As I walked into my mother and fathers house I realized how dismal my life must really be.
Not only was this my thirty second year being single, but it was the thirty second year I will have spent it with mum and dads.
Oh fuck all.
"Joanie, my darling!"
My mother trilled walking over to me gracefully in her bright pink ensemble.
My mum, a strange creature from the time when pickles on toothpicks were still the height of sophistication.
I winced as her grey hair matted against my cheek, ahh the smell of "Everlast Fairy Blast."
*Gags uncontrollably.*
Pulling back from me she frowned.
"Wha'?"
Wrinkling her nose she gathered a lock of my thin blond hair.
"Using muggle shampoo still?"
"Its cheaper mum,"
"Nothings cheap anymore, Joanie!"
She tutted throwing her arms in the air,
"But that doesn't mean paying a lot of money to look good is a bad thing."
"Right I'll keep that in mind next time I'm kicked out of my apartment because I spent all my money on hair products."
I snipped tucking my hair behind my ear.
"Hush."
She snapped, but then smiled.
Oh gods the smile...the one that practically reeked the news of her finding someone for me.
"You know the Zambini's have close connections with a recently divorced teacher from Hogwarts."
"Do they."
I yawned leaning against the door frame.
Bloody hell couldn't we go to the den and talk?
"Indeed,"
my mother grinned obviously mistaking my remark for hope.
"He had personally worked with Albus Dumbledore in the plot to take down the dark lord."
"Mmm."
Gods why were my eyes getting heavy?...oh wait...now I remember.
It was the same thing every year.
Her.
"Anyway he was divorced last summer, married to a Vela," She paused, "Very cruel race."
"So I've been told."
Mum ignored me and then gathered a hand full of my robes in her hand.
Sighing she let them drop.
"Well it's a good thing I've already got something for you picked out."
Oh dear Merlin no...
"Mum I nothin's wrong with this."
Sure I was slightly underdressed in just my robes a tee-shirt and jeans, but I didn't look terrible.
"Nonsense, you'll never get a boyfriend if you look like you wandered out of Azkaban."
"Rather be there than here.."
I mumbled picking at a loose string on my sleeve.
"Oh hush, now go up stairs and put on what I've picked out for you."
Great. I'm wearin a rug.
I thought totally mortified at my mothers choice of outfit for me.
It had golden and brown colored leaves seemingly pressed on to a dark green canvas.
Bugger me.
A couple of witches and wizards spotted me by the archway that lead into the Zambini's dinning room.
I smiled as best as I could muster, walking rather awkwardly out into the middle of the room.
"Jo' darling!"
Thank gods!
I smiled as I found the man that was calling for me...probably the only man to ever call me.
"Dad."
I smiled hugging a tall round man with thinning hair.
"I see your mums found a dress for you."
I rolled my eyes as he laughed.
"Ah well, its only for today,"
He then pulled out a small white stick from his pocket,
"Ciggy?"
"Please."
I smiled accepting it gratefully.
Sticking it in my mouth my father snapped his fingers and a flame ignited from the friction.
After lighting I took a long drag.
"Gods thats nice."
"Joanie!"
My mum said appearing out of no where and grabbing my arm.
"Mmm!"
I whined holding onto the cigarette for dear life with my lips as I was dragged across the room, eventually snatching a glass of firewhiskey off a passing house elf. My eyes grew wide as I suddenly realized what she was doing.
"Mum..no I don't-"
But the direction where she was leading me changed and we came upon a man who had his back turned to us.
Mmm, talk, dark hair, nice robes. Perhaps mum finally got it right this time.
"Ah, Severus!"
She called approaching him.
The man named Severus faced us fully.
My directly landed on his large hooked nose, black penetrating eyes and thin lips.
*sighs*
Perhaps not.
He looked at my mother and I with a strained look of sheer boredom mixed with a scowl.
"Severus, this is my daughter Joanie, Joanie this is Severus Snape, Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry."
Snape bowed his head slightly as did I.
"Louise."
A pale woman said walking up to the three of us.
"Yes?"
"The pumpkin juice has run out."
"Oh..right. Well I'll just leave you two to get to know one another."
Awkward....
"So."
"So."
He murmured looking at anything but me.
"Are you staying in Wiltshire for New Years?"
"No. You?"
"Ah, no. Was at a party in London last night, I'm afraid I'm a bit hungover."
I gave a nervous laugh, "Wish I could be home with my head in a toilet like all normal people..."
He seemed to be sneering at me now.
"...ah! New Year's Resolution: drink less..and quit smoking...and quit talking total nonsense to strangers...actually, quit talking, full stop."
I chortled forcefully, damn why did he look so uncomfortable?
"Yes. Well. Perhaps its time to eat."
He said shifting his eyes away from me.
Nodding my head I walked over to the tiny buffet table and began loading my plate with finger foods.
Looking up I found the Potions Master talking to the woman that had called my mother away.
"I do not need a blind date. Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney, and dresses like her mother."
He sneered glancing over at me.
My heart sank a considerable amount as I only smiled at him and acted as if I hadn't heard a word he said.
And it was at that moment, that I knew....I had to change.
