Because of the way I dress and the way I act most people think that it must be a sign of the apacolypse when they find out that I love Green Day. Not that I blame them, the most listened to artists on my iPod are Coldplay, Green Day, and Katy Perry. (In that order, and very close to a three-way tie.) If I was ever lucky enough to be in any production of American Idiot: The Musical, I would want to play Whatsername. Not just because she's a big part or because she gets to make out and have sex with J.O.S. but because she's badass, and won't let anyone tell her what to do or who to be. (And because all of my friends would probably expect me to be Heather and I would love to prove them wrong.) Because of that, I think that she should've ended up with St. Jimmy. Say whatever you want about Jimmy being a rebellious shadow of Johnny I still think Whatsy and J would've been awesome- and I'm not just saying that because Billie Joe Armstrong is the real life St. Jimmy and is a punk rock GOD. Just wanted for put that out there before you read.

This was how I imagined Johnny's meeting with Whatsername while listening to A.I. during the conversion from Give Me Novocaine to She's a Rebel. Plus St. Jimmy was the one who sings S.A.R. in the musical, so that worked out.


July 4

It was around, maybe two in the afternoon. Hell, I've got no idea. I was high as fuck and with the shitty lighting in the bar you couldn't tell time worth a damn. Jimmy just kept laughing and then I had to puke. I barely made it into the stall before letting my breakfast (two big macs) along with a shot of tequila and hash come out. It tasted twice as bad coming up as it had going down. Then the rest that came out was watery acid tasting crap. When I got out of the bathroom, I might have been slightly less high, since I'd just up-chucked most of the shit in my system that was making me high. All I know is that I sobered up enough to see everything and have it in crystal clear memory when she walked in. I didn't see her at first, but I knew that some good-looking chick must've walked in because one of the drunks walked up to her and asked,

"How much for one night?"

"Do I look like a prostitute to you?" Her voice was in perfect pitch. The drunk guy started laughing like she'd said the most hilarious thing he'd heard in his life. It eventually turned to wheezing and coughing until he said,

"Yeah. You do sweetheart." He moved towards her and she backed away letting him face flat on his face, out cold.

"Where the hell's the bouncer?" She yelled.

"That's him." The bartender- the only other sober person in the bar- shouted back. A strange moaning sound came out of her mouth and she jumped over him.

"And we're back to zero." She said erasing a 14 from a chalkboard and drawing a zero in one perfect swoop. A few people clapped and she curtsied. I guessed at that point, that she was a regular here as much as Jimmy was. The bartender smacked him with a towel.

"J, you're girl's here." He said. Jimmy perked up, half sober like me. The girl came over and sat on his lap and went straight into kissing him. She was dressed in black nylons, combat boots, leather shorts, and a dark violet button down. The way she leaned on Jimmy gave a nice view of her cleavage and- once again- being high as fuck and intrigued by her- I couldn't help but stare. His hand became tangled in her wild carmel hair and he pulled out a magenta streak and stopping kissing her to stare at it.

"What happened to green?" Jimmy asked.

"I got bored. And some skank dyed her hair all green. Didn't want to cause any mixups." She responded. With a causal shrug Jimmy went back to having his tongue in her mouth. A soft moan rippled from her throat and I think I had an orgasm just by listening to it. The girl sent kisses down Jimmy's neck and stayed on his collar bone for awhile.

"Oh, Johnny. Sorry. Where are my manners?" He asks remembering me. The girl removed her mouth from his chest and looked me up and down. Damn. Her eyes. I thought that it was illegal for something to be that shade of brown unless it was an M&M. "Jesus of Suburbia, this is... Whatsername. Whatsy, J.O.S."

"Charmed." She said reaching out a hand. Like an idiot, I stared are her black fingernails. Whatsername pulled her hand back. "If you're too high to realize, I'm the sex slave, lover, and girlfriend of the one, the only..." She paused kissing Jim full on the lips then pulled away staring at him with pure lust. "St. Jimmy." Then went to making out with his chest.

"Babe." He said after about a minute. She made that moaning noise again and I think we both had erections. I awkwardly crossed my legs but it still hurt, pressure or no pressure. Jimmy leaned his head back for a solid five minutes while Whatsername kissed his neck. "Babe, it's not that I don't want you to stop- because believe me, I don't- I just don't think we should be rude to our new roommate." Whatsername perked up at that.

"He's moving in?" She asked.

"Just down the hall, but you know, since we're drug buddies he'll be living with us most of the time." Jimmy said. She blinked at him several times, her eyelashes looked like butterfly wings dripping with ink.

"We can still fuck whenever we want right?" I couldn't believe she said it with a straight face.

"Yeah." St. Jimmy replied. Whatsername shrugged. The two of them went back to making out, Jimmy resorted to sucking on her neck. After enough time to leave a mark he kissed her neck.

"Hey," Whatsername said. "Jim, I got you something."

"Another girl for a three-way?" He asked hopefully.

"No. Something better." She said smiling.

"Two girls for a four-way?" Jimmy asked. The drugs were going back into his blood, either that or dry-humping Whatsername must've been making him drunk. I was getting tipsy just watching them. She shook her head.

"Look." Whatsername unbuttoned her shirt then showed him a lacy black bra, showing off lovely cleavage.

"Damn!" Jimmy shouted. "I like this present." She smiled buttoning up again.

