The Usual Disclaimer: Don't own any character with the exception of the new ones, no profit made except for the gain of writing something I love.

The Author's Disclaimer: This story takes place after its prequel, Crossfire, and Rob Thurman's novel, Blackout. Previously I was able to keep standing plots intact to segue into Rob Thurman's next Cal Leandors novel, but there are certain plot points in this novel that are not easily explained away. I still attempted to keep most of if intact for Doubletake to continue after this story, but it is not as seamless as Crossfire. I strongly suggest reading the prequel, Crossfire, before continuing.

I hope you enjoy.

Killswitch

A Cal Leandros Fanfic

Half human Cal and his brother, Niko, know from experience how well history can repeat itself and unsurprisingly it's never the good parts. With the Auphe back on the brothers' trail, Cal slowly recalling the extra memories he'd lost months before, and a new job at their doorstep they have a heap of de ja vu breathing down their necks. Yet, it is the break in the pattern that becomes the greatest burden and the tiniest thing that could change the Leandros brothers' lives forever,

CHAPTER ONE

CAL

Less than a year ago I forgot I was a monster. Actually, I pretty much forgot everything, including who I was on a cellular level. From my name to my dinner preferences gone in one bite from a gigantic, fuzzy, black spider-demon.

I'd been stuck in a nowhere town that I'd brought myself to with no idea how or why. Without my big brother, who was the very definition of 'my keeper', and my fair-weather friend, who had been more stuck-like-glue than fair-weather as of late, I probably would have never made it back from Neverland. I was pretty sure Niko was still debating if that was a good thing. I still debated sometimes.

Because when I didn't remember who Caliban Leandros was I didn't remember that his life sucked ass. Death, dismemberment, and psychotic hell-spawn relatives those were what his life was made of. But Niko, whom looked out for me and took care of me even when I couldn't remember his name, was in trouble without Caliban Leandros and his head full of the utter opposite of sugar plum fairies. So I knew I had to give in and let the nightmares come.

Although I remembered I was a monster (or half of one at least) not long after I forgot, the rest of it didn't come so easily.

The brain could be a very peculiar thing. Very much like the token junk drawer. Whenever you dug around for something in particular it happened to be the last thing you found. And when you weren't looking for that weird pen or that wine bottle opener it just happened to pop out and remind you it was still there. Of course, why Niko and I had a wine bottle opener didn't make any sense to me. Neither of us drank wine.

I plucked it out of the junk drawer; because my mental analogy was a bit literal this time on top of being more existentially metaphoric than I was used to. Maybe it was Robin's. I turned it in my hand determining if it was expensive enough to be the puck's. Giving up, I tossed it back into the junk drawer and cringed when the clatter sent a sharp pang to my head. I realized it was another memory dropping unceremoniously into place a moment later. Like I said, one innocuous item just reminding me it was still there, resurfacing another snippet of my life I'd lost a few months ago.

I tried to play everyday off like I was fine and in one piece and for the most part I was, but every now and then it would hit me. Like the time I spilled my soda in the living room two months ago and abruptly remembered it being juice and all over a six year old me. My 'wonderful' mother had screamed at me for making a mess back then. Probably claiming I was a horrible little monster or something of the sort. And Niko had taken me out back when I started crying, turned cleaning me up into a game with the garden hose.

And sometimes I would wake up from a dream too detailed to be a dream. Something I hadn't remembered the night before. Like when I woke up one morning a few weeks ago recalling that time Delilah and I spent a wild fifteen minutes in the back office of the bar where she played bouncer. That one was in vivid Technicolor and surround sense. Made me wake up with a boner and regret breaking up with her for all of an hour. I'd already remembered what she'd done and tried to do. Attempting to murder one of the few friends I had with a gun aimed at his departing tail and threatening me and my brother as she climbed the werewolf ranks, to Alpha and beyond, could put a damper on any relationship.

