Author's Note: Yay, hello Lokane fandom! Yeah. So. It's my first Lokane fic, and it's a one-shot. I haven't been around very long but I thought, what the hell. Forgive any mistakes that will be spotted, for I feel like my eyes are going to burst even as I type. Enjoy!
Dawn to Dusk
She hadn't planned for any of it to happen.
Really, she didn't.
The slight change in her initial plans was unexpected. And… yup. Great. She screwed it all up.
May the gods bless her soul, if there were any out there.
Jane sat beside Thor as they dined with the rest of the other occupants of the palace. She was dressed not in her usual trusty and comfortable jeans and plaid shirt, but in a lush gown of sapphire that was given for her to wear. There were bronze clasps that held the dress up to cover her small frame, and her hair was loosely pinned up on top of her head for a more formal look that fitted more into the realm.
Least to say, she was very uncomfortable. Even with Thor's hand around hers as he laughed at one of Volstagg's jokes that she failed to hear, all because her mind was elsewhere. She would have liked to hear why Thor was almost doubled-up in his chair with tears filling his eyes as he roared in laughter rather than mentally pull out her hair until there weren't any imaginary hairs left on her imaginary head.
She swallowed the lump in her throat as her eyes flicked down to the barely touched food on her plate. She simply had no appetite.
She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve any of it.
Across from her and Thor were the Warriors Three, the Lady Sif, some people of the court, and… his empty seat. Or rather, the lack of it.
Jane sat at a table with people she barely knew, feasting with them every night, while he was somewhere in the palace, preferring to be alone and to dedicate his time to knowledge and magic and all of the universe's wonders rather than to grace them with his pleasant company, as he is most of the time.
Most of the time.
But she tried to convince herself that any of this isn't worth giving up for him, and all that they went through. Especially despite what they went through.
She tried to tell herself that everything that she had dreamed of to be with Thor and the possible future that her relationship with him right now had to offer was everything Jane had ever asked for.
She got to see other worlds. Now she knows that all that time as a fringe scientist on the desert land on Puente Antiguo, isolated and feeling loneliness rather than solitude in more times than she cared to admit, wasn't for naught. And she now has her chance to have her happy ending with Thor. It was everything she had ever asked for, right?
Right?
But Jane blinked before anyone had the chance to see the guilt in her eyes as an inner battle raged on in her mind and heart, and she gave Thor a weak smile when he looked at her direction.
When he asked if she was fine, if she wanted to retire early for the evening to rest, of course she said no. She was alright. She didn't need to go back.
But she hardly touched her food, he observed while he raised an eyebrow at her.
She raised a piece of fruit to her mouth and forced herself to chew and swallow the sickeningly sweet whatever-it-was, and though she wanted to gag at the taste, Jane made herself smile wider at the golden prince.
See? Everything's fine. Just don't have that much appetite, that's all.
Thor looked at her suspiciously for a moment, but eventually nodded his head. He leaned forward and kissed her brow with a gentleness that almost broke her down to tears and her heart to pieces. Okay, he had said to her in a whisper. I believe you.
Jane inwardly scoffed at herself, ashamed.
Lies.
This was all a lie she was trying to convince herself of. Everything she's been saying to keep up this happy and joyous charade—lies.
When had she become so good at lying to everyone, including herself?
She was no better than him.
And she had only one person to blame, really.
Damn you, Loki. Damn you for everything.
•
After nights, weeks, months of research and work in Puente Antiguo, Darcy had dragged her to the city for a night out and invited some of her friends. She needed to get out, Darcy had said. Have some fun.
"I'm starting to worry for you, dude," she said to Jane earlier the day before. "You need a break. All of this search for Thor can't take up your whole life, you know. You still have yourself to look after."
Right. She was right. Even Darcy had her wisdom, from time to time. She needed to loosen up a bit, and if a night out drinking her problems away was a way to do it, then what the hell.
But thank god Darcy agreed, albeit almost begrudgingly, to go home earlier than planned. Because really, it just wasn't working out for her.
Jane dropped her ridiculously high heels on the floor and flopped down on the couch with a sigh, massaging her temples as she tried to chase away the building headache she felt since the beginning of the night. With Darcy dragging her around all evening in a tight dress and tight shoe straps and her hairstyle in tight knots on her head with flashing blinding lights in a room full of pushing and pulling people dancing to deafening music, she was surprised she didn't have a migraine.
Darcy dragged herself to her room as she muttered a good night to Jane, telling her that she owed her at least a few boxes of Pop Tarts for bailing out early on her, and closed her bedroom door.
Jane sat for a moment before heading to her own room, her eyes heavy with exhaustion, her head muddled with alcohol, and her thoughts with a certain god of thunder who had promised her his return.
Little did Jane know, she was going to receive an unexpected and not-so-pleasant visit the next day.
After all, Loki did tell Thor he was going to. And despite all the lies and deceptions he had said and concocted in the past, he had every intention to keep his word this time.
•
Jane woke up as she did every morning ever since the day she arrived in Asgard: just before light.
She stood on the open balcony as she always did, looking over the stillness of the great realm of Asgard before it was filled with the burst of life and merriment of the Aesir. Jane would always watch the royal gardens, bathed in fading silver as night gave way to the day, and up at the stars and constellations she hadn't taken the time to know and to study so far in her stay.
