Grant knows he shouldn't be so pissed his wife is pregnant and stuck on a base in Africa as he goes in and out on missions.

But god damn the woman is moody. Like he thinks she's possessed by some sort of demon type moody. He's made her cry twice today and intends to drop down into her lab to make things right and finds her asleep with her head on the holotable.

"Damn it baby." He mutters and picks up her gingerly cradling her in his arms. He accidently touches the artifact she'd been inspecting when nothing happened he brushed it off and carried her to bed.

As he mounts the stairs he marvels at how such a tiny frame can hold so much baby.

-/-

A shaft of morning light shines in his eyes and he turns away from it.

He's half asleep but something feels heavy on his chest and abdomen. Jemma must be cuddled up on to him. He tries to fall back asleep but the insane need to take a leak forces him awake. When he opens his eyes he straight up screams like a girl. His stomach is distended as if… "No, No, no fucking way." He mutters.

He shakes Jemma awake rather violently. "What the hell Grant?" She mutters groggily.

"Please tell me I'm not pregnant. Please tell me I'm delusional and you're going to have to put me in the looney bin at the Zentrum because I think that whatever the fuck that thing I brushed up against was got me pregnant."

She looked at him with big, fully alert, excited eyes. "It works." She said. "It's Asgardian, it's meant for couples who are infertile. If the women can't carry the men do it. It's rather forward thinking actually."

"I'm impregnated by an Asgardian turkey baster and your first reaction is excitement? "He asked incredulity coloring his tone as his brainy wife very nearly vibrated off the mattress in delight.

"It didn't impregnate you honey, it just transferred the fetus from you to me." She explains easily as though he is stupid.

"Oh I'm not carrying an alien baby just yours! You say that like it should be comforting but it isn't all! I'm pregnant Jem! Fix it!" He can't keep the snide sarcasm out of his voice. He's entirely to wigged out for Jemma's science tilted world view.

She jumps out of bed rather spritely and pulls him to his feet. "I'll need blood panels, hormone levels, Ultra sounds…"

"I still have to pee." He reminds her.

"Hold it, I'll get you a cup I need a sample." He simply rolls his eyes. Right science first always in Jem's opinion.

-/-/-

"Everything looks normal literally everything the baby is encapsulated between your stomach and skin, it's almost like a ready-made uterus. You have estrogen levels of that of a pregnant woman, the child is still a girl… this is so bloody fascinating" She says mostly in to herself in awed whisper.

"Jem is my back supposed to hurt like Barton is arrowing me in the fucking kidneys?" He tries to pop his back from where he sits on high stool in her lab. He twists from side to side and awaits her answer.

"Language darling she can hear you." She mumbles distractedly.

"I have too piss again." He tries dismount the stool with a little of his former grace but looks more like a weeble wobble than the trained killer he is.

She grins up at him. "Welcome to your third trimester, Love."

"Screw you." He muttered kissing her on the top of the head before heading for the bathroom. He turns running straight on into Fitz who without missing a beat or asking questions dies laughing doubled over on his side of the holotable.

"It's shagging what got you into this?" he teased.

"I… no I…touched that thingy and it did this! And if you tell anyone in operations about this I'll murder you." He threatens unenthusiastically before running for the bathroom before he lost all bladder function.

-/-/-

He plops down on the love seat he'd drug into Jemma's lab stools were too much work. He unabashedly eavesdropped on her call.

"How do I undo it is the question? No, Jane I can't just leave it be. It'd be like leaving Thor pregnant. It's really, really not going be pretty if I fix this." He hears Jemma say as he shoveled in a spoonful of the ice cream he'd been eating by the gallon. (Which was odd since he disliked all manner of sweets.)

"Uh, yes I had hypothesized that… okay any suggestions on how I can speed up the process for Grant? Uh huh… he's going to love that, yes that would be much appreciated thank you. "He hung up and crossed to plop down on the vacant spot beside him.

