I'm so sorry. for haven't published or updated anything, and for this long AN. i went on a reading spree and once i started i couldn't stop! what inspired this story was well, i think almost all readers who have read Bleach at some point during their reading wondered if Ichigo is gay. so I went back and read Bleach, everything, and found that if you ignore all the crack pairings, AU fanfics, and non canon fillers and arcs. You'll see that in Ichigo's family's perspective they have almost every reason to believe he's gay. if not then at least question his sexual preferences. So voila! out came this random story. i guess this is a little AU since Karin and Yuzu knows of their brother's shinigami activities that means they also know about Kon. oh well, enjoy and please R&R.
"Yuzu, do you think Ichi-nii is gay?" Karin asked lying on her bed. The answer was immediate and expected.
"Oh my gosh! Why would you think that Karin-chan? Onii-chan is absolutely straight." Karin's twin Yuzu said. Not believing what she just heard.
"But he is gay. I just know it." Karin insisted.
"Then prove it."
"Well, can you prove he's not gay? All the signs are there this whole time and they all point to the facts that he swings the other way." Karin said.
"Oh really, what are the signs then?"
"Let's start with this: he's never gone out with a single girl. It's unbelievable! His love life, or lack of it, is pathetic. With his 'drop dead' looks and 'sexy aura', women should be killing each other just to have a chance to go on a date with him. He'll be old enough to vote next birthday. He can defeat captains, a butterfly man and impossible odds, yet he hasn't gone on one date in his entire life? I don't understand it. I also don't want to lose my virginity before my brother, whom is four years older than me, does. But looking at how the situation is progressing that possibility is not that low anymore." Karin threw her hands up in frustration.
"So what if he never dates Karin-chan. He still gets confessions." Yuzu argued.
"That he rejects. Face it Yuzu, Ichi-nii don't like girls. He's seventeen and a guy. You clean every inch of his room every week right?" Karin started pacing back and forth in the room, like an investigator trying to figure something out. Yuzu nodded from her side of the room.
"Did you find any lubes, dirty magazines or pornos?" Karin asked.
Yuzu's face flushed at such a question but shook her head anyway.
"No you don't. Exactly. What kind of healthy teenage boy doesn't masturbate or have some kind of curiosity towards the opposite sex. That alone makes me 90% sure he's gay."
At her brother's defense Yuzu protest. "But he does have an interest in girls. He brings girls home with him. And up to his room too. Alone."
"Yeah, but that was Tatsuki-chan. They've been best friends since elementary so she technically doesn't count." Karin countered.
"He brought home Rukia-nee."
"She has been living in Ichi-nii's closet before she lived with us. Ichi-nii during that time didn't act any nervous at all at the prospect of a girl sleeping in the same room as him. So it's safe to say Ichi-nii's doesn't have an interest in girls."
"It could be that he hasn't met the person he'll be interested in."
"What are you talking about he already met the one girl who is every guys dream." Karin shouted.
"Who?"
"Orihime-chan, who else. Her bahoobies are like wowza! cup with an exclamation point. He's around her almost every day and doesn't have any reaction at all. No flustering, no blushing, no nothing. That's absurd."
"What if he doesn't look at Orihime-chan that way." Yuzu asked.
"It's fine if he doesn't feel that way towards her emotionally. But he should have some physical reaction down there. Usually men can't control their urges. If he can look at those two melons and not respond in any way he is obviously gay."
"But what if onii-chan doesn't get attracted to big boobs?"
"Orihime just doesn't have a great figure she also has a good personality. All in all she's in a different league from the other girls. If you can find a girl well-endowed more than Orihime I'll shit bricks."
Yuzu started opening her mouth but was cut off, "close to his age."
Yuzu closed her mouth. Oh.
"No, wait. You know how he disappears all the time. He could be meeting his secret lover!" Yuzu announced after a bit of thinking.
"That's impossible Yuzu. He's always going out to train or to kill Hollows. He didn't have time before and during the war to have a lover. And after the war he's too depressed to go find a girl to cheer him up." Karin shot down the idea immediately.
"Well, that's true. Wait, then Ichi-nii has no reason for us to believe that he's not gay." Yuzu said in horror.
"Good, now that we're on the same page and settle the fact that he's gay. Let's focus on the question of whom."
"No Karin-chan. Don't jump into conclusions. What else could he be if he isn't gay or interested in girls? Let's eliminate all possibilities before accepting that he's gay." Yuzu proposed.
Angry Karin said. "What else could he be then?"
After a few minutes of brainstorming a horrible thought crossed Karin's mind. "Oh my god Yuzu you don't suppose Ichi-nii is not gay but… im- impotent." She choked out the last word as a whisper as if it was literally hurting her to say it.
A gasp from Yuzu, "you're right. What if he really does want to get turned on but can't." she cried horrified.
"Oh my gosh Yuzu, our brother is a limp dick!"
Determined suddenly Yuzu jumped off her bed and grabbed her sister's hands. "Karin-chan we cannot let this happen to our brother. No matter whatever it takes we will cure his impotentness."
Squeezing back Karin said with the same conviction, "That's right Yuzu we are his younger sisters. He looks out for us all this time. Now it's our turn to look after him…or more specifically his love life."
"You know what this mean, right?"
"Of course Yuz, as lame as it sounds from now on we are his cupids."
"Yes, or in another term, his pimps. Our mission: to hook up onii-chan with a girl so they can live happily ever after. Make lots of beautiful babies. And finally turn me into an aunt."
"We will not stop until it's done." Karin said.
"Agreed."
"To Ichigo's future!" they both said in unison, but then soon realized a problem.
Who are we gonna hook him up with?
So what do you guys think, review so i know and also say if you want this story to continue. i have most of the plot set out. all i need is suggestions on the people who Ichigo well be hooked up with. you can suggest any person and i mean anyone. the one with the most votes will be portrayed next chapter. thanks for reading and ooh, look, they changed the review thing again. why don't you try it out. :)
MERCYN
