Hello there!

So while I was writing my first story "City of True Love" (which is still in progress) I started growing to really like Helen Blackthorn and I thought about all the things that we know from the actual series by Cassandra Clare had happened to her. Very early Helen had to take on the responsibility for her siblings and the Los Angeles Institute. While doing so she also had to learn that she was probably bisexual and had to deal with those feelings as well.
My story starts when Helen is 15 years old, presumably when her step-mother died. I will try to cover all three years until she meets Aline and maybe later this story will connect to my first one "City of True Love." We'll see!

I don't own any of the characters (except the step-mother which existed in the books, but I made up my own version and their tutor Katerina whose character I slightly changed to adjust to my story). They all belong to the amazing Cassandra Clare.

Reviews are appreciated!

SeeliePrincess19


Helen closed the room to her door carefully and started off down the hallways. The shrieks of her siblings filled the air, muffled only through the door that was next to hers, but she didn't bother, not this time.

She buried her hands deep in the pockets of her black pants she was still wearing from the training this morning and wandered the corridors of the second floor. As she passed one of the large windows she remained for a second, staring out on the ocean. Crystal blue water stretched out in front of her and the sky was empty of clouds. The weather was usually nice in Los Angeles, but Helen still appreciated every hour of sun. She liked staying outside on the beach, liked the feel of the warm sand between her toes and the rays of the sun tickling her face. Never would she want to leave this place she called her home.

She continued her path down the corridor. The Institute was eerily quiet. There hadn't been any demonic activities for weeks and Helen guessed that this was a good thing, but she itched to hunt demons again. Her brother Mark and her who were both children to a Shadowhunter and a faerie had been demon hunting together ever since Mark had started his training three years ago. She remembered how excited she'd been when he received his first Mark, although she knew that it would hurt him. Helen had experienced the same pain when the Voyance rune had been placed upon her. It had been a stinging pain, the tip of the stele hot against her skin. She had been warned that receiving someone's first Mark would hurt, but the pain never left. Every time she touched a stele to her skin to draw one of the Angel's rune it hurt due to the Downworlder blood that ran through her veins.

Her father had never pushed her into being a Shadowhunter. He had raised both of them after their mother had left, had cared for them passionately, but he had never forced them to become something they didn't wanted. They had been offered to be trained as Shadowhunters and they had both gladly accepted. Helen never felt as if she had a choice to make; it was clear to her from the beginning that she was one of them, a Nephilim.

Helen lowered her gaze and stared at the Voyance rune, a permanent rune that would adorn the back of her hand for the rest of her life. She had gotten used to the sight of it and usually she didn't even notice it.

She turned the corner and stopped in front of the wide two-winged door that stood open as always. Gazing into the spacious living room she spotted her father sitting by the window, his back to Helen and staring at the beautiful blue sky. He had his arm propped around the shoulder of his wife, Helen's step-mother.

Helen lifted her hand and knocked on the wood of the door frame, not wanting to scare them. Her faerie blood gave her the ability to walk swiftly and nearly motionlessly and sometimes it even startled her own family. Her step-mother, Viviane, turned her head and upon seeing Helen her gray eyes, the color of iron, brightened. Her lips curled into a smile.

"Helen, come sit with us," she offered and Helen crossed the room, taking a seat opposite them obediently. Her father Andrew was smiling at her too, his remarkable blue-green Blackthorn eyes fixed on her. Most of his children had inherited his looks. Julian, Livia and Drusilla had the same tousled dark brown hair he had and they all shared the same eye color, even Helen and Mark who had a different mother. Their hair however was blond as had been their mother's. The only exception was Tiberius, the twin brother of Livia. His hair was the color of black charcoal like Viviane's curls and he was the only one who had inherited the grey of her eyes.

Helen leaned back in the chair, trying to make herself feel comfortable.

"It's a nice day, isn't it?" Viviane said happily. Helen nodded, eyeing her step-mother. She was petite compared to her tall husband and compact. Some would say she was too curvy, but Helen thought she looked beautiful. She always had a smile on her lips and a motherly warmth was radiating from her constantly. Helen had soon grown to love her after her father had introduced Viviane to her and her brother. Although she had never called Viviane her mother she had treated her with the respect one only gave a parent. In return Viviane had loved her and Mark unconditionally, raising them like her own.

