hey people!

Your favourite snooping gossip is back, after an 18 year hiatus. Unfortunately for you, I'm not the original. Fortunately for you, I'm their daughter, and just as fabulous.

Welcome to New York's Upper East Side, where Cristal flows like rivers and M.A.C lip gloss flows like Cristal. We all live in huge apartments, which we like to share, and Barney's is our home-away-from-home. Our apartments are a stone's throw away from our single-sex private schools, like Constance Billard and St. Jude's. But at the end of the day we hit the city and anything is possible.

Some come along with me. It's going to be a bumpy ride for everyone (except from me), and you know where all the gossip is.

sightings

A and her brother D buying a silver baby's bracelet in Barney's. L and his mother S drinking cappuccinos at the 3 Guys Coffee Shop. Our old friend N sailing back to Manhattan on the Cornelia. D and J catching up over some instant coffee. Yummy.

you know you love me,

gossip girl

they're at it again!

"Get off, Kitty." Audrey Archibald shouted at the cat. "It's my best cashmere sweater and you're going to get fur all over it." She tugged the ivory sweater out from underneath the startled cat and shrugged it on, making her way to the dining room. Audrey was proud of her bedroom, the result of hours spent at department stores with her mom, Blair. She had a huge double bed with a light pink duvet, and dark grey curtains. Three of her walls were baby pink and the fourth matched the carpet, dark grey. Pink was her favourite colour, but not magenta – that was nasty, and her mom had suggested grey to go with it. At first Audrey thought that sounded hideous, but it turned out to be stunning – elegant and mature, but still cute.

Audrey knew from that moment on that her mother was always right. Her idol was Audrey Hepburn, her namesake; but even more than she respected the legendary actress did she respect and love her mother.

She entered the dining room and sat at the spacious table, as her brother Dominic passed her a plate of hot buttered toast. "There's cat hair on your jumper."

"Get lost." Audrey scowled at her twin and took a bite of toast.

Dominic ran a hand through his golden hair and sighed. "Now Mom's changed the colour scheme for the party tonight, does that mean you're going to be shopping for a new dress?"

"Of course!" Audrey rolled her eyes. "And you have to buy a new matching shirt."

"Yes, you do." Their mother Blair breezed into the room, wearing a white Marc Jacobs sheath dress and chocolate-brown manolos, her chestnut locks cascading down her shoulders. She picked up the baby and plonked her into her high chair. Ever since the incident with her husband, Blair had actually insisted on feeding Bryony herself. "I'm going to Barney's with Serena today, so you can come along then, if you want."

Audrey shook her head. "We were going to go after school with Luke."

"Okay, sure." Said Blair. "Take my AmEx." She rustled into her brown Fendi bag and produced a shiny black card, handing it to her daughter.

Audrey put the card into her tote. "Oh yeah, Mom. Dad called for you."

Blair froze, then shook her head. "You'd better go to school or you'll be late." She turned on her heels sharply and left the room.

Audrey and her brother exchanged looks. Their mother had taken the whole thing extremely badly, but why couldn't she even talk to their father?

Dom picked up his bag. "We'd better go."

His sister nodded her head and slung her tote onto her shoulder. After kissing her baby sister Bryony on the forehead, she followed Dom and left for school.

gay is hereditary

Mark Humphries was actually contemplating calling Elliot when his friend arrived at the school gate, with two cups of black coffee in his hand.

Mark took one and wrapped his hands around the hot Styrofoam, letting it warm him on this chilly February day. "Try not to be late, dude. I needed my coffee."

"I wasn't late!" Elliot Taylor defended himself, "You were just early."

"My sister was talking about some goddamn party tonight. So I just left early."

"Oooooh! The one with your girlfriend?!" taunted Elliot.

Mark elbowed his friend in the ribs and laughed. "She doesn't know I exist."

Elliot gave a wicked smile. "Someone has a crush on their sister's best friend!"

"Stella and Audrey are not best friends."

They reached their Creative Writing class and threw their empty coffee cups in the trash. Elliot took his seat on the desk in front of Mark, and took out a notebook. He started scribbling something down, then tore the paper off and passed it to Mark.

r u going 2 the party?

Mark wrote a reply in his big handwriting, and passed the note back to his friend.

y would i?

