Disclaimer: I do not own WWE superstars of nothin'.

CM Punk had just won the ECW championship from John Morrison, and had gone back to his hotel only to find his friends Shannon Moore, Jeff Hardy and Matt Hardy.

"PUNK! You did it man! God, I know what it's like being in the ring with Nitro-- errs… I mean Morrison, but you really busted that bitch open!" Jeff exclaimed excitedly. He had changed his hair again. The Intercontinental Champ had bright orange and yellow hair cut just above his shoulders.

"Now, come on man! We're takin' you out!" The Reject said, grabbing his arm.

"Guys, straight edge, remember!" Punk reminded them.

"SCREW THAT!" Jeff and Shannon chorused. They all looked over at Matt, who was currently giving Jeff a look.

"Jeff! You have a girlfriend!" Matt said a matter- of-factly.

"SCREW HER! I'll do her when I get back!"

Matt shrugged as the fearsome foursome all headed out the hotel door.

"Three beers please! And Punk?"

"Just a coke…"

"Cancel that, get him a… VODKA!" Jeff interrupted.

"I don't know…"

"Oh, shut up. MATT!" Shannon yelled.

Punk looked at his drink.

Then Jeff got him a straw so he could drink it slower.

"Hey guys, I forgot to feed Lucas!" Matt screamed.

"He'll live!"

"No he won't!"

Shannon smacked his lips. "Now, to the STRIP CLUB!"

"WOO HOO! YEAH!" Yelled a drunken Reject.

"TAKE IT OOOOOOOOFFFFFF!" slurred the Enigma.

"Are they always like this, Matt?" asked CM Punk.

"Hell yeah. But by now, Jeff would have force a stripper to snog him -- oh, there he goes." answered Matt, the only sober one besides Punk.

"OH NO! The bar tender just passed out! CAN ANYONE POSSIBLY HELP US?!"

"I'LL SAVE THE STRIP CLUB!" Matt called, heroically.

"Now, what can I get ya?"

Oh boy… this was gonna be a looooong night for the Straight Edge superstar.

"BLEURRRRGH!"

"I told you this wasn't a good idea, Jeffers." Matt mothered.

"Who 'ares! I snnnnnnnoooged a strippa! BLEURRRRRRRGHH!!"

Matt held Jeff's hair out of his face while he puked into a rubbish bin.

"YICK! You're getting vomit in my Keds!"

Jeff looked up at Matt with his cloudy eyes, wiping vomit off his face with the back of his hand.

"He he… Did anyun tell oo taht oo look like Pariiiiiis Hilllllton?!"

"Come on, Jeff… Punk and Shan are waiting in the car… I can only imagine what's going on there…"

"AWW! SICK! SHANNON BRYON MOORE! YOU WET YOUR PANTS!"

A sleeping Shannon had just woken up at the sound of Punk's yell.

"What? God… what happened last nigh'?"

"It's still last night! You're still drunk!"

At that moment, Matt could be seen carrying a rainbow animal… oh… it's Jeff.

Matt opened the passenger car door and plonked Jeff on the seat and buckled him… even though he was upside down.

At last they reached the hotel in one piece.

Once Shannon and Jeff were sound asleep, Matt found Punk and sat next to him in the lounge of the Hardy's hotel room.

"Look, Punk. I'm sorry for tonight. Jeff and Shan were just being dicks like always."

"Hey, I had a great time… It was kinda funny when Jeff gave a lap dance to that old lady…"

"Yeah, and when Shannon nearly ate that ash tray…"

The friends laughed and gorged on their evening till the sun rose the next morning.