Like I'm Gonna Lose You
A/N: Okay so a lot of people think that my writing is a bit too dark and sometimes too unrealistic and I agree with them. But today I want to show you all something that really pushes me to write. This is basically the story of my life that I've explained the best way I can.
Through Klaroline.
I hope it helps some of you guys understand me a little better and I really hope you guys enjoy it because this is very 'very' close to my heart.
The credit for this being published goes to 'TVShowForEternity'. I read her work and couldn't control my emotions. Thank you for writing that heartfelt story. :')
Listen to the song for truly enjoying this. It's by Meghan Trainor and John Legend.
And lastly THANK YOU FOR THE NOMINATION! I couldn't have achieved anything I have today without the constant support, love and appreciation of my beloved friends and family which all of you are now a part of. Love you guys to the moon and back.
Best of luck to everyone else and I can't even believe that I've gotten nominated with so many super talented people. 'Anastasia', 'imstormborn' and 'CBK1000' are gifted writers and it's an honor for me to even be nominated next to them. :')
Onto the story, now.
"Like I'm Gonna Lose You"
I found myself dreaming,
In silver and gold,
Like a scene from a movie
That every broken heart knows we were walking on moonlight
And you pulled me close
Split second and you disappeared and then I was all alone
Caroline was an optimist, in one word. She always believed that either there was a happy ending or it simply wasn't the end, in life. She was convinced that there was no such thing as permanent sadness or sorrow in the world.
That is until she turned sixteen and started experiencing the harsh realities of life. While they felt like full blown, unforgiving slaps to her face, she kept the smile plastered on her face for she knew her smile brightened so many other people's days.
Her parents', her friends', her teachers' and her boyfriend's.
Out of all the people, she mostly smiled only for him. For Klaus. Because he was just that special.
She had known him since her childhood and they even used to play together. But she always got along better with his younger brother Kol since Klaus was a brooder and a loner since he was a baby. But everyone knew everyone in a small town like Mystic Falls so naturally they both recognized each other and soon became good friends.
Like all good things in life, their friendship came to an end when Caroline moved away with her family. She had been so devastated over the loss of her childhood best friend that it had taken her months to even communicate with someone else much less befriend them.
Life took a turn towards the right direction for once, when she moved back to Mystic Falls. But Caroline was all grown up by the time she got back. She was no longer the girl with chubby cheeks and blonde pigtails which Klaus Mikaelson could pull.
She was a woman. A free, independent woman. Or so she thought.
They started talking at the Grille after Kol re-introduced them both. While Caroline had changed too, Klaus had improved more. He was a much more pleasant person now. Maybe it was fake pleasantry but it was there.
Although with her, he seemed genuinely interested. Being the person that she was, Caroline told them to try to be friends first and then anything else. Accepting her deal, they started hanging out. As friends, of course.
Although, Klaus still seethed when he saw Tyler Lockwood flirting with her, or when he saw her ogling some other 'hot' guy in town.
Both of them, however, knew from the beginning that what they had was way more than just friendship. It wasn't love back then. But it wasn't just friendship. It was something too sacred and too esteemed to be named.
Their first kiss had been everything they both imagined and more. Well, for Caroline it was. Like it had been taken right out of a movie. Standing in the middle of the street, drenched in rain, their lips had met hesitantly at first and then growing comfortable with each other.
When she had pulled back, Klaus had given her a smile that could light up the whole town and swept her off her feet as her laughter rung throughout the silent night.
It was all very magical.
Until she found another bump in the road to her happiness. Another tumor, to be exact. It had been unexpected and obviously unwelcome. The thought of Caroline Forbes – the beloved golden girl of Mystic Falls who smiled at everyone and sent over baked goods every weekend to everyone – having cancer was absurd.
I woke up in tears,
With you by my side,
A breath of relief,
And I realized,
No, we're not promised tomorrow
Starting from simple headaches to nausea to lightheadedness and then fainting recurrently, Caroline had consulted the doctor who had run some tests. The results were so dreadful that she had twelve different labs perform the same test.
The outcome never changed, however.
Seeing the tears in her mother and father's eyes, Caroline swallowed her own tears and plastered and smile on her face.
"So what options do we have now?"
When she had asked this question, she had expected the doctor to reply with various medical treatments and therapies but instead she was met with an uncomfortable cough and a pitiful voice.
"Considering the stage, it wouldn't be very wise to start chemo or any other form of radiation"
Her smile had faltered when she heard her mother's choked sob and her father holding her mother in a warm embrace but she quickly recovered and turned to the doctor. "How much time?" she simply asked, knowing that was all she had. Limited time.
"Nine months" he had said, shattering all of her dreams by just saying those two words. "I'm sorry"
When the doctor had stood up and left to give the family some time to absorb this news, her mother and father both burst into tears and tried to console each other.
Caroline quietly wiped the tear threatening to leak from the corner of her eye and forced that polite yet fake smile on her face. She couldn't be weak, she couldn't cry. Not when her parents needed her more than she needed herself.
