This chapter was something I'd wrote quite a while ago which is a little aside to my main Legend of Zelda story. But I just wanted to put it up on here to see how well my humerous side would fair. Please enjoy! :D
Located on the continent of Akaneia. Our fair country: Altea.
A land that withholds a sustained balance of power and pride after our wars had come to an end.
The evil that loomed has ceased existence, and our land has successfully returned to its original state.
May we remain triumphant throughout our lives,
and keep the memories of our kingdom held dearly in our hearts...
"Well that was brief!" Ike noted.
"Well it wouldn't be if you turn the page..." Marth sighed.
Ike took the page and turned it, tearing it in the process, "Oh yeah, there are more words!" He exclaimed, "Chapter 1..."
"Hey Ike, someone's coming!"
Ike jumped out of the king's chair, dropping the book he was reading as he stood. They were both in King Cornelius' study, hiding from a girl that they both considered to be quite "scary" as Ike described her.
Flashback!
"That girl is damn scary." Ike mused.
"I know! I just hope I don't have nightmares!"
End flashback!
"Oh no, we're in trouble!" Ike stated.
"Yeah if it's her, we're dead! If it's anyone else, we'll be forced to our duties!"
"Oh God, I don't know which is worse!"
"Quick! Let's hide!" Marth ordered. They both ducked under the large, mahogany desk, hushing each other and hiding themselves as best they could.
The large door creaked open and footsteps could be heard approaching the desk. With each footstep, Marth grew more and more anxious as to who it was, untill the footsteps came to a hault at ,what sounded like, the opposite side of the desk.
"Now what!" Marth voiced soundlessly to Ike. Ike raised an eyebrow and shrugged in reply. "Looks like we're dead!" He mouthed back to Marth.
"How can you tell?" He asked silently.
"It sounded like the way a woman walks!"
"What? How can you even know that!"
"...You know, I have no idea..."
"Are you two quite finished?" Ike and Marth jumped at the sound of a voice from above their heads (Ike, hitting his head off the top of the desk as he did so.) They looked up to find Soren looking down at the pair questioningly.
The two swordsmen jumped to their feet as Soren straightened on his. "Soren, my good friend! What brings you here?" Ike said anxiously rubbing the back of his head.
"Well I came here with you Ike. Why're you and Marth hiding when we're meant to be discussing our alliance with the king? Titania's having to apologize for you, so you better get moving."
"Oh man, I forgot about that! Me and Marth were just uh... hiding from his girlfriend." He said, pointing his thumb toward Marth accordingly.
"Hiding from Marth's girlfriend..." Soren repeated skeptically. "Let me get this straight. You'd fight with the all powerful and fearsome 'Black knight'! But when it comes to facing a girl, you run cowering with fear...?"
"We do not 'run cowering with fear'. We just... like to play hide and seek with the ladies! Yeah... uh, every woman loves a man that not only battles bravely, but a man that would also happily show that he has a caring side!"
"And playing hide and seek shows that you care?"
"I'm sure you'd enjoy it too Soren. After all, Ike did mistake you for a lady!" Marth smirked.
"What!" Soren turned on Ike, charging a ball of fire in his hands.
"Ah no! I only thought that because your footsteps reminded me of how a woman would walk!" Ike explained, holding his hands out defensively.
The ball of fire diminished from Soren's hands, "You think I walk like a woman?" He asked.
"No! Only the way it sounded. Don't take it personally, I thought Marth was a woman when I first met him! No offence Marth."
Marth pulled an expression as if to say "How on earth can you mistake me for a woman!" from Ike's side, before pouting, "Alot taken!"
"Okay can we just forget you ever said that Ike, and would you just come to the meeting?" Soren said.
"Okay fine! Looks like you're on your own Marth."
"But what will I do if she finds me!" He panicked.
"If she see's you, quickly drop to the ground and play dead!"
"But that won't make her leave me alone."
"Sure it will! Remember what I told you, 'She has no heart'. If she see's you dead, she'll leave you alone!" Ike exclaimed confidently.
"Are you sure?" Marth asked uncertainly.
"Sure as the sky is blue!"
"But it's cloudy today..."
"Just trust me!"
"...Okay."
"See ya buddy!" Ike waved.
