2014 and the world was pretty much over. Dean Winchester stood looking out at his groups' fresh water supply, a small creek flowing behind Camp Chitaqua. The surroundings weren't anything special, exactly what you would expect from a mediocre camp ground that served as a home for many poor, unfortunate children over a summer break. The difference between back then and what occupied the camp now lay with the ages of the inhabitants and the length of their stay.
Dean's hazel eyes had grown harder since the apocalypse started, they looked for solutions in a much darker light and saw more bitter conclusions than they used to. Currently they stared at the glassy surface of the undisturbed creek at midnight, fixated on a hazy reflection of a man he wasn't sure he knew. Part of him believed that if he stared hard enough, he would see the ghost of a man long passed. Maybe, he thought, just maybe he would see his own solemn expression transform into that of a battle-hardened, ex-marine; into an obsessive, blind, and broken expression. But then, he was already looking at it, wasn't he?
A gently placed hand on his shoulder caused Dean's head to snap up, his vision focusing on the familiar sight of yet another disheartened face. Castiel's eyes locked with Dean's for a moment, concern seemed to well up in the blue orbs to the point Dean could see it. He brushed the hand off and turned his head back toward the water, this time letting his eyes wander over it.
"What do you want, Cas." His voice was just as hard as his eyes, no inflections in his tone indicated a question, just a demand.
Castiel dropped his hand with a tired sigh, "I saw you standing out here from my window and wanted to-"
"No need to check on me, Cas. I'm fine." Dean's eyes settled on the reflection again and he scowled at it, as if to confirm it didn't bother him.
Glancing from Dean to the water and back to Dean, Cas wasn't convinced. "If you say so." He unconsciously scratched at the stubble on his cheek, his mind searching for a conversation starter. Anything that could get Dean talking normally would do. The more he thought about it the more he realized how tall an order it really was. Dean's normal way of speaking was long gone; he traded humour for more ammo.
"You can go now."
Cas' expression sank momentarily before he shrugged and stepped up beside Dean, matching his gaze. "I could go, leave you with your brooding thoughts," He started, lifting his eyebrows with the inflections of his voice and his eyes shifting to look at his friend's face, "Or I could stay, keep you company, and destroy your mental concentration." He smiled, flashing Dean with his impossibly white teeth considering the circumstances. Turning his head back to face the water's surface, Cas chuckled. "Nah, I'll pass on that 'going' option."
Dean watched Cas momentarily. There was something in the angel's face, ex-angel now, that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Whatever it was, chances were good that it wasn't important to Dean's current objective. The hardened hunter turned away from Cas with a shrug, "Whatever, do what you want."
The two stood in still silence for what felt like ages to Castiel. He glanced over once in a while, in a quickly fading hope that Dean would be looking his way again. When he realized it wasn't happening he decided to speak up without the visual cue. "So what happened?"
Dean looked at him, annoyed confusion stirring in his face. "What are you talking about?"
Popping a pill into his mouth, Cas used it as an excuse to swallow hard before continuing, "To us." His voice, a low growl as usual, sounded strained.
Dean's left eyebrow raised at the question now, not sure if it was intentionally stupid or if he just wasn't getting what Cas meant. "The apocalypse happened. Sam went darkside. The world is freaking ending, Cas!"
"That's-" Cas' interruption was loud, and oddly frantic, before he stopped abruptly. He inhaled slowly, averting his gaze from Dean's entirely now. "That isn't what I meant."
"You mean the two of us?" Dean's tone was hard to place; angry, annoyed, curious, or all of the above? Cas couldn't tell but he nodded his head anyway. "You gave up, remember?" Dean's expression hardened further, if that was even possible.
"Gave up? How so?" Castiel took a defensive stance, a spark flickered in his normally glassy eyes.
"The drinking, the drugs? You've given up on everything." Dean shook his head, "You don't have the same fight in you that you used to."
A snicker escaped Cas but he managed to catch it before laughing in Dean's face. He wanted to point out how Dean hadn't exactly held onto who he was originally either, he wanted to scream at him, tell him how he felt about Dean's recent lack of humanity and negligence. But all he wanted say came out in a silent nod and a ridiculous smirk. "You're absolutely right, Dean." He choked out among snickers. Leaning in close to the leader's shoulder, his blue eyes open wide and staring up at Dean through matted hair, "We seem to have lost that fight of ours."
With that the downed-angel turned and walked away, leaving Dean alone by the creek. Dean's scowl intensified before he let out a loud yelp of frustration. After a swift kick at the water he marched back to his quarters, thoughts of losing Sam and the world to Lucifer swarming in his mind.
Elsewhere, Castiel swatted the beaded doorway aside as he entered his cabin. Earlier that night he'd left a handful of women in his bed, the hours before that seemed to blur together with the last weeks' events. Dean had made a valid point, Cas had been taking more risks with the drugs he consumed, some of which leaving him in a dazed high for days at a time. He looked at the different bottles strewn about his room and just shook his head. Not wanting to disturb the women, he rested on the mat in his living room, staring up at the ceiling. A fuzzy image of two years ago remained at the forefront of his mind.
He could still see Dean's face staring down at him through a haze of pleasure and excitement. He could still feel the tingle of Dean's touch as his hands slid up and down Cas' skin.
Feeling lost and insecure, Castiel curled up on his side and squeezed his eyes shut in hopes of catching a sweeter dream.