Everyone's reaction had been pretty much the same as her parents'. Except for Klaus'.
He was the first person to embrace her and to tell her that they were going to beat this. They were going to fight this. Together.
So I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when,
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
For the first time since her diagnosis, Caroline had cried. She cried so freely and generously, burying her face in his chest at night, for the loss of her future and for the loss of the chance at a normal life.
She had gone to the doctor a week after the diagnosis for treatment. Klaus held her hand tightly as she asked the doctor for options. Ignoring the doctors' advice about the unnecessary pain, Caroline opted to go through radiation, surgery, chemo… anything really.
Anything to glance at the faint yet hopeful gleam in her boyfriend's eyes. She would go through hell and back for him. Just to see that little sparkle in his eyes as he found hope that the love of his life might survive after all.
The pain wasn't unexpected but it was way more than she imagined it to be. Her bones felt like they were cracking and her insides burned and churned so uncomfortably that she was often tempted to just end her own misery by sticking a knife into her jugular.
But she always fought through.
For him. For the people she loved.
She cried into her pillows at night when the pain wouldn't let her sleep. Sometimes she would try to watch a movie or maybe go through old photo albums to watch the old days and to encourage herself to fight so that her friends and family could keep those smiles on their faces.
Most of her family and friends left her when she needed them the most. They claimed they were too hurt to see her like this and that they were sorry but they couldn't stand and watch her in agony like that.
She only smiled in return and said, 'it's okay' instead of saying that she was sorry too that she was cursed with this.
Klaus, however, stayed with her all the time. He would miss his own classes, his own plans only to make sure that she would receive proper attention. He encouraged her to go to school and finish her high school diploma even when some girls there, called her disease to be 'Karma biting her in the ass'.
He supported her through everything, watched all her cheer practices and even helped her with her homework. He stood as the one solid in her life. He became her guardian, her support system and her lover.
He became her everything.
In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke,
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know
Similarly, she became his everything. His world started revolving around her, solely. He couldn't eat, sleep or rest for a second without her by his side. Most nights, he snuck out of his mansion and drove to her place. He climbed through the window of her bedroom and held her till she fell asleep.
She thought that he couldn't see the tears swarmed in her eyes because of the ache she felt within herself but he could. It tore him apart that he couldn't do anything to help her. So he just stroked her hair and held her tighter pressing kisses against her forehead every once in a while hoping to give her some sense of comfort.
So I'll kiss you longer baby,
Any chance that I get
I'll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets
He counted every puff of air that she inhaled as her lax pants fanned against his scruff. Every time she whimpered in her sleep, Klaus cringed and pressed her into his side more firmly, whispering encouraging words into her ear.
When he felt her body too motionless, he gently put his finger under nose to see if she was indeed still in the land of the living. Every time he felt her soft breaths against his fingers, the sigh of relief he let out felt like the world's most melodious sound to even his own ears.
Against all odds, though, she started getting better.
Taking advantage of her better health, Klaus decided to fulfil his promise of showing her the world. The genuine beauty that she deserved to see with her own eyes instead of hearing stories from his lips.
Starting from Rome to Paris to Tokyo. He showed her everything he could.
Every destination was a new mark in their relationship.
They walked hand in hand in the streets of Rome, ate, danced and laughed but the most special moment was the when they both stood in front of the Trevi Fountain at midnight, hands clasped in front of them, head lowered and coins clutched tightly in their fists as they both made their wishes.
Klaus was done before her because he knows that he only has one wish. One wish that he wants to be fulfilled more than anything. Only one thing that is on his mind.
So he chose to watch her instead as she kissed her closed fist as if kissing the higher power's hand hoping He would satisfy her wish. Klaus committed the memory of her praying to his mind hoping to go back to the hotel to sketch it at night. The unusual thing is that what he loves most about her are her blue, expressive eyes which were closed as she concentrated on her prayer but he found the image of her praying powerful enough to make him drop down to his knees and convert to any religion she wants him to.
When she opened her eyes again, she turned to him and smiled. He smirked back which made her roll her eyes, playfully. She always said that his dimpled smile is better than his infamous, panty dropping smirk. They both turned their backs to the fountain but it was Caroline who grabbed his free hand in hers as they both stood with their backs facing the fountain.
"Ready love?" he asked her glancing at her beautiful face.
She nodded excitedly and they both tossed back their coins and heard the satisfying splash of water as the metal landed into the crystal cerulean water.
It's only when they're having breakfast the other day that she asked him what he wished for.
"I'd honestly expected you to break down much earlier than this" he teased friskily, dabbing the corner of her mouth with a napkin reaching across the table.
She glared him and looked down at the napkin in his hand to see a little red stain. Ketchup. She looked up to see his smug smirk tugging at his beautiful lips. "Shut up. Just tell me" she demanded petulantly.
"I wished for this year to be as amazing as the previous" he lied expertly, looking into her eyes. The moisture he felt in his own gray eyes mimicked hers. He was lying. They both knew it. He wished for her. He wished that whatever time she had left was the time they both had left. That they would both depart this world together because eh truly couldn't imagine a world without her.