Marth watched as Ike left the room with Soren before departing on his own accord. But before he was able to wander idly wherever it was he wanted to go, a certain blue-haired princess spotted him as he passed through the never-ending hallway.
"Oh Marth there you are!" She called, happily waving at him.
He turned to see Sheeda. His eyes immediately widened in horror.
"Marth are you okay?" She asked confused.
He didn't know what to do. His brain stopped functioning at her terrifying presence! After trying to find something to say to the eager girl, he quickly remembered what Ike had told him.
"Oh uhh.. AH! I'm dyyyiiing!" He slowly collapsed to the floor, with one arm held dramatically in the air as if grasping for life, before slumping to the ground. He lay on his side, remaining perfectly still as Sheeda gasped at his (what seemed to her) unconscious body.
"Oh my God!"
"I have to find help!" She thought to herself, before quickly running off in search of a nearby guard.
After listening to her footsteps fade from his hearing, he picked himself up off the ground. "Wow! I can't believe what Ike had said had actually worked... She must really be a heartless demon..." He mused aloud. "Well, guess I can continue with my day!" He said happily taking off down the hall.
Sheeda returned shortly later with two bodyguards struggling to keep up with her rushed pace. (Of which they blamed their heavy uniforms)
"What the...?" She said, coming to an abrupt stop, causing the guards to tumble past her. "What is it your majesty?" One guard asked, slightly annoyed by her 'much ado about nothing'!
"Marth was here. He collapsed! I saw him!" The two guards looked at each other as if she'd gone insane.
"Well miss, you must be hallucinating. He is quite obviously not present now."
She turned to look the guard directly in the eye. "I'll have you know, I'm not hallucinating. I'm not crazy! He was here!"
"Come with us miss, we'll take you to your room!" The other guard spoke to her as if he were speaking to a young child or a puppy.
"Ugh! I must need some rest..."
"Yes! That's right dear! Good girl!"
"Don't speak to me that way!" She shouted.
Whilst Sheeda returned to her room with the cautious help of the two guards, Marth meanwhile, had been called to the attention of his father. He quickly made his way to the main hall, where his father stood debating lawful issues to a group of people. Some of which included Ike, Soren and Titania. (Or pretty much only Ike, Soren and Titania!)
"Ah, Marth! Come over. We have been discussing an alliance between Altea and Crimea. Apparently their Queen: Elincia, wishes to ally our countries in order to gain a better standard of living for our people!" King Cornelius proclaimed.
"That's great!" Marth replied with a broad smile, even though he'd rather be doing something more interesting than standing there, discussing political terms with his father.
He looked over at Ike, who smiled when he caught his attention.
"Hey I did what you said to do if Sheeda caught me. And it actually worked!" He mouthed.
"That's great! I told you she doesn't have a heart!"
"I'm starting to worry on how you know these things!"
"...Me too."
"Greil Mercenaries, I give you my sincere gratitude towards this suggestion of Queen Elincia-" King Cornelius began.
"You know, we are amazing lip readers!" Ike mouthed.
"-And I find the idea of uniting our two kingdom's-"
"I know right. It's a wonder how we're so good at this sort of thing!"
"-Highly logical. So I have decided to-"
"We're so gifted!"
"-Ike, why on earth do you keep moving your mouth?" The large king turned to his son, who stood beside him innocently. "Marth would you stop distracting my guests!" He sighed.
"What did I do?" He questioned defensively.
"Whatever's causing that!" He responded, gesturing towards Ike, who smiled and waved indifferently.
"Don't look at me, I'm not his father!"
Cornelius placed his hand against his forehead and grunted "That's not what I meant!"
"Your royal highness, I apologize, again, for Ike's behaviour." Titania bowed.
"No I should apologize, it is my fault after all. So... What was it you were saying, your majesty?" Ike asked.
"Uhh... Oh yes! I have decided to agree to Queen Elincia's suggestion. We will hold a meeting in two days time at the Crimean castle, and I shall attend there personally to organize our alliance."
"Thank you your majesty!" Titania bowed, again.
"My pleasure miss. The Greil Mercenaries may stay here with us untill we depart for Crimea. My servants will show you to your rooms, and you will be expected to join us for dinner. That is, if you wish to stay?"
"Of course we will your majesty. Thank you for your hospitality... Wow... I'm gonna be a rapper when I grow up!" Ike announced.
