Title: Little Boy Lost
Author: Nataku
Rating: R
Genre: Angst, horror, gore
Pairing: None
Warning: Okay ladies and gents, this story has a lot of gore. Nothing really yet on the vocab level,
but man does it have gore. Those with queasy stomachs should think twice before reading.
Disclaimer: Once again, this character is my own. It's Marourin.
Summary: Why is the Black Jackal as cruel as he is? No one starts out evil right? Listen to him as
he tells the tale of his past.
Author's Note: *looks over writing* Damn, I can't believe I wrote this! I made myself nauseous
writing it. Such a spoiler for his past. Anyway, please enjoy and please don't judge him too harshly.
Remember, he's a little boy now.
Save me now from my despair
When you reach me, I'm not there
Free me now and help me heal
Kill me now to break my seal...
Little Boy Lost
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kaa-san....
Kaa-san....
Where are you? Don't leave me here. Don't leave me all alone...
KAA-SAN!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you know that I loved you, kaa-san? Father never cared about me. Only you did, kaa-san. You
loved me. You cared for me. And I loved you, with all of my heart. I loved you so much it ached
inside my chest. Even worse then when father kicked me and cracked my ribs.
If you were there, I could handle the abuse, I could handle anything the world threw at me. Anything
father threw at me. If only I could feel your gentle hands and see a smile. I hated it when you cried
and he made you cry so much. I hated him. I wanted him to die.
Not because he beat me. Not because he forced me through all of that miserable training. Not
because he deprived me of a childhood. Because he made you cry. Your tears were too precious to
waste on the likes of him.
I remember so clearly, he got drunk often. He beat you as well as me. The training, by the gods the
only thing he ever did beyond almost kill me was train me to be strong and fight.
Was he proud? Was he pleased that his son became as strong as I am? Apparently, I wasn't strong
enough.
Everyday I suffer from that. I think about what happened and if only I was a little stronger, a little
smarter, a little faster, this never would have happened. It was my fault in the end. No matter how
hard I try to blame him, it always came back to me.
If I would give him credit for one thing it would be that he was powerful. Quite so. He knew what I
was, he knew what I could do and he used this to try and create the perfect fighter. His greatest flaw
was not counting in my loyalties and emotions. Those had yet to be beaten out of my system. If he
would of waited a few more years, maybe a year at least, it would of worked. But he had to go and
do that. It hit the mark and ripped open apart something in me that should of stayed asleep, should of
stayed dormant.
Perhaps it was his intention, but I suppose I will never know. I believe he tried to awaken this beast
residing within my soul. He succeeded, yet he would not live to see the fruits of his labors. I made
sure of that. For releasing this monster within me and for being the cruel bastard he was, I would
make sure he paid dearly for it!
That day, how prominent it stands in my memory. Do you remember it? He came home one night,
reeking of alcohol. Drunk and out of his mind. I remember the anger and rage in his eyes. I
remember his fists as they struck me again and again, you came to rescue me, kaa-san. My beautiful
guardian angel. You came to save me. And then he turned his wrath on you.
Father hit you again, and again, and again. If I were not so horrified as to just stand there in terror I
might of been able to save you. I might have seen the switch blade and stopped him before he drove
it through your lovely throat. Your last dying breaths were to tell me to run. To save myself. And yet
again all I did was stand there, gaping in fear. I was frozen stiff!
So great was father's rage that he turned on me with the bloodied blade. It was drenched in your
life's blood and for the first time ever I felt something inside of me snap. I knew that I was not a
normal child. The training and abuse kept me from being like the other children. But I felt
something so entirely different it frightened me. My soul was chilled to the core by the intense
animalistic ferocity boiling. It was like another being starting to take over me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Help me kaa-san, this anger, this rage. I'm starting to loose myself!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I heard a feral growling and was horrified to find that the sound was coming from my own throat.
