A/N

So. Read my profile, get the gist. I'm not sure if I will ever update this, and if I do, it will be with large gaps in between...most likely. The only real reason I am posting this is my most wonderful amazing boyfriend is out of town, and I am lost without my light. So here, this is what comes from me being lost and unguided. Enjoy...and if you wanna see more, comment. I will think about it, okay? Okay, glad we are on the same page.

It isn't an easy thing to do, to let hate live in your heart for an eternity, to let it fester like an old wound in the summer heat. Yet, some let it dwell there, an invited guest. A guest that can be treated, harbored, and cherished. A guest that replaces love, empathy, and is joined by spite. This guest will create a monster. A cold-hearted, murderous monster.

Some monsters, no matter their coldness, and the debt of their rooted hate, weaken. They, as normal people do, become worn to their hate like shells on a beach. They become tired as the rest of humanity does. They start to long for lost emotions. They long for happiness, as that is the goal to every humans life.

Sasuke Uchiha, as he is a human, longs for happiness as well. His actions, laced with bitterness and hate, have but one goal; happiness. His happiness, as he believed for so long, lay in the path of revenge. Yet, there is doubt in his mind.

It wriggles around like a worm. It finds, even in the best armor, chinks to crawl in though. It brings with it guilt and regret. And longing for real happiness.

Sasuke knew what real happiness was like. At one time, he had a family. A brother who loved him, a mother, a father. He had the world. And to, one night, have the world ripped from you is devastating. It is the seed of hate. One that is rooted so deep, to rip it out would be to kill the one which it is planted.

Yet, one must eventually move on. The seed, once sprouted, will shrivel and die at its whimsy. And Sasuke's hate sprouted, and at its whimsy, has started to shrivel.

He was on a road. A clear cut path, one that undoubtedly end in his death, or the fulfillment of his revenge.

Here is what doubt says against said logical path. You had revenge once. You killed your brother. See where that got you? And, when you are done with your revenge, what shall you do? Run off to some ninja-less nation? Sell-sword? On the run for your entire life? Your name a curse and a tarnish to your family, which, with you, shall die off.

Snow fell, and as it did, it made little tinkling noises. Like what an innocent girl may have thought a fairy and its movements to sound like. The snow had accumulated into a layer of ice, melted, and refrozen. It glittered to a sunrise that gave off no heat.

Sasuke was perched in the crook of a tree. He wore a cloak and shirt. The cold blew through both like they were but ideas, not actual cloth. He let the cold seep into his bones, and, for but a moment, imagined it made him a statue of ice. Something akin to what he had been; cold and unyielding. A statue in a whirlwind of other's emotions. Something that would never be moved, and never yield.

Even now, he was yielding. His skin pricked with gooseflesh. That was such a weakness, an admittance to defeat. The wind howled, and his body reacted with the want to chatter teeth and shudder.

As normal, anger flared within him. Hot, raw anger. But, unlike the normal, it was directed at himself. His eyes narrowed, and, in an instant, flared and spun. They were not his eyes, but his brothers. And, as the thought hit him, like a punch to the gut, the anger fled, and replaced itself with grief. A grief so strong it threatened to tear him apart.

What did I do? A question, so easily answered. Yet, he had asked it of himself so many times. What have I done? And there was another question, one he daren't ask himself, yet it lingered on the edge. It wasn't voiced, yet was asked. It was the nagging little voice in his head, the doubt that brought guilt and regret. What am I to do?

Sasuke let sadness engulf him. He left it wash away the anger, like rain washes away blood, and let it open a black hole in his heart.

Was it possible to be so sad, so guilty, and not die of it?

Sasuke did not cry. Nor did he show any outward emotions. He looked, other than his narrowed, Sharingan eyes, as he had before the sadness and anger. If one learned anything from the life he had lived, they learned how to be strong. How to hide weakness, like a buffalo hides a limp from hungry lions.

A twig snapped, such a subtle, quiet thing. Yet, he reacted. A kunai in his hand in moments, and his blooded eyes swirling. His muscles poised, taunt like a strung bow.

It was a deer, it's brown fur cover in a crust of snow. Its head was turned at him. It's ears perked, its wide brown eyes open like disks. It's face sang of fear. At her side, a spotted baby. It was a young thing. So tiny and small, with fur thick and soft. It's face revealed curiosity, not fear. It's head tilted, it's eyes begging, it seemed to ask, "What is this thing?"