One was likely to fall in love with Viviane, Helen thought. There were only a few people who could brighten your day like Viviane did. She was a compassionate mother, one who would always look at you with all the love she had and would make you smile by giving you one of her smiles. Helen had tried to learn as much as possible from Viviane as she could throughout the years, so that one day she would be a mother as great as she was.

Helen's eyes drifted to Viviane's womb which she was stroking absent-mindedly. She was about to give birth to her fifth child soon and although she had experienced pain and sickness during her last pregnancy she almost flared up with energy now.

"Are you alright?" Andrew asked worriedly, snapping Helen out of her reverie.

"Yes, I am," she replied, nodding wildly which made her golden curls bounce. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Anything," Andrew said, smiling at his daughter encouragingly.

Helen took a deep breath and folded her hands in her lap to stop them from trembling. She wasn't afraid of telling them, not really. All her life she had been able to tell them anything and she had never kept any secrets. Her father was an open-hearted man and Viviane had always been very understanding. What scared Helen most was that she had to say the things she had thought about for months out loud which would make it seem more real to her. She had hidden from her feelings, had tried to ignore them, almost bursting under the pressure. Now she wasn't able to contain the chaos that was whirling inside her and she had to tell them. Who else would she talk to?

Helen inhaled deeply, deciding that she would just rip it off like someone might remove a Band-Aid and said, "I think I'm bisexual."

She forced herself to keep her head up and her eyes towards her parents, but a part of her just wanted to run away, to not see their reaction. Both however remained still, mutely returning Helen's gaze. Viviane had a thoughtful look on her face as if she was trying to find the right words. Andrew only smiled at his daughter.

Helen had expected a lot, but this silence was not one of those things. She glared at them impatiently. "Aren't you going to say something?"

"Is there something to say?" Andrew retorted. "We just want you to be happy."

Helen gasped like a fish on the open, unable to speak. She had expected him to say at least something. It somehow made her furious that he didn't. Maybe she should just be happy that he accepted it, but this wasn't the reason she had approached them. She had never doubted for a second that he would approve of it. He didn't like telling his children what to do, but this time Helen had wished it had been different. When she had first started feeling the things she felt when looking at a girl she had been scared, confused, even angry at herself. She wanted it to go away and there was no one else to talk to. She had hoped they would help her figuring out her feelings.

Helen shot them a glance as if to show them how badly she wanted them to say something.

"What your father was trying to say," Viviane began, realizing Helen's despair, "is that we are okay with whoever you love as long as it makes you happy. There is nothing wrong about it, Helen. If you think being with a girl is what you want then so be it. Stop wavering over something you can't change anyway."

Helen sighed, relieved that at least Viviane said something that actually helped. "I don't even know if I could love girls, but I noticed that I find them particularly attractive. There is this one girl –" Helen stopped, slightly blushing. She cleared her throat and continued, "I have been daydreaming about her for months the way I had dreamed about boys before. Is this even possible? To love both?"

Helen lowered her gaze, staring at her fingernails. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest and she felt kind of dizzy. It felt weird to finally have said the words out loud.

"Of course it is possible," Viviane said, and Helen's head tilted up. Their gaze met. "Why wouldn't it be? Love isn't a question of gender, but of character. At first we fall in love with what we see on the outside, but in the end it is the character of a person that will let us experience true love and affection."

"Viviane's right," Andrew added. He had his arm still placed around his wife's shoulder, stroking her upper arm slightly with the tips of his fingers. "You shouldn't just concentrate on what you see."

Helen shook her head vehemently. "I know this already. You taught me that, to appreciate the beauty of the inside, the one that was buried deep down in the soul. It doesn't help me now. I am confused."

She raked her hand through her curls frantically, entangling them. "What should I do? I was hoping you could help me."

