Aaron Hotchner's day was going quite well so far. He hadn't had any phone calls about tracking down psychotic unsubs, Hailey was considering them getting back together, and the vending machine had just given him a free Twix along with his candy of choice - could Cadbury's do anything wrong? That was why when he entered his office after a late lunch, he was startled and somewhat annoyed to find Emily Prentiss sitting in front of his desk. Crying.
Normally this honourable man would have immediately asked her what was wrong, but as he stuffed his Twix in his pocket, he couldn't help but mentally curse the raven haired beauty. His day had for once been 'good'. It was rarely 'good', and judging from the tears making there slow way down his subordinate's face, it was soon going to go from 'good' to 'just average.'
Ignoring the small voice that was screaming 'Throw her out the window! Do anything! Just get her out of the happy zone' Hotch instead went over to his couch, patting the seat next to him in a clear invitation.
Once the sobbing woman was carefully situated on the leather coated seat, Hotch now wondered what he could do. He couldn't put his arm around her - he did not want to have to attend more sexual harassment seminars than he had to - nor could he do his usual impression of a stone. Instead he opted for the professional yet clumsy pat on the shoulder. Judging by her wince he may have forgotten his own strength. However, the small, evil voice in his head cheered and did cartwheels, whilst the more mature and kinder Aaron tried to mend the situation.
"Sorry, Emily," That was weak, even by his standards.
"There's, there's something I need to tell you," managed Emily, sniffing loudly. As if on cue his phone ran, the shrill ring effectively stopping Emily from telling him the oh-so-important news that intruded upon his happy time! Looking at the caller ID, he answered it, an easy smile forming on his features.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Nothing, I just can't pick Jack up today, could you possibly do it? It hate to ask, but I need to go to the doctors-"
"Why? What's wrong?" asked Hotch hurriedly, worry coiling in his gut.
"I've just been feeling a little under the weather. I'm sure it's nothing, but I'd rather get it checked out," replied Hailey.
Looking at Emily, he smiled at her apologetically. "Please tell me."
Thinking he was talking to her, Emily blurted out, "I'm pregnant!"
"You're pregnant?" asked Hotch, his eyes widening.
"No, I'm not pregnant Aaron-" started Hailey.
"No, not you, Emily," corrected Hotch, before realising he was on the phone with his ex-wife-hopefully-so-to-be-girlfriend. The ex-wife-hopefully-soon-to-be-girlfriend that just hung up on him.
He could almost see his good karma flying to Mexico, adopting a fake beard, changing it's name to Carlos, and getting a job as a farm hand.
Looking it his tearful colleague, and thinking about his pissed ex-wife-probably-now-not-going-to-be-future-girlfriend, Aaron Hotchner had the feeling that today was the last good day he was going to experience for a while.
A/N: Er... I think this needs an explaination. I was challenged to write the most awful fic I could by Alice Wednesday, and well this is what happened... please don't hurt me! She is also doing one about Reid in case you are interested... remember these are parodies, I don't want to wake up with a horse's head in my bed!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I do own Aaron Hotchner, he's currently tied to my bed... wait... HOW THE HELL DID HE ESCAPE AGAIN?
I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this story.
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