"I wished for this year to be amazing too" she lied back, as a lone tear slipped her eye. She wished that he would be able to move on when she wouldn't be there. She wished that he would have someone with him as he accomplishes great things in life. She wishes for him to never be sad.
Their easily ended when Klaus moved forward and smashed his lips to hers in a heated kiss, effortlessly silencing her questions and her lies.
They didn't say it but they both knew it.
He only gathered the nerve to say it to her when they were spending their last day in Paris. They had spent most of the evening in the Champs de Mars. Klaus had set up his easel in the park to paint the sight of his beautiful girl sitting on a bench right in front of the Eiffel tower.
While Klaus busied himself with painting Caroline, claiming the others could never capture the true color of her eyes or the right twinkle in her eyes, she busied herself in eating a box full of macaroons and reading a novel.
It was almost night time when he finished his sketch and Caroline was almost asleep on the bench, her novel and macaroons long forgotten. Klaus rubbed his hands together to see if there was any paint left on his hands. He had finished the basics of the painting just a few minutes ago and packed everything in the car. He came back to see Caroline fast asleep on the bench with her book placed on her chest. He walked over to her and gently placed her book on the bench beside her legs and picked her up, tucking an arm under the back of her knees and the other behind her back.
She stirred in her sleep and groggily opened her eyes. "What time is it?" she asked groggily and wrapped her arms around his neck as he started making his way to the car.
"Shh! Go back to sleep, love. I've got you" he cooed her, placing a tender kiss on her forehead with a genuine smile on his face as he watched her snuggle into his chest. But his next words made her eyes fly open as quickly as she had closed them.
"I love you"
She instantly lifted her head from his chest and looked up at him with teary eyes and a hesitant smile. This time, however, he didn't look into her eyes and kept looking ahead as the hushed seconds ticked by.
Let's take our time,
To say what we want
Use what we got
Before it's all gone
'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow
It felt like an eternity had passed before she pulled his head down and kissed him. When they both pulled apart, they rested their foreheads against each other and another few minutes passed before he felt her smile against his lips. "I love you too"
This time when he kissed her, he didn't let her pull back too easily.
Tokyo was just a party and more. Dancing, drinking and partying all night long. Klaus remained mindful of her condition and stayed by her side, alert as ever but didn't become a hindrance in her way. He let her have her fun and even joined her in on it.
He spun her around with the beat of the loud, thumping music that bounced off the walls of the frolicsome looking discothèque, while she laughed at the top of her voice enjoying her liberating freedom. She would never be allowed to do anything like this back home or with any other person who knew of her condition.
It was only Klaus.
So when he spun her back into his arms, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him eagerly.
So I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when,
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
Reality came crashing down on them, bursting their bubble of happiness, when they headed back home. Klaus got a warning letter from his university demanding an explanation for his nonattendance and an extensive, overdue application.
He wanted to tell them to shove the application and warning somewhere but Caroline made him swear on her life that he would head back to campus and focus on his studies and his life. After Klaus' father talked to dean and sorted everything out, he headed back to university.
Caroline saw it as the perfect time to distance herself from him so that when she's not there anymore, he won't feel her absence too much.
Klaus, of course, knew her intentions and made sure that nothing like that happens. He called her almost ten times a day. Literally every free minute he found, he dedicated it to call her and to talk to her about anything really.
Anything to make her realize that she was not leaving. That he won't let her leave.
He came back every weekend to visit her and sometimes even helped sneak her into his dorm room. They spent their free nights laying together in bed watching random chick flicks in which the protagonist always ended up with the heroin.
Caroline suspected it had more to do with Klaus' choice than coincidence that every movie they watched had a ridiculously happy ending.
But in the end she always simply smiled and pressed herself into his chest as he kissed her forehead while the credits of the movie rolled. Those were the moments when Klaus let out a silent prayer for her life.
For her life to be long, hale and hearty and remarkable because he knows that she deserves nothing less. Most importantly, for her to spend the rest of her life with him.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" he asked her as his hands settled on her waist and he pulled her close, burying his nose in her hair to smell her lavender scent that he loves so much.
Caroline rolled her eyes and tried to ignore the shiver that ran down her spine as he kissed her neck and skimmed his nose over the column of her slender neck. "Yes. I'll be fine Nik" she said, trying not to scoff at his overprotective nature because quite frankly she secretly enjoyed his caring nature. "Now go and focus on your studies. Your exams aren't going to pass themselves" she reprimanded jokingly with narrowed eyes and pushed him towards his car, playfully.
Klaus chuckled at that. "The way you've color-coded my notes, I'm sure I'll pass just by glancing through them" he mocked teasingly with a cunning smirk.
"Whatever" she scoffed, sticking out her tongue at him. She glanced back at his car and then at him. "Go now" she commanded him. "Before I stop you" she added biting her lip.
He stepped closer to her and watched her with hooded eyes. "Please do" he said darkly as he looked down on her face.