"Helen, you have to figure this out on your own," Viviane said sadly, "but let me give you some advice: You're only fifteen, you got plenty of time to find your way. Go out, have fun, meet new people and date. If you don't date you will never know."

Helen looked at Viviane and all of sudden felt drained as if all her energy had vanished. "I guess you're right."

"You'll be fine," Viviane said encouragingly. "And you know that you can come to me, to us, anytime you want. We might not be able to help you with your feelings, but we'll do our best to help you with the rest."

Helen's lips curled into a weak smile and she muttered, "Thank you."

"We love you, sweetheart," Andrew said and Helen smiled a bit more. "You'll do great, I am sure of it."

Helen slowly rose of her chair. "Thanks for the talk."

Andrew waved at her dismissively. "No, please, you're welcome at any time."

Helen nodded and crossed the room. She turned around on the threshold to see her father pressing a kiss to his wife's cheek. They stared at each other happily, the look only two people who were in love would share with each other. Helen wished that one day she would find that one person who would look at her that way.

Helen turned and rushed down the hallway, eager to find some company.


"That's mine! I want it back!"

Seven year old Tiberius was sitting on the floor, his eyes filled with tears and his hands clenched into fists. He shot an angry glance at his five-year old sister Drusilla who had her arms wrapped around his favorite stuffed animal.

"I want to play with it now," Dru retorted, sticking out her tongue.

"But it's his," cried Livia, Ty's twin sister. She reached for the stuffed animal, a bee that looked already worn down, but Drusilla turned away quickly, clutching the bee even tighter to her body.

"No, he has it all the time!"

"Stop! All of you!"

All three of them whirled around as their nine-year old brother Julian leaped up his seat where he had been doodling on a piece of paper. His pen clattered to the floor and he glared at them furiously.

"Could you please stop yelling?" he hissed. He walked over to where Drusilla was sitting and her big blue-green eyes stared at him, scared. Julian bent down on his knees to be on eye-level with his sister and said carefully, "Silla, you know this is Ty's bee, don't you?"

Drusilla stared at him blankly, the grip on the animal still firm.

"She took it from him!" Livvy yelled, and Jules gestured her to be silent. She shut her mouth obediently and sank down next to Ty to comfort him.

"Dru, you can't just take his toys away from him," Jules started a new attempt. "There are enough stuffed animals in this house for all of us. Why would you wan't to take away Ty's?"

Drusilla said nothing, but her lower lip had started to tremble as if she was about to cry. Immediately Jules' expression softened. He couldn't be angry at any of his siblings. He loved them too much, but he felt especially protective over Ty. Every once in a while Jules and Ty would have a fight, because they were too different, but in the end Tiberius was his favourite brother. He loved him and he cared for him deeply. He wouldn't let anyone hurt him, not even one of his sisters.

"Do you think you can give it back to him?" Jules asked carefully. "I promise I'll get you your own."

Drusilla lowered her gaze, staring at the bee longingly. She seemed as if to consider it for a few more seconds until she stood up slowly and handed it back to Ty.

Tiberius' eyes lit up and he almost ripped the bee out of Drusilla's hand. He hugged it tightly, smiling, and he and Livia continued their game. Drusilla collapsed on one of the chairs next to the grate, pouting. Jules eyes followed her sister sadly as the door to his side flung open.

He flinched, not having expected someone to join them, and stared at his half-sister Helen incredulously.

"There you are," Helen sighed, breathing heavy as if she'd been running a marathon.

"Where else would we be?" Julian asked baffled. Helen shrugged, her gaze drifting through the room her father playfully called 'the place of destruction'. It was furnished simple, with a couch and two love seats, a coffee table, a shelf full of books and lots of toys that lay strewn all over the floor. It served as an indoor playground for Helen's younger siblings, but she had spent several hours in here as well, looking after her brothers and sisters while reading a book.

"What happened?" she asked Julian now as her eyes met Drusilla's. The little girl looked shattered, her lower lip protruding and her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"She took away Ty's bee," Julian explained. "I said I would get her a new toy."

Helen smiled. "That's nice of you."

