I heard your voice.
I came out of the woods by choice.
So hold me fast, hold me fast
because I'm a hopeless wanderer
And I will learn,
Yes, I will learn
to love the skies I'm under
(Mumford and Sons, Hopeless Wanderer)
ONE
As Daniel Boone reached the rise of the hill, he could see down into the small valley where he'd built their cabin. The lights of home always filled him with a sense of peaceful contentment. The smoke curled from the chimney into the darkness of the night sky, leaving a gray smudge against the velvety blue darkness. From the eave of the porch he could see the yellow flickering of a lamp. Rebecca kept it burning just for him, and seeing it always filled him with a sense of wonder; She's still waiting for me! He was amazed every time. The first time he'd left, he caught her standing on tiptoe to hang a lamp from the eaves. He'd laughed when she'd explained it to him.
"You thinkin' I might just wander into someone else's cabin?" He'd asked.
"I wouldn't put it past you." She grinned at him.
"Only one girl on this whole earth who can keep my feet rooted." He wrapped a long arm around her, pulling her close.
"You aren't rooted!" She said dismissively. "You are hopeless wanderer, Daniel Boone. I kept that lamp there to remind you we are waiting."
"I'll always come home to you, darlin'." He kissed her cheek.
He paused at the rise of the hill watching the flickering light of the lamp. He was glad to be back at home. He prayed that this homecoming would be nothing like his last. He shuddered at the memory of Rebecca bruised and frightened, pretending that everything was fine.
Striding forward on his long legs, he vaulted the steps and swung open the door to see her as she looked sharply up from where she sat at the table reading. Her face transformed from surprise to joy as she jumped up and into his arms.
"Daniel!"
Even as she fluttered and fussed, overjoyed to have him home again, he leaned in kissing her cheek, her neck, her shoulders, until at last his lips met hers. He felt his whole body melt; every stress, every worry fade as his heart returned to it's true home; her.
"You look beautiful!" He said to her at last. "I guess I can confess it to you now, darlin', but I missed you a mite." He smiled down into her blue eyes which were bright with happy tears.
"I missed you more than a mite!" She said kissing him again. "Are you hungry? Are you well?"
"Tired." He confessed. "And lonesome for the sound of your voice." He moved to settle into a chair beside the hearth. He stretched his arms out to her, and she settled contentedly onto his lap. "Tell me about the children."
"They are well." She said. "Although, Israel gave us a bit of a scare. He fell into the river, and was afraid I'd be angry his clothes were wet, so he hid out all day - soaking wet. He caught a cold but is better now. He had such a ragged cough for a day or two!"
"That boy is drawn to trouble like a coyote to a baby fawn!" Daniel said laughing.
"Don't I know it!" She remarked.
"And this one?" He asked rubbing a hand over her swollen belly. Is she behaving?"
"He is just fine." She smiled at him. "I've never felt so good."
"You look beautiful, but then you always do." He said his hand unpinning her long red hair.
"Daniel." She whispered, blushing.
"Ah! Still blushing like a new bride." He kissed her cheek. "You will always be my new bride."
She smiled at him, her bright blue eyes shining, and leaning forward, she kissed him. He had intended to tell her right away that he would only be home for a few weeks. He thought it would be better if they faced it right off; that he faced her right away, but he found it hard to focus on anything with her this close. She smelled wonderfully sweet and her skin was so soft and silky. He relaxed fully in her arms, feeling all his troubles, all coherent thought slip away. There was nothing in the world but her.
***DB***
He hated leaving when her time was close. He feared the baby would come early and he would miss it. But it was leave or watch the world around them dissolve into war. He kept ignoring it and avoiding any talk of leaving. He didn't want to abandon her. He put it off as long as possible until at last it was Rebecca who urged him to go.
"You should leave tomorrow." She said to him as he bent to put another log on the fire. Jemima and Israel were snuggly asleep.
"What do you mean?" He asked her, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Daniel. I am fine. I've never felt so good. And there's two months still. Go and when you get back you can see your son born."
"Daughter." He said and sighing crossed to where she stood straightening the pantry. "Rebecca, how can you expect me to just leave you?"
"You are asking that?" She grinned at him, and reaching out with gentle fingers, ran her hand over his rugged cheek.
"I just worry about you all alone." He sighed, and stepped closer to her. "You'll have to move to the fort."
"Why on earth would I do that?" She turned back to her work. He decided it would be best to take in a deep calming breath before responding. He loved Rebecca; loved her deeply, but she was headstrong - as headstrong as he was!
"You know, you are a pretty difficult woman sometimes." He stepped behind her, and put strong hands on her hips, leaning in and kissing her behind her left ear.
"Sometimes?" She turned in his arms facing him with a grin.
"Becky, there's no way I'm leaving you all alone in this cabin. I will only considering going if you and the children move inside the fort." He moved away from her and leaned his tall frame against the wall.
"And leave this cabin undefended? Who'll look after my garden? Who'll make sure our crops are fine?" She stood with one hand on her hip.
"You aren't." He said testily. "I'll send Toliver out to look after things."
"Dan . . .I'm not a helpless child . . ." She looked up into his face with wide blue eyes.
"Stop that." He said shaking his head at her. "I know what you are doing, Rebecca Anne!" He stepped closer and wrapped a long arm around her shoulder. "Darlin' I know you aren't a child. If there's anyone on this whole frontier who can manage, it is Rebecca Anne Boone, but sometimes you gotta let folks look after you - for their sake." He leaned in kissing her cheek. "If anything happened and you were here alone, I'd never . . ." He cleared his throat and continued huskily. "Please, ah grah, for my sake?"