"I love you" she said as she pulled him down for a searing kiss. Klaus slid his hands up her form and cradled her face in his hands, tenderly. He rubbed soothing circles on her cheeks with his thumbs and watched her flushed cheeks and swollen lips longingly.
"I love you too"
He walked back towards his car and just sat in it, gazing at her for two minutes before he willed himself to drive away.
Everything seemed to have been going well until he received a call from her cellphone at midnight. He smirked, knowing that she was probably missing him. Glancing down at the books in front of him, he shrugged and picked up the phone knowing he desperately needed a break.
"Miss me already, sweetheart?" he teased as soon as he picked up the phone. The grin from his face fell though as he heard the voice from the other line. It wasn't Caroline.
Hey
Whoa!
"Klaus?" came a shaky voice. "It's Elena" she spoke into the phone but Klaus found that he couldn't speak. His mind was wandering to places and to thoughts that made moisture build up in his eyes and that made his heart skip a beat. "Hello? Klaus. Are you there?" she asked as she heard silence on the line.
Forcing the emotion in his throat away, Klaus coughed. "Where's Caroline?" he asked in his hoarse voice, not caring one bit if he sounded rude. He could care less about these so-called best friends of his girl when he didn't even know how she was.
"Caroline… Klaus she's- Elena's trembling voice came through on the line before he heard loud sobs and rustling in the background.
"What is it? Where is she?!" he growled into the phone, gripping it so hard he was sure he heard his phone crack. "Elena!" he screamed into the phone. "Hello?" he asked, pulling back his phone to see if the call was still going.
"Klaus. This is Bonnie here" he heard a firmer voice yet he could hear her shaky breaths too. "Caroline collapsed tonight. She's in the hospital. You need to get here as soon as possible" she told him and Klaus knew that she was struggling to keep her composure because he was too.
"I'm on my way" he choked out through gritted teeth as he grabbed his keys and jacket and ran out of the room. He didn't know for how long he kept driving or how many traffic signals he broke, but it was the longest distance he ever had to cover. He pulled out his phone and dialed the second number on his speed dial list.
The line was picked up on the second ring. "Niklaus"
"Elijah, I need you to go to the hospital and check up on Caroline" he ordered him, but it came out more as a request. "I want you to stay by her side till the time I'm there. I'm already on my way"
There was silence on the line for a few seconds before Elijah's firm voice came through. "I'll stay by her side. I give you my word. Drive safely Niklaus"
Once he reached the hospital, he immediately banged his fist on the hospital counter to gain the nurses' attention. "Caroline Forb- he barely had the words out before she recited the room number to him.
Forsaking the elevator, he ran up the stairs, taking two or three steps at a time, he reached the floor panting harshly. But that didn't stop his large strides towards the ICU. He barely registered the nurse until she grabbed his arm to stop him from entering the room.
"Excuse me sir but only family is allowed inside the ICU. Are you her blood relative?" she questioned sternly.
Klaus turned and back her a murderous glare. "I need to see her" he ground out but hesitated to explain his relationship with Caroline to this woman. Calling himself her boyfriend made it seem so… unconnected and trivial. "She's my girlfriend" he told her after a lot of uncertainty. Their connection was so much more than just hormonal, lusty affection that teenagers called 'love' now-a-days.
The nurse's eyes softened but she pursed her lips. "I'm sorry but its bloody relatives only" she told him, again.
Before Klaus could argue, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see his brother, Elijah and Caroline's father Bill standing behind him. "When did you get here, Klaus?" Bill asked, surprised to see his daughter's boyfriend standing there.
"Just now. What happened to her?" Klaus asked, ignoring Elijah's stern, disapproving stare. "She was fine when I talked to her in the afternoon" he insisted, running a hand through his hair, in agitation.
Bill let his gaze shift to the floor and shook his head. "I don't know. Liz was at the station and I just got home and she'd been in her room for too long. When I knocked there was no answer- he rambled on and then broke down into tears. "The doctor said the next few hours are very crucial" he choked out, leaning against the wall for support.
"No" Klaus said in a low voice as his eyes burned with unshed tears. "No! She cannot leave. She'll be fine" he growled out, clenching his fists. Elijah patted his brother's back but Klaus pushed him away. "I have to see her" he demanded, looking at Bill.
"The doctor said if she's shifted to her room, you can see her then" Bill repeated what he had been told.
Klaus took a threatening step forward and only stopped when Elijah held him back. "Now!" he deadpanned angrily.
"I'll talk to the doctor" Bill said, defeated as he knew Klaus wouldn't back down until he had access to Caroline's room. "I'll come with you" Elijah volunteered and the two men walked away, leaving Klaus standing there, looking through the small glass port at his girl longingly.
Within five minutes, Elijah was back with permission for Klaus to go inside. Elena, Bonnie, Caroline's mother, Stefan, Matt and Katherine were also out of the waiting room standing in the hallway. Bonnie and Elena objected to Klaus only being allowed inside but when Klaus gave them his infamous murderous glare, no one protested anymore.
