Hi everyone, i had already posted this story before, but it had a lot of mistakes and the time frames didn't add up so i decided to re-write it. One thing i do want to mention is that when you think of Ayva picture Suri Cruise. She is what i imagine Chuck and Blair's baby to look like :) The next chapter should be up within a few hours, i hope you enjoy. Make sure to leave a review, it helps SO much and makes writing a lot easier. To me what you'd like the story to be like or what you think is going to happen and anything that comes to mind to make this story better. Thank you for reading :)


An average 23 year old is usually working on their degree or on their way to starting a family. Let me tell you a little about my life, in the last 7 years I have: had an eating disorder, my parents divorced, my dad remarried to a man, my lifelong boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend, I surrendered my virtue 30 minutes after breaking up with him, I fell in love with Chuck Bass, I lost Yale, I was almost killed by Russell Thorpe, had a miscarriage, married a prince, divorced a prince, dated Dan Humphrey whom my best friend also slept with, fought for Chuck Bass, ended my friendship with Serena and ended up on my ass in Paris at the tender age of 23. What am I left with now? A beautiful two year old whose father just so happens to be the unsuspecting Chuck Bass.

Our reunion didn't work out quite the way I planned; I found him in a casino thanks to Jack Bass and told him I was all in. Unfortunately, all that happened was the most passionate sex our my life in a room filled with roses and wine that was meant for a honeymoon couple before he came to his senses and realized I wasn't worth his time. This whole time I had been thinking of how much Chuck had hurt me and how much it changed me, I never took the time to think about the effects I had on him. It's appalling to even consider Chuck has actual feelings, but turns out he does. I hurt him beyond repair and thanks to that, he can't trust me. I can't blame him, maybe expecting him to drop everything and be with be once and for all was a little farfetched, but it just seemed so perfect. The whole way there I imagined us getting married; going to a secret paradise for our honey moon and going back home to share the news with our loved ones, but fate had other plans. I went back to the Upper East Side broken hearted and much to my surprise, pregnant. I did what a very scared and vulnerable Blair Waldorf does and ran. I told my mother and father about what happened and although they weren't pleased, they accepted it and gave me their support. Roman was delighted to be a Grandfather and immediately went off to design outfits for the newest Waldorf. Keeping the pregnancy hidden was surprisingly easy in a French chateau.

I found out about my pregnancy while I was 3 months along. It was a horrible rainy day and I was feeling very under the weather. I had been throwing up non-stop for the last few days which had Dorota on my tail suspecting a lingering eating disorder. I quickly dismissed such thing and told her I simply had a very faint case of food poisoning. A few hours later while I was napping I got a very sharp pain in my stomach, I cried out in pain and Dorota quickly called for medical attention. That day I got the news of a life time. I was three months pregnant with my past lovers child. What a love story, right? I could lie and say I considered every possible option, but the second I found out it was love at first ultrasound. There was no force in the world that could make me give up my baby. Six short months later I was giving birth to a beautiful baby girl named Ayva Luna Waldorf, who weighed 7lbs and measured in at 20 centimeters. She was born with a full head of curly brunette locks and beautiful brown eyes. She truly had the best of both Chuck and I.

I know the question you're dying to have an answer to is "Why doesn't Chuck know he has a daughter?" Well, it's quite simple. A few days after I found out I was pregnant I was determined to tell him and went to the Van Der Woodsen's penthouse to break the news. There I was met by a very angry past best friend who was not pleased to see me. She bluntly told me that I had hurt Chuck enough and that he had a new girlfriend, someone who was making him happier than I ever could. She went on to letting me know that falling in love with me was Chuck's biggest mistake. I slapped her and left, never looking back. Surprisingly, her words affected me. I loved Chuck more than anything in the world and all I did was make him miserable. I brought out the worst in him. Nate confirmed Chuck's new relationship and with sad eyes told me that Chuck was honestly happy with Natalie.

