the Goblin Wars. He use to be Binn's teacher, way way back. And if you think Binns is boring, you should know that Binns has nothing on Alfred," James said, gesturing to the portrait, as he pulled out his wand and muttered a quick spell.
Watching as a door appeared next to the portrait, Lily couldn't help but smile. "I love magic," she murmured to herself.
Lily hadn't expected James to respond, so she was surprised to hear him agree with her, before he pushed open the door and held it so she could enter.
Having never seen the room before or even known that it existed, Lily took a slow look around. It wasn't anything special and mostly empty, but the large window let in a lot of the early morning sunshine, making it seem bright and cheery.
"So, what did you want?" James asked, after a moment.
"I… I wanted to apologize," Lily said, turning to face James. "I've treated you awfully these last few days and there was no reason for it."
"I did stand you up," James pointed out.
"Because Peter's father died."
"Who told you that?" James asked, suddenly a lot more alert than he had been.
"Peter did," Lily answered. "He came to talk to me last night."
"Ah, so that's why he was late," James murmured under his breath, almost too quiet for Lily to hear. Again, she wanted to press him for more information, but considering that she was here to apologize, it didn't seem the time for an interrogation.
"And… well, what he said was true. I never gave you a chance to explain, and I should have. I was just so embarrassed and hurt." No, Lily thought, that sounded like she was trying to make excuses. "I jumped to conclusions and got mad at you for no reason. It wasn't fair of me and it wasn't nice. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"
James didn't hesitate for a moment before answering, "Of course, I can."
"Good," Lily said, breathing a sigh of relief.
"You sound a lot more relieved about that, than I would have thought," James pointed out, with a grin.
"Well, yes," Lily admitted. "Because if you didn't, it would have made the next part of this rather awkward." James perked up at that, and watched her curiously. "I was wondering, James Potter, if you would be willing to go out with me?"
Whatever, James might have been expecting, that was clearly not it. "Are you serious, Lily?" he asked, gaping. "I rather got the impression that you didn't want to go out with me when I asked you."
"I didn't," Lily admitted. "But, talking to Peter, got me thinking that maybe I've jumped to a lot of conclusions about you that aren't true. I mean, there are things that you do that I don't approve of, but I'm not perfect either. And anyone willing to do what you did for Peter, has to have more good qualities than bad. And it's not just him, I think the whole school knows that when Lupin gets sick you spend every moment possible with him in the hospital wing." She used to just see that as moments of peace and quiet, but now she realized it was a sign that James really was good friend to those he cared about.
"You better stop soon, Evans, otherwise I'll start thinking you like me," James teased.
"Well, your hopes will be dashed soon, if you leave me standing here without an answer for too much longer." The awkwardness had vanished and Lily found herself more relaxed than she had been for quite some time.
"In that case…" James trailed off, pretending to think for a moment. "In that case, yes. I'd love to go on a date with you, Lily Evans."
Never had Lily thought those words would make her so happy, but her she was smiling like a fool. "It's really too bad there isn't a Hogsmeade trip for another month, there's a new shop that I wanted to try."
"Well, if you aren't opposed to sneaking out of Hogwarts-"
"No," Lily cut in quickly. "I am not sneaking out of Hogwarts. Sorry, but I just can't."
James only looked mildly disappointed for a moment, before he grinned. "Probably just as well, Remus hates it when I tell people about the passageways out of the school."
"Good for Remus," Lily said approvingly. "He was a good choice for prefect."
James stared at Lily for a long moment before he burst out laughing. "Are you kidding me? Remus is awful at obeying rules."
"Compared to the rest of you?" Lily asked, disbelief clear in her voice.
"Yes!" James insisted. "He's just better at not getting caught. He doesn't like me telling people about passages out of the school because he doesn't want to share them. He has this irrationally fear that somehow a bunch of people will find out and constantly be using them, so he won't be able to run off and buy sweets when he's ditching History of Magic."
"I don't believe you."
"Well, I suppose I'll just have to find some way of proving it to you."
That sounded too much like a challenge, Lily decided. "You don't need to," she insisted. Heavens knew what sort of plans James would come up with in an attempt to prove that Remus was some terrible rule breaker.
"Oh, I think I do," James mused. "It shouldn't be too difficult at any rate."
"Really, not necessary. Because you know if I caught him, or you, breaking the rules, I'd have to give you detention."
"Good point. This might need to wait another month."
"Why? I mean, not that I think you should do it anyway, but what happens in a month?"
"Sirius bet that I couldn't go two months without getting a detention. We've got Honeydukes chocolate on the line."
"You bet on not getting detentions?"
"Sometimes, yeah. Other times we bet on getting them. I think it was fourth year, we bet on if we could get detentions from each of the professors in a week. That was a good week." James had a small smile on his face as he remembered the time. "I lost though. Professor Flitwick refused to give me one, no matter how hard I tried. I've never forgiven him for it. He cost me five gallons."
Lily was gaping at James as he spoke. "Are you crazy?" she demanded. "Why would you do something like that?"
"For fun. You should try it sometimes, Lily."
"Getting in trouble isn't fun!"
"Sure, it is. I mean detention, even when it is scrubbing down trophies without magic, is hardly the end of the world."
"But...but…"
"Yup, that does it," James said, almost to himself. "Since you've asked me out, I'm taking charge of planning this date. Tonight, you and I are sneaking down to the kitchens after curfew."
"No. No, we're not."
"Why not? What's the worst thing that could happen?"
"We could get caught!"
"That would be bad," James admitted. "I'd probably get detention and lose the bet, but you know what, I'm willing to take the risk."
"And what if our punishment was worse than a detention?"
"Like what?"
"We could be expelled!"
James stared at Lily for a moment, before, once again, he burst out laughing. And this time it took several minutes before he managed to pull himself together enough to respond to her concern. "We're not going to get expelled! Me, Sirius, Remus, and Peter have done way worse than sneak down to the kitchens. And we've been caught doing it, but we're all still here. In fact, Peter looked into it a few years ago before we started a… project. Only two students have been expelled from Hogwarts in the past century. One girl apparently went a bit insane and completely destroyed every plant in all of the greenhouses. And the other guy…" James trailed off.
"He what?"
"I don't really know," James admitted, frowning. "All we could find out was that someone died, someone else was expelled and we think he went to Azkaban. We never found anything definite, but the story basically tells itself."
Lily shivered at the implication of what James had said. Someone had been murdered in the school she had been attending since she was eleven and a student had been the one to commit the crime.
"Fuck," James swore, running his hand through his hair. "I shouldn't have said that. This was decades ago, I don't even know if it's true."
Lily stared at him for a moment. He actually sounded guilty for scaring her. "It's fine," she said. It would probably take a few days to come to terms with this new knowledge, but it wasn't like she felt like she was in any immediate danger. "I definitely feel for that first girl though. Herbology is an awful subject and I definitely understand the desire to destroy those greenhouses." She couldn't help but grin as James stared at her with a disbelieving look on his face. "You're right though, hearing that definitely makes sneaking down to the kitchens seem tame. Besides, I've always wanted to know where they were anyway."
"So, it's a date?" James asked, a twinkle in his eyes.
"It's a date." Lily agreed happily.