Once Klaus was inside the room, the sight in front of him almost made him crawl on his knees. He quickly walked over to the hospital bed and sat by her side. Caroline was totally unconscious and laying on the bed lifeless with the various tubes connected to her and an oxygen mask on her face.
There was silence in the room except for the constant beeping of the monitor that reminded him that Caroline's life would remain as long as the machine kept working and her heavy breaths mixed with his own as he tried to keep the 'what if' scenarios in his mind, in control.
"Sweetheart" Klaus called out softly as he touched her hand and squeezed it lightly in his own.
He sighed loudly. "Caroline, please wake up" he pleaded bringing her hand to his lips. "Please" he beseeched desperately.
His imploring appeal was met with deafening silence again. Defeated, he brought her hand up his face and rested his forehead against it. "You can't leave Caroline. Not like this" he denied shaking his head. "I won't let you go" he said and looked up at see her face. How could she be so cruel to him? How could fate be so cruel to him? "Not now. Not ever" he repeated stubbornly, just hoping that she would wake up.
But she didn't. Not for another two days.
But when she did, it was probably worst for her.
"God! I said I'm fine. You don't have to baby me" she protested incredulously as she pushed her face into her hands while sitting up in the hospital bed.
Klaus ignored her and the nurse who was pulling the blinds open with an amused look on her face. He fluffed the pillow behind Caroline to help her sit better and picked up the bowl of soup and held out the spoon for her.
"Of course you're not a baby but you're certainly acting like one" Rebekah's taunting voice came from behind as she flickered through her magazine, sitting cross legged on the visitor sofa in the room. On receiving a nasty glare from Caroline, she lowered her magazine and flipped her hair. "He's not going to stop until the bowl's empty. Just drink up, darling" she advised bluntly.
"Thank you Rebekah for your unnecessary but very true suggestion" Klaus mocked and lifted the spoon to Caroline's lips encouragingly. "Open up, sweetheart" he told her and gave her his puppy eyes which forced her to drink the bland broth. "There! Now that wasn't very hard. Was it?" he teased with a condescending look on his face.
"Seriously I'm fine Nik" she insisted as he kept on ignoring her and fed her the soup. "How did you even get here so fast?" she blurted out realizing that he was here too soon.
Klaus put down the bowl only to hand her the medicines and a glass of water. He only gave her a slight amused smile and urged her to take her medicines. She did so, however, her curious glance was stuck on him.
Taking the hint, Rebekah and the nurse both walked out of the room to give the couple a moment to talk.
"Nik" Caroline said and placed her hand on his stubbled cheek to gain his attention. Klaus, however, leaned into her touch and placed a kiss on the inside of her palm.
Grabbing her hands, he frowned. "You're hands are freezing. Are you cold, love?" he questioned worriedly as he pulled open a blanket and placed it on her.
"Just a little"
He immediately tucked her into the blanket but before he could call the nurse for a hot bottle or anything, Caroline stopped him. "Can you lie with me?" she asked with a small smile which Klaus returned as he nodded.
She scooted over, making space for him on her bed, and patted the spot next to her encouragingly. Not a minute later, Klaus was in bed with her head laying on his chest and her shivering body snuggling into his side. "Better now, love?" he questioned, wondering how her body could be so cold when she had taken some warm soup just moments ago.
"Much better" she mumbled into his chest, inhaling his scent.
Silence passed between them before Caroline tugged on his necklace to gain his attention. "How did you get here Nik?" she asked quietly.
"You know I would do anything for you, sweetheart" he said pressing a kiss to the crown of her blonde head. At her confused glance, he sighed loudly. "I drove straight" and got a speeding ticket.
"Oh"
Again, both of them fell into an awkward silence. They both had so much to say, so much to discuss but they were both unsure of how to proceed.
"Nik"
"Caroline"
They both stopped when they realized the other was speaking and a nervous giggle left Caroline's lips causing Klaus to smile fondly. He tucked a loose blonde curl behind her ear and kissed the tip of her nose, lovingly. "Go ahead, love"
Caroline took a deep breath before answering. "So if, someday, I asked you for something, would you give it to me just like that?" she questioned ambiguously as she nervously twisted his necklace in her finger.
"Anything, love" he answered swiftly, without any hesitation.
"Then I want something from you right now and you have to give it to me" she demanded very seriously. Yet her voice seemed sad.
Klaus frowned but nodded, motioning for her to continue. He wasn't sure where she was going with this but he had a feeling it wasn't a good direction.
I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
"After I'm discharged today, I want you to go home, pack your bags, get in your car and to leave and forget about me" she said firmly and clutched his shirt tightly in her fists. "I want you to go back to campus and study and apologize to your professors for missing so many lectures and then I want you to focus on your life" she continued and her voice quivered but Klaus could barely focus on that when her words stung like a knife.
Klaus breathed hard and tried to stop himself from doing something he would regret later on. "Stop" he choked out, trying to ignore the sting of tears in his eyes.