"I got it in red and white also. Matching bikinis." Whatsername leaned in and whispered in his ear, "I try them on for you tonight, maybe if you're lucky, you'll see it in nude too." Jimmy's face turned into a smile.

"I see what you're getting at." He said. She smiled and turned to me.

"You done with that?" I looked at the joint in my hand I'd forgotten about. I shrugged and handed it to her. "Thanks." She managed to hold it like a regular cigarette and took a deep drag. She blew out a circle of smoke. Then took two more long drags, and blew out three perfect rings of smoke. Whatsy handed it back to me. "There."

"No problem." I said taking it back. I took a deep breath inhaling and I tried to blow out smoke like she did, but it was impossible. I ended up coughing a gasping like an idiot. She stared at me, she must've thought I was a rookie. Then Whatsername handed Jimmy a wad of cash.

"Your turn." She said getting off of his lap. He smiled standing up and reaching into her back pocket to grab a bag of- I'm not even sure what it was- groping her ass in the process. Whatsername smiled and adjusted his red tie, pulling on it like a noose and forcing him to kiss her again. I could hear their tongues moving around and she made that moan again. Jimmy pushed into her and they kept at it for another minute or so before pulling apart. They weren't even out of breath. "Don't keep me waiting." Whatsername said as he walked away. The bartneder handed her a glass of something. She sat back down and looked at me.

"Hi." I said awkwardly. She nodded taking a sip of her drink.

"Saw you checking me out." Whatsername said making her eyes pop out of her head. "Smooth. I barely even noticed." Sarcasm dripped from her voice in a teasing manner.

"In your dreams Whatsy." I scoffed. She raised an eyebrow, chugging from her glass.

"Yeah. Sure."

"It's true." I said. Ouch, that hurt. My voice cracked for the first time since I hit puberty in sixth grade. Whatsername had a grin on her face at she looked downward. I followed her gaze down south. Fuck. "I can't control that. You're attractive." I defended weakly.

"And you would only know that if you checked me out." She said. "Checkmate."

"I-" Whatsername smiled and laughed. "You win. It's not my fault you're hot." I took one last puff of smoke and burnt it in the ash tray next took her bare arm. I brushed against her skin for a nanosecond.

"Nah, I'm used to it. Since I was fifteen really." She said. "So you're across the hall now?" I nodded. "Just don't sit on the blue velvet couch, Jimmy and I have our makeup sex on that."

"Any other places I should avoid?" I asked.

"The bathtub, the shower, the bedroom, the non-pot closet, the vanity, the other shower, the living room floor, sometimes we do it in the elevator to see if we can without getting caught-"

"Should I just assume you've had sex everywhere?" I cut her off.

"Not on the kitchen floor." Whatsername said. "Cold, hard tile. Wouldn't be a good idea. Oh that reminds me, the kitchen table."

"You guys just do it for fun or out of boredom?" I asked. She finished her drink before answering.

"A little of both." She said closing her eyes and tilting her head back. "Fifty shades of J, any time of day." Then a moan rippled from her throat. She must've had a boner-radar because before I could feel it her eyes snapped to my pants.

"I-" I stopped. There was no point in denying it. "It's that moaning noise you make. Gives me like-"

"An ear-gasm?" Whatsername asked. "St. Jimmy's given me a load of those while trying to sing me to sleep."

"What, he can't sing?" I asked.

"Jesus of Suburbia! Weren't you listening. I can't sleep with an ear-gasm." She said.

"What is that exactly?" I asked.

"When you get a hard-on from someone's voice." Whatsername sighed. "Or moan. Is it really that sexy?"

"You tell me." I pointed to my dick. She laughed.

"I guess I'm a sexy bitch then." Whatsy sighed. She pressed herself into me and it took all my strength not to sigh. Our hips were the same height, she pressed a littler harder and- "Damn. I guess I am sexy."

"Yeah." I said. Idiot. Whatsername grabbed the collar of my shirt and pressed her mouth on mine. The feeling was hot and intimate, the kiss was warm and wet. She tasted like citrus and her breath carried the scent of weed. Her hand slipped under the collar of my shirt and I grabbed her hips. Whatsername let a groan out and her lips vibrated. She pushed her pelvis against my boner and let out a whimper. It was almost sexier than the moaning. Our tongues fought for dominance, but clearly having more skill than me, Whatsername won. She arched her back and her breasts pressed into my chest. I grabbed her thigh pulling her leg up until she wrapped her legs around my torso and I groped for her ass. Whatsername grabbed for the front of my shirt and began popping the buttons off, of all the days in the world I had to pick that one to wear an undershirt. Whatsername reached for the the hem of my shirt and I grabbed her wrist. We both stopped as I felt the strips of skin that were smoother and stretched tighter that than normal skin would be. She gasped out of breath and reclined.

"Jimmy gets drunk all the time." Whatsername said fixing her hair. "He hooks up with street walkers all the time. I can't control it. So he gives me permission to makeout with guys whenever I want. You seemed into me, and it's more fun when both people are at least a little bit attracted to each other." She glanced at me, then her eyes darted downward. "Bye." She speed-walked out of the bar as I tried to process what the hell just happened. I'd made out and dry humped my best friend's girlfriend after knowing her for maybe twenty minutes. But that wasn't was I was thinking.

She said she was a little bit attracted to me.