And just as a light was starting to peak at the horizon, as always, she would feel a pair of arms pull her closer to a warm body much bigger than hers into an embrace. The crown prince of Asgard would rest his chin on the top of her head, and he would keep her company in watching the rising sun that he had always known ever since he could remember.
To her, Thor was just like the dawn, casting away the shadows and shedding light to the world around her. He would make her see the beauty of the world around her; make her appreciate what it was that the ground beneath her feet had to offer. He would give her warmth, would cast rays of sunlight into the mess of a life she made on her own. Thor was everything the world wanted to see in a prince, in a man, and he shone brightly and confidently with laughter in his eyes for the entire universe to see.
It was he who brought down golden light upon them. He was the sun, and with him he brought a world of light he carried lightly and almost easily on his shoulders, filling up almost all of the corners of her soul.
Almost.
•
Svartalfheim was dark, gloomy, dangerous, and Jane wanted nothing more than to simply get away from where she was.
She could feel Aether inside her, like grime in her soul that she couldn't wash clean from, but it tasted like power. Power she didn't know how to use, couldn't use herself, not out of her own will. She felt it in the back of her mind, lurking at the edge of her thoughts and consciousness, and she wanted it to just get out of her. She felt terrible, and even more terrible for other reasons that concerned the man whose arm was around her shoulders, as if he could protect her from all that could endanger her, and the man whose back she watched as he walked in front of them.
Later, as they sat to rest, Thor still would not take as much as two steps away from her for more than a few seconds. Loki looked at her only once, and when she met his gaze, her stomach plummeted.
Go on, his eyes told her. Tell him.
Tell Thor that she had been lying to him ever since he came back to her the first time. Tell Thor that she had been seeing his brother behind his back. Tell Thor that she…
Jane closed her eyes and swallowed the thickening lump in her throat.
•
She was ashamed to admit it, but she always counted the days until Thor would have to go back to their chambers till late into the night to fulfil his duties to the kingdom.
Hah, she was feeling that a lot, especially lately. Shame and guilt, shame and guilt, shame and guilt, and over and over did the endless cycle go.
She stood on the open balcony as she always did, feeling the cool wind calm her thumping heart as it breezed past the gossamer drapes and into the dimly lit room she shared with Thor. Jane would always watch the same gardens she watches in the morning, and the last rays of the sun casting growing shadows upon the eternal realm as it sunk deeper and deeper in the distance. The ever-present clusters of stars above would glow all the more bright, and she looked upon them in a wonder and curiosity she was sure would never die down in her heart.
"Jane," a voice purred into her ear. Against her will, she shivered, and a pair of strong lean arms wrapped around her waist as he held her tight.
If Thor was the dawn, Loki was definitely the dusk. It was he who brought the night, enshrouding the world with shadows that blinded and left you clawing for any shred of evidence of reality. He was the very image of what others tried to put away and push to the back of their minds, he was what everyone hated in a person and he was what people would see as evil.
He was… he was…
He was the darkness that brought her closer to the stars in the sky. He made them glow brighter in his presence, make it as if she could reach them all with her fingertips. It was he who made everything more surreal and almost ethereal, more dangerous yet more thrilling, illuminating the world in a way that was just so different. His was a world of lies and tricks and mischief, but every now and then, you'd see the reflection of truth blinding your eyes and it burned, and it'll make you wonder just how you missed it before in the first place. He made her forget the world that was the ground beneath her feet and look up, reminding her that no, it wasn't enough. It wasn't even close to what she wanted. He was the dark prince who offered his hand to her, showing her and giving her what she never fully dared to dream of in her life, saying that yes, she can have what she want, and it could all be in the palm of her hand. All she had to do was give in.
He was intoxication, and she wanted more of it.
Jane turned in his embrace and looked into his icy green eyes, staring right back into her gaze. The starlight reflected in his bright eyes, and not for the first time, she lost herself in them, tumbling and falling and she could find nothing to hold on to stop.
She caught the strands that fell down into his eyes, carefully pushing it back together with his midnight hair. His expression softened, his head leaning into the touch, and as she looked past the coldness and aloofness in his eyes, she could see warmth. And it was for her, and only her.
Twilight burned slowly in the sky, dying down to chase after the falling waters that sparkled into oblivion at the edges of Asgard. And there they revelled in each other's presence both in selfishness and twisted desires, cloaking themselves in lies just so they could pretend, for that night, that she was his and he was hers.
•
Silently, Jane's tears fell down into the pillow beneath her head. She faced the balcony that looked out into the world of the eternal realm outside, dazzling and hypnotising under the light of the stars, and as Thor slid into the space next to her and wrapped an arm around her, something in her snapped.
No more, she thought. This has to end. No more.
She made her decision. She would choose one, to end this unfairness, to bring it all into justice.
Tomorrow. She was going to make the choice that would make her decide only between two things:
Endless regret, or eternal happiness. Complete, selfish, and eternal happiness.
But after all, even though she had never admitted it, not even to herself, she always had been selfish.
And she knew that he knew. He always knew.
AN: Yeah, yeah. I feel like it's too short, but I don't wanna change it.
Actually, I was thinking about writing a multi-chap fic that will be loosely based on this. What do you guys think? Would that be a good idea? I wanna know what you guys think! As long as enough people would think that another multi-chap fic would be good and would inform me so, then your wish is my command. So please don't hesitate to say your thoughts!
:) Please leave reviews!