Elliot shook his head and replied.

bcause ur family and their family are gd friends.

Mark shrugged his shoulders as their teacher, Mr. Gild, entered the room. Mr. Gild had short sandy-silver hair and sideburns, and wore patches on his elbows. Nobody had worn patches on their elbows, even professors, since like, 2020.

"Everyone turn to face their writing partners." The monotone voice of Gild instructed. "I want one A4 page of writing, comparing your partner's personality to their physical appearance. Include similes, metaphors, and plenty of hyperbole, please. You have half an hour."

Compare their personality to their appearance? What the hell? Mark turned to his partner, Luke. Luke and Mark didn't really talk, apart from this class, so he didn't know much about his personality.

Luke's white blond hair and deep blue eyes, like the sea in summer,

Mark felt like he was writing the guy a love letter. He scratched out the offending sentence and started again.

Luke has blond hair and blue eyes, like the sand and sea in summer – like his face is a mirror, reflecting the memories of his childhood…

At least he didn't sound gay anymore. He glanced at the clock. He had taken 5 minutes to churn that out. Too bad it wasn't the full half hour. Mark didn't even know the guy – with the amount of money his super-famous mother possessed, he probebly spent most of his time sipping martinis poolside while barely-clothed women brought him canapés.

Resentful, much?

With a resigned sigh, he bent back over his page and tried to finish his description.

retail therapy cures all

Blair gave Bryony her last caramel and chocolate-chip biscotti and watched as her daughter ate it. Her small, pudgy hands gripped the biscuit and she nibbled it with two tiny front teeth. When she caught Blair looking she gave a huge, gummy smile and flapped one hand. "'Nother!" she giggled, through a little mouthful of biscotti.

"No more." Blair picked the toddler up out of her chair and slipped on her tiny Gucci booties. After she had left her husband, Nate, Blair had started doing more with her baby, including feeding, burping and even changing her nappy. Even though at times it was, quite frankly, gross, she realised how much of her babies' lives she had missed while the nanny bonded with them. She wished she had spent more time with Audrey and Dominic, although she had looked after them better than most mothers around here; she had got pretty good at it since looking after her sister Yale when she was a baby.

As she picked up her Fendi handbag, her phone rang. Knowing who it was, she answered it.

"Blair!" Her husband's voice came through the speakers.

"What do you want, Nate." Blair asked, tired of him grovelling, when he was so hard to refuse.

Then don't!

"Blair, I'm sorry I didn't pay you more attention whe-"

"Pay me more attention?" shouted Blair. "You spent months on that boat, ignoring my calls and practically abandoning our children, when you were phoning Serena every day!"

"You would always be so sad and angry when I want sailing for a while. I thought if I put off talking to you, it would be okay. I miss you. And I miss the kids." said Nate.

Blair sighed. "Now you realise what you took for granted." She ended the call and stuffed her phone back in her bag. She took Bryony's little hand in her own and got in her BMW. Shopping made everything better. Especially shopping for her twin's birthday party. And she could always buy Bryony a new dress.

giving me a hard job

Why is it that on my first day of the job, everyone's behaving? I can only hope it's because they're saving their all of their sleaze for some crazy shenanigans tomorrow. On another note, you sent me lots of e-mail, mostly about how fabulous I am and how much this blog rocks. I have just enough time to answer some before I leave for Warren Tricomi for extensions and honey-highlights.

your e-mail

Q: Dear GG,

I'm in M's class at St Jude's, and I heard him saying to his friend that he was gay for L.

-stjudedude

A: Hey stjudedude,

Nice to have guys joining my gossip scene! And – that's the beauty of gossip; anything can happen. And that's why I like to share it. To make everyone happy.

-GG

Q: Hi GG,

Do you think that if you see someone buying something at Barney's, that it's wrong to buy it? Because she looked so gooood in that dress, I kinda wanna imitate that.

-parrotgirl

A: Hi parrotgirl,

It's not wrong to buy it because someone else did, it's wrong to wear it at the same party as them. Unless you look better in it – then go ahead and flaunt that!

-GG

Sightings

B and S, with baby B in Barney's, checking out the skimpy Gucci dresses. Just as well for everyone's eyes they don't look 40… N getting out of a cab outside his/ex- house. A buying an ivory silk Prada dress, ivory Jimmy Choo stilettos and a men's ivory shirt. D and L following A as she storms through Barney's like a tornado.

