Summary: Rose reacts poorly to Tenth's attempt to pair her off with his clone.
Shattered Bond
Loss
"I became the Bad Wolf just so you would never have to face another Dalek...and you hand me a insult like this? I love you, Doctor, but your current regeneration is apparently incapable of understanding what Ninth damned well knew...which is that I have more self respect than to settle for what you're offering: IF you call it an offer." She briefly licked her eyes to the fake Doctor with an open contempt that she made sure he would see and was satisfied with the flinch he couldn't hide. "And you, allowing your pure-blooded other-self to make a whore out of you. Why the hell would you think I'd settle for that? What are you, a part human, part Time Lord, a part DOG, a puppy...a thing? And what would that make me, I wonder? The worst part is, I can't trust you anymore, can I, Doctor? I came to you under my own power, you know." She called the power of the Wolf and swirled in a glittery whirl of gold vortex energy for a moment, disappeared and reappeared on the far end of the beach just long enough that they spotted her...and returned.
The Tenth's face was a study in understanding and upset, realization showed clearly in his eyes of just what he'd lost that had come too late to do him any good.
"The very worst part of this whole incident is that I can't and won't travel with you now. I can't even bring myself to wait for Eleventh...not now, not after this. Everything we've gone through, you threw away, everything we could have had...is gone, because I can't trust you anymore. How can I? What's the next stunt? Selling me outright? How do I take that chance? But I don't need to, do I? What remains of the Vortex within me is permanent. I can go anywhere, anywhen and cross the void at will...and somewhere out there is a universe with a decent Doctor of one or another of the previous regenerations that has enough self respect and enough care for his friends not to pull a stunt like this. Somewhere out there in a different universe is a Doctor who IS a DOCTOR and is someone that I can respect, can trust and can freely care for without being made to feel like I do right now and that Doctor is going to be someone that Bad Wolf is willing to serve." She paused, looked at him with all the pain he had made her feel and asked him, "How could you?"
The golden glow emanating from Rose had not faded, indeed it was growing far brighter than the minimal power needed to demonstrate Rose Tyler's new ability had required, until Rose was too bright to look at. When it faded, she was gone.
"What have I done?" Tenth mourned.
"Something we can't take back," Ten, Too told him. "We broke trust...we came very close to breaking Rose altogether, I think."
They both got back in the TARDIS who was angry at and disgusted with her pilot...and she wasn't sure what to make of the part-human copy of him...but there was nothing for it, she had felt the separation when the wolf child left. The void...a different part of it, but still the void, lay between them again.
Idiot. She told Tenth. She gave you everything she had and this is what you do to her?
But the Tenth Doctor wasn't listening, he sat shuddering on the pilot's seat, his face buried in his hands and tears leaked from between his fingers. The copy looked at his bowed head then at the console...and the real one didn't even notice when the copy took them out into the vortex to drift. "It's going to be a while before he's good for anything." He muttered to the TARDIS. "But, you're right...he is an idiot. I seem to have enough human in me to have a bit more in the way of common sense...and I think I know exactly why she showed off the way she did on the way out. He made her feel dirty, y'see. Made her whole time with us feel sullied and filthy about the whole thing and she just can't take that from a Doctor...she didn't deserve it. Not our Rose. So, she was trying to prove to herself that she's better than we made her feel. I just hope we didn't ruin her time with our previous self, too. She adored the Ninth one." Behind him, he heard Ten's sobs increase and knew he'd heard. Nothing hurt like harming an innocent, unless it was harming someone you loved and knew loved you.
Both Tenths loved Rose just as much as Ninth had and the Doctor would continue to love her. She wasn't ever going to be within his reach again, not if she had any say in the matter, not in this universe, but he'd brought it on himself and he knew it.
Rose landed in an area that even she could tell had some odd goings on, looked mostly like a mop-up operation. Her eyes scanned the street corners and any alleys she passed, looking for the trademark blue police box until she found it...with this much trouble going on, she figured he had to be here somewhere...and then she simply squatted beside the door, down on her haunches, to wait. As she waited, she explained to this universe's TARDIS who she was and how she had come to be here...and why. What she was, what she carried...and what she sought followed that explanation. She had been in the habit of making reports directly to her own TARDIS for months, keeping her hostess updated only seemed polite and she had no reason not to do the same with this one.