This time a simple wine bottle opener brought back the memory of last Halloween. Strange, since when I lost my memory from the Nepenthe bite that was the picture Niko showed me to try and jog my brain along. I'd been frightened of the expression on my face then. Wondering who that violent looking monster was and if I wanted to become him again. My brother had needed me though, and I owed him. So I let the memories come. I honestly thought the dam had broken on the rooftop battle with Ammut, but I supposed if I didn't remember missing something, I didn't feel it missing.

But now I remembered that night. It had been warm for October in New York, the sweltering summer lingering a few months longer. Goodfellow came over to our new apartment with a bottle of wine more expensive than my entire wardrobe...eh, probably more expensive than all of my worldly possessions. He managed to find the bottle opener in one of the drawers, left behind by whoever rented the converted warehouse before us, and proceeded to pretty much polish off the bottle himself. Not that he needed any alcohol to streak naked through his lover's bar. That prompted a little shudder in me as I finally found what I was looking for in the drawer. Ah, tape how allusive you were.

I cast one last look at the bottle opener and shoved the drawer shut. I knew why I had such an awful look on my face in that picture now, because once one memory hit me the chain that continued thereafter was never very linear. It was a little like a raindrop hitting the windshield. One memory collected a related one, then another, until it zigzagged down the timeline, associating and connecting with thoughts and events I'd had through twenty-three years of life, finally settling into the web of my disused brain.

So the bottle opener connected me to the events of Halloween, had me remember Robin's 'baby Jesus' costume with horror, had me remember Nik showing me that picture when I couldn't remember my name, and had me remember how I felt that night and realize why I'd been so darkly pensive in the film. It had me remember her. Last Halloween I was missing a part of me, before I even lost my memories, which made me a very grumpy half monster. It surprised me for a moment that it took this long, but then I had obviously repressed this rain-line progression with good reason. Like the time I spent in Tumulus, which I thankfully still didn't recall.

I wondered if that was the real reason my own brother had been dosing me with Nepenthe venom. To keep the things that changed me blocked; to keep relatively content Caliban from remembering he had been both vicious crazy Caliban and happy and in love Caliban once upon a time. Before the moment I looked for the tape in the junk drawer, I didn't even know about the latter. I didn't think it possible.

Two months of my life were gone and I hadn't noticed, because I hadn't wanted to remember what it was like when the only being in the world I said 'I love you' to left me. Granted she left me because she had the peris, the Vigil, and the Auphe out for her neck. The local werewolf mafia wasn't too fond of her either, but I'd pleaded for her to stay with me. Niko and I dealt with death wishes and attempted murders all the time. If it was going to keep happening throughout my life I at least wanted to be happy with a beautiful woman that knew and understood every aspect of me by my side and, of course, I wanted her in my bed too.

With a sigh, I taped up the potato chip bag and tossed it with vigor back into the cabinet. I could feel Niko's eyes on my back, but wasn't willing to turn around and address him. Especially since he was practicing katas in his little work out studio across the apartment; interrupting him always seemed to end with me bruised and on my back. "It's nothing."

He continued to stare, ever the intuitive brother, and then I had to dodge a throwing knife that implanted into the cabinet by my ear. I clenched my jaw, turning to face him with the kitchen counter between us, along with the living room with its Goodwill couch and a few feet of his studio.

"I'm fine," I said levelly and with heavy implication that I didn't want to talk about it.

Niko and I had been through it all. A drunk abusive mother. The night that the Auphe incinerated her and our home when they came to take their little Aupheling experiment ' home'. The constant fight and race away from them when I escaped Tumulus –no, was rescued from Tumulus. Eight years of running from town to town the moment one of those pasty ass bastards showed up. On top if that we'd been through three possible ends of the world and averted all three ourselves, lost and gained friends, lost and gained enemies... Those things connected siblings more steadfastly than blood. And through all of that Niko always knew when something was just a little off in me. A little crankier than usual, a little more depressed, and a little better off.

