Magik Meltdown
Author's note: In New Mutants issue #39 the kids are now at the Massachusetts Academy due to their Beyonder trauma. The intent is that Emma Frost (the Hellfire Club's White Queen) would be able to telepathically help them recover. Sometimes I wish the readers of the Beyonder fiasco could also have their memories fixed, God that was bad. Anyway Emma had good success with the team; except for Illyana as we see slipping more and more to her darker side. But, in Issue #40 we see Illyana much more recovered. So what happened between issue 39 and Issue 40? This is my take. This is a very dark story folks, Illyana has a lot of baggage and I explore most of it in this story (yikes the girl has issues). Oh, a prize for the person who guesses what Illyana's favorite comic is.
HC = Hellfire Club.
Prolog: First entry from the secret diary of Illyana
Page 1:
Well, you ignored the warning on the title. Each page carries a curse and now you're a bed wetter for oh a week if you stop reading now. For every additional word you read you get to wet the bed for another day. I'm being nice in telling you this. Each page carries a worse curse, hmm why are you still reading? Oh well, hope you enjoy wet sheets and a soggy smelly mattress.
Remember, each page carries another curse; but I won't be writing it down so keep that in mind. Let's just say that the loss control of various body functions will get worse; both in your sleep and during your waking moments as well. You really don't want to know what page 7 does, yuck.
Page 2 though 5:
Kitty's always bugging me to keep a diary, not sure what the big deal is. Then I figured out a reason for me. I need to keep a record of me, of my thoughts, of how I view the world and make decisions. To see if I change.
I continue to have trouble sometimes saying the right things and acting normal. No one truly gets why though. It's not that I decide to do bad thing or try to be nasty (although the truth is I can be really nastily when I want). No, the evil is not some external temptation to bad behavior, but is instead part of my very core, my soul, it's not just within me, it's me. This means my instinctual behaviors can, and often are wrong. I need baselines, measurements, rulers as it were, to help me stay within the lines. Kitty and Peter have been those measurements, and now my friends in the New Mutants are also a great help.
My fear is that since I've started using magic again that the lines are getting wider apart. How I view the world and how I make decisions may be changing. I fear I'm growing darker. Think of a destination, you see several paths ahead. Some look easy and some are difficult. Which one do you pick? Easy path right? But what if some or all of the easy paths have danger signs? Of course you'd avoid those.
But what if you are unable to see the signs?
Kitty, Peter, and my friends help me to see the signs by helping me want to be better then I really am. But I'm afraid. If they saw the real me what would they do? Some of them have had a hard life, but really only Magneto really has a clue as to the horrors I've undergone, what sins I've committed to live. He at least understands survivor guilt.
Well enough contemplation of failure and ruin for now. Don't want to dwell on cities in flame, the world ending, and Armageddon impending. After all such situations result in you losing your hat (to quote my favorite comics) and any situation where you lose your hat is a bad situation. Ha Ha.