Little did she know that this one's Doctor was in the console room...and this TARDIS was relaying every word. When the displaced companion said the words, 'End Report', both of them realized that this girl was in the habit of making damned sure her Doctor was kept informed...she knew the TARDIS would pass on information.
"What the hell was he thinking?" The Fourth Doctor within asked his TARDIS. "That girl is a well trained, loyal and a valuable crew-member. She went though hell to remove a universe wide threat for love of her Doctor and for return, he pulls a stunt like that?" He reached for the door and opened it, poking his head around the frame to look at her. "Miss Tyler? I'm this universe's Fourth Doctor...would you like to come in?"
She rose to her feet and looked him over, then nodded. "I'm warning you now, I'll stay until Tenth has completed his regeneration and is stabilized ...but after my experience with the one in my home universe, I want nothing to do with that one. I am not a whore and I won't be made to feel like I should be grateful to be treated as though I were."
"That will be a very long time, Rose."
"Check my DNA, Doctor. The Bad Wolf has effected some changes...I'm no longer fully human and there is no reason to expect that I won't outlive you...naturally. On the other hand, neither am I faithless and I will not leave you...until the Tenth...and I'll come back for the Eleventh. I just wish to avoid that regeneration, not you, personally. It's just...you're unstable on Ten, pretended to care for months."
"You were quite free with details from your home universe...and that's fine. Our's will be somewhat different in any case, but I think it's my carelessness and irresponsibility in the Tenth Regeneration that you wish to avoid? After what your own put you through I can certainly understand that. But what of later, though? When my course is fully run, and I die...for eventually I actually will...what then?"
"Another universe and another Doctor...Wolf and I serve the Doctors...and all Doctors are ours, Doctor." She told him simply, with a gentle smile. "We are tied to the TARDIS' of the Doctors of any universe. Look at my center and see what you find...Bad Wolf was born of the Heart of my Ninth's TARDIS' and of my home Earth for his TARDIS was on the ground with the door open at the time." And she explained fully...more so than she had outdoors where she could be overheard, what had happened...the little swirls of green and gold fire moved up and down her body, these were the mixed energies of the vortex and life that were her signature now when she got agitated.
"Oh my..." He breathed. "The Tenth of your universe is a thoughtless moron. Life Force blended with Vortex Energy..."
"Thus, at need, I can cross the void safely...without damage to the Walls and the reapers shy from me, but when I'm in a universe that has a Doctor, I must present myself to him for him to say yea or nay to my riding along...for whatever comes."
"Yea." He told her. "Definitively, Yea. Unlike the Tenth of your home universe, I'm not a fool. Anchor yourself in the Heart and get recalibrated to the vortex of this universe, that's the first thing to do." He actually saw a line of the Energy of Time shoot from the girl's gut into the console and vanish. He could still sense it and if he focused his Time-Sight he could still see it, but it wasn't visible to the naked eye. "A companion of your experience, with your genetic alterations and your dedication is invaluable. Add to that, one that knows what regeneration is..."
"I'll get you to the Zero Room if at all possible, Doctor." She broke in, patting his shoulder in what was clearly supposed to be reassurance. He smiled at her. He would like her to calm a bit...poor girl. His elder self really had given her a rough time of it.
"That will be appreciated, Rose...another reason to be grateful you went searching for a new Doctor with sense."
"If he can't tell the difference between someone who loves him and a whore..." She bit out...and the Fourth understood just how hurt she still was. "He made me feel dirty for caring about him." She told him bitterly.
Fourth shook his head and pulled her against himself, drawing her near and administering one of his patented, power infused, genuine, healing 'Doctor' hugs. She actually shuddered in reaction when she felt it and in a moment he actually had to exert some strength because she shook so hard. One of his previous regenerations had been prone to hurting the feelings of his companions and the next one had to deal with it when he regenerated. He'd passed the trick of it to the two regenerations that followed and this girl had clearly needed it. He added a couple of other energies he knew aided healing and felt the TARDIS add her own to the mix.
