Drabble #29: Sense

Summary: Nothing made sense anymore

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the plot. Characters and places belong to SquareEnix


Nothing really made sense as he lay in bed, staring at the cracked ceiling as if it would give him the answers he needed. All he could replay in his mind was the way the flower girl had smiled at him, as if she had expected for him would turn up. As if she had taken comfort in his presense, thinking that now that her bodyguard was here, she would be safe.

Well, she was wrong for believing that. He was wrong for believing that he could have reached her in time and all his friends were wrong when they said it wasn't his fault. It was his fault! Nobody had been sensible about Aeris' disappearance and now, they were not being sensible about her death. What did he have to do in order for everything to become clear?

"Cloud?"

The leader turned his head to meet the glowing eyes of Nanaki, who was lying on the floor just a few inches away from him. He wasn't surprised to find someone else up, the shock of what had happened earlier, the images of Sephiroth's blade cutting through her and how she sank from Cloud's arms into the pure, crystal waters of the Forgotten City lake were fresh in their minds, preventing sleep for fear of nightmares.

"Are you coping okay?" the firewolf and Cloud was just thankful he had added 'coping' to the question otherwise it would have been a really stupid question. He shrugged, knowing Nanaki would catch it with his keen eyes.

"It doesn't make sense," he sighed, covering his eyes with his hands. "I keep on seeing her last moments replaying over and over in my mind and I still can't understand why it happened, how it could have happened!"

"Sometimes the most understandable things never make sense at first," the firewolf muttered softly.

"Understandable? Aeris' death is understandable to you?" Cloud cried, forgetting that the rest of the group were sharing the room too. However, they didn't seem affected by his outburst and Nanaki continued.

"I know that you're angry. I know…how you felt about her," he explained delicately. Cloud remained silent, looking at his hands as a fresh feeling of guilt flowed through his body. Nanaki tilted his head to the side in sympathy, even though Cloud couldn't see it.

"It had to happen Cloud, do not make her sacrifice in vain by blaming yourself. If you need someone or something to blame, use Sephiroth for he held the knife. Or it would be even better to blame the Planet since it called upon her to fulfil her Cetra duty. There is nothing you could have done," he whispered.

Cloud sighed and turned on to his side, not wanting to think about Nanaki's words. If he thought about them, he would see that they made sense but he couldn't help but feel guilty, couldn't help but feel he could have, should have done something. The whole day had just flashed past him, leaving him confused, shocked, and above all, with a horrible numb feeling in his heart. Aeris had been the one who had opened him up, showed him it was okay to show emotion and that it wasn't weakness. She had made him see sense in the Planet and the way it worked. Without her, how was he supposed to cope? He just could not make sense of it all and he guessed that he never would.