My eyes felt different and I saw a faint glow around me. A mirror was next to me and I turned my
head. Screaming, I was shocked to find the glow was emanating from my golden eyes. Father was
staring in awe, or perhaps fear.
Suddenly a intense pain ripped through my body. Flooding me from head to toe in red streaked
agony. I arched in the horrible pain and screamed as I felt myself changing. Black fur pushed it's
way through my skin, making blood run as it tore along the way. I heard and felt the sickening
crunch of bone as my face elongated, my skull contorting and pushing outward to form a sleek
muzzle.
It severed my skin even as new flesh, firmer and tougher, laid itself over my ruined muscles. I could
tell my new jaws were immensely powerful even as long, sharp fangs ripped through my gums,
causing even more blood to spill as they extended to their full length. Lethal tools for slicing flesh
and snapping bone.
Quite suddenly, my knees reversed with a loud POP and fresh pain washed through my already
agonized state of mind. I could feel my bones grating and the nerves, muscles, tendons rip and tear.
My shins elongated and pushed me higher with a series of crunching sounds. Muscle, skin, and
sinew had to replace itself as the old ones were destroyed.
Faintly, I noticed myself screaming in the horrid pain, but then my vocal cords changed with a
nauseating contortion and I was now howling in misery instead. My hands, they were twisting and
the nails were thickening, lengthening, sharpening until I had warped semi paws with dangerously
sharp claws.
There was a loud SHRK sound as my feet sliced my shoes apart, one of the toes melting into the
flesh painfully, the bone changing position. My toes shortened and thickened, heel crunching upward
to form a doggish hock. Then my toenails shot forward, thickening and curving until they were
raptor-like claws. Or maybe like small scythes at the ends of my feet.
My thighs were powerfully muscled as my new body ripped my frail human muscles and laid newer,
better ones in. No doubt my legs were to be among my ultimate weapons. The base of my spine tore
through my flesh and elongated into a ghastly whip-like form composed of vertebrae. Then muscles
and sinew grew over and thick, silky fur sprouted.
The entire process was, as you can guess extremely painful. However, a sensation of power cut
through the haze of agony blinding my vision. I was reeling from how powerful the scent of blood
was through my new snout. And of how enticing it was. I could hear the beating of my heart...no...it
was not mine I heard. This beat was too rapid to be mine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Words cannot compensate the agony, and the revelation that were conflicting within my delicate
body and mind at the moment, dear kaa-san, but I try to explain this complex emotion raging
through me like a wild fire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I swung my now considerably larger head over to look at my father. He had fallen to his knees in
terror and was paralyzed from it. Experimentally, I stretched to the tips of my new toes and found
that my balance was excellent. My vision was incredibly sharp and I could pierce the darkness with
these fantastic gold eyes. Thick, powerful muscles have bulked up my originally slender build and I
found myself to be so much stronger. Snapping my jaws, I was delighted in the speed and power
behind the motion.
Then it kicked in. The surprisingly forceful instincts of the beast I was. Looking in the mirror, I saw
the sleek figure of a black jackal staring back at me. Like a Anubis incarnate. Wariness and a sharp
cunning underlaid a simple thought process of survival. And the hunger. It was awful. The hunger to
kill any living thing to sate myself. To tear into their flesh and devour it. The desire to hunt, the
desire to chase, the desire to kill, and the desire to devour the warm flesh that I would rip from their
bodies. These were the dominant thoughts running through this intricate layout of man and beast.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What of the boy you might ask? He was pushed into the farthest corner of my mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Behind this was the jackal's own cunning and intelligence. It knew how to survive. The senses were
excellent and the brain swift to compute what it took in. It's memory was surprising in it's
acuteness. The beast remembered where blood was. It remembered where my father was. And then,
my own instincts and intelligence were intricately laced with the canine's. What a combination I
must say. The animal's strength and amazingly ruthless instincts to survive coupled with the
human's brain capacity and ability to rationalize. And the human's instinct to destroy. This perhaps
played the biggest role.