My brother folded his arms over his chest, which he was subtly showing off with a tank; Promise must have been coming over later. His hair was pulled back in his ceremonial dark blond braid, but a little bit of fly away crowned his skull and reflected the afternoon light like a halo. Amusing. My brother, Zen master and violent tofu-activist, was not under any standards an angel. Hell, even the peris who were said to be descendants of angels were temperamental, sword-wielding assholes half the time. And I knew; one of those feathered tools was my boss and I actually kinda liked him.

"I think we should talk."

I grimaced and dropped my back to the kitchen counter. "Why?" I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to discuss my feelings about Castiella and her abrupt departure. I didn't want to talk about the new sensation in my gut that arrived with her memory and was created by her so I would feel her and know where she was at all times. Tumulus, probably, at the moment. Not that that location would surprised me. I didn't want to talk about the fact that I was in such a rut after she left that my own brother thought that erasing my memories of her was better for me. Well, I knew he was also keeping the death-avoiding horrors of our lives out of my head as well, but right now (now that I remembered her; now that I felther) Cassie was the only thing on my mind.

Niko stepped out of the graceful stance he'd been holding during my internal monologue. "How much do you actually remember, Cal?" To Niko that wasn't a nickname, that wasmy name; our Shakespeare loving bitch of a mother be damned. Big brother would never believe I was a monster, never believe I could be, despite all my sins and indiscretions.

"The majority of it," I replied defensively. Niko raised his blond eyebrows; a stark and strange difference from his olive skin. My dear brother was Romani mixed with European gadjowhile I was Romani mixed with the first evil known to Earth. I was born with shadows coursing through my blood and he had the Rom nose, poor bastard. And that the moment that nose was lifted to stare at me down the length of it. "I remember the parts that I need. And it's still coming back to me...slowly."

Niko sighed. He grabbed his work out towel from the living room couch as he proceeded toward me. He ended up leaning against the counter so it was between us, giving me a level look even as he gave me physical space. "You said you remembered everything."

"I said I was back," I countered. "Back to my usual half-Auphe, half human, all grumpy self. I never said I had all of my memories. You know, the little relapses might have something to do with my brother drugging me with spider venom in my toothpaste." Niko looked hurt, a little twitch between his eyebrows the only indication, when I wanted it to be evasive anger.

"Cal," he murmured.

"Don't start," I growled. I kicked the heel of my boot to the dishwasher behind me. "I said it so you'd get pissed off, not so you'd feel guilty. I know why you did it. I don't blame you. I probably was a treat to be around comparatively." Nik said my name again in that way that both warned me to stop my self-loathing or he'd kick my ass and pleaded for me to love him unconditionally. I certainly tried to show the second one, but the first...well, it was so easy to hate me. "Nik, I don't want to talk about this. That is my ultimate point."

"What did you remember?"

"This morning? When I was sneaking off to get a chili dog? Or just now?"

Nik frowned as he dabbed his neck free of the little sweat that accumulated from concentration. He didn't respond, but that usually meant all of the above. "So I woke up this morning with the memory of the first time I had a chili dog. You remember? I used that jar of coins you'd been collecting for us. I used our freakin' runaway fund to get a phallic slab of filler meat topped with ground beef and chili sauce on a bun. Which is why I snuck off and got that dog from the street vendor with the grizzly bear beard."

"For the record you did not sneak off," Niko informed me. Obviously, I knew this. I could never sneak off on or up on Niko Leandros. He was assassin, ninja, warrior, and big brother all rolled in to one. By blood he wasn't anything super-human, by training and form he'd become more preternatural than myself. 'I snuck off' just sounded better than 'I blatantly ignored you and walked off to get a chili dog'. The chili dog incident had also brought back a montage of times I did things that would disappoint Niko; from the mundane to the travesty, it made the chili dog taste like ass and made Nik's scowl all the more potent when I returned to his side outside of the park.

"So what was just now?" Niko went on. Ignoring my confession that I knew the money I took for the first ever chili dog was rightfully his. He was like that though. He probably would have been happy I got to taste processed beef goodness, if he wasn't always trying to shove vegetables down my throat.