You know you love me,

gossip girl

happy valentine's day everyone!

"Mom, I'm home!" Jennifer's daughter Elizabeth called as she opened the front door. Jenny got up from her easel to greet her.

Lizzy wore her Constance Billard school uniform and cute black ballet pumps. Her straightened brown hair was up in a ponytail, and it swept down her back. Jenny got quite lonely around the house without her fourteen-year-old daughter to keep her company.

"What are you working on?" Lizzy asked. She wandered over to the easel.

"This week's is a Valentine's day themed issue. But of course, Auntie Vanessa wouldn't do the soppy Be Mine stuff, so it's an… alternative view on Valentine's day." Jenny replied.

Lizzy sat on the stool to get a look at the half-finished painting. "Is it… a bin or something?"

Jenny nodded, pointing out various bits on the canvas. "This painting is basically a Valentine's card in the bin. There's the card."

"So, like, being rejected and lonely and stuff? Auntie Vanessa will love it."

Jenny got up and peeled her daughter a banana and made them both cups of coffee. "What have you been doing today?" she asked.

Lizzy took a bite from the banana and looked wistfully into the distance, which Jenny recognised to be her I-have-something-to-tell-you-and-I-want-to-find-the-best-way-to-say-it face. "I was walking back from school and I saw Luke van der Woodsen again. He's so gorgeous."

Jenny frowned. Yes, it was obvious she would fall in love with Luke – the son of a beautiful model and the guy lucky enough to have her for one night. The kid had Serena van der Woodsen's white blonde hair, and dark blue eyes. Jenny and Serena had been friends, estranged after she left Constance Billard, and then reunited again years on. Then they had lost contact again, after the actress-cum-model jetted off for some photo shoot somewhere. Despite her goddess-like beauty and infamous reputation, she was one of the nicest people Jenny had ever met.

"Once, I went out with that kind of boy. It… can never end well." said Jenny.

Lizzy just giggled at her mother, beaming. "You're so cute. He doesn't even know I exist, Mom. Don't worry – I'm not going out with him!" She went upstairs to get changed, leaving Jenny to her thoughts.

Jenny had gone out with a beautiful boy before, far more beautiful than she ever thought she could have. His name was Nate Archibald – a waspoid from St Jude's. For quite a while Jenny thought she was in love. Christmas rolled around and they bought each other presents at the expensive department store, Barney's; Nate took her to see the Nutcracker, and they had a lot of fun. Then one day a video got out of the two… in a compromising position, and then Nate just left her – albeit for the love of his life, Blair Waldorf. They ended up getting married, just as Blair wanted – Jenny knew because Dan and Vanessa were invited to their wedding.

The likely outcome would be that Luke van der Woodsen never even meets Lizzy. Even if they met they probebly wouldn't go out, but that had been her and Nate a long, long time ago.

s's very own mama's boy

After an hour of following Audrey around the huge department store, Luke was finally home. As he opened the apartment door, he called for his mother. "I'm in my bedroom!" Was the reply.

Luke dumped his schoolbag on the living room floor and found his mother, combing her blonde hair in the vanity mirror. It was nigh on impossible to overlook his mother's beauty – even after nearly sixteen years of knowing her, he still thought "she is the most beautiful person ever" when he saw her.

"Hey Luke. How was school?" Serena asked.

Luke ran a hand through his matching blond hair. "S'alright. Shopping with Audrey was boring."

Serena laughed. "I can imagine." She put down her brush on the dressing table and straightened the end of her green silk dress. "Go get changed – we'll get a sundae."

Luke smiled and went into his room to get changed. He was a complete mama's boy. He loved spending time with Serena; usually she was busy modelling or acting or something, but when she wasn't working she made lots of time for her son. Lately Serena had been in a blockbuster movie, a modern remake of Casablanca. Of course she had the starring role – and she had only just flew back from Europe, no bit less beautiful or loving than she left.

Luke pulled on a pair of trousers, and a shirt. He didn't know what designer they were, only that they were. His mom did most of his clothes shopping for him. To be honest, he'd be just as happy to go into some retail store or supermarket and buy his shirts.

