(Drum roll. Muppet Show sign. Kermit appears in the big "O")

KERMIT: It's the Muppet Show, with a tribute to all things Broadway! Yaaay!

(Regular opening theme- cut to Statler and Waldorf)

STATLER: First television and movies, and now Broadway?

WALDORF: Will the madness ever end?!

(Laugh)

(Opening theme ends- Gonzo trumpets opening chords to "New York New York")

(Front curtain. Kermit enters to applause)

KERMIT: Thank you and welcome again to The Muppet Show! Boy, do we have a show for you tonight, because we have put together a lineup of some swell musical numbers from some of the greatest productions to grace the bright lights of Broadway!

GONZO: (offstage) Kermit!

(Gonzo runs onstage)

GONZO: Kermit! Please, please let me do my number! The girls and I have been practicing for weeks!

KERMIT: Gonzo for the last time, the Muppet's days in drag are over! Now go help everyone get ready!

(Gonzo, dejected, exits. Kermit shakes his head and turns back to the audience)

KERMIT: Sorry 'bout that, folks. Anyway, let's get things started tonight with a look on the bright side in Spamalot!

(Kermit exits. Curtain rises.)

...

(A dark forest set, with Uncle Deadly, dressed as King Arthur, sitting on a tree stump, hunched over with his chin in his hand)

(Fozzie's voice is heard, echoing around the stage)

FOZZIE:

"Some things in life are bad, they can really make you mad.

Other things just make you swear and curse.

When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't grumble give a whistle!

And this'll help things turn out for the best...and…"

(Fozzie enters, dressed as Patsy, with the Mutations dressed in knight's armor behind him dancing and joining in on the whistling)

FOZZIE:

"...Always look on the bright side of life. (whistle)

Always look on the right side of life. (whistle)

For life is quite absurd and death's the final word, you must always face the curtain with a bow!

Forget about your sin- give the audience a grin! Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow!"

(Dance break. Mutations tap dance, very loud clanging from the armor they wear. Uncle Deadly looks up at Fozzie, seemingly cheered up.)

UNCLE DEADLY:

"Always look on the bright side of death."

(Fozzie looks nervously toward the audience. Deadly stands up and links arms with him.)

"Just before you draw your terminal breath.

Life's a…"

(Fozzie interjects with censored phrase.)

FOZZIE: "Stubborn brick!"

DEADLY:

"...when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true!"

(Fozzie and Deadly sing together.)

BOTH:

"You'll see it's all a show, keep 'em laughing as you go!"

FOZZIE: "Just remember that the last laugh is on you!"

(Mutations join in, adding a chorus line for good measure.)

ALL:

"And...always look on the bright side of life!

Always look on the right side of life!

Always look on the bright...side of life!

Side of life!

Side of LIFE!"

(Applause.)

(Cut to balcony-Statler and Waldorf)

WALDORF: You know I do know what's on the bright side.

STATLER: What's that?

WALDORF: The song's over!

(Both laugh)

...

(Backstage. Kermit watches the Mutations and Deadly come offstage.)

KERMIT: Okay, great opening number, guys! Let's get ready for…

SCOOTER: Hey, chief! I got someone here who wants to meet you!

(Scooter enters with a young human woman behind him, wide eyed and excited.)

SCOOTER: So remember when I mentioned that friend of mine who was interested in helping me out backstage?

KERMIT: Scooter, what gofer needs help with their job?

SCOOTER: Well, anyway, this is Shana. She's here to help out in anyway possible!

(Shana shakes Kermit's hand)

SHANA: Hi! I'm so excited, I can't believe I'm working with the Muppets!

KERMIT: Well, thank you. I'll see what I can have you start with, okay?

(Kermit exits. Shana looks around absentmindedly.)

SHANA: (To herself) Maybe, I could sing in the show...it's my dream.

(Scooter interrupts her daydream.)

SCOOTER: Hey, Shana, time to set up for the next number!

(Scooter exits to the stage with the rats. Shana sighs and follows.)

(Annie Sue Pig enters calling for Kermit.)

ANNIE SUE: Mr. Frog! Kermit! Oh, Kermit, please come quick!

(Kermit rushes in.)

KERMIT: What's wrong, Annie?

ANNIE SUE: It's just terrible! Miss Piggy doesn't want to do the final number with me! After all these years she still thinks I'm out to steal the spotlight from her!

(She cries. Kermit consoles her.)

KERMIT: Don't worry, we'll sort this out. Where's Piggy now?

(Miss Piggy's voice is heard out onstage.)

PIGGY: Can we get this show on the road?!

KERMIT: Oh good grief.

(Shana re-enters as Annie Sue and Kermit keep talking.)

KERMIT: I guess we'll need to find a new singer for the finale.

(They exit. Shana brightens up at what she's overheard.)