"Ike, you're already grown up!" Soren stated. "And F.Y.I. rapper's don't exist in this game!"
"You always have to ruin the fun!" He huffed. "And I'm only eighteen!"
"That is true. And he's even younger in the mind!" Titania added.
"This gives me an idea..." Marth mused.
"NO! No idea's! Especially coming from either of you!" Cornelius pointed towards Marth and Ike in turn. "Just be prepared for lunch, it will begin in one hour." With that he quickly took off before anything else could be said, particularly by Marth or Ike.
"What's with your daddy Marth? I get the feeling he's annoyed with us..."
"Well Ike, if you acted your age then maybe he'd take you more seriously!" Soren sighed.
The servants came forward, "May we show you to your rooms?" One asked.
"Please." Titania smiled. "Just try to behave yourself at lunch, okay Ike?" She said, patting him on the shoulder as she passed to follow the servant.
"Piece o' cake!" He winked. "...There is gonna be cake right?"
"I hate chocolate cake..." Marth muttered in reverie.
"How random... But while we're on the topic, I hate peanut butter sandwiches!" Ike announced.
"What's that got to do with cake?" Soren asked.
"Everything...!" He replied spookily.
After an hour had eventually passed by, the noble's and royal's placed themselves in their seats along the large table, preparing themselves for their royal banquet. Titania and Soren had already taken their seats as Ike entered through the doors at the same time the king was to be introduced to the dining room.
Titania quickly noticed and stood up, gesturing Ike to get out of the way of the doors. Everyone looked at him in confusion as he stood quizzically watching Titania's hand motions. After a long moment he finally got the message and ducked onto the ground. He crawled to the side as the doors opened for the king to step foward.
"Ladies, gentlemen. His majesty, king Cornelius." The servant beside the door announced, as the king entered. "And his highness, prince Marth." The servant said shortly later as Marth followed his father to their seats.
Once they were seated, Ike quickly crawled over to his place opposite Marth and quietly slid himself upon to his chair. When he was properly seated, he looked around and noticed all eyes were watching him. Titania (Who was sitting beside him) sighed and put one hand against her forehead in attempt to hide her embarrasement.
"Are you quite finished?" The king asked, showing no effort to hide his annoyance of Ike's interuptance.
"Yes." He smiled, picking up the knife and fork that lay in front of him.
Cornelius raised his glass and everybody simultaneously followed his action. (Apart from Ike, who raised his glass a moment later.)
"To the Greil Merceneries, for their help in the unison of Altea and Crimea." He announced, less than eagerly.
"To the Greil Merceneries." Very un-enthusiastic voices sounded across the table as glasses clanked together.
After that was over, each of the servants and chef's brought forward the first course of the meal, whilst everybody began speaking happily to one another.
A plate was placed in front of Ike. He sat looking at the food questioningly before he began prodding at a piece of steak with his fork. he eventually decided to kick Marth in the leg to gain his attention.
"Ouch!" Marth sounded over the jumble of voices. A majority of the people turned to see what the problem was. "Uhh, sorry... the food burnt my mouth." He lied.
"What!" He whispered harshly, turning his attention on Ike.
"How do you eat this with these things?" He mouthed, holding up the knife and the fork accordingly.
"Try using your head!"
"Ohh..." Ike bent his head close to the steak and picked it up with his mouth to show Marth. "Like this?" He mumbled.
Marth stared at him dumbfoundedly. He decided it would be useless to try and help Ike use a knife and fork, so he settled for telling him "Sure..."
Cornelius watched the two boys with growing impatience. "Ike, would you take that out of your mouth." He sighed. "God it's like your my second son!"
Ike dropped the steak out of his mouth. It fell onto the plate, knocking his glass of water in the process. The glass spun around wildly as Ike watched it, remaining very still and anxious, waiting for it to settle as if he could stop it tipping with his mind. The king also noticed the unsettled cup and flinched away. As did Marth and Titania.
This all happened in a matter of seconds, and afterwards, the glass decided to settle, merely spilling a drop of water.
"Whew! That was close." Ike puffed in relief.
"Lucky!" Marth said. He continued to cut off a piece of his steak. Untill his elbow made contact with something that sat self-consciously beside him. The water sprung out as the glass immediately fell on its side, soaking the king.