"Something in the junk drawer just triggered a memory about last Halloween, that's all."

Niko stared at me for a moment, studying my expression or the way I was standing, and like every other time he hit the nail on the head without any effort. "You remembered Castiella."

"What the fuck, Nik? How the hell do you do that?"

"I thought you decided to stop asking that." I threw up my hands at his now smug look and pushed off the cabinets. "Cal. You haven't said a word about her since your blackout. Even if it was a harsh memory I thought it odd. Cal—"

I ignored him, continued into the small partitioned hallway to my room. The building was pretty much a converted warehouse. The walls didn't even reach the rafters of the ceiling. Made it so Nik had to go over Promise's if they ever wanted some serious playtime. But Promise being a pristine vampire princess and Niko a reserved, straight-laced Buddha, they managed to sleep together without sleeping together while here. It was weird.

I closed my bedroom door on Niko's approaching steps. He wouldn't enter, not without permission and not over something like this. He respected our space and my need for it right now. He would, however, probably tell Robin, who would then drag every bit of information out of me after lecturing me for forgetting his best friend of the ol' days.

Oh yes, I had been banging a creature several thousandyears older than me and it had been amazing. I dropped back onto my bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to think of anything, but the way her back arched and her wings spread wide when she was on top of me. Of course, the only way a peri would sleep with me would be if she were just as royally fucked up as I was and considering her father was from the same first evil race as mine (not the same father she assured me) we kinda battled for the most fucked title.

Damn, did I miss her. "Hey, Nik. You still have that toothpaste?" He didn't answer, but I hadn't expected him to. And he left me in my room to my thoughts for a good twenty minutes before knocking lightly on my door. "Go away, I'm busy wallowing."

He didn't adhere. He cracked the door open and flashed what looked to be a photo. I propped myself up on my elbows and glared. "Job?"

"Not really." He seemed confused and a little nerve wracked, which made me sit up. I motioned for him to hand over what I could now see was a postcard. The front claimed: "Greetings from Chicago, Illinois", which seemed even stranger since we knew no one in the Prairie State. I would have assumed it was a wrong address if Niko hadn't brought it to me. I flipped it over and scanned the back, which just brought on more confusion. No addresses, return or otherwise, which meant this had been dropped off. And it smelled like a wet dog or just dog drool, I wasn't sure. But I was pretty sure who it was from and I wasn't just because they'd signed it.

Dear Leandros brothers,
Just wanted to say hello and also figured I should inform you that I'm back to my two-legged self. Amazing right? No idea how that happened. Raff thinks it might have had something to do with Suloyak's evil mojo, but I like to think it was just because I was accepted for just who I was. Awww. Anyway, we're traveling (running) with a new pack and would love to see you if you're still alive.
We'll drop you a line if we're ever in the area.
XOXO, Catcher

He even stamped a little paw print next to the signature, the cocky werewolf. I panned my gaze up to Niko, expression probably showing my mental pain. "Catcher's...Catcher again?" Last we saw the werewolf duo, Catcher had been stuck in wolf form due to his healer cousin remaking his DNA to save him. Rafferty had finally given up on changing his kin back in Yellowstone (as well as gave up on trying to keep Catcher in the intelligent, non-primal mindset) and decided to run with him as wolf as well until their lives ended.

Apparently, fate took them in a different direction. Niko took the postcard and re-read it as if it would give us more of an explanation. "It seems so..."

"Well, good for him. Now Rafferty can get a life and Catcher can start his again. And as a plus, there's no All Wolf anymore."

Niko pursed his lips and gave me a dubious look. I knew this changed nothing. Rafferty had the ability to create the All Wolf. That was what the Kin wanted more than a golden fire hydrant and grand superiority, which they already thought they had. Delilah, my ex-fuck buddy, knew what Rafferty could do and now that she had her own pack, nothing stopped her from trying to obtain him to climb to the top of the werewolf mafia ranks. Yeah, I picked a winner there. "Well, the Kin better get ready for a road trip; it looks like the Jeftichew boys are on the move...with company it seems." I let off a short laugh. "Hey, maybe they got some mates. Rafferty wouldn't be such a dick if he's getting laid."