The baby, innocent to a fault, took a step forward. It's cloven hoofs leaving prints the size of a child's hand. The mother snorted. The trance brought on by panic was broken. It's panic no longer focused on its self, but on its child. In some unwritten, undistinguishable language, the fawn understood the danger. And in seconds, both ran.

For a moment, Sasuke was tempted. He was tempted to kill the mother. To leave the baby as he was left. His arm raised, his muscles pulled, his eyes, so perfect in their ability to see, trained on the fleeing animals. He stopped himself. How could this help? Making other's suffer as he had? How could pain stop pain?

And, as he questioned himself. Another did as well. If good can sense evil, then evil can sense good. And Madera could see the hate leaving him.

Hate was the root of his plans. Without the hate that fed Sasuke, then the fire of the fight would drain from the boy. He was not ready to lose such a useful pawn. He, being brutally honest, would kill the boy before he left. Not this time, not yet, but once the boy was weak, once the anger was gone, Madera would need not for Sasuke anymore.

It was painful, in a way, to lose one that you had trained so well. To lose all the work you had put into a project. Yet, his project would work without the Uchiha boy.

He could no longer trust the boy. If one sees a trusted dog acting rabid, no matter the love for the dog, he will be looked at with wary, cautious eyes. This is how Madara looked at Sasuke now. Like one looked at an animal that had been useful, but had outlived its usefulness.

Madera spoke to the boy, "Sasuke."

And the boy turned, his eyes still swirling. He did not say a word, just looked, as he normally did, with a cockiness that was nauseating.

Madera's mood flared, and anger boiled beneath his skin. How dare the boy treat him like that? He could destroy the boy in seconds. But, that would be unethical, and a waste of a useful pawn. "I have a favor to ask of you. I think you will find this most interesting."

Madera paused. He wanted to the boy to ask, to beg him to carry on with speaking. Madera wanted that gratification, yet Sasuke did not give it to him. Sasuke allowed the silence, and welcomed it as he always had, like how one might greet an old friend.

The only noise for a moment was that of the snow, little tinkles, like an angelic chorus. And then Madera spoke again. "Someone from your past is causing quiet a stir." And the man paused again, but Sasuke was statuesque. "They need to be eliminated. I ask this of you for a simple reason, I do believe that you personally will gain from this 'mission' if-you-will. I'm sending you alone, as you will travel better without your team."

With the completion of his speech, he dropped a scroll from his sleeve, and was gone.

Sasuke stayed a moment longer in his tree. He waited for the sun to lose it early colors. He waited as it lit the ice-snow to a pastel pink color, until finally, it rose into the sky, leaving the snow bereft of color. He took this in, and left his perch. He feel strait down, only a dozen or so feet, and let the snow absorb most of the impact.

He walked over the surface of the snow, only occasionally breaking through. He picked the scroll up, and let a wave of annoyance flow over him. How dare Madera make him fetch anything? How dare he ask a favor of him?

And yet, Sasuke knew he was going to do it. He was growing tired of the demands of Madera. He disliked the control that the man tried to instill upon him. He was his own person, he could gain his own revenge, and this was an opening to leave without the hassle of a reason. He would not be questioned.

He opened the scroll, and read with a speed that only those gifted with Uchiha eyes can. It was a simple assassination. A chunin, though the scroll suggested the ninja in question was closer to a jonin. The scroll gave no name, only a short description on how to find them and the reasons why.

It was simple. Eliminate a single ninja, a medic at that. And for that reason, suspicion wriggle in his heart. Distrust was as much a companion as hate, and living with such a friend made his bones sing of danger. They sand to him, it is so simple, any number of ninja could do this. I could be used to fight Kage, but instead, I am sent to assassinate a ninja not fit to breath the air that I do. His bones sang, trap. And anger burned.

Anger burned, like a wildfire, consuming, eating, and eradicating everything in his path. How dare he? How dare that man try to lead him into a trap? How dare he not tell him of his brother's secret, before he had killed him? How dare he control the last true Uchiha?

Sasuke tossed the scroll, off to the side like a scrap of food. And with one last glance, set it aflame with a flame as black as his soul.