The worst of human nature was dragged into this medley, forming a fighter that hungered for battle.
Whoever caused this abomination was a genius if his or her intent was to create a being who was the
ultimate warrior. Blood lust over rode conscious in this form and would ensure a fierce battle.
I found myself moving closer and closer to my cowering father, a growl emanating from deep in my
chest. My fur was bristled in anger as I saw him through a beast's eyes. How dare he. How dare he
kill you. HOW DARE HE!!!
I threw back my head and let a blood curdling howl rip from my throat as I leapt. A hyena-ish
laughter poured from my open jaws as I started hacking and slashing with my powerful legs, ripping
into his flesh with my scythe-like hind claws. I heard his screaming. I heard his pleas. I felt his blood
and flesh. I tasted it. Like the nectar of the gods it was, so sweet and seductive. I wanted more. I
hungered for this feeling of taking life.
Crouching, I drove my muzzle into his still struggling body. Then like a giant bird of prey, I held
him down with one hind paw and started tearing away flesh with my jaws. I ripped off pieces and
devoured them. I reveled in the blood pouring down my throat and the warmth of the flesh.
Slowly, the reddish haze of blood lust cleared from my mind and I felt the jackal's instincts reside as
rage wore down. I blinked and saw father's desecrated corpse.
"TOU-SAN!!!" screaming, I fell to what would of been my knees and clutched my head. My body
started shuddering in grief and pain. Slowly, agonizingly, it converted back into that of a boy's. My
body as it should of been all along. Trembling, I was covered in blood, aching all over, and in
intense physical and mental pain. I felt so weak without my jackal hide. So weak without you,
kaa-san.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Help me kaa-san! Save me from...myself...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hated father and wanted him dead. But not like this! Honestly, kaa-san! I never wanted him to die
so horribly! I never wanted to kill him. Please, believe me, kaa-san! I didn't mean to!!!
I stared at my shaking hands. They were dripping with blood. I could taste blood in my mouth and I
could still feel his flesh in my stomach.
Unable to help it, I bent over and threw up. I retched and continued regurgitating. My stomach acids
burned my throat and caused me to start crying. So weak!!!! I got up and stumbled out of the door,
no longer able to stand the horror of the macabre site. Your body with the gaping hole where a throat
should be and a pile of flesh, bone, and blood that used to be father, now unrecognizable.
It was pouring outside, kaa-san. A suitable weather for my state of mind at the moment. The rain
washed the blood from my body and removed the coppery scent from my flesh. But why did I still
feel so filthy? I raised my hands to my eyes and to me, they were still bloodstained. What could I
do? I was nothing more than a mere boy. Not meant to deal with all of this. So I just dropped to my
knees and started sobbing uncontrollably. Tears streaked my face as the rain drenched me to the
bone, chilling me and soaking my fragile body.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where are you? Don't leave me all alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I believed that mother nature is crying, kaa-san. She's crying for you, and maybe even for father.
And perhaps, just maybe she'd cry for me. I know for sure that I've changed forever. I read once
about children being the pure and innocent.
I don't think I'm a child anymore, kaa-san.
Unknown
Date Unknown
The End?
To be continued?
Help me.
Save me.
Free me.
Kill me.
Save me now from my despair
when you reach me, I'm not there
Free me now and help me heal
Kill me now to break my seal...
Author's Note: *looking green* I don't know what possessed me to write that. I wanted to drive it in
people's minds the loss of Marourin's innocence, but that was a little gorey for me. Please don't
flame me. I didn't mean to upset someone's stomach or make them sick. And for further note,
'kaa-san' means mother in Japanese. He's Chinese so why he's using Japanese, I don't know. I hope
you enjoyed. Flames shall be used to cook some steak...maybe Hibachi...
I might consider adding in more chapters, but this is how it started. And in case you are wondering,
some parts are his direct speech to 'kaa-san', or sudden shift in thought process.
