Greetings one and all! Readers, minions, and various government spy agencies! I am here to bring you a short story that has nothing to do with Shadows' Shadows! WOOHOO!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I make no profit from writing. As is obvious, because if I owned Harry Potter, I would totally publish all my strange little stories and make millions off of my die-hard fans.

PS: Please recognize that if you didn't get it from the summary, this story is 70% crack, 20% boredom, 5% what goes on in my mind when I'm bored, and 5% the absolute, unadulterated truth*

PPS: For those of you who can't tell due to the fact you have trouble reading through your tears of mirth, this is set during Fifth year.

PPPS: Also, I wish to add that I in no way support a Communist Revolution of the Lower Classes. And while you all chew on that little tidbit…

ON WITH THE STORY!

"Can you do that, please, Dobby?"

Harry watched with amusement as the overdressed little house elf nodded so fast his ears flapped wildly.

"Oh yes, Dobby can certainly, for the great Harry Potter Sir Dobby can definitely do what the great Harry Potter Sir asks of him, absolutely!"

The teenaged wizard and his friends managed to hold in their laughter at Dobby's enthusiasm until after he popped away. Hermione frowned disapprovingly at Harry and Ron's antics.

"Not that I don't think asking him to find somewhere to hold the meetings was a good idea, but you don't have to make fun of him like that."

Between chuckles, Ron waved a dismissing hand at Hermione.

"Oh, shove off, Hermione. The little bugger's going to be zooming around the castle looking everywhere for the great 'Harry Potter Sir', and you know he's going to be enjoying every second of it. Can't help it we find him funny."

The witch huffed, not satisfied with the answer.

"Still, when you laugh at him, it makes me feel like we're taking advantage of him. He isn't smart enough to see that you're making fun of him, Ron, and so it's rude to laugh at him."

Meanwhile, in the Room of Requirement, also known as the Come and Go Room, also known as the Grand Demon Ritual Chamber, a meeting was being held.

A very old house elf stood at the bottom of an amphitheater, filled with low benches all facing the center. Other House Elves sat patiently on said benches, watching with rapt attention as Beardy called for order.

"It be good to see you alls again. Beardy wishes to say a few words, then he shall allow Comrade Dobby to give his report."

Instantly, all motion stopped as three hundred and five eyes fixed themselves on the Elf who popped into existence next to Beardy. Beardy cleared his throat, a sound that was akin to a squeaky toy being stepped on, and continued.

"The preparations under Comrade Shanky are going to plan. As of last Sunday, we be having enough pitchforks and torches to outfit two hundred Elfs." He paused to let the clapping die down. "Also, according to Comrade Blinky, his cover is intact, and none of the students suspect him."

A hand was raised in the middle of the crowd. Beardy acknowledged the Elf.

"Yes, Comrade Tatsy?"

The Elf in question stood up so as to be seen and posed a question to the elder.

"What be we doing with the Charmy Professor that Comrade Blinky be replacing?"

Beardy nodded. This one had foresight. Perhaps she should be shuffled into the Plotting Division?

"Professor Flitwicky will be assigned to the Dungeon Crew, and will be taking re-education courses with Comrade Thinky's division. Once he be re-educated Comrade Blinky can come back for another job."

Tatsy, satisfied by this explanation, nodded once and sat back down.

Beardy exchanged words with Dobby, then stepped aside and let him take the floor. Dobby took a breath, and began his debriefing.

"Harry Potter and his friends still don't be suspecting Dobby. They be wanting to find a room to practice spells away from the Toady Professor. Dobby suggests we can let them use the Come-And-Go Room to watch what they be learning."

The room was sent into a clamor as the Elves all began to voice their opinions on Dobby's idea, on the Toady Professor, on Harry Potter and his friends, and on which Board of Governors official they should have re-educated next. This went on for thirty seconds before Beardy stood up again and silence was immediately restored.

"Thank you. Can we please has a vote on the subject of letting Harry Potter use the Come-and-Go Room?"

Hands were raised, hands were sat upon, hands were forcefully pulled out from under their owners' bottoms and pushed into the air. Eventually, a vote was taken. The majority was in favor of sharing the Come-and-Go Room. The vote was recorded, and Beardy moved to the next piece of business.

"Now, who is the liaison to Comrade Lovegood this month?"

There will be follow up stories if I feel like it. But it seemed like such a good place to leave off. And frankly, you all can imagine the rest yourselves. Until I smash those imaginings with the sledgehammer of an update.

Ta!

-Ambiguity

*Seriously. When you think about it, the whole House Elf slavery thing makes zero sense. Given the Wizarding attitude towards anything vaguely threatening their supremacy, why do they keep beings that can nullify all of their magic, pop through wards, and act wandlessly in their homes? Now, be honest. How many of you just scrolled back up to see where I put the footnote?