My heart raced as I crawled out of the window of my basement. I ran away last time but I regret it, I am going to show him I earned that bracelet, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make people stop thinking I am a good girl, they don't have to be scared to break me, shut me down.

I walked slowly to the park. What if Jay rejects me? I'll find a way to make him accept me. So far, he's the only one who knows me, the me that isn't broken up. I trust him.

I walked towards Jay, my legs a tad weak of the thought of what I am about to do. Jay sighed as I approached him.

"You already had the tour" He answered me before I could say anything.

"Show me again" I said faking my confidence, he turned towards me waiting for what I had to say next "Show me again, for real"

"After you?" I walked towards the van. Goodbye virtue. I walked in and Jay was right behind me.

He kissed my lips and this time instead of turning away, I kissed him back meaning it. I pushed him down onto the floor of the van and went down to his belt; I undid it and ripped it off, throwing it to the side.

"You really mean it this time don't you?" Jay said surprised but still, over confident like he knew he was 'irresistible' or something. No he was just my ticket into getting people to finally respect me.

"I mean it more then you may know" I smirked up at him. With that I pulled off his pants and Jay kissed my mouth a few more times. I took off his shirt but was stopped.

"I thought I was going to get a blow job?" Jay questioned.

"Oh you will, that and more" I smiled seductively.

Jay lay back down and we kissed briefly for a few more seconds. I pulled off his shirt and he got on top of me and pulled my skirt down and my shirt off. I practically ripped off his boxers. I tried staying calm but I have never seen one of 'those'! I quickly put back my seductive act and went back to what we were doing. I went down on him swiftly and he ooed and awed at whatever I was doing. I guess I was doing something right. Then something went in my mouth and it tasted like something I have never tasted! What the heck? Am I bleeding? So I swallowed it and continued on. He grinned. I did something right I suppose. Jay was a tad bit hasty as he pushed me down and pulled down my undies. Shit I wore granny panties he then unhooked my bra. I'm nude-- ohemgee! This is freaky. Jay touched me where people aren't supposed to be touched without permission but screw it, it felt sort of good and it was 'spur of the moment' right?

"You want to go all the way?" Jay asked and I simply nodded. Bye virginity.

"Okay then" Jay shook off his state of shock and plunged into me. It hurt like a fucker. I screamed at least 10 minutes till it finally started feeling OK. Something warm was oozing between my legs. The heck? Is that me or him? Oh shit is he wearing a condom? Oh I bet he is. Guys like him always are supposed to carry that stuff aren't they?

Jay went faster and faster, he was panting. Gosh and I was just laying here screaming in pain. So this is how I was made.

A knock came to the van.

"Hey hurry up in there!"

Thank god I literally died. I thought this was supposed to feel good. It didn't and it hurt. It wasn't all that loving but I agreed to this 'one night stand', well it isn't a one night stand cause I'll see him at school on Monday. I pulled my clothes on quickly and threw Jay his. I think I may have made the best mistake of my life.

Jay got dressed and grabbed my hand.

"Every player gets a prize, but you deserve a trophy for what you did Em" He raised his eye brows while looking down and pulling out multi colored bracelets.

"Yellow for hugging, pink for hickey, orange for kissing, purple for open mouth, green for eating it, clear for letting me do whatever, blue for blow job, black means you lost your virginity and will have sex, glittery green for 69, glittery clear for feeling up, and glittery red for condom less sex" He said almost proudly.

"CONDOMLESS?" I over exaggerated "I could get pregnant Jay! How could you?"

"I thought you were on the pill because you let me do this! Gee what happened to the safe Emma Nelson?"

"Just get me home Jay" I said sadly. I can't be a mom. I know my mom will support me but why me? I am green peace, having premarital and unsafe sex is like higher on my black list then…boiling puppies.

We got in the car quietly. I touched the bracelets on my arm. I have more bracelets then Amy, wow guess I am the sluttiest girl at Degrassi, and I'm carrying my mom's line by possibly getting pregnant so young. He drove me home and we just sat in front of the house in the car not speaking and staring at the road ahead. Finally Jay said something.

"I'm sorry for being such an idiot. I shouldn't have pressured you into this and I should have asked if you were on the pill. I'll help you through this, you know, if you are…pregnant" The way he said pregnant made my head spin and really think about me, being a mother, with Jay being a father.

"…You know it's ok Jay, it was a mutual agreement and I probably shouldn't have come down here…I'm out of my place"

"I'll pick you up one of those birth control test tuber things, if you want" Jay said. Test tuber things. I smiled lightly but I didn't mean it.

"Sure just sneak in my back window, I live in the basement"

I crawled out of the car and went towards my basement room. Tonight was very, scary. I am not very vitreous anymore.