Author: Nataku
Rating: R
Genre: Angst, horror, gore
Pairing: None
Warning: Okay ladies and gents, this story has a lot of gore. Nothing really yet on the vocab level,
but man does it have gore. Those with queasy stomachs should think twice before reading.
Disclaimer: Once again, this character is my own. It's Marourin.
Summary: Why is the Black Jackal as cruel as he is? No one starts out evil right? Listen to him as
he tells the tale of his past.
Author's Note: *looks over writing* Damn, I can't believe I wrote this! I made myself nauseous
writing it. Such a spoiler for his past. Anyway, please enjoy and please don't judge him too harshly.
Remember, he's a little boy now.
Save me now from my despair
When you reach me, I'm not there
Free me now and help me heal
Kill me now to break my seal...
Little Boy Lost
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kaa-san....
Kaa-san....
Where are you? Don't leave me here. Don't leave me all alone...
KAA-SAN!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you know that I loved you, kaa-san? Father never cared about me. Only you did, kaa-san. You
loved me. You cared for me. And I loved you, with all of my heart. I loved you so much it ached
inside my chest. Even worse then when father kicked me and cracked my ribs.
If you were there, I could handle the abuse, I could handle anything the world threw at me. Anything
father threw at me. If only I could feel your gentle hands and see a smile. I hated it when you cried
and he made you cry so much. I hated him. I wanted him to die.
Not because he beat me. Not because he forced me through all of that miserable training. Not
because he deprived me of a childhood. Because he made you cry. Your tears were too precious to
waste on the likes of him.
I remember so clearly, he got drunk often. He beat you as well as me. The training, by the gods the
only thing he ever did beyond almost kill me was train me to be strong and fight.
Was he proud? Was he pleased that his son became as strong as I am? Apparently, I wasn't strong
enough.
Everyday I suffer from that. I think about what happened and if only I was a little stronger, a little
smarter, a little faster, this never would have happened. It was my fault in the end. No matter how
hard I try to blame him, it always came back to me.
If I would give him credit for one thing it would be that he was powerful. Quite so. He knew what I
was, he knew what I could do and he used this to try and create the perfect fighter. His greatest flaw
was not counting in my loyalties and emotions. Those had yet to be beaten out of my system. If he
would of waited a few more years, maybe a year at least, it would of worked. But he had to go and
do that. It hit the mark and ripped open apart something in me that should of stayed asleep, should of
stayed dormant.
Perhaps it was his intention, but I suppose I will never know. I believe he tried to awaken this beast
residing within my soul. He succeeded, yet he would not live to see the fruits of his labors. I made
sure of that. For releasing this monster within me and for being the cruel bastard he was, I would
make sure he paid dearly for it!
That day, how prominent it stands in my memory. Do you remember it? He came home one night,
reeking of alcohol. Drunk and out of his mind. I remember the anger and rage in his eyes. I
remember his fists as they struck me again and again, you came to rescue me, kaa-san. My beautiful
guardian angel. You came to save me. And then he turned his wrath on you.
Father hit you again, and again, and again. If I were not so horrified as to just stand there in terror I
might of been able to save you. I might have seen the switch blade and stopped him before he drove
it through your lovely throat. Your last dying breaths were to tell me to run. To save myself. And yet
again all I did was stand there, gaping in fear. I was frozen stiff!
So great was father's rage that he turned on me with the bloodied blade. It was drenched in your
life's blood and for the first time ever I felt something inside of me snap. I knew that I was not a
normal child. The training and abuse kept me from being like the other children. But I felt
something so entirely different it frightened me. My soul was chilled to the core by the intense
animalistic ferocity boiling. It was like another being starting to take over me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Help me kaa-san, this anger, this rage. I'm starting to loose myself!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I heard a feral growling and was horrified to find that the sound was coming from my own throat.