Of course, he'd still be the most beautiful boy in St Jude's, if not New York.

Luke and his mother got into her Porsche convertible and drove to their favourite sundae bar. It was a routine of theirs, that if either of them had anything important to say they'd do it over a sundae. Of course, sometimes they just did it for fun.

Living in Manhattan was simultaneously crazy, exciting and scary. He'd lived here his entire life, rarely venturing out, apart from holidays.

They pulled up at Sunday's and entered the pastel striped shop. The menu here was endless – you could have ice cream in hundreds of flavours, loads of fruits, an infinite array of sauces and practically any topping you could think of.

After ordering they took a seat at a little table and their sundaes arrived. Luke had a honeycomb and clotted cream banana split with whipped cream, hot fudge sauce, morello cherries, chocolate dust and marbled chocolate shavings. His mom ordered pineapple and passion-fruit ice cream with mango sorbet, extra whipped cream, and white chocolate curls. Halfway through they switched bowls.

"How did the movie go?" Luke asked his mother.

Serena thought about it. "It was good. If you ask me-" she lowered her voice to a whisper and leaned towards him. "The director wasn't very good." She sat back straight again and dug into another spoonful of Luke's banana split.

"I'm sure you were great anyway." Luke laughed.

A woman dragged her date over to their table and asked for an autograph. Serena signed the woman's shirt sleeve with her loopy signature.

She turned back to Luke. "So… do you know what you want to do in the future?"

Luke hesitated. This was abrupt! "Um… no, I- I don't know."

His mother smiled at him. Not her million-dollar paparazzi smile, but the smile that was completely reserved for her son. And she didn't flash it too much anymore.

"Is something wrong mom?"

Serena put her spoon down and wiped a bit of ice cream from her mouth. "Nah, I'm okay. I just missed you when I was in Europe. I wish I could take you with me."

"I wish I could come with you too. But I have school."

Serena nodded. "One day you won't, and then you can come and see me when I'm shooting or something." She smiled at the thought.

Luke smiled with her. "You need more friends, mom. One that's not me."

"I have Blair." His mother began to list people on her fingers. "And… and Nate, kind of." She frowned, having reached two friends.

Luke cursed himself for making her sad. "I didn't mean it like that. I just thought that you wouldn't be lonely if you had more close friends."

They stood up from their table and Serena left a tip on the side. "Yeah. I'm lucky I have you. You're like… my best friend, really."

Luke put an arm around his mom. "And you're like mine. I can't help if I have the coolest mother in America."

Serena laughed. "You mean one who never grew up?"

thank god for big sisters

Stella and Mark reached their West Side apartment earlier than usual, after their father Daniel Humphries picked them up. Stella had spent the entire time blabbing to them about the party tonight. "I'm going to wear my Versace dress. It's really cool and European, with a lace hem, and it's really in fashion right now."

"How did you save up enough money for a designer dress?" Mark asked.

Stella rolled her eyes. "I've been saving. I do have a job, you know." She opened the front door. "Plus, it was on sale."

Their mother Vanessa was working on the computer, as usual. She was the editor and creator of the weekly magazine, Reveire; and was forever sorting through work sent in, and contacting guest contributers. She also had a website, , and had many of her films posted up. She was kept very busy, but very happy.

As their father made a cup of coffee, Mark, Stella and their mother read through his Valentine's Day poem for Reveire. Dan had a page of the magazine every week for his poems and articles.

I was falling, falling,

down hard for you.

A thousand glass shards

shatter and sparkle

like you. A million

ways to say 'I do'.

"That's really sweet, Dad!" Stella ran into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around his skinny waist. "It's nicer than the depressing ones you write!"

Vanessa slapped the notebook sheet into the "To Print" tray and smiled to herself.

Stella came back into the front room to talk to Mark. "Oh yeah, I forgot. What are you wearing tonight Mark?"

Mark frowned. "Um… pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt?"

Stella sighed. "For the party?"

"I'm not going. I wasn't invited."

Stella's eyes became wide and her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh! No! I forgot to tell you! You are invited."

"I don't have anything to wear. I can't come." Mark tried to get into his bedroom but was stopped by his sister.

"Come on, Mark. I have to go with someone. Please!" Stella put on her puppy-dog face, her big chocolate-brown eyes wide and sad. It worked on her little brother every time.

