More super one sided amazingskies, I don't think these things about Charlie I think he is amazing and deserves the world. He just happens to be a great muse for writing sad stories.

I laughed at his dumb joke watching his hair fall slightly in his eyes, he was smiling doing that silly thing he does with his tongue. Then I felt the air shift he was starting to lean towards, I held my breath as our lips began to meet.

I woke up suddenly a little disoriented, it took me a minute for me to even realize were I was. I was in my bed with the lights still on, I was still wearing the clothes from the day before. I hadn't meant to fall asleep when I did. I could feel a familiar ache feel my chest.

It wasn't fair after all this time I still dreamed about Phil, it been about a year since he had moved to live with Dan and I wasn't coping well. It might have started to get better but every time I'd start to get over him he'd call and ask how I was and I fall right back to where I was.

It didn't help that I almost purposely sought this pain, I couldn't help it the temptation to watch videos of the two them together was impossible to ignore. I felt the jealousy bubbling along with the pain as I watched them together this whole situation just wasn't fair.

But you deserve it came a voice creeping up from the back of my head. I desperately tried to push the thoughts of was but they were coming faster now. Phil doesn't love you Charlie because you don't deserve it . He could never love you look at you you're disgusting and fat. He hates and finds you annoying and you just keep hanging around.

I felt tears falling down my face as I reached for a blade, my arm was covered in half healed cuts, I had been trying to stop. Do it, no one would care and you deserve it. I pulled the blade across my skin, the sound of my skin ripping open hit my ears. It wasn't enough though it was as if it didn't hurt at all. Do you think he could ever love you even if Dan wasn't around he still wouldn't love you. I brought down the blade again and again.

Finally the voice stopped and I put down the blade and looked down at my arm it was covered in blood. I went to clean it off a bit, but as soon as the towel touched the cuts it was like all the pain hit me at once. I bit my lip and continued to clean my cuts, after I wrapped them up I changed clothes and turned the lights off. I switched my laptop from Dan and Phil to music and closed my eyes hoping to fall asleep and deal with life later.