"Alright." She relented. "But only if you promise to go and be focused on the task at hand. Don't be foolhardy and rush just to get back to me. You'll see this little one whether it is the first day or the fifth." She turned to face him resting her head against his strong shoulder.
He slid his hand over her stomach, feeling the baby inside move and kick as he did. It never ceased to fill him with wonder. He closed his eyes briefly; simultaneously content and terrified. He whispered a silent prayer deep within his heart. Let this child be strong for her - don't allow her heart to be broken again. He felt so protective of her; he could not bear watching her wade through grief again.
The first baby had died when James, their first born, was just three. It had come much too early, and she'd been numb and broken for months after. He had never felt so helpless; so useless. Then they'd had Elizabeth. She had lived three days. She had also been born early, and was so small that he could hold her in the palm of his hand. He could still remember staring down into Elizabeth's dark eyes which held his with great intensity - as if she'd known she'd only have these few days with her father.
Jemima's birth had brought them such joy. Though, she'd been small and weak, and he'd spent her first days trying to harden his heart against her - fearful that she would be gone like the others, there was something about her - a surprising strength. She had looked up into his face with bright blue, trusting eyes, and he'd felt his heart melt and recognized something hiding in that tiny girl that reminded him of Rebecca's stubbornness and impressive well of strength. Every day she'd grown stronger and stronger. She was just three when James was brutally killed, shattering Rebecca's heart completely.
He couldn't think of that time without feeling the impact of his grief; his betrayal. His beautiful son horribly killed and by a man he'd believed to be a friend. He couldn't look at Rebecca and avoid remembering the anguish in her eyes. They'd spent a year with friends, unable to care for themselves or 'Mima. He had been so consumed with rage and guilt, and Rebecca so devastated that she couldn't even rise out of bed. They'd spent a year struggling to find their way back together. His errors had cost her so much and he carried the guilt deep in his heart. He wondered every day at her forgiveness and loving kindness toward him. He couldn't understand it.
They'd lost two babies in quick succession in the years following, and after the second one, he'd vowed to prevent her from experiencing any more pain. He could bear no more, and if he had deny himself her touch; her loving kindness - he would for her sake. He determined in his heart to keep himself away from her to protect to her; to protect her heart.
He had lasted thirteen days.
He had come in from where he had been laboring in the fields. He found her working in the garden, a smudge of dirt across her cheek, as she looked up into his face with shining eyes. Her smile was bright and her laughter like music. She'd thrown some weeds at him, teasing and then when he'd turned toward her, she'd run, laughing all the way. He had chased her into a beautiful bright green meadow, catching up to her easily in quick long strides. He had grabbed hold of her, tumbling to the ground so that she had landed in his arms.
She smiled down at him, her laughter fading as she leaned up on her arms laying across his chest.
"You never kiss me any more." She'd said quietly, her eyes suddenly serious.
"I . . . 'Becca . . . I." He had found himself incapable of words.
"I'm not as young as I once was." She had said with a sigh. "Maybe you've grown tired of me."
"Never!" He had been surprised by the strength of his reply. It had been so long since he'd been this close to her. He'd been keeping himself away - finding that even a touch of her hand was dangerous.
"There's someone else then?" The anxious sound in her voice, shattered him; shattered his resolve. He hadn't thought about what his refusal to touch her would have communicated to her. He burned with shame, understanding that his attempt to protect her had hurt her.
"Ta mo chroi istigh ionat." His voice was thick with emotion. He reached out tucking a wild strand of hair behind her ear, and brushed his fingers along the soft curve of her chin.
"It's alright, Dan." She sighed. "You don't have to . . ." But she'd never finished the sentence as he silenced her with his kisses.
And then Israel had been born just nine months later. He was small and sickly, but was joyous - always a bright smile. Nothing seemed to stop the boy from smiling. Sick as he was; small as he was - he would smile and coo, and cling so tightly to his father's finger that Daniel finally became confident that this boy would survive.
And so, it was hard to leave her when she was so far along. He worried about what would happen while she was beyond his reach. He worried what would happen to her, if something happened. She never spoke of the babies. She would cry silently, and then wiping her tears away, rise and somehow manage to pick up the pieces of her broken heart and continue on. He was amazed by her; by her seemingly endless strength. He was amazed by her loyalty to him; to this difficult life he had handed her.
***DB***
He stood on their front porch in the early dawn holding tightly to her hands, not wanting to go.
"Grace and Matt are coming to help you move to the fort. Wait for them, 'Becca. Don't try and pack up by yourself."
"Stop fussing, Dan. I'm fine. This baby is fine." She reached up wrapping her arms around him. She leaned against his shoulder. "Who ever thought there would come a day when you'd be begging to stay and I'd be telling you to go?"
"I never want to be away from you, Rebecca." He had said seriously. "You know that, mo chroi."
"I do." She stood on tiptoe, kissing him, her swollen belly between them; their child kicked and turned as he returned her kiss.
"Someone's jealous." He said with a laugh, and then holding her face in his hands he had rested his forehead against hers.
"May the Lord bless thee and keep thee. May his countenance shine upon thee. May He be gracious unto thee and grant thee peace." He whispered softly and then gently kissed her forehead in benediction.
"Be careful." Her voice was weak with emotion, stunned by his gentleness; Surprised that even after all these years he could still overwhelm her with his goodness. "Ta mo chroi istigh ionat."
"Ta mo chroi istigh ionat." He repeated back to her, and after kissing her one more time he turned and walked away from her saying, "Go deo, 'Becca. Mo chroi, go deo."