Mark sighed and pulled Stella into his bedroom, and swung open the closet doors. "Find me something to wear."

Stella squealed. "Okay!" She started picking hangers off the rail and lying them down on his bed. "Oh! This shirt is so cute!" she picked out the light blue Marc Jacobs three-quarter length shirt she had bought him last Christmas.

Maybe he'll actually be cute this evening?

let's get the party started!

Today is my first official party with the title 'gossip girl'. Be rest assured I'm going for it tonight. So if you see a martini-wielding hottie glaring at you tonight… be on your best behaviour!

signs that a party is getting good!

Someone has spilt a red cocktail down a white dress (it could be theirs, I'm not picky)

Someone is in the corner kissing their best friend's boyfriend/girlfriend

Someone nobody knows is busting out the moves on top of the bar

Someone is passed out in every bed in the house

Someone is passed out next to someone, in every bed in the house

Someone has been dragged kicking and screaming out of the building

The ratio of guys to girls is 3:1 or more (sorry, guys.)

I'm there.

your e-mail

Q: Dear GG,

I saw S in a sundae bar the other day – she signed my shirt sleeve! Yay!

-Admirer

A: Hola, Admirer!

It's always a buzz to get an autograph – especially a super star like S. But I guarantee if I sold my autograph it'd be a lot more expensive.

-GG

Q: Gossip Girl,

I wasn't invited to the party today, but I really wanna come. Can you get me in?

-lonely2nite

A: Hi l2n,

Sorry, but no. Besides, I don't think it's going to be a gate-crashing kind of party. I mean, everyone's parents are there…

-GG

Sightings

N with daughter B, on a lovely walk. Aah. Too bad he stopped in the park to smoke a joint. E in Bergdorf's, longingly fingering the most expensive items. V in Sheep Meadow, filming a snail being eaten by a bird. Why? And the L'École girls gawking at L as he walks past… hands off, he's mine!

Have fun at the party tonight!

You know you love me,

gossip girl

60 year old dance moves to pick up the ladies

Stella felt very European in her light bronze eyelet lace Versace minidress, with rhinestoned copper stilettos. Behind her Mark looked decidedly dashing in a cute-guy-who-never-dresses-up way.

Audrey and Dominic's party had obviously been planned by someone with style – a huge ice swan stood in the centre of the room, with small jets of water shimmering from its wings into the little stone pool beneath it.

Subtle.

The birthday twins matched adorably in ivory and black, and sat at a table at the front, flanked by their mother Blair, father Nate, sister Bryony, Aunty Yale, Eleanor Waldorf Rose, Cyrus Rose, Harold Waldorf, his boyfriend Giles, Uncle Aaron and Aunt Clara, and Captain and Mrs Archibald.

Stella took Mark's hand and made a beeline for the bar. She ordered Vodka on the rocks for herself and a rum and coke for Mark. "I wouldn't be a very good older sister if I let you drink ten Bloody Mary's in one night."

"No, but you'd be a cool one." Mark replied, scanning the room for Audrey.

Stella noticed. "Who are you looking for?" But she noticed Mark staring at the front of the room, at Audrey dancing with Luke van der Woodsen. "Aah. You like Audrey."

There was no point hiding it from his sister. "Yeah. So what?"

Stella slipped her arm through his and dragged him over. "Time for introductions!"

When they reached Audrey she was downing a glass of champagne and chatting to Luke. "Hey Audrey!" Stella called.

Mark turned bright red, and hoped that it wasn't noticeable in the dark room, as his sister introduced him to the girl he fancied.

"Nice to meet you, Mark." said Audrey. "Do you want to dance with me or something?"

Mark shuffled his feet. "I suck at dancing. Really." But Audrey had put a hand on his waist and pulled him towards some empty space. Mark started doing some old '70's disco moves to make her laugh - Audrey giggled and copied him. Everyone around them stopped talking and turned to stare at the pair of them doing the hand jive.

Stella smiled to herself.

Genuine matchmaker, eh?

thank god for big sisters part II

"It's been ages since you came down from campus." Blair told her little sister. She picked up her Cosmo and downed it in two goes.

Yale sipped at her Martini. "I know. I missed you." She wrapped her arms around Blair and snuggled into her. Her silky light gold hair tickled Blair's chin.

