Disclaimer:- I don't own Chihayafuru
Note: To all Readers, This is a TaichixChihaya fic. Initially it looks like it doesn't and a bit sad, but eventually as the characters mature over the years, you will see for what it is, Taichihaya. Also this is canon compliant, update to date with happenings of the manga.
"It is going to be amazing, ne Taichi" Chihaya is shaking with excitement beside him, as he is trying to do his extra assignment, which his Math teacher gave.
Taichi had been avoiding her, since his rejection last year, and she was okay with him keeping the distance until recently when Arata called her to tell that he will be moving to Tokyo immediately after graduation.
"Arata is finally going to be here with us" Chihaya spoke with dreamy eyes as she moved toward the opposite end of the classroom "We can play whenever we like"
"We can play Karuta together forever" Chihaya mumbled in a low voice more to herself than to him, Taichi could hear her from far due to his increased audio sensitivity thanks to suo-san.
"Forever" She repeated in a much lower volume, the way she voiced her thoughts made his blood boil. He turned towards her direction and he could see that her cheeks are flushed and she was lost in her own thoughts. Arata.
As the graduation is growing near, it seems that both her thoughts as well as her rambles always include Arata these days.
Taichi knew he should be happy, of course Arata is his friend too. But he couldn't though, the mere mention of his name brings only pain and frustration. And the feeling of bitterness only keeps on increasing as days go by.
Taichi closed his notebook with a thud, startling Chihaya.
"I am leaving" Taichi announced to himself.
"Wait" Chihaya shouted running into him "Let's go eat icecream before going home."
Classic Chihaya forgetting that she was thinking of something, but dived into different thing altogether. It brought a smile to Taichi's face, but also unimaginable pain.
"Let's go" He forced a smile, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
He kept his distance during graduation, they only talked briefly to his relief. And finally Arata had moved to Tokyo.
They are about to meet him in his new apartment. Chihaya is bouncing up and down, unable to contain her excitement. For Taichi, it was the opposite. He knew that things had changed between the three, ever since he found out that Arata had declared his love to Chihaya.
Their relationship is never going to be the same between them anymore. Chihaya hugged Arata, Arata trying to contain his blush looked at him in the eyes.
Arata knew it as well. It is not the same anymore. Only Chihaya seems oblivious to it.
Arata and Taichi made some small chit chat, both of them keeping their poker faces. Every time, Chihaya touched Arata, he could see her cheeks redden.
Taichi couldn't contain his darker thoughts from popping out, the intense rage and jealousy clouded his mind the whole time.
Then Chihaya and Arata played Karuta while he read the cards.
He could see it though, the intensity and passion with which they played against each other. And the look of adoration and wonder in Chihaya's eyes whenever she met Arata's eyes. It is as if, the whole world didn't exist, only two of them and he felt like an outsider. Taichi felt breathless and he felt like a dark void which is encompassed by the light they both are emanating and void kept on shrinking till it is so insignificant.
He never felt more hopeless or helpless than he felt now. He felt so insignificant and tiny compared to both of them.
Their match ended, it was a close contest, Arata barely won by 2 cards difference. He could see the hunger and desire to play again.
But Arata, the bastard he is, suggested Chihaya and him play a match. Arata pitied him, he knew it.
When he faced her, he could see the downcast eyes of Chihaya which strangely made him feel guilty. But she recovered immediately by the time the match with determination to win.
But those eyes and atmosphere was not the same, Taichi could feel the difference. He is just a nobody to her, she was not even looking at him. He realised he had no chance in love or the game compared to Arata.
She is attacking with more intensity than he had ever seen, and he knew why. She wants to play with Arata as soon as she can. He is nothing more than an obstacle to her.
Taichi lost by 20 cards, his biggest defeat to her. Taichi knew he tried his best to stop her, in the end the match up was so lopsided. For the first in his life, Taichi felt numb, when he was in her presence. He couldn't feel anything anymore.
To Chihaya's utter disappointment, Arata announced he will play Taichi.
Taichi lost by 25 cards. He couldn't even take a single card from Arata.
Strangely, it was Chihaya who said "What happened Taichi, are you not feeling well?" Chihaya looked concerned.
He took that as an excuse and told that he has a headache and left. Only when he came out of the room, could Taichi breath again, he could feel his pain, rage and frustration. He hated himself.
He didn't know how to contain those emotions, and can't stop mind wandering to their match and the way they behave around each other.
Ever since childhood, Taichi was taught that miracles don't exist and the only way to get what you want is to work towards it. But he is realising that, hard work doesn't matter at all when it comes to emotions.
He tried everything, damn it, for Chihaya to notice him. To feel something for him, even during his love confession last year, she was lost in thoughts, obviously thinking of Arata.
Arata, Arata, Fuck you Arata.
He knew what he is to her, though, he is just Taichi who was her friend when Arata is not there. But in presence of Arata, he doesn't matter anymore.
When he left Mizusawa Karuta club last year and heard that Chihaya also suffered in her own way, he thought Chihaya sees him. But now it became clear to him. She didn't miss Taichi, she missed the president of the Karuta club.
Then his thoughts went back to the time when he bullied Arata in 6th grade and remembered Chihaya's words when he told her that he won't be her friend anymore if she is friends with Arata.
"I don't care"
Even now, after 6 years, the answer is still the same. He now knows that, it will always be the same whatever he did.
He couldn't bear the pain and helpless feeling anymore.
He ran to a bar and bought himself a bottle of sake, and for the first time in his life he drank alcohol.
3 Months Later
University started, most of his friends including his, Chihaya and Arata's colleges were close by to each other(to his utter dismay).
He heard from Kana-chan that Chihaya and Arata are dating. She was concerned for him, but he dissipated or at least tried to all her concerns by making most cheerful fake face he can. He knew she didn't completely believe when he told her, it is alright and he is moving on. But since she herself is busy with her own life with college and Tsukomo-kun.
The truth is Taichi couldn't feel anything anymore, he was just going through the motions like a robot. Everything from going to college, occasionally meeting his friends, sometimes sadly Chihaya and Arata, all motions were mechanical. He spoke only when necessary, used the write words, evaded any questions regarding himself. He is disconnected from it all during the day. Even then he was okay.
But the real dread and pain came during the night when he was alone in his bed. He couldn't sleep, he is haunted by his memories of that day in Arata's house. He resorted to drinking, for the first few months it helped.
After a while, drinking also couldn't stop his pain and loneliness completely. He started going to night parties in college to be among people. That is when he had sex for the first time with a girl.
He did everything to be not alone, due to this his grades in his mid quarter exams were terrible, 2nd to last.