"Mint chip is awesome! What'd she say?"

"That according to Thor who is utterly sworn to secrecy by the by, this artifact was given to us because it is an earlier model meant to merely better connect men to their wives gestational experiences."

"And that means…" He really dislikes where this going.

"Until you connect to Simone and the pregnancy itself in your own way, you will remain pregnant."

"I cannot have a baby! I have field work, and I don't even like babies! I like ours because I made it but I cannot give birth!" He fairly shouts at her and feels a little bad when she tears up and pats his belly.

"You won't have to if you can figure out where your disconnect stems from."

"The only thing I didn't understand why you were being such a crazy uber bitch, but I get that now and I love you I'm also exceedingly sorry. You can go back to Mommy now Sisi, we're good!"

Nothing happens. "Fuck!" he curses.

"Looks like she got my bullshit detector love." Jemma gives him a mischievous grin he wants to hate her for it but can't. Someone needs to see the humor in it he supposes.

"You're a riot Jemma Elise." He deadpanned.

She leaned over and kissed him before eyeing his ice cream. "I love you."

"I love you more but you're getting your own ice cream."

-/-

Jemma gets him medical leave and he stays confined to their quarters and Jemma's lab. He mostly cleans his weapons and watches trash TV and that's how Jemma finds him on the couch sobbing on a random Wednesday.

"You alright love?"

"My fingers are too fat I can't put my weapon together and these women are so mean to each other!" He wails unable to help himself. She looks to his dissembled weapon on the coffee table and Housewives of New Jersey on the telly.

She crosses to him and hugs him and cuddles him into her chest as she pets his hair and wipes his tears. "Its okay love, it's alright…just breathe your way through it. It's going to be fine."

"I want it to be over, Can it be over, I have no idea why I'm crying…I won't ever get you pregnant again please take her back…" He whined.

He can feel Jemma hiding her smile in the crown of his head as she presses a kiss there. (Its horrifying how much it makes him want to cry more.) "It's about connection Darling. On a spiritual level I think so once you find that she'll switch back." She soothes and he sniffles wetly.

He sighs. "Promise?"

"I promise."

"Your boobs are really comfy…Oh god I'm not going to get boobs am I?"

She laughs a happy sound that always skitters down his spine to give him butterflies. "No darling, you'll get your perfectly chiseled chest back."

-/-/-

A couple nights later Jemma lay curled against him on the couch. After a few moments he can feel her tears wetting his shirt.

"Jem you alright baby?" He winds his hand in her hair.

"I just miss feeling her, I liked being pregnant." She said softly and it lances through his heart.

I'm sorry babe really I am." He kissed her forehead. "I'll give her back ASAP."

-/-

A few nights later he lays on the couch as its now the only place he can fit. Jem's across the hall in her lab and there's an odd swooping feeling in his stomach area and then a sharp kick to his ribs. "Hey there kid."

She responds to his voice and swoops again. He realizes in this moment he's not angry, freaked out, or impatient. He is simply experiencing connection with his child on all levels, there is a person in there who sits on his bladder has likes and dislikes, she recognizes his voice and if he concentrates he can almost feel their hearts beating in unison.

That was what he didn't understand complete unity with another being. A connection you can't manufacture. There's a warm feeling and then she was gone.

Seized with the fear that she's disappeared from existence he runs for Jemma's lab. (The sudden weight and gravitational change cause him to trip over his own feet.) He's at the front door in time to hear her give a shout of alarm. "Oh thank God, you're back!"

When he finally reaches the lab she's smiling down at her now protruding belly.

-/-/-

If he cries when he meets the person he carried for a month and gained fifteen pounds for the only person is there to see is Jemma.

"Hello Simone." He says and she opens her eyes. Grant feels all new connections fish hooking their way into his heart.

I own nothing! This was super fun. Tell me if you liked it. I made up Jemma's middle name. Thank you for reading!-MM