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Tricking Herself
She decided she'd wait. She'd wait for the moment when he would notice her complete devotion. She would trick herself into thinking that he would actually say it back one day. She had dreamed about a whole life involving them both. She had fanties of their meetings. She tricked herself into thinking that he actually loved her back. She'd stare at him for hours on end. She'd smile whenever he was around. She was able to sense when he was coming. That's how completely obsessed she was with him. It should've been a crime really. She would follow him everywhere and say it was only her nature. That she was simply worried.
She had even tricked herself into thinking she didn't love him. It was quite an accomplishment. Sadly it didn't work. She had been so far into her own little world that she had actually started to grow more distant from him. And soon he started to realize it. And once he started trying to reestablish their friendship she cracked. Her perfect little world was shattered by the fact that she was undeniably in love with him. Yet she still tried to deny it. She'd simply say it was mere infatuation. But she knew deep within that it was much more than that. Yet she knew she'd never show nor tell her true feelings.
She was good at tricking herself. She'd simply make up her own little world and get stuck in it. Sometimes she'd be so engrossed in her own little world she'd forget everything around her. That is until he came close to her and her perfectly made world started to get cracks in it. And she thought it was her brain making these little worlds. Sadly she was mistaken. It was her heart. And every time her world would get cracks it would affect her heart.
Then came the day when he rejected her. Well he didn't say it in such words. Actually he had found love. And when he talked about her it was amazing the way his face would light up. And for a second she actually believed that it was her. Oh how she was a fool to believe something so amazing could happen to her. Yes she was mistaken in thinking it was her that he loved. And so when he finally said the girls name her world broke into a thousand little pieces. Some getting so small that she knew she would never be whole again. And that's when she found out it was her heart making these stories. It was such an unexpected thing, for her heart to be broken. It felt like she was drowning. She could hear and see everything happening around her yet she couldn't feel it. It was like an out of body experience.
And that's how she lived her life. Looking at everything from a different perspective. It was like she wasn't even a real person anymore. She skimpily went through life numb. She felt nothing. She could walk through fire yet she wouldn't be able to feel it burn. Yet when she saw them together she felt the pain of her heart break all over again. And sadly it even got easier.
Eventually she married Ronald Wesley, only doing so because everyone expected it of her. And she had three beautiful children. Yet she felt nothing. No love for her husband or children. She just felt nothing, she was empty. The only thing she ever felt was the pain of her heart re-breaking as she saw his face.