Pregnancy wasn't all that easy for me. Being pregnant before and having a miscarriage took a huge toll on me. I spent every minute worrying about my baby being okay. Inside me I knew I couldn't handle another miscarriage. I was so attached to my little baby and losing him or her would end me. I spent every doctor's visit asking numerous questions about everything and anything concerning our wellbeing, I was on edge of having a panic attack anytime I felt something that wasn't familiar. When I found out I was having a baby girl I was over the moon. Having someone to dress up in cute dresses and headbands made my heart flutter. It's funny how attached you get to these little beings before you even meet them, it happens so fast and instantly. Nothing in the world mattered anymore except my daughter. During my last trimester I was stressing over a name and middle name for her. One night I had a dream that a baby was talking to me and calling me mommy. I remember saying "I love you" and the baby saying "Moon and back" The dream itself sounds strange, I mean a talking baby saying that they love me? Crazy. But it affected me. In a way I felt it was the baby I had lost before. Maybe it was just my hormones but I went on a whim amd looked up the word "moon" in other languages. Hence the "Luna" part in Ayva's name. Ayva is another way of spelling "Ava" which means "like a bird" it seemed to go perfectly with Luna. I was instantly in love with the name. I spent the remainder of my pregnancy decorating her nursery and making sure everything was baby proofed. I even started a scrapbook for her filling it with ultrasound pictures and color palettes I had chosen for her room. Soon, all the horrible pregnancy symptoms finally paid off the day she was born.

Motherhood has done wonders for me. Everything that seemed unbearable to live without during high school seems to unappealing now. My whole world revolves around my little bundle of joy. Since the second I laid eyes on her I knew that I would spend the rest of my entire life trying to give her everything and shape her into the best person I possibly could. I didn't want her to end up like me, insecure, petty, and lost. I wanted her to have real friendships, real relationships, I want her to fall in love and experience everything that the world has to offer, everything I thought I was too good for. Every time I look at her and saw her so defenseless and tiny I thought back to my high school years and was immediately ashamed by the way I treated others. I would personally claw anyone's eyes out who dared to lay a finger on my baby girl. All in all, those days are behind me. These days the only thing that remotely matters is Ayva and her wellbeing. I love spending every second of every day around her. I love her giggles and her laughs, her cries are my biggest weakness. I love seeing her beam the second she's in my arms; I love her perfect curly locks that make her outshine any baby around. I love looking at her and remembering all the good times I had with Chuck. I like remembering the times where our love was enough, enough for us and enough to overcome everything. Sometimes it still gets to me, the fact that two people who love each other more than anything else could never make it work. Something always got in the way of our happiness.

What hurts the most is that my daughter is just collateral damage. She will grow up thinking she didn't have a dad, she will ask questions that I cant answer and she will spend her life trying to piece together why everyone has a daddy and she doesn't. Sometimes on a bad day I pick up the phone and dial Chuck's number or type out an email to him, but I can never seem to find the courage to press send. How would he take it? Would he be upset or happy? Would it ruin his relationship? Would I just hurt him more? Those are questions I will never get the answers to, but knowing that he is happy makes it a little bit easier.

Up until recently, my life was looking up. Ayva and I were doing fine. Her first and second birthday had come and gone in a heartbeat. On her first birthday I spent most of the morning in bed with her crying, my baby was growing up too fast and I didn't like it one bit. We spent the remainder of the day with her grandparents with a beautiful Peterpan themed cake and went to a pond to feed the ducks. Ayva had quickly developed a passionate love for ducks. Her first word was "QUACK," followed by "Mommy". She started walking two days before her birthday. She truly was a Waldorf, always fashionably early. The only thing missing was her dad to see everything come together. I often tried to picture Chuck as a father. The silly grin on his face when she first said "dada" or the frown when she threw up on his tie. It seemed perfect. Too perfect. He would make a wonderful dad one day, just not to my baby.

Little Ayva was officially two years and ten months old today. The thought broke my heart. I know you're probably thinking "What on Earth is wrong with you? Why would the thought of your baby growing up break your heart?" Well you see, life has a funny way of working. For everything it gives you, it takes something away. Sure, my little girl was growing up, but the question roaming around in my head is "how long will I be around to see it happen?" Until a few days ago I thought that I had a life time with her. One trip to the doctor had damned that all to hell. One word changed my life. One word changed everything around me. One word questioned every decision I ever made. One word affected everything.

Cancer.


There it is :D Make sure to review and tell me what you think