Even the Third had not so greatly hurt his companions as this one had been...because hurt feelings were one thing, but is was actual harm to her mind and soul: It was unforgivable that a Doctor, any Doctor, should do this to someone without cause and Rose certainly hadn't done anything wrong.
He stood there and held the girl for a good two hours until her shivers slowed, slowed and finally stopped. At that point, her ability to support herself vanished and he found himself having to pick her up and move the conversation to the infirmary. She had never received one of these healing embraces, not this kind...not even from Ninth had she ever felt this blend for he had used something a Time Lord seldom had to call on support the damaged mental processes and emotional balance of a companion.
None of his regenerations had ever had to repair this kind of damage made by a previous Doctor and Fourth was frankly horrified. When he finally lay her down, still having the occasional tremor rock her body, released her, he brushed her hair from her eyes, his concerned pale blue eyes on her face, she smiled through her tears and nodded thanks. He continued to stroke her hair though, still gentling her. It took him a good little while before he allowed her to get up and even then he asked his timeship to set some kind of tea out in the library for them. He wanted her settled and relaxed, but he also wanted her to eat something.
"Thank you, Doctor." She told him quietly, with a wealth of relief in her voice that had nothing to do with his effort to make her feel better and everything to do with finding him to be what she considered a 'normal' Doctor...and simply meant that she trusted him not to hurt her, running an arm around his waist in a natural motion, clear affection already making itself known as she neatly transferred her love of and loyalty from the Ninth Doctor of one universe to the Fourth Doctor of another. That the transferal was so natural for her it amazed the Fourth . Not for the first time, he wondered what was wrong with his Tenth that he should so deeply wound the only person any regeneration knew of...ever...to fully embrace the Doctor, in all his many parts and do it as naturally as she breathed. The body, Rose understood, was a covering that the man would wear for a time...and change it when it grew too torn or soiled for a fresh one. She understood that like clothing sometimes influenced moods and behavior, each body would do the same for the man that wore it.
And it didn't bother her at all.
Sure, she checked his eyes to make sure everyone was there, all the shifting parts of himself that each had a turn being dominant for a season...because sometimes she might need one of the others for something specific...and she understood he could swap off personalities with their various skill sets, and bodies at need, on a temporary basis, until the need was met. Just as she knew that the Fourth was more prone to calling in assistance from the others before him or those to come after him than any regeneration.
Oh, Ninth had been full of tales of his younger selves, she'd heard all sorts of things about the Fourth . This one appeared to be in his fifties, silver haired, eyes a paler blue than she was used to seeing on Ninth, but strong bodied and she could see the Future Ninth watching her from behind his younger self's eyes, concerned and not hiding it. Again she surprised the Fourth when she greeted his future self with strong affection and real welcome. And as his past selves poked up their heads she greeted and even hugged each of them in turn...including the brusque First. She handled his grumpiness by patting his hand and cossetting him. She watched Eleventh, Twelfth and Thirteenth with polite welcome tempered with uncertainty...but the Tenth...him she turned her back to, indeed, left the room at a Doctor and Danger taught sprint and didn't see what Fourth saw, which was guilt and a tear ravaged face with visible pain in his eyes...and didn't return when Fourth called her, having shoved Tenth down and away.
Fourth was uneasy because while she did have void stuff trailing from her indicating she had indeed passed through, second hand guilt from a different Ten in another universe wouldn't have caused that reaction. He was very much of the opinion that he was indeed the Fourth regeneration of HER Doctor.
"How could you?" He hissed. "It took a two hour long, level four, field-grade, channeling embrace just to stabilize her mind, Tenth! I have no idea how long it's going be before she'll trust me now. What the hell were you thinking?" He wanted to know. "One does not harm one's companions, you ass."
"How long, for you, Rose...since he..." Fourth asked quietly when he finally located her hiding place...one of the harder to find little 'reading' gardens. She was curled up around a large pillow and just finishing a significant crying bout, from the look of it.
"Less than twenty four hours before I found your TARDIS." She answered truthfully. "Plus, however long you've had us drifting about, compared to a standard western based, early twenty-first century, Earth calendar and/or a civilian standard wall-clock...the cheap kind that needs a couple of double 'A' batteries to run, lasts six months and then dies." She answered, saw his twitching lips and gave him a somewhat sad, tongue touched grin that lit her whole tear streaked face. He smiled in return...he couldn't help it.
