A look in to the emotions that bind Kikyo, Inuyasha and Kagome to each other and the desires, fears, insecurities and hopes that dwell in each of them.
Inuyasha isn't mine, if he was I'd feed him steak and rub his ears all day.
"I tell thee, minstrel, I must weep,
Or else, this heavy heart will burst;
For it hath been by sorrow nursed,
And ached in sleepless silence long;
And now 'tis doom'd to know the worst,
And break at once- or yield to song."
~Lord Byron
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One Jewel, Two Souls, Three Hearts
Always revered, forever respected. All those who crossed my path, friend or foe alike never saw past my identity as a miko. Youkai reviled me, people worshiped me, and even my sole flesh and blood kin stood in constant awe of me. I never had the chance to become a woman, my duty to guard the Shikon no Tama superseded any dreams or desires I might have had.
As soon as I had been old enough, I had been sent away from my parents to train and hone the miko powers that were inherent in me. In those long years, I learned not to cry or laugh, but to master those latent powers, to master my self. I learned to hold myself aloof from humanity, detach myself from human desires while training to protect humanity. But what is knowledge without love, wisdom without compassion. I would later find out, when all would be in vain. For my efforts, I was entrusted with the Shikon no Tama. That sparkling orb beckoned to all with promises of untold glory while condemning me to a lifetime of servitude. Where others marvelled at its beauty and power, I saw it as a millstone, keeping me endlessly circling while going nowhere.
As a miko, I learned never to let my emotions show, but they always bubbled under the surface. Simmering but never boiling over. I thought I had almost resigned myself to the life dictated for me by fate and my own karma when he came in to my life.
In all my years as a miko and protector of the Shikon no Tama, I had fought many a youkai and on occasion corrupt humans intent on possessing the Shikon Jewel. And then I met him. Neither youkai nor human, he lived on the fringes of both worlds. Perhaps that was what drew me to him. On the surface, this hanyou could not be any further from the respected miko that I was. Yet this rough and oftentimes brusque hanyou shared more with me than most people. Feared by humans, despised by youkai. This was a predicament I could understand. Both of us were forever on the outside looking in. Brought together by fate, drawn together by loneliness, bound together by karma, he became mine.
The seasons Inuyasha and I had together felt so brief and yet the endless summer days seemed to stretch golden. The sultry summer heat seemed to burn the sky and earth in to deeper, bolder colours. Or perhaps for the first time I did not view this world with miko detachment. The intensity of those days took my breath away. Unsure of what the future would bring Inuyasha and I lived for the moment. We spend as much time as we could together. Often he would accompany me to look for healing herbs, and we would picnic by the river, under the trees. Our first kiss is burned in my mind's eye. That evening the sun seemed afire, bathing all it touched in a cloak of flame. The moment our lips touched my world lost all bearing. In his arms, I became no longer a miko, but a woman. I could feel his desire for me and it had nothing to do with my powers, nor the stone in my possession. I know because his desire matched my own.
As the summer heat drifted towards autumn, our relationship became less frantic. Perhaps we thought the summer of our relationship would never end. That is not to say my passion for him dulled, but like the riotous colours of autumn, the dimensions of our relationship grew. No longer was I just content with having him by my side, I wanted to see his heart and soul. At times he let me, put down his gruff exterior and let me see his heart.
By the last winter of my life, Inuyasha and I had developed an understanding. We had reached a comfort lever with each other that did not require words to express. Inside I burned for him as much as ever. Sometimes just looking at him would be enough to cause a slow burn to alight and spread itself from the centre of my being to the tips of my toes. Outwardly I was as calm and serene as the gentle fall of snowflakes in the midwinter dusk. Part of me longer to throw off the shackles of my duty and possess my hanyou entirely, just as he had captured my heart. The miko part of me scoffed at these impulses and scored my heart for being silly. Yet my heart knew that Inuyasha wanted me as I wanted him. The struggle within me never ceased, until my life did. But for the moment I let my heart gain dominance.
I was returning from a neighbouring village about three days journey from my own. As always, Inuyasha followed from the trees. As the sun slowly sank, I found his golden gaze fixated on me. The setting sun and the twin fires that glowed in those molten jewels burned in to my retina. That night in an abandoned hut left empty by war and carnage, I forgot that I was a miko. Casting off the shackles of my duty and decorum I gave myself to him. In return he claimed me as his. As the night faded away to reveal the cold grey light of day, I looked over at my loved, his handsome face still partially shadowed, casting an ethereal beauty over him. But even in the dim light I could see those furry triangles twitch atop his head, symbols of his youkai heritage. Those two little triangles reminded me that in spite of the declarations the night before, and my elation when I felt his body inside mine, that I could not yet be his. In the eyes of the world I was a miko and he was a hanyou.
Shortly after, I returned to my village and bid Inuyasha a temporary farewell, as he would not follow me in to the village. It was during this time that I found a badly injured wild-thief, Onigumo.
As the ice thawed and spring returned so marked the beginning of the end. Unknowing to me that these would be my last days in the land of the living, I settled in to a monotonous routine. Ever few days I would go to the cave the wild-thief lay in and change his dressings. In between I would picnic with Inuyasha, or visit neighbouring villages, or fight off youkai. It was like this that Onigumo became Naraku and my inability to accept Inuyasha the way he was took any chance of happiness that I had and ended my life.
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The love triangle in the anime and the inner turmoil of the three that form the triangle are one of the most fascinating aspects of the anime. I find Inuyasha to be a much deeper character than is shown. The movies give us a better look in to the relationship between Inuyasha and Kagome and Inuyasha and Kikyo. A moment of angst inspired this. I'm not
sure how many more parts this will have, but it will have at least 3 in total. Read, enjoy (I hope) and review! (please?)
~silver bubbls