"Nik listen to- Caroline started but Klaus cut her off.
"No! You're not doing this. You can't do this to us!" he refused to listen to her. Whatever she was saying was utter and complete bullshit. Maybe it was the pain medication talking. Couldn't she understand he had no life without her? "I won't let you do this" he replied sternly, shaking his head. "Don't you understand there is no me if there is no you?" he questioned, angry at her. "Besides the doctor said you're doing better. You're going to be alright. This was just one collapse- he argued but this time Caroline cut him off.
"No Nik! It wasn't one collapse. This is the end. This is the end of the line for me but I'm not willing to drag you down with me" she argued back, angrily as tears streamed down her face. "This isn't easy for me okay? This. Isn't. Easy." She insisted as she pushed herself into a sitting position. "We all know this is not curable. No matter how many things I try to fix in life, this is the one thing I can't fix no matter how much I try" Klaus winced at that part of her speech and forced the tears in his eyes away. He had everything in the world but not the one thing he needed most.
The cure for Caroline.
"My life is over Nik. But yours is just beginning. Okay? And I want it to be wonderful. I don't want you to be stuck here because of me. I want you to do all of the things we planned we would do. Don't stop just because of me. Live your life" she whispered, grabbing his face between her shivering hands. She kissed him lightly before pulling back. "After I'm gone, I want you to come to the funeral and I want you to bury all the memories of us with me. I want you to move on" she cried out to him, losing the nerve she had been gathering for so long. "I want you to fall in love again and I want you to get married one day and have kids with someone extremely beautiful so these adorable dimples don't go to waste" she hiccupped and managed a small, rueful smile for him.
Klaus looked into her eyes sadly as the severity of the situation hit him only when he heard the words leave her lips.
"Promise me, Nik" she demanded softly, grabbing his face in hers to make him look into her eyes because she knew he couldn't lie that way. Trying to pull his face away, Klaus shook his head but Caroline's grip was soft yet firm. "Nik" It's just this one word that makes him cave.
"I promise" he relented, begrudgingly, but both of them knew it was a lie. He would never forget her. He would never move on. And those dimples, unfortunately, would go to waste. Because no other woman will ever be his Caroline.
"I love you" she murmured with a sad yet oddly satisfied smile on her tired face and pulled him back down to lay her head on his chest as silent tears continued to roll down her cheeks.
This time, however, Klaus didn't reply back. He chose to remain silent for the next couple of minutes before he gathered his wits and spoke again. "Even though you might think that your life is over, it is not. It will never be over Caroline. I know that every person in this world had limited time but now is not your time!" he asserted firmly and held her just a bit tighter. "The doctors, your parents, my parents, and our families they don't know anything. Anything at all" he pointed out, stubbornly. "But I know. I know you. You're strong, you're… you're beautiful and you're full of light. You will survive this. No, we will survive this. Together. Always and forever" he vowed kissing the top of her head again, not caring if the dampness on his cheeks was wetting her hair.
"Now I want you to promise me that you'll fight till you can and you'll fight the hardest. I want you to promise me that you'll stay strong and that you won't give up" he demanded but his voice was pleading. It was like he was begging, almost. "Please I need to know" he whispered quietly.
"I promise Nik. I'll fight till my last breath" she replied back instantly. "For you" she added truthfully, as she felt his cheek press on the top of her head.
"I love you Caroline" he told her and just held her tighter, closing his eyes trying to memorize the feel of her body around his.
From the door, Rebekah quietly let out a sob and closed the door to give the couple complete privacy for another couple of hours. She hated and loved Caroline in equal measure. She hated her because she was going to ruin Nik in the worst way possible and she loved her because she had earned the power needed to ruin her brother through love and affection.
Sobbing, she rubbed her hand over her face and all but ran away from the hall, passing Caroline's best friend trio. Elena and Bonnie quietly swallowed and looked down ashamed. They both always thought that Klaus was just a bad boy with the face of an angel who knew nothing but wickedness but from what they had witnessed and heard just now, they were wrong and highly judgmental.
Katherine gave them both a disapproving glare and tried to ignore the stinging in her own eyes. Caroline was her best friend and even though, she pretended she didn't care, she did. For Caroline, at least.
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
Klaus didn't keep all of his promise to Caroline but he did fulfill some of them. He went to her funeral, just like she'd asked of him. He'd personally overlooked everything for the ceremony with help from Rebekah who had busied herself with planning everything to keep herself from breaking down.
The flowers were fresh and gave off an elegant vibe, everyone's speeches were heartfelt but not too gloomy, the place in which the ceremony was held was open and airy and the weather was perfect. Sunny and clear with just a little wind.
Like Caroline.
The venue had been a debate. Caroline's parents wanting to choose a church but after Klaus' demand that Caroline would've wanted an open funeral in nature, they had caved in.
If Caroline had seen the event, she would've been damn proud of him. He was sure.