Niko rolled his gray eyes, actually rolled them, and turned to walk out of my room. "Promise is coming over tonight. Are you working?"

I smirked; speaking of getting laid. "I'll make myself scarce."

"If you don't want her here—" I waved Niko off and gave him a scowl for good measure. Just because I was lamenting a love lost didn't mean he had to shun his. "Did you want to talk about it?" I gave him more than a scowl. Nik sighed and left me to my grouchy pity-party. I just flopped back down onto my bed. Only now I had a few happy thoughts for Catcher and his good news. He always said he made a better 'human' than he did a wolf. And those two did a lot for us when they didn't have to. Mainly saving my ass a few dire times.

My thoughts consumed me for all of thirty minutes, then sleep took over for a few hours; amazingly my brother let me nap. Once the sun had set, Promise came over for dinner and I greeted her with a kiss to her cheek on my way out the door. If Nik wanted to tell his vampire girlfriend that I remembered what heartbreak felt like I didn't want to be there for it. She was a compassionate woman, which meant her lavender eyes would go all soft and remorseful and she would watch me like her little brother who just got dumped. I didn't want to deal with that shit.

Nik let me go, once he saw I was adequately armed. New York wasn't the safest city to begin with even if you didn't know what went bump in the night, but then when you were half of a monster that most other monsters hated or feared you had to be even more prepared. I couldn't travel anymore, not without migraines and possible heart explosion. Rafferty had plugged up that avenue in my brain to save me from one day killing my brother when I went insane from the power of ripping holes in space. Now all I had was my trusty Glock tucked under my arm. Of course, I was a damned good shot with it, so it wasn't that bad a situation.

I had company the moment I walked out the front door of the building and groaned audibly so he knew how much I hadn't wanted to see him. Undeterred, the handsome puck fell into step beside me; I supposed he knew Promise was over else he would have traipsed up the stairs to torture me in my own home. "Going to work?"

"Going to screw my boss?" I answered. It was a concept I'd gotten used to. It had almost taken me as long as it did for Robin Goodfellow to warm up to the idea of monogamy. Peris were, apparently, not fond of the free-love nature of a puck. Not that Ishiah ever tried to tie Robin down (figuratively, not literally; I wanted no knowledge of the literal going-ons between my friend and my boss). Ishiah actually made it a point to say Robin shouldn't be with him since it was against a puck's nature. Of course, that just challenged Goodfellow and he pursued the relationship with more hard-headed vigor than he did a sale at Armani. Ah, well, Robin probably didn't even shop the sales racks anywhere, so maybe that was a bad analogy.

"Niko called me," Robin confessed. He had that strange sympathetic tone that he didn't break out often. I kept walking with my hands in my pockets. Mostly to keep from drawling my gun on him. "Said you were remembering things in clips. It's not uncommon for those that survive a Nepenthe bite to retain their memories like that. Even the ones they were attempting to erase in the first place sometimes would come back. Akhenaten tried to introduce the venom into the water in Amanra so his people would forget their previous gods and worship his. It didn't go well at all and hundreds died when they ingested too much, but those that did live eventually remembered their former gods and held vile disdain for the Pharaoh."

I didn't care, but the best way to keep the faun off the topic at hand was to keep him talking. And he liked to talk. I let him attempt to regale me with histories and stories that he no doubt did have some influence on –though perhaps not as much as he implied. It gave a nice distraction from my body's sudden need to travel to where ever Cassie might be and connect with her on a much deeper level. Damn, this was just as bad as when she first claimedme. Opening a gate between our bleeding palms and mixing the power-infused essence made it so every breath she took I felt inside my veins. It was fucking awesome when having sex, let me say, but alone without her it just left a hollow void in my stomach. Made breathing hurt.

