Twas the Night before Christmas – Las Noches Edition


Twas the night before Christmas when all through Las Noches, great mayhem was stirring, but not by a small pest.
Poor Orihime's stocking had been shredded to several pieces in hopes that St. Nicholas' visit ceases.

The Espada were bound to their rooms, dreaming about what sort of trouble looms.
Aizen with his tea and Gin with his smile had just settled in for a little while.

When from above the dome there was a noise that even shook Tousen's legendary poise.
Orihime flew from her window and banged on her door. Ulquiorra sighed, "That woman is such a chore."

He opened the door to see her out of breath. "What is it woman? Are you on meth?"
She grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close. "Take me to the dome, you stupid ghost!"

Shocked by her outburst, he had no choice but to obey; lest she cry and Aizen-sama make him pay.
To the dome they marched, gaining company as they went. Why, even ol' Tousen wanted to see this event.

Behind a pillar they hid, watching with wide eyes. Before them was the fat man that the Stocking Shredder despised.
"I didn't know he came here," Orihime said. "Wait… Does that mean that Santa is dead?"

The fat man walked around, searching for an entry. Hell, he could've even done with some sort of sentry.
Instead he walked back to his sled and pulled out a sack. He turned his head, "You can come from out back."

Slowly they came from their hiding spot and stood before the jolly man. They knew they were in trouble; they needed an escape plan.
Instead of reprimanding them the fat man smiled. His eyes fell on the blond kid, "My, aren't you the wonder child?"

Wonderweiss ooh-ed and ahh-ed at the toys he was bestowed. He almost got away with Santa's entire load.
Next Santa took notice of Starrk and Lilynette. Caffeine pills and a hammer; Starrk'll stay awake now, I'll bet.

Harribel received some ear plugs. After all, wouldn't you want to drown out the noise of thugs?
Baraggan got a scepter, oh so bright. It would reflect the fake sun's light just right.

Plutonium for Szayel and an exercise ball for Zommari; I still doubt either would get invited to a party.
Aaroniero was a curious one, you see. It's a Gillian; just send it on a shopping spree.

Nnoitra and Grimmjow don't really deserve gifts, but Santa can't deny. Nnoitra gets a bloody nose and Grimmjow... a black eye*.
That left Ulquiorra and Orihime, the two simplest ones. "What shall I give the two with angst by the tons?"

It was settled as quickly as can be. Orihime watched as jolly ol' Saint Nick approached them with glee.
Santa took both of their hands and placed them together. "I can think of no other gift to give you than the gift of each other."

Santa thought about giving the traitors actual gifts. Instead, he found their names were curiously missing from his lists.
He dropped off their coal and hopped on his sleigh, driving out of sight. "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"


*Nnoitra and Grimmjow actually got pornography and the world's largest ball of yarn, respectively. However, for the sake of the poem, I had to make it funny. So don't come after me about the Sexpada's gift. And I left Yammy out. Sue me. Oh, and the reason for this little doodle... my birthday happens to be the Night before Christmas :)