He cleaned up nice for her funeral. Wore the suit she always said he looked 'hottest' in and trimmed leaving just the slight scruff that she loved. He kept a pack full of cigarettes in his pockets, taking them out every minute and glaring the offending object as if they'd taken away his greatest treasure.
To some extent, they had. Cancer had taken his girl. His treasure. His world.
He was clean of any sort of alcohol because he knew that Caroline wouldn't have wanted him to be drunk and she deserved to be cherished and if this was the last memory he had of her, he wanted to remember every little, painful detail.
Elena was the last one to give the speech and he watched from the back as Damon helped her down the podium and Bonnie immediately encompassed the hysterical brunette into a soothing embrace.
Everyone else was done and it was when the priest asked if anyone else wanted to step forward to share their memories of Caroline, everyone's eyes searched for him. He knew it.
Not wanting to deny Caroline this last wish, he buttoned up his suit jacket and walked forward till he reached the casket laying in the middle of the small podium that was creating under the shade of a lovely oak tree that Caroline and Klaus used to play in when they were just little kids.
He coughed uncomfortably as he stood near her coffin. Her casket.
She looked like an angel. His beautiful, innocent angel of death. Her blonde hair curled and spread on the pillow like a halo surrounding her, complimenting the paleness of her skin which he was sure was cold like ice. But it was the dress that brought out her true beauty.
The nude, beaded mermaid gown had been an odd choice for a funeral but it was Elena, Bonnie, Katherine and Rebekah's last gift to Caroline. She had intended to wear it to her senior prom and even got it tailored to her measurements but never the opportunity to wear it.
The diamond bracelet adoring her delicate wrist, however, was Klaus' gift to her. His promise for always and forever.
"It's alright if you're nervous- Father Kieran said, pulling Klaus out of his thoughts.
"I'm not" Klaus cut him off with a glare. He didn't need to be good anymore. Caroline was gone. She wasn't there to keep him in line which meant that he didn't have to be good. That was it.
Looking at her face, once again, though he knew he had to stay good. She would've wanted him to stay good. She would have wanted so much.
"Many people believe that there is always a happy ending in life or that is simply not the ending. Well Caroline was one of those people" he said and resisted the urge to snort at that. It sounded so cheesy and so stupid because life didn't have happy endings. Not always. He didn't get a happy ending and now that Caroline was gone, he wouldn't. Ever.
"A few weeks back Caroline told me that I had to write a eulogy for her and I'd immediately shut down the idea because I was too blind, too ignorant to ever believe that she would leave me but she did. She's gone and till today morning I didn't know what I was going to say. I still don't" he said and let out nervous chuckle, running a hand on his face to rub away the tiredness. He hadn't slept for days and he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully ever again because whenever he slept, images of her face flashed through his mind.
Looking up, he saw the sympathy clear on everyone's face and shook his head. He didn't need this. He needed one thing that he couldn't get. He needed her.
"Caroline was strong, beautiful and so full of light. That's what I always used to tell her" he remembered the first night he had told her that and she'd quipped back with an 'I'm-too-smart-to-be-seduced-by-you'. That had been their perfect memory together.
So beautiful, young and carefree.
"Everyone here knows that life won't be the same without her. But in her last moments, she told me that she wasn't going anywhere and that she didn't want anyone to be depressed. She wanted Mystic Falls to remain happy and lively because she'd be here. Among us. Watching us" he recited her words as he remembered them and let the tears in his spill out of his eyes. He didn't care if people perceived him as weak or girlish. He was miserable and he didn't care enough about these people around him to hide it.
He rubbed his eyes, though, to clear his vision and walked over to the casket's open part from where he could see Caroline's face. "What I've written for Caroline seems too personal to share and she wanted me to bury it all with her so that's what I'm going to do" he asserted and no one dared to object as he shakily pulled out a rolled piece of parchment from the inside of his suit jacket and placed it in Caroline's hand ignoring the tingling he felt by her cold touch.
Lowering himself one last time to her, he placed a kiss on her forehead and let the tears roll from his eyes to her face as his lips lingered on her skin.
"I love you, sweetheart" he whispered quietly, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I hope that you're watching me right now and realizing what a hard time your promise is giving me" he joked gently and brushed her hair away from her face. Resisting the urge to shake her body and to force her to open her eyes, Klaus closed his eyes and clenched the wood tightly in his fists to take a deep breath before he pushed himself away.
He walked away and stood at the end of the sitting arrangement like he had been before. He watched the whole ceremony carry out and as they lowered her body into the ground, Klaus could feel his heart sinking with it.
Each step forward felt like a punch in his gut yet he couldn't do anything to stop them.
It was only after everyone left that Klaus walked over to his car, pulled out of sketchbook and sat under the very heavy oak tree in front of which Caroline was buried. Neither did the wind nor did the darkened evening stop the soft strokes as Klaus' pencil sketched across the paper.
It was only when the image of Caroline laying in the casket was clear, that Klaus let out the emotion he had been feeling since the beginning. He cried, bawled, screamed and roared as loud as he could, letting the despair wash over him.