"So is it mostly inane memories?" It took me a moment to realize that was a direct question and I just grunted an affirmative. If he wanted more Goodfellow would have to ask open ended questions and even then I probably wouldn't answer. Niko and my new (older) apartment was actually a little closer to the Ninth Circle –the only peri owned bar on the preternatural side of town. Actually, it might have been the only peri bar in Manhattan, but I doubted it. We were almost there by the time Robin stopped yammering long enough to ask the question, I was hoping it would have been as I was walking in the door, but luck avoided me like the plague.

Robin sighed and cuffed me across my head and into the closest building exterior. A half a block away from the bar and hardly a location I wished to stop. Creatures in this part of town hated me, mostly because from bodachs to vodyanoi I'd killed someone they knew. In my defense it was only because they were trying to kill me. "You are possibly the most obtuse child I have ever met."

"I disagree." I gave Robin my most vicious smile. "I understand what you're trying to do, I just chose to ignore you until you go away. It's much less messy than ripping your tongue out of your face."

Goodfellow scowled and let go of my jacket as if the generic brand burned his delicate designer skin. He ran a hand through his tawny curls and sighed again. He was one of those douchebags that knew he was attractive enough to be on any Harlequin romance cover and he liked to emphasize this fact endlessly. Tall, well-muscled body, overly well-hung (damn, that memory for coming back at all), bright emerald green eyes, well trimmed and cleaned up at all times. He always got more than a passing glance and he ate it up. It'd only gotten a little better since he started dating Ishiah exclusively. Now it wasn't so much sexual harassment upon Niko and me (mostly Niko) but lamentation for all those who would never experience the pucking of their lifetime.

"I'm trying to commiserate here. Cassie was my best friend for hundreds of years. You don't think I feel just as abandoned and alone without her? And you up and forgot her just a few months after she left so I really was alone in my grief."

"I apologize for the inconvenience of my near death by spider venom." It wasn't an exaggeration. If I hadn't been half Auphe I would have forgotten how to breathe and that bite would have killed me. As it was waking up without a single memory of who I was on a beach in Nevah's Landing with giant arachnid carcasses all around me wasn't a walk in the park.

"Cal—" I cut him off by shoving him out of the way and continued down the block toward the bar. I even snarled at a skittish werewolf that caught a whiff of me as I passed. The lower ranking ones always pissed themselves around me and at the moment I need a little lift of spirits. The furry faced puppy nearly fell over himself to get away from me, loping over to his pack. It wasn't one that I ever saw in the bar and they didn't seem keen on challenging a grouchy Auphe tonight. Goodfellow, on the other hand, pursued me into the building a few steps behind.

"Caliban," he tried again and reached for my arm. I twisted away and glared death upon him. "I just want to know one thing then I'll leave you alone." He seemed genuine, which was just as rare as sympathy so I gave him the chance to continue. "Can you feel her still? Is she all right?"

I clenched my jaw, not really thinking about my current bane from the other side. Robin had known Cassie the longest. Had been best friends with her. She'd pulled him out of danger and stupid decisions more times than years I'd been alive and he didn't even know if she still had a pulse. No wonder he'd given up hope when she'd disappeared a few hundred years ago and was deemed dead.

"I can feel her," I replied. "But that's all." I didn't know where she was, I just knew the sensation was distant and distorted, which led to the assumption that she was in Tumulus. A different plane of existence was pretty distant. I couldn't tell if she was hurt or doing just fine kicking Auphe ass, but I could tell she was breathing. That seemed to be enough for Robin.

He clapped me on the shoulder and went off toward the back room of the bar, probably to find Ishiah. I went about my business as well; serving drinks, scaring the shit out of new customers, and pissing off the regulars. Why Ish let me continue working for him was beyond me, but whatever, at least the night was pretty standard. And the bar was busy on the Saturday night, which let me forget about my riled emotions and internal thoughts. Funny, I'd been wishing for that when Cassie left and four months later I forgot everything. Gave new meaning to 'careful what you wish for'.