She shrugged. "I tell you which combination I use, once and assume you can remember what measurements I'm used to on your own."
"Good point." He murmured, moving into the tiny garden and seating himself beside her, then stretched out next to her. "Come lass, roll over. You'll want to let me hold you for a bit, then?" Was all he said and wrapped her up for another powerfully healing embrace. She shivered and accepted the offer, laying her head down on his chest over one of his hearts and just let his presence soothe her though it didn't take nearly so long this time. Once he had her calm, he let another him take over.
She's a wreck, mentally and emotionally. She needs you, Nine
And this time, there were suddenly somewhat thicker arms covered with familiar, soft black leather, and more muscular chest under her head and a slightly different, though still good scent...and the Doctor had gotten a good bit longer rather abruptly...because Ninth had borrowed the body. He was and wasn't her Ninth at the same time, she knew that...but he felt so right...so instead of just shuddering, she let go of the hurt she felt, that the Doctor...any version of the Doctor...would do such a thing to her. She knew better than to look at him, because she might not ever be able to let go if she did...but she accepted the care from him that should have been her's by right from her own Tenth.
At the very minimum, it was the kind of cossetting that any companion in pain always got from the current Doctor...leaning strongly on the level of maintaining the lesser species' mental and emotional health: She knew that, too. Coming from a Ninth...it was just better. She wrapped her arms and legs around Ninth and drifted off to a healing sleep...finally feeling safe once more.
When she woke, her mental balance was back, her emotional balance was fine and Fourth was back in charge.
"So, very much attached to my Ninth, then?"
"Mine started this whole thing. Had me from 'run', had me and held me to himself from before I took even one step at his side. And I have never, not even yesterday, looked back. I will not betray my Doctor, for love of my Nine. Whatever need you have of me, whatever I need to do, I will do. It's that simple." She told him as he got up, gave her a hand up and then led her to his kitchen by his hand on her shoulder.
"Ah. Soul-bonded to us, that's what you've done, you know. It happens, sometimes, though rarely...and it does happen that fast."
She accepted it wordlessly, shrugging acceptance.
"Well, the TARDIS says she put your room where your memories of it in her other self was. She did say it's a bit different...because you're a bit of a different person than you were two days ago."
"Yeah, well, yes. I suppose I am, really wish I wasn't, but must face facts, then, yeah? Two days ago I would've followed Ten into any kind of hell he decided to lead me into...now I'm doing good to remain sane. Makes sense."
He only nodded, because sadly enough, it did. No one could hurt you like someone you trusted unless it was someone you both trusted and loved. Across time and space, he would swear he could hear the guilty, pain and remorse-filled sobs of that temporally far off Tenth. He had not even the slightest amount of pity for him. This incident had already ensured that his own wouldn't be the idiot his counterpart was: One does not harm one's companions, particularly one that stays through a regeneration as those who can handle it were extremely rare, nor does one harm someone who has soul-bonded to you. The Fourth had found that Rose was a strong woman, she hadn't needed coddling, just support and most of that had been in the form of comforting, after the need for Channeling was over.
She'd been fine after Ninth was done, and once up and about, a shower and a change of clothing seemed to complete the cure...though her selections echoed Ninth's...making for very odd choices for a woman. Black jeans, black t-shirt and she came out holding a rather large...too large really...battered black leather jacket...and asked him to ask Ninth if she could wear it until he came. Now that was a strange request if he'd ever heard one. With one eyebrow raised, he complied and gave over the body for Ninth's pre-echo to use for a bit.
"Rose." The voice, it's northern burr soft as silk across her skin sent shivers of memory down her spine. "Bad Wolf didn't take you through the void to stay...she took you through to get to a particular point in my past...to someone able to heal the damage done to you...and brought you back." He reached for her shoulders. "Look at me, Rose Tyler...my eyes are up here, lass." He tilted her chin up. "It's me, Rose. your Ninth. This Fourth is still your Doctor."
"But...?"
