A/N: This is an alternate version that I had in my head for my other story "An Impossible Reincarnation." This version is told from the Doctor's point of view and starts out as a sad lonely voyage. I'm gonna try to keep both going and see which I like better. Feel free to give me your input.
I am a paradox. I know that sentence is confusing but paradoxes often are. I've been many things in my life, a father, a brother, a friend, a loaner, young, old, nice, mean, grouchy, and a little too apologetic, but this if the first time I've been a woman.
Listen to me, I say it as though it just happened. Actually, I've had this face for quite some time now. Quite a bit longer than past ones, that's for sure. Unlike my past travels, I have no companions. I can't risk getting anyone involved in my travels. It's already bad enough I'm doing this on my own. Having someone else with me on this quest could cause so much damage.
Humans are always striving to live longer, but I've lived for over a thousand years and lost so much. To keep living while anyone I know and care for dies around me is greater than death. I knew another paradox before. Well several actually, but one in particular. Clara, my dear Clara. The Impossible Girl. Bound to fall through my timeline forever and all of eternity, or so it might seem. I saved her once, but she saved me more times than she'll ever know. But now it's my turn and mine alone to save myself. She was impossible and I am a paradox.
So many things in my life have been impossible paradoxes. So many different worlds and timelines I've changed but the one thing that remains the same is me. Somewhere at some point in my life, I did something wrong that allows me to exist in this form. Something I did that derailed my own timeline.
The universe was so lonely before and now it's almost maddening. I used to allow myself to bring people along with me on my journeys. It was all great fun, and they helped me see it as they saw it. With new eyes, seeing the world for the first time, like that of a child's first snow day. The joy it brought us both. But in the end I was risking their lives so I could have fun. It was all selfishness in the end, but together we saved worlds, planets, and galaxies.
Every single person I met, molded me over time. Softened me up and made me care what matters. I even fell in love once or twice, but it never lasted long. Everyone I ever care for dies in the end, while I go on. I never should have been able to go this far. At least I wasn't originally supposed to, until I met the most amazing woman in the world. River Song. She gave up the rest of her lives to save mine and then her final life to save a whole planet and ever book ever written. An amazing woman she was and still is.
None of that matters now. What really matters is that I shouldn't exist. I am the reincarnation that never should have happened. Sure hypothetically, River gave me her remaining lives which would lead one to believe that I get her reincarnations, which is sort of what happened, but something is wrong with my new form.
The most important thing to know is I'm the Doctor and I never should have existed.