Caroline was gone.
Miserably, he lay down right next to her grave and turned on his side to gaze at the gravestone.
Caroline Beula Forbes
1998 – 2015
Loving daughter, friend and betrothed. Taken too soon.
Rest in Peace
Words seemed so insignificant when he read them there but her presence was so much more important. So he pressed his face deeper into the ground and cried. He cried freely and no one stopped him because the only person to stop him was gone.
Klaus felt a soft touch on his face. He groaned and pressed his face into his arms. "Nik" a soft voice called out. "Nik" it came again.
His eyes immediately snapped open and he realized he was still on the ground where he had laid down next to her grave. He looked to his right and – to his surprise – the grave wasn't there anymore. It was plain, simple ground.
He rubbed his eyes and sat up straight. "Nik!" his head snapped to his left from where he could hear the sound coming from. He couldn't believe his eyes at that moment because it was Caroline. Although he was certain it was just a dream because it was the little version of Caroline.
A six year old Caroline with her two blonde pigtails pulled over her shoulders and her favorite teddy Mr. Cuddles crushed between her arms.
"Go away" he heard a grumpy voice and looked up the tree to see a young boy with blonde curls no older than eight sitting high on one of the tree branches. It was him.
"I just want to talk" Caroline tried to reason with him, softly.
"Yeah well I don't want to talk" Klaus argued back and sniffed lightly, showing her that he was indeed crying. "So go away" he insisted petulantly.
"You're crying Nik. I can't go away now" Caroline pointed out and stepped closer to the tree. "Will you get down first?" she asked looking up at him.
Klaus shook his head. Caroline bit her lip, considering her options. "Okay. Tell me what happened?" she asked as she settled herself on the ground at the base of the tree and looked up at him. She listened to each word and hung up on his story like he was coating every word in chocolate. He told her about his fight with Kol and how everyone supported Kol and said that Klaus should've behaved just because he was older.
"Why were you running away from me, then?" Caroline asked curiously.
Klaus glared something in distance and crossed his arms. "Because you'll take his side like everyone else does" he insinuated sadly, knowing that she would never take his side. Especially against Kol who was her best friend.
"Kol's an idiot, Nik. Don't listen to him. I promise you don't have a funny nose. It's just a little different" she tried to reason with him. To be honest, she didn't think his nose was funny. She found it kind of cute the way it had a little dip. "Besides Kol has big ears like Mickey" she giggled and watched as Klaus smiled a little.
"If that's true then why didn't Elijah take my side?" Klaus pointed out stubbornly.
Caroline shrugged. "Maybe he's jealous of your smile" she told him with a cheeky grin of her own.
Klaus smiled at that, showing his dimples. "Thank you Caroline" he said out loud.
"You're welcome" she replied kindly. "Now can you come down?" she questioned and watched as he grabbed the branch he was on and swung onto the branch and then carefully got down using each branch as a step.
"You have such a nice smile Nik" Caroline commented absentmindedly. "Promise me you won't be sad again?" she demanded innocently and held out her little pinky finger for him.
Klaus thought about it before grinning widely. "Pinky swear" he said and linked his finger with hers, shaking them.
Snapping back to reality, Klaus almost smiled at seeing the scene in front of him before his smile turned into a frown and the veracity of the situation hit him. Caroline was gone. She wouldn't be able to cheer him up ever again.
He almost wanted to take a rope and hang himself from the very tree that was in front of him, taunting him. But before he could do anything, he felt a light blow on his ear. He wanted to turn but a soft voice stopped him. "Don't"
It was Caroline's voice.
"What are you doing?" her taunting voice questioned him. It was gentle like a lover's caress yet deadly enough for him like a snake's venom. "You're breaking your promise Nik" she answered the question herself. Her voice light and teasing.
"Caroline, please…" Klaus cried out in frustration as new hot tears rolled down his face. He wanted so badly to turn around and to see her face but he was afraid that he might lose her if he did. After all, it was all a figment of his imagination.
"Shh! Nik. I'm okay. You're okay"
Klaus shook his head frantically and closed his eyes, trying to imagine her face as her voice kept ringing in her head. "I'm not, I can't do this. You're gone! You promised and now you're gone!" As much as he wanted, his voice didn't sound accusatory. It sounded like he was desperate and lost.
"I'm not gone. I told you that I'd always watch over you and I will" her reassurances meant nothing to him if she wasn't there. How could he go on living every day when she wasn't there by his side? As if sensing his thoughts, Caroline's voice came again. "Watch and experience everything we planned to because when you do, I'll be with you. You'll never be alone Nik. I promise"
Klaus let the tears roll down his eyes and let out a strangled roar at the rage and wretched sadness he felt inside him. After a few minutes, he calmed down and looked at the tree in front of him. "I love you Caroline" he whispered trying not to let despair wash over him.
He stood up and wiped the tears from his face before picking up his sketchbook but tearing out his latest sketch and placing it near the headstone. He drove straight away.
After all, he had made a promise to show Caroline the world he had once promised.