It wasn't the first time that Julian had surprised her. He was pretty mature for his age and she admired him for his lovable, soft character. Julian was an artist. He loved to draw, and he was calm and thoughtful and Helen loved him for that. He was a fighter too. Every time she and Mark trained he begged them to take him in, to teach him how to throw knives and hold a dagger, but he was too young. Helen would then comfort him and tell him that he had to wait only a few more months. The ceremony of his first runing was set to happen right after his tenth birthday, but of course he was too impatient. Helen remembered how she had felt.

Julian eyed his sister sidelong. "Are you okay?"

Helen looked at her brother bewildered. Sometimes she forget that Jules was not only soft, but also sensitive.

"What?" she stammered. "Yes, I am fine."

"Are you sure?" Julian asked. "You look kind of...stressed."

Helen shook her head vehemently. She didn't want him to see that something was indeed bothering her. He didn't need to know about it.

"I...I just feel sorry for Dru," Helen lied and quickly crossed the room to sit down next to her sister, pulling her into her arms. Drusilla instantly relaxed, and Helen brushed a soft kiss on her head.

Again the door flung open and this time it was Helen's younger brother Mark, followed by their tutor Katerina. Helen went rigid, and Drusilla stirred at her body.

"What's going on?" Dru asked confused and followed the gaze of her sister who was staring at the newcomers. Helen tried to hush up the fact that she was blushing and that her heart was pounding wildly in her chest. She also struggled to keep her gaze from Katerina, but she couldn't. She watched the girl approach her, her long black wavy hair swinging behind her back.

Katerina stopped in front of Helen, her eyes locked on the half-faerie. As always there was a firm expression on her face. Helen swallowed against the lump in her throat. Her siblings had stopped whatever they were doing and were looking at her, eyes widened.

"Did...did something happen?" Helen stuttered, her face turning even redder. She knew that everyone would be able to see it and cursed herself for her pale half-faerie skin.

"We got a call," Katerina said dryly. Mark had positioned himself behind his tutor, barely reaching over her shoulder to look at Helen. His eyes were gleaming in excitement and he said, "There are demons in Downtown and we are going to fight them." Only now Helen noticed that both of them were wearing gear and the tip of a bow was protruding over the curve of Mark's shoulder.

"Thank you, Mark. This was supposed to be my sentence," Katerina hissed, glaring at Mark. "Anyways, I asked your father for permission to take you with me and he agreed. Go get your weapons, we have to leave immediately!"

At first Helen was to busy staring at Katerina's almond-shaped eyes, the color of the ocean on a sunny day, and it took her a few seconds to realize that she was talking to her.

"Oh, yes," she said, feeling deeply embarrassed. She pushed Drusilla slightly away from her, her little sister wrapping her hands around Helen's wrist and muttering angrily, "Do you really have to leave?"

"I'll take care of you," Jules interrupted as Helen struggled out of Drusilla's grip. Dru opened her mouth to object, but decided not to as her eyes met with Katerina's strict ones.

"We'll meet outside in five minutes," Katerina said and vanished, Mark on her heels like an obedient puppy. Helen looked back at her brother Jules one last time. He was already busy trying to find a new toy with Drusilla.

Out on the hallway Helen let out a sigh before sprinting down to the weapons room. By the time she reached it her head was spinning and she felt dizzy. She couldn't decide however if it was because she had raced through the corridors of the Institute or because she still felt embarrassed for staring at her tutor like she had.

Helen burst into the weapons room, frantically searching for a bow and arrows, as she was struggling to think straight. She couldn't find what she was looking for, and her eyes started to fill with tears of anger.

"Damn it!" Helen cursed as she cut her finger at a dagger while looking through one of the storage boxes. She dropped to the floor, sucking the blood from the tiny scratch, and felt a hot tear rolling down her cheek.
She wiped it away angrily, cursing even more. There was no way out of her misery. She had to face it. But why of all people did she have to fall for her tutor?

Helen shook her head to clear her mind and leaped up. She wouldn't hide here like a coward, she would fight. After tucking two daggers and a seraph blade into her weapons belt she left, heading downstairs, and her heart skipped a beat by the thought of Katerina awaiting her.