"I missed you too."

Yale lifted her hair to see her sister's face. "Blair… I wanted to talk to you."

Blair's eyebrows knitted. That sounded like something was up. "Are you okay, Yale?"

Yale sighed and curled a lock of Blair's chestnut hair around her finger. "It's just Drew. You know, my boyfriend. I mean, my ex-boyfriend."

Blair picked up a flute of champagne from a waiter's tray. "What happened Yalie?"

"He was cheating on me… loads. With like, five other girls. So I dumped him. Turns out he was about to propose."

Blair kissed Yale's soft hair and wrapped her arms around her sister tighter. "Bastard. Forget him. You can do five-thousand times better than him."

Yale nodded into Blair's shoulder and drank some more of her Martini. "You're right… I don't need him."

Blair vowed that if she ever met the guy that made her sister unhappy she would make him pay.

Audrey was chatting to her brother when Verity Goldstein came striding in, on five inch knee-high lace up boots, wearing highlighter-green fishnet tights with a whole at the thigh, black leather hot pants and a neon green shirt that was made up of basically a bra and fishnet sleeves.

Who invited that scumbag?

Verity strode confidently towards Luke van der Woodsen, with a glint in her eyes and an evil smile on her stiletto-red lips.

Luke looked confused as Verity put her hands on his back and kissed him, full on the mouth. The whole party hushed and watched as Luke pushed the leather-clad girl away from him.

"What the f-" Luke managed before Audrey screamed.

"-Someone get her OUT OF HERE!" She marched over to Verity and pushed her away from Luke, as two bouncers pulled her away and out of the party.

Gradually the party-goers resumed their mumbling, all about that neon-wearing bitch with the ridiculously high heels.

Audrey stormed into the bathroom, and her mother ran after her.

She splashed cold water on her face and looked into the mirror. Her black eye-liner was running down her cheeks and tears were caught in her eyes. Why had she reacted in that way? It wasn't like Luke van der Woodsen was her boyfriend.

Or was that what she really thought of him?

A few minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom, having fixed her makeup. She strode confidently over to Luke, who was waiting outside for her.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

Audrey ignored him, putting her hands on either side of his head and went to kiss him.

Their lips were millimetres away from each other when they both pulled back, faces twisted with the realisation of what they had almost just done.

Luke put his hands in his pockets and sat down on the met steps. "Um. I didn't know you thought about me like that."

Audrey sat down next to him. "I… don't think I do. I mean, I don't know. Why else would I get all defensive when Verity Goldstein kissed you?"

"Maybe because… it was gross?"

Audrey sighed. "You're like my brother. There's something wrong with me."

Luke put his arm around her. "Nah. You're just confused."

Audrey punched him lightely on the arm. "Shut up!"

best party of the year so far

Yes, it's only February, but there were enough happenings last night to keep me writing until I passed out. Never say I don't do my best for my cats and kittens.

My last-night-highlight was seeing everyone's favourite waker-and-shaker V being… ahem, escorted out of the Met by two yummy bouncers. Talk about making an impression. Gate-crash, kiss the birthday girl's best friend and get thrown out. Say what you want about her, she knows how to make a party interesting.

your e-mail

Q: Dear GG,

I heard A was so mad about V kissing L because she is actually having his baby. It wouldn't surprise me when they're always together, probebly discussing nursery colours and nannies.

-g2grl

A: Hey g2grl,

Since it's A's 16th birthday today, I'd be surprised if she was pregnant. Then again, I've seen crazier things happen. You know where to look for updates.

-GG

Q: Yo GG,

When I heard .uk was back, I phoned my sister straight away and we both started crying. My mother used to tell me all kinds of stories about your mother, and I am kinda in awe.

-urfan

A: Hi myfan,

Aw, thank you. I know I can be just as good as my mother in unearthing secret relationships and discovering plots and stuff. A chip off the old block, I'd say…

Sightings

Female L and D kissing outside on the Met steps… ignoring his Sister A who is asking around for him. Male L hiding in the corner drinking vodka. E with her cousin, watching L from afar… Party girl's admirer M drinking Bloody Mary's with A, who's glass has been constantly refilled all night. V stumbling home smoking three cigarettes.

You know you love me,

gossip girl