My eyes felt different and I saw a faint glow around me. A mirror was next to me and I turned my
head. Screaming, I was shocked to find the glow was emanating from my golden eyes. Father was
staring in awe, or perhaps fear.
Suddenly a intense pain ripped through my body. Flooding me from head to toe in red streaked
agony. I arched in the horrible pain and screamed as I felt myself changing. Black fur pushed it's
way through my skin, making blood run as it tore along the way. I heard and felt the sickening
crunch of bone as my face elongated, my skull contorting and pushing outward to form a sleek
muzzle.
It severed my skin even as new flesh, firmer and tougher, laid itself over my ruined muscles. I could
tell my new jaws were immensely powerful even as long, sharp fangs ripped through my gums,
causing even more blood to spill as they extended to their full length. Lethal tools for slicing flesh
and snapping bone.
Quite suddenly, my knees reversed with a loud POP and fresh pain washed through my already
agonized state of mind. I could feel my bones grating and the nerves, muscles, tendons rip and tear.
My shins elongated and pushed me higher with a series of crunching sounds. Muscle, skin, and
sinew had to replace itself as the old ones were destroyed.
Faintly, I noticed myself screaming in the horrid pain, but then my vocal cords changed with a
nauseating contortion and I was now howling in misery instead. My hands, they were twisting and
the nails were thickening, lengthening, sharpening until I had warped semi paws with dangerously
sharp claws.
There was a loud SHRK sound as my feet sliced my shoes apart, one of the toes melting into the
flesh painfully, the bone changing position. My toes shortened and thickened, heel crunching upward
to form a doggish hock. Then my toenails shot forward, thickening and curving until they were
raptor-like claws. Or maybe like small scythes at the ends of my feet.
My thighs were powerfully muscled as my new body ripped my frail human muscles and laid newer,
better ones in. No doubt my legs were to be among my ultimate weapons. The base of my spine tore
through my flesh and elongated into a ghastly whip-like form composed of vertebrae. Then muscles
and sinew grew over and thick, silky fur sprouted.
The entire process was, as you can guess extremely painful. However, a sensation of power cut
through the haze of agony blinding my vision. I was reeling from how powerful the scent of blood
was through my new snout. And of how enticing it was. I could hear the beating of my heart...no...it
was not mine I heard. This beat was too rapid to be mine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Words cannot compensate the agony, and the revelation that were conflicting within my delicate
body and mind at the moment, dear kaa-san, but I try to explain this complex emotion raging
through me like a wild fire.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I swung my now considerably larger head over to look at my father. He had fallen to his knees in
terror and was paralyzed from it. Experimentally, I stretched to the tips of my new toes and found
that my balance was excellent. My vision was incredibly sharp and I could pierce the darkness with
these fantastic gold eyes. Thick, powerful muscles have bulked up my originally slender build and I
found myself to be so much stronger. Snapping my jaws, I was delighted in the speed and power
behind the motion.
Then it kicked in. The surprisingly forceful instincts of the beast I was. Looking in the mirror, I saw
the sleek figure of a black jackal staring back at me. Like a Anubis incarnate. Wariness and a sharp
cunning underlaid a simple thought process of survival. And the hunger. It was awful. The hunger to
kill any living thing to sate myself. To tear into their flesh and devour it. The desire to hunt, the
desire to chase, the desire to kill, and the desire to devour the warm flesh that I would rip from their
bodies. These were the dominant thoughts running through this intricate layout of man and beast.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What of the boy you might ask? He was pushed into the farthest corner of my mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Behind this was the jackal's own cunning and intelligence. It knew how to survive. The senses were
excellent and the brain swift to compute what it took in. It's memory was surprising in it's
acuteness. The beast remembered where blood was. It remembered where my father was. And then,
my own instincts and intelligence were intricately laced with the canine's. What a combination I
must say. The animal's strength and amazingly ruthless instincts to survive coupled with the
human's brain capacity and ability to rationalize. And the human's instinct to destroy. This perhaps
played the biggest role.
The worst of human nature was dragged into this medley, forming a fighter that hungered for battle.
Whoever caused this abomination was a genius if his or her intent was to create a being who was the
ultimate warrior. Blood lust over rode conscious in this form and would ensure a fierce battle.
I found myself moving closer and closer to my cowering father, a growl emanating from deep in my
chest. My fur was bristled in anger as I saw him through a beast's eyes. How dare he. How dare he
kill you. HOW DARE HE!!!
I threw back my head and let a blood curdling howl rip from my throat as I leapt. A hyena-ish
laughter poured from my open jaws as I started hacking and slashing with my powerful legs, ripping
into his flesh with my scythe-like hind claws. I heard his screaming. I heard his pleas. I felt his blood
and flesh. I tasted it. Like the nectar of the gods it was, so sweet and seductive. I wanted more. I
hungered for this feeling of taking life.
Crouching, I drove my muzzle into his still struggling body. Then like a giant bird of prey, I held
him down with one hind paw and started tearing away flesh with my jaws. I ripped off pieces and
devoured them. I reveled in the blood pouring down my throat and the warmth of the flesh.
Slowly, the reddish haze of blood lust cleared from my mind and I felt the jackal's instincts reside as
rage wore down. I blinked and saw father's desecrated corpse.
"TOU-SAN!!!" screaming, I fell to what would of been my knees and clutched my head. My body
started shuddering in grief and pain. Slowly, agonizingly, it converted back into that of a boy's. My
body as it should of been all along. Trembling, I was covered in blood, aching all over, and in
intense physical and mental pain. I felt so weak without my jackal hide. So weak without you,
kaa-san.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Help me kaa-san! Save me from...myself...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hated father and wanted him dead. But not like this! Honestly, kaa-san! I never wanted him to die
so horribly! I never wanted to kill him. Please, believe me, kaa-san! I didn't mean to!!!
I stared at my shaking hands. They were dripping with blood. I could taste blood in my mouth and I
could still feel his flesh in my stomach.
Unable to help it, I bent over and threw up. I retched and continued regurgitating. My stomach acids
burned my throat and caused me to start crying. So weak!!!! I got up and stumbled out of the door,
no longer able to stand the horror of the macabre site. Your body with the gaping hole where a throat
should be and a pile of flesh, bone, and blood that used to be father, now unrecognizable.
It was pouring outside, kaa-san. A suitable weather for my state of mind at the moment. The rain
washed the blood from my body and removed the coppery scent from my flesh. But why did I still
feel so filthy? I raised my hands to my eyes and to me, they were still bloodstained. What could I
do? I was nothing more than a mere boy. Not meant to deal with all of this. So I just dropped to my
knees and started sobbing uncontrollably. Tears streaked my face as the rain drenched me to the
bone, chilling me and soaking my fragile body.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where are you? Don't leave me all alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I believed that mother nature is crying, kaa-san. She's crying for you, and maybe even for father.
And perhaps, just maybe she'd cry for me. I know for sure that I've changed forever. I read once
about children being the pure and innocent.
I don't think I'm a child anymore, kaa-san.
Unknown
Date Unknown
The End?
To be continued?
Help me.
Save me.
Free me.
Kill me.
Save me now from my despair
when you reach me, I'm not there
Free me now and help me heal
Kill me now to break my seal...
Author's Note: *looking green* I don't know what possessed me to write that. I wanted to drive it in
people's minds the loss of Marourin's innocence, but that was a little gorey for me. Please don't
flame me. I didn't mean to upset someone's stomach or make them sick. And for further note,
'kaa-san' means mother in Japanese. He's Chinese so why he's using Japanese, I don't know. I hope
you enjoyed. Flames shall be used to cook some steak...maybe Hibachi...
I might consider adding in more chapters, but this is how it started. And in case you are wondering,
some parts are his direct speech to 'kaa-san', or sudden shift in thought process.