"I need you stay with me, Rose. Seriously. We know now, you see, that you've soul-bonded to me...and from the first touch of my hand. As you said, since 'run'. I will not be the unstable ass that will do that to you again...and in the meantime, there are four versions of me to teach you to trust me once more...and then I'll have you. I need to fix this...it'll be fine, Rose."
"But the..."
"We're using YOUR timeline for now, not mine. It's over. Bad Wolf in your timeline wiped them out. We'll switch over to my timeline when we are past the critical date. Because now that you are a naturally generated immortal who has soul bonded to a Time Lord, we, meaning myself and you...can only use one timeline at a time...your's or mine. You've saved us all, you know. Every last one of us. Even Jack, you see. He's fine. There's not going to be any kind of an issue." Ninth assured her softly, his pride and love for her clearly heard in his voice.
"As for my jacket, Ask TARDIS for one that fits you. If you wear mine for four regenerations there won't be anything left of it for me to wear after even so much as one unless I'm the one wearing it...not with our lifestyle." He told her with a soft laugh at her rueful expression. "Fourth is used to moody teenagers, you see. You'll be fine."
"I miss the handles." She told him softly, reaching up to trace a finger along each of his 'super' ears, enjoying his laughter. "And I'm still keeping your jacket...to sleep with if nothing else."
"We'll fix this, Rose. I promise, Tenth never meant it like it made you feel, that much I can tell you." Ninth assured her. He was upset...though not at her. He didn't like the thought that he would ever be so callous...though with this much warning he supposed he wouldn't be. "He's been in tears for days. You are no slut...hell, as far as I can tell from observation, you could be utterly untouched...and he knows that too...he's made the same observations, after all. And the Ninth watched her blush, freezing when she nodded into his shoulder. He hadn't actually meant that bit.
"Never wanted anyone until you...and I didn't know how to ask." She whispered in a way that told him to keep that bit of information himself and not share it with Tenth.
He met Fourth's eyes soberly over her head by looking in a mirror. "I think...we need to wait and rebuild the trust that was shattered yesterday. My Eighth is really the best one for this. Fourth through Sixth wouldn't know how and Seventh looks a bit like a frog. Eight will romance you good and proper. We'll make it right, Rose." He told her soberly. "You'll never have cause to doubt me again, I promise."
He sighed when she only looked at him at first, then looked up at the ceiling, obviously seeking reassurance from the TARDIS. She seemed to get it and nodded at him. He would likely have to start over with her...she'd been so relieved to have found someone she thought was a different, more caring Doctor.
No, but she'll be just fine. I told her I'd kick your ass myself, if I needed to. And I'll dispose of that blasted hand myself before he gets creative with it...though the rest of it isn't going to be an issue...and no, don't ask.
Fourth gave a bark of laughter. "There, you see? With her watching for stupidity in progress, it'll have no chance of happening."
She took the jacket back to her bedroom to lay beside her pillow, then went to get one that would fit her from wardrobe room and emerged wearing another, identical one, in her size...the last bits of blonde were fading from her hair and eyebrows, showing a cobalt blue so dark it had blue highlights, a black shirt, black leather jacket, black leather chaps over black jeans...a very interesting look, topped off by an airline's captain's cap she'd had on when she arrived. It was the only actual color she had on.
"You kept the hat?"
"Got it from a friend of mine...swiped it right off his head, actually." She paused, looked up with a grin and said, "Tell Jack I've still got his hat, will you, old girl?"
"Certainly...shall I tell him the rest?"
"Sure...and when he's in reach..."
"I'll be sure to make sure he knows you want visits."
"Bring him back, Fourth could use the backup, other than just me, I mean." She told the ship.
"And Jack is..."
"Next to you, my best friend...and the biggest and most undiscriminating flirt you'll ever meet. Given the opportunity, he'll follow through...and I love him like a brother. He knew I was waiting for..." She stopped, bit her lower lip and said no more. She didn't need to. Fourth suddenly had the uncomfortable feeling she just might be a virgin...or at least close enough to it that she had no self-confidence in her own appeal. No wonder she'd come away from that incident feeling like a...just for wishing. He took her hand and let her pull him to his feet.
"Time for supper, yeah?"
"Yeah. I'll get something together if you've been for groceries lately."
"OH! And you can cook, too?"
TBC
