Better
"What happens when people open their hearts?"
"They get better."
- Haruki Murakami
There's a breath or two of a pause. He just holds her tighter.
"You alright?"
"Um-"
"Felicity."
A nod. "I'm fine. I'm.. fine."
He lets his hand linger on her waist for a moment longer than it probably should've. She doesn't notice.
(Actually, she does. She always notices.)
He lets her go.
Oliver likes to think he left emotions behind him. It's impossible to care about someone and do what he does - risking himself and everyone around him each night, putting himself out there like he has an actual death wish with pretty much nothing but a bow and a few arrows - but it was his choice and he made peace with it a long time ago. He wants to make this city a better place and he will try as hard as he can to succeed.
But, there's something about Felicity Smoak that makes him wonder how things would've turned out if he never let himself become the Arrow; or maybe what would've happened if he met her before. Would she have loved him? Would he have loved her, like he does now?
Oliver likes to think he left emotions behind him.
Until they hit him like a truck, that is. Then he knows he's screwed.
He still remembers the first time he saw her, in the office all those years ago, when she was rambling to herself as she always does and he was dead with long hair and a lot of regrets and she was the first person he ever saw as a person.
He remembers he smiled - genuinely smiled for the first time in a long time.
It's a good memory.
He almost tells her, once.
But he just can't. He can't do that to her. Felicity Smoak deserves the world; she deserves to be happy, and he can't give her happiness. He's not even sure he fully knows what happiness is anymore. Oliver's broken beyond repair, and he doesn't want to fool himself into thinking he can be fixed – into thinking he can be happy – because in the end he'll just end up ruining everyone around him.
He loves her too much to do that to her.
"You can't just shut everyone out, Oliver!", she yells at him and the lack of emotions he's showing just makes her angrier. "You can't go through the rest your life never caring about anyone. It's no way to live."
"I think it's been pretty good so far."
"Oliver!", his name comes out of her mouth as if his words have offended her.
He shakes his head. "The life I chose to live.. You can't do that and care about people. You'll just end up hurting them.", Oliver pauses and Felicity never once breaks eye-contact. "I don't want to hurt you, Felicity."
There's silence and he hopes (no, he doesn't) that it means she's letting the subject go.
But then; "What if I don't mind getting hurt?"
(He kisses her.)
There's a breath or two of pause. He just holds her tighter.
"You alright?", he asks. This time, he lets emotions take over. "Felicity-", his voice breaks.
She puts her arms around him, "I'm fine, I'm fine. Really, I'm..", she pauses, taking a breath. She doesn't need to look at him to know what he's feeling. "I'm fine.", she puts all she has into those two words and holds her breath.
He sighs, his shoulders shrugging down in relief. She begins to breathe again.
He lets his hands linger on her waist for much longer than needed, before kissing her temple.
(He knows she notices. She always notices.)
He doesn't let go.
A.N.: When is this set? Who knows. Are they in character? No idea. Does this suck? Probably. For my wonderful sister, Jelena ( helenamile). Lets hope at least she likes it.