Cornelius jumped to his feet, causing the whole hall to collapse into silence. He glared with rage at the young prince, who looked away shamefully.
"Sorry father... Luck is not on my side."
The king steadied his breathing before speaking, "Would you just leave." He said in a semi-calm tone. "And take this clown with you!" He pointed straight at Ike.
"Hey I am no clown! ...I can't even juggle!" Ike pouted.
"Just shut up! You two are really trying my patience!"
"You can try mine if you want." Marth joked.
"Ugh! Just get out of here!" The king shrieked.
Marth and Ike sprang to their feet.
"Marth. This is not how a royal prince should act! I'm ashamed of you."
"Sorry..." He sighed, before him and Ike left the room.
Cornelius watched after them disapprovingly untill they were out of site. Servants brought him napkins to clean himself with, but he dismissed their offers and re-placed himself on his chair. All the while debating on what could be done to make his son more polite, honourable and worthy of becoming future king of Altea...
Everyone else in the room didn't know whether to continue their discussion or remain seated in silence. The talking gradually began to build up again after the king gave a wave of his hand to gesture for disscussion to continue.
"Your majesty what's wrong?" Titania asked with concern.
"Oh, well... I don't know what to do about Marth. He's acting like a reckless child."
"Well he is a teenager... Maybe we should send them both somewhere where they can learn some respect!" Titania said jokingly.
"That... Is a brilliant idea!" King Cornelius noticeably brightened.
"...Really?" Titania asked skeptically.
"Yes, it's perfect! And I know the exact place to send them!"
"And where would that be?"
"Smasher's boarding school!" The king smiled mischievously.
"I can't believe he kicked us out!" Marth huffed.
"I know, and I didn't even get to eat anything!"
The two of them walked aimlessly around the castle halls, untill they came up front with the pegasus knight princess: Sheeda.
"Marth there you are! What happened? You had collapsed in the halls earlier and when I came back with two guards, you were gone! The guards thought I'd been hallucinating! Where did you go?"
"Well... The guards were right. You must've been hallucinating!" He lied, speaking the way the guard had spoken to her earlier. He placed his hand on her forehead "Your head is slightly warmer than usual. You must be coming down with something!"
"I'm not!" She said, slapping his hand away. "I'm not ill and I'm not crazy! So stop speaking to me that way!"
"Why aren't you in the dining hall eating dinner?" Ike questioned.
"I was resting. What about you two?"
"We were kicked out for being too awesome!" Ike joked.
Sheeda ignored Ike's joke and turned to Marth, "Were you avoiding me all day?" She asked sternly.
"N-no! Of course not!" He replied nervously.
"Then prove it."
"Prove what how and why?" He asked suspiciously.
She sighed, "You have to prove you're not avoiding me by giving me a kiss to show me how much you love me, because I don't trust what you said. Clear?"
"...Oh um yeah. But I must warn you, I haven't brushed my teeth and I have a bit of steak stuck in my tooth, just here." He lied, scratching at his teeth.
"I don't care about your mouth, I only want your lips." She huffed.
"What about Ike's lips?"
"My lips aren't for sale!" Ike said quickly.
"Just kiss me."
"But I kissed a rabid dog on the mouth yesterday! I could give you the disease!"
She stared at him in puzzlement for a moment. "Who on earth would be stupid enough to do that...?"
"Can I answer that!" Ike interjected.
"No!" She growled. "You were avoiding me!" She accused, facing Marth.
"Aww I wouldn't call it 'avoiding'..." Marth began gently.
"Just quit with your pathetic lies! I hate you!" She shouted before storming off down the hall.
"Everyone seems to hate you today!" Ike laughed as Marth watched her leave.
I must warn: This is only aside to my main story, (Because I'm terrible at keeping it to one story at a time! Yes I have issues...) so chapters may take a while to upload. But if I recieve at least 5 reviews and see that this story is actually making progress, then I may continue with this. Anyway thanks for reading! Please tell me what you thought and I would love to hear some ideas from you because I'm running a little short in this. ^_^' If you do I will clarify that it was wholly your idea. Hmm... sounds like fun... You give me your suggestion for this story and I'll see what I can do. :D I want lots of suggestions! ...